Written by Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

Salutations to my fellow Americans that wish to enjoy a fried, roasted turkey on one of America’s finest holidays, Thanksgiving. It’s the holiday where we give thanks to our fellow Republican Americans for their courageous effort to counter the rise of the Soviet socialist surge our wonderful country has faced since the rise of Hillary Clinton and her Benghazi schemes. These dangerous socialists do not like Thanksgiving because of the holidays alleged “oppression” (big go-to word for liberals to decry something they have no control over) towards “indigenous people”. Sadly, we cannot ignore these deranged loonies that inhabit within our country, but we can surely tell them why they are wrong.

First of all, there is no such thing as “indigenous people”, it is a made-up word from the Noam Chomsky variety. There are Indians that existed in this country before the White man, sure. That’s how the origin story of Thanksgiving begins, when the first Americans started to settle in this new frontier (now named “North America”) they wanted to greet the Indians and taught them how to eat food and later, drink wine. Too much wine, but I digress. The Indians were grateful for the first Americans to give them food and that’s where the word “thanksgiving” originated, they were given food and were thankful for it, much like your children and the babies and your ungrateful feminist aunt Georgia for lecturing you about how poor people are victims of circumstance rather than being lazy indignant leeches of public welfare.

The word “indigenous” was invented by swines like my ungrateful aunt Georgia in order to dispell the notion that the Indians were the original Americans. They weren’t. Otherwise, we would be calling them “Native Americans” or what have you. They were not native to the land, they were Indian to the land. We do not tell our fellow American brothers “Happy Indigenous People Day”, that’s too many syllables. We call this holiday, “Thanksgiving” because it’s about thanking our first settlers for their prosperous trade of food for land. It is because of their valiant efforts that we can live in harmony and away from the savagery that is the Godless Islamic Barbarians that want to destroy America and recreate multiple 9/11 events. What is so “indigenous” about it? Don’t answer that rhetorical question, because there is no word “indigenous” in the dictionary. It is a farce.

By referring to our historic and cherished ancestry of Thanksgiving as “Indigenous People’s Day”, we are dramatically changing our culture and traditions that have been long preserved to halt socialist and homosexual intrusions into our mighty culture. We cannot let the Democratic Party attempt to change our culture anymore, they wanted to kill Christopher Columbus and we refused. They cannot take our Thanksgiving away from the common man who wants to eat his turkey and yams and watch the football program in peace. No more shall we let liberals control the discourse of our country which was rightfully won by President Donald Trump and his smart campaign team of knowledgable intellectuals such as myself.

As we fight to prolong and conserve our conservative culture, we shall acknowledge and celebrate Thanksgiving for the holiday that it is, and not some made-up mumbo-jumbo hogwash the liberal socialists invented to scare our fellow Americans from celebrating a noble and sacred holiday with no controversial origins in it whatsoever. It is such a liberal viewpoint to destroy what ordinary Americans much like myself view as “fun and non-threatening”. We cannot let them win. Celebrate Thanksgiving, and NOT “Indigenous People’s Day”.

And once again, Happy Thanksgiving. May you eat the largest and healthiest turkeys your plot of land brings to you, and drink as much wine and alcohol as you can muster. And remember, Black Lives Matter is a hate group, and happy Black Friday.

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.

SPECIAL OP-ED: Why I Never Went To Ukraine by Rudy Giuliani

Written by Rudy Giuliani, Esq 

There has been a lot of news about my client, President Donald Trump, who may or may not have tried to make a TRADE DEAL with The Ukraine. But the lamestream media (that of which is biased towards the liberals) thinks that I, THE Rudy Giuliani and defender of New York on 9/11/2001, would somehow go to Ukraine and engage in an act of “Quid Pro Quo”, or deal/trade making. The lamemainstream liberal media would like you to believe that Quid Pro Quos are illegal (they aren’t), but even worse is that they think I, THE Rudy Giuliani, went to Ukraine all by myself to help Donald Trump do something feasibly illegal. These allegations are fake news, and with the thanks of Don Kaftan, I finally have an outlet to free myself from these baseless accusations.

