Month: February 2020

Bernie Sanders Unleashes Socialist Coronavirus Upon America Unless Coronavirus Doesn’t Exist

~ DonKaftan ~ 9 Comments

Written by Carlos Gutierrez

The United States may or may not be under a flu pandemic. There is a lot of uncertainty in the markets within the past couple of days leading to an unfavorable economic downturn. Left-wing mainstream media outlets like The Epoch Times and The FDRLST are putting their blame finger (the middle one) on President Trump while pushing for “accountability”. Such foolish socialist websites will often deflect blame to the real culprit who is trying to infect America with Chinese/Mexican-like diseases: Bernie Sanders with his deadly contagious Bernie Bros gang.

The (possible) origins of the coronavirus come from Wutan, China, which we can verify is a real place that has people and casinos and other forms of debauchery. Bernie Sanders, a self-diagnosed socialist and opponent of American liberty, has made several trips to China over the past six years under mysterious circumstances. Some of the more hopeful rumors were that Bernie Sanders has an offshore bank account somewhere in China, but I’m afraid the scandal is far worse than some petty tax avoidance, he is trying to destroy America from the inside out. If Bernie cannot achieve the nomination for the Democratic Party, he will salt America down with Chinese “herbal treatment remedies” or however Chinese scientists assisted him in starting the coronavirus. It’s not important. The main takeaway is that no other presidential candidate for the Democratic Party has supported China and the General Mao dictatorship other than Mr. Socialist Sanders.

However, the coronavirus (if the rumors are true and that it actually does exist and isn’t meant to poison the American people and tank the stock market) also has its origins in Oaxaca, Mexico. The water quality in Mexico is below subpar, to speak the least about it. And if water quality is unwell, then the chance for diseases can increase. I mean, corona is a word in Spanish, which leads to open interpretations for the disease to also be in El Salvador or Chile. I digress. Because of the open interpretations, it’s much more likely to believe that the possibly-existent coronavirus probably came from China than Latin America. Corona could mean something in Chinese but further research is needed.

We cannot ignore the elephant of the room behind the fact the coronavirus may or may not exist. Sure, a man in Washington died from symptoms similar to what they define as a “coronavirus” from Fox News, but a broken clock is right twice a day. The announcement of the “coronavirus” from the mainstream media (via Bernie Sanders) conspicuously also lead to a stock market drop previously unprecedented. Something is fishy, and that fishy is being intentionally put into the microwave, and making the entire country smell terribly. It’s not good for our wallet, which means it is not good for our health.

The facts are that this disease came from outside America, in China, and that Bernie Sanders does business with the Chinese with his off-shore bank accounts. It’s possible that Bernie Sanders might be compromised by the Chinese government and is running for president to spread Maoism across the land. How else could so-called socialists raise 16 million dollars and “win over voters”? Money doesn’t come easy from their ideology, especially with regards to taxing–their favorite hobby. China is a country strong with biotechnology, and with its ever-increasing threat over handling the planet over the United States of America, a virus that (could) threaten the entire population in an elaborate attempt to remove President Trump with an economic recession is very much possible. The influence of Mao on the Chinese government is still strong, and he very much despised America. Bernie Sanders is their golden opportunity to seize our country from ourselves.

So the coronavirus, which has possibly threatened a couple of lives could exist to destroy the American economy with help from the Bernie Sanders campaign, or it could not exist. President Trump has gone on the record to explain the multiple theories on the issue and has labeled the coronavirus as a terrorist threat to not only his presidential campaign but towards the economy as well. Time will tell what will truly happen, but If I had to think about it clearly for a minute, it’s clearly a hoax created by the Bernie Sanders campaign from his brothers that want to prove socialism is right by spreading lies to mainstream media outlets about a potentially real virus from China that could have been in America if it weren’t a hoax the whole time. I hope that clears up everything.

Carlos Gutierrez is the Bullshit News correspondent on Criminal Justice Issues, Immigration, and Russian Propaganda. He was born in Corpus Christi, Texas and is as American as you or anyone else that isn’t Irish or Italian. Devoted to his local Catholic Church, Carlos is an active member of his community and goes to church every Sunday, before the Cowboys game. Carlos worked on the 2016 Ted Cruz presidential campaign before coming to Bullshit News.

Bernie Bro Arrested After Attempting To Illegally Inject President Trump With Marijuana

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

Tom Montefusco, A Democratic Party voter and marijuana enthusiast, was arrested yesterday morning around 7am after a failed attempt to run on the White House lawn with three needles in hand too, “inject the President with compassion and happiness”. Montefusco was found to be a part of the Democratic Party machine known as the “Bernie Brothers”, or “Bernie Bro” for short. The Bernie Brothers are the new wave of Democratic Party socialists that want to see an end for all economic organization and moral obligations in society. Bernie Bros actively attempt to overthrow the government so that the higher income inclined people, such as myself, pay more for taxes beyond our consent. But if there is something much more tangible and dangerous than socialists trying to raise our taxes (again), it’s an assassination attempt of our dearly beloved President.

It’s no secret that 2020 is an election year, the Democratic Party is outraged by four years of successful diplomacy and financial liberation from the Trump Administration. The economy is running well, which forces the Democrats to act highly aggressive, like letting one of their most dangerous senators like socialist champaign king Bernie Sanders and Israel-denier Elizabeth Warren run for candidacy. As of the time of this article’s release, Bernie Sanders, the most left-wing (communist-enthusiasts) members of their party. Radical politics is nothing new for the Democrats, but you can tell they’re going all-out. Their propaganda, combined with the questionably pernicious social media websites, have lead to the radicalization of Tom Montefusco, the would-be assassin.

