What Is The Point Of Canada?

Written by Roger Goodmen

Canada is better known today as a colossal waste of land that neither the UK nor America can agree on who should “own” Canada. As a result, the Canadian wilderness is a vicious liberal cesspool of French people, hippies, ice, penguins, and whatever the hell “Saskatchewan” is. I’m pretty sure that’s not a word, but it is, in fact, a “province”, which means a lesser and lamer version of a state. Trying to understand Canada is like interpreting another language, which no true American has time for. So this begs the question, what is the point of Canada?

Perhaps Canada has oil, but if that were true America would claim the entire country by the federally sanctioned policy known as “manifest destiny”. Canada has no true natural resources that would make such an inhospitable icy-French hippie hell worthy of being an American state (or something much worse, California’s queer husband). American lives are not worth dying in the name to take over a maple syrup barren wasteland. Absorbing Canada’s GDP would not be worth the lives of our hard-working veterans that deserve to be glorified in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus would weep at Canada, seeing all that land being used for absolutely nothing. These are the only reasonable assertions I could understand as to why America would not “invade Canada”. The terrain would be arduous for American soldiers to kill Canadian mooses, hippies, and their French people.

The United Kingdom has the burden of “owning” Canada the same way America has Guam. There would be reasonable inferences for seeing how the UK would use Canada to attack America, which they have previously done before in their failure to strike the U.S. from the War of 1812. But the UK is dealing with its own turmoil, with Brexit and the Godless Islamic Heathens breeding all over England, they cannot focus on Canada. So they gave those reds autonomy, which is why the first announcements for Prime Ministers go to India to initiate their bid to run for Canadian high office. It is a delusional clueless country for liberal ex-pats to run away from all their troubles in a Freedom-loving country. Hence their population of French, Eskimos, and hippie-stoners. All best known for quitting and laziness more than anything else.

There is no reason for Canada to exist. I can’t name a single thing, aside from bagged milk and Communism, I could get in Canada that I could not get in America. Canada is such a wasteland because of their communist policies led in place by their current Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. He exists to go on Obama-like apology tours and get a free check from the Queen. I cannot think of a better example of welfare then Mr. Trudeau, who has contributed nothing to his local economy and doesn’t even have a golf course in his entire plot of barren land that can be better used for development. This is, of course, why liberals love him. Liberals love leaders that do nothing but just sit there and smile, precisely what Barack Obama did in his eight years. But Trudeau wants to upstage Obama by doubling the number of apology tours and doing even less work then a former POTUS.

The next time you look at a map, and you see the “hat” on top of America, feel free to ignore it. The imaginary land of “Canada” has proven it has no value or worth to be a big boy country. And because of that, it’s not worthy of being invaded in the name of freedom. What a giant waste.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.

Hillary Clinton Announces Bid To Run For Prime Minister Of Communism-Plagued Canada

Written By Dan Shapiro

Hillary Clinton, the infamous deplorable loser who was banished from the United States of America after her defeat in the 2016 presidential election, has announced she has migrated to the communist moose colony of Canada and will run for Prime Minister in their 2019 election. Hillary Clinton is bloodthirsty for power, and she has innovated her political methods by mimicking Donald Trump for calling the heartland of America, “backwards” and did not share any desire to make America great again, which is evident by running for a “Prime Minister”. That’s one thing that shines about Canada’s communism, they don’t believe in constitutions or presidents, both what help make America the world’s leader number one leader in liberty production.

We don’t like to talk about Canada on Bullshit News because we refuse to acknowledge our Stalinist neighbor or promote their red radical agenda. The leader of their “Prime Minister” bund, Justin Trudeau, is more of a hippie that likes to put flowers in guns than behave as a world leader. What exactly has he done since he became “Prime Minister”, raise taxes on the poor? Of course not, the most outlandish thing he is currently doing is promoting the liberal agenda known as “multiculturalism”. In layman’s terms, it’s a Canadian version of American liberty, only communist and inferior. There is a strong reason why the American Dollar will always be more valuable than the Canadian dollar because as we all know, Communism never works. If communism worked, why isn’t life more efficient than it needs to be?

Enough with the communist bastards of the North. Hillary Clinton, poaching over the Canadian “Parliament” like a vulture over a dead deer, will not cease her political ambitions until she is in a high and powerful position to dictate people’s lives. In an essence, she is an export of bastardized American liberty, but she is no communist. She might be too much of a socialist to make any “splash” for parliament seating, but this is a key sign that her days meddling with Donald Trump’s presidential affairs in cohorts with Robert Mueller are over. Her next approach is a long-shot one, become a popular Canadian politician and usurp the general-secretary (the so-called “Prime Minister”) role Justin Trudeau holds. But as we all know, when communists hold power they are very reluctant to take it, and will often approach violent ends to a means if it means staying in power. Once Hillary managed to get a chance to be on the ballot, we should not be surprised if something suspicious happens, such as asking America to help her campaign and is thrown to Canadian prison for colluding with a foreign government. What poetic justice that would be!

Hillary Clinton announced she was running for “Prime Minister” from Mumbai, India. Just weeks before, Justin Trudeau was campaigning for reelection in the former communist colony, India.  Hillary is aiming to see how Trudeau is popular and must robotically mimic his approach to politics to better understand the so-called “average Canadian voter”. Justin’s communist constituents denounced Trudeau’s New Delhi-leg of his campaign saying that he was “trying too hard“, creating a divide in the Liberal Party (the communist bund for the Democratic Party) and the exact moment for Hillary Clinton to jump in on the scene and challenge Trudeau. What’s to happen will be examined more by Bullshit News in the future. For now, America will always be in the headlines.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on Republican Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB spl.