As we all know, Democrats hate freedom and elections where they lose. They are the sorest losers in our society, always saying that elections are rigged and that Voter ID is bad, et cetera. They gain new excuses each decade to save face for their parties’ lack of ideas on how to fix the deficit and their feebleminded attempts to raise all of our taxes so they can steal our hard-working money. I never went to Ukraine for any reason, ever. I don’t know anybody in Ukraine nor do I know what sights, restaurants, or lavish gentleman’s clubs that exist in Ukraine. I NEVER WENT THERE, EVER. The idea that I wanted to help some two gentlemen named Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman with a quick pro biscuit is ridiculous. Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman are two names I would think of on the top of my head that sound like Ukrainians that deal with gravel pits or university dust bowl experts or what have you. Agriculture professors, not some money-laundering experts that have any expertise in politics or economics. I don’t know who either of those two people are. As far as I know, they were invented by the media to smear me and my client.

Now I ask you, faithful and smart conservatives that read this wonderful and stupendous website, why would I ever be in Ukraine? I’m busy helping America become great again, so why would I go to Ukraine and ask for their help to make America great again? It’s pure nonsense, just like Mueller’s witchhunt investigation to dismantle American unity from within. Now some media outlets like Breitbart allege that I was having communications with Parnas and Fruman (again, I don’t think these people exist but the media claims that they do) which would be enough to allegedly damage my reputable reputation which is again, a falsehood of the highest order (libel perhaps?). I never went to Ukraine. EVER. 

It is beyond my wildest comprehension that anyone would want to incriminate me, let alone President Trump, in some wild foreign policy conspiracy theory about Ukraine and corruption as well as the attacks on character towards my client and I. Why would I want to hurt my own country, The United States of America, when I nearly prevented 9/11 from happening until it was too late? I was the one who helped save our country on 9/12 and made us come back from that harrowing attack that nearly killed 3,000 people on our own soil in New York City, New York where I was mayor for quite some time. As mayor of New York City, one of the most stupendous sights in the world, why would I spend some time in Ukraine, let alone talk to some weirdos about money or whatever? I never went to Ukraine. EVER.

It is simply asinine for me to explain myself to the patriotic American people that I never went to Ukraine. EVER. For any reason. I don’t know who started these baseless rumors but they should be punished swiftly for libeling and slandering my name as well as President Donald Trump’s in a vain effort to push him out of office for being one of the loudest and great patriots of our time. So I ask you, have you ever went to Ukraine to make money? No of course not, there are better places to make money and Ukraine is not one of them. Hell, I would go to Syria before Ukraine if I wanted to make some money. But I was looking to make money inside America, and NOT UKRAINE. I have been attacked from these baseless accusations and writing this article up is distracting me from the very real work and soft power I’ve been working hard on making our country great and secure again. There’s a lot of work I have to do so I’m going to leave you all on one final note.


Have a pleasant evening, everyone! I’m going to watch Mork & Mindy and eat some baked beans with mustard.

Rudy Giuliani is the former mayor of New York City from 1994 to 2001, where he successfully defended America from more godless Islamic barbarian attacks after 9/11. Formally known as “America’s Mayor”, Rudy Giuliani is one of the most successful mayors in American history, helping to stop crimes from happening in NYC permanently as well as his fierce tenacity to defend America from the evil forces that try to attack America’s “quality of life”. Rudy is known to have a super keen sense of smell that allowed him to know when exactly terrorists were about to attack the World Trade Center on 9/11. 

QUEERS: The Socialist Conspiracy Organization To Convert YOUR Children Into Democrats

Written by Alexander Jones

It may seem impossible to believe, but America is almost always under attack. Not by violent terrorists mind you, but terrorist sympathizers that want to help achieve the terrorist anti-American dream to destroy and/or overthrow America by any means necessary. Many of these groups operate in public, like the Jewish religion or Media Matters For America, a far-left outlet much like the Daily Caller and Breitbart that want to delegitimize conservative media for being far too politically inconvenient for them. Other such groups that want to achieve much darker dreams operate in private, and it is our job as a journalist institution of the World Wide Web to uncover these “dark money groups”. One of these groups I have discovered is an LGBT+  grassroots network known as the QUEERS.