Bernie Sanders has consistently demanded for our United States of America to surrender in the drug war when we are clearly ahead by miles. Elizabeth Warren has expressed sympathy for the enemy, including marijuana and it’s equally evil cousin, cocaine. Their support for their drug, perhaps even an endorsement at times, perhaps influenced Montefusco’s failed assassination bid. Perhaps he wanted to be enamored by his peers or was paid off by the Michael Bloomberg campaign as a smear to the socialists within his party. No matter who in the Democratic Party wanted this convoluted idea to go through, one of their future leaders will likely be in prison for the rest of his life because no one is above the law. Not even people that try to kill the president.

Tom Montefusco was not a “lone wolf”. He was very active with the Bernie Brothers’ movement to attack all that do not believe in their ideology, much like Joseph Stalin and his Antifa secret secret police. The Bernie Bros formed in 2015 on what appears to be a website called Twitter, where they began vocalizing their frustrations about people not reading enough Marx and engaging in the lamentations of the women. Their desire for drug consumption was a frequent discussion within the Bernie Bros, often encouraging each other to recklessly recreationally enjoy illegal substances. It was only a matter of time before one of them wanted to engage the community’s plea to kill the President.

Fortunately, all is fine–for now. But we must remain vigilant against the Bernie Bros, for they may try to attack President Trump again, especially when they lose the election again come November. No one should have to be forcibly injected marijuana without their consent. It is no different than murder or relaying electronic sign signals in a Baseball game. The Bernie Bros will never cease until Bernie Sanders is president, and it’s up to us to make sure that does not happen.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

Democrats Engage In Satanic Ritual In Order To Revive Top DNC Donor Jeffery Epstein

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written by Roger Goodmen

With the stellar success of the Donald Trump administration these last four years, it has made many top donors of the Democratic Party quit in order to support a real winning team, much like how LeBron James joined the Miami Heat and became the “king” of basketball, abandoning Cleveland and their wretched left-wing policies regarding monarchial status. One infamous donor has come up time and time again in donating to the Democratic Party since their failed coup d’etat against Reagan with Michael Dukakis. That man would be legendary pedophile billionaire and ex-socialist, Jeffery Epstein.

Since 2016, the DNC has been in dire straits and has been more desperate than ever before in needing money to survive as an institution designed to take money away from the people. The ‘Me Too” movement began to out various Democratic Party members as extorting women for money, knowing that if women could afford various expenditures like make-up cosmetics and the latest in cotton blood-absorbing technology, they can afford to also support the Democratic Party. The “Me Too” movement has caused men like Jeffery Epstein and the “Merry Pranksters”, a highly exclusive cabal of the top 5 male DNC donors, to be publicly ostracized and could no longer donate to the DNC out of fear of a chapter 7 bankruptcy. With the recent passing of Epstein, the DNC has looked into the means of ouija board or other forms of satanic rituals as a means to get confirmation into Epstein’s estate via clauses in his will.

The origins of Epstein’s wealth (estimated to be 3 billion dollars) have been disputed, but several theories have been proven correct by our lone Bullshit News accountant, “John Mannan”. One of the more plausible theories is Epstein’s expert ability to solicit bribes from the families he has tormented (a real bogey man) in nearly every attempt he has pursued. However, his role as being the ringleader of the “Merry Pranksters” is how, on paper at least, he made the majority of his income. Epstein has a large list of connections to the top 5 donors of the Democratic Party, one of which is the infamous Islamic CEO of Starbucks, Howard Schultz. Schultz and Epstein were childhood friends and went to school together, sharing the same “magic” school bus. Their school bus would be the origin point to their business models that have to lead to their “successful careers”. It should go without saying that current Democratic Party Presidential Candidate Michael Bloomberg would also board on this same school bus and was a Prankster, boarding that “bus” only a year earlier than Schultz and Epstein, as a Second Grader ostracized from kids of his own grade, would take refuge with the other pranksters before being satanically ceremoniously became their dear leader.

This was not any ordinary school bus, it was a satanic “magic” school bus. Epstein, Schultz, Bloomberg, movie producer Harvey Weinstein, and ex-President Bill Clinton were known as the “Merry Pranksters”, an evil pedophile and illicit drug syndicate that controlled the drug trade of adolescents of the Eastern United States. Together, they helped each other achieve fame and fortunes that made them household names, for worse or for worser. They would use the Democratic Party has a front to deposit their money (“in the short term”) while riding on the DNC’s credit cards to commit their reprehensible and deplorable actions on the American populace. They were smart enough to gain the system to know that the intelligence agencies and the IRS would never dare to look at how political parties achieve their donations. It’s beyond the scope of their duties.

Some people would jump to the conclusion that the fearsome foursome of the “Merry Pranksters” was a part of the “deep state”, which is a big misconception. They were the government. Bill Clinton went so far into the DNC that he became the President Of The United States. They controlled the more sinister political party of the two with a cold heart and a strong desire to spend America into eternal debt and condemnation. Furthermore, such claims about a “deep state” existing are mere attempts to obfuscate the gigantic fact that the Democratic Party is a racket. If they weren’t a political party, they would be RICO Act’ed into oblivion.

But of course, all of this is in the past. The Democratic Party of today decided on a more “progressive” path to political fundraising without the needs of the “Merry Pranksters”, and the results have been devastating. The Democratic Party has felt that they have no other choice but to channel the Prince of Darkness Satan himself in order to get a whiff into the possibility of obtaining Epstein’s estate before it is seized by President Trump’s administration. Time will tell if their satanic ritual and possible human or animal sacrifice will help them in the 2020 election.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.