Who are the QUEERS? They claim to be a “homosexual/lesbian socialist liberation group” (IE: hippies that work in politics on their commune farms). I decided to investigate this strange group since I felt there was more to being a QUEER then its alleged identity. The QUEERS are a group shrouded in mystery, as unorganized as they are grassroots, but don’t let that mean they come across as a bunch of soft, weak dim-witted liberals, they are something far more sinister. QUEERS stand for  Question (the) Ulterior (and) Engage (the) End ResultS, a slogan of there’s wrapped up in LGBT+ slang so that the pure-minded Republican Christian straight man or married and pure Christian woman would not be able to comprehend the QUEER agenda. The QUEERS operate in riddles and mysterious, speaking in codes so that people like the readers of our very fine website can not understand their true intentions, which is where I come in.

The goal of the QUEERS is to incite moral panic to Chrisitan America, and their main goal is to make sure that our children vote for Democrats and to join their organization and increase their numbers. From my investigative research, including two interviews from anonymous ex-QUEER members, the QUEERS are focusing their reach onto children because they are simple-minded, easy to command their attention by use of force and to encourage them to be more civically minded while trying to overthrow several of our great American institutions like the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library or the Washington Monument. The QUEERS will not rest until they change society to the way they deem fit, and not to average hard-working blue-collar Americans such as ourselves.

So now that we know a little bit more about the QUEERS, we need to know how to end their agenda or otherwise take a crowbar to the knees of their organization, but that is the hardest step. The QUEERS are a loosely organized grassroots movement whose agendas and occasionally their ideology remain fluid, they can be Stalinist communists one day and Hegelian philosophical scientists the next, spending their entire weeks or months reading long, overly drawn-out radical socialist/Marxist literature until they come out of hibernation to assault our American values with ‘flash mob’ tactics. The QUEERS are a leaderless organization as they aspire to become true communists as Marx intended, for now. Their organization can change at any moment, and hopefully not by the time this article gets out because that would be very irritating to edit a lot of words that I’ve dedicated a lot of time, money, and effort towards describing this shadowy group’s agenda. But if they spend a lot of their time reading boring Marxist ramblings twice as long as Atlas Shrugged, how can they be a bigger threat outside of a bunch of hippies reading to each other in a drum circle?

What makes the QUEERS dangerous is their rapidly changing ideology, they can attack at any moment like the Mexicans or Canadians. They hide their financial information by cheating the IRS and operating as a “dark money group”. “Dark money”, to be brief, is a way far-left radical socialist syndicates use government funding from government programs approved the LBJ, Clinton, and Obama administrations to increase the political power and bully pulpit of the pernicious far-left Democrat ideology. This is aside from the fact that a large majority, or near all of their members are also part of the LGBT+ community, otherwise known as The Gays. The Gays have been able to operate in secret long after they forged their identity in the late ’80s/early ’90s in order to cheat America’s proud and longstanding tradition of cohabitation as a method to pay less for taxes. Let me say one thing straight here: cheating on your taxes in America is unacceptable, but to marry someone of the same sex to cheat on your taxes is unforgivable and should lead to prison sentences, but I’m distracting myself here, which is exactly what the QUEERS want me to do.

We cannot find and hunt down all the members of the QUEERS, they do not publish anything to the public and their financial information is classified due to them somewhat legally skirting the tax codes that “dark money” allows them to do. All we can do about the QUEERS is to be aware of them, and aware of their secret agendas to potentially overthrow our country and more importantly, indoctrinate your kids to the far-left movement. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has allegedly funded the group in the past but such information I could not find, so if any of you readers have a tip about that lead or anything regarding the QUEERS, please inform us at Bullshit News via the Contact Tab on the top of the page. The QUEERS can attack America at any moment, and as long as we are all strongly informed by the QUEERS intentions, they cannot stop us nor our children so long as they don’t watch Teletubbies.

Alexander Jones is a fierce investigative journalist dedicating to finding the real truth blurred by the mainstream globalist media. Alexander Jones is a strong advocate for libertarianism, liberty, and raw rib-eye steak. In his spare time away from journalism, Alexander enjoys hunting and keyboard/synthesizer music. An animal advocate throughout his life, he currently owns five hunting dogs, two purebred horses, and two cats. Although he is an advocate for the survival of the fittest Darwinism, he is a Pentecostal Christian who always–ALWAYS spends time with Jesus and The Lord on Sundays.