Written by Aaron Lau

One thing that always sours a liberals’ soup is whatever (and increasingly, whenever) Donald Trump has on his mind that he wants to share on the internet, preferably on twitter.

Doesn’t Donald Trump have the right to complain about whatever is on his mind, much like the average American? This is a simple expression of his patriotism and duty of service, he is relating to the common man! The mainstream media won’t give you that perspective, but we here at BSN will.

Today’s controversy-of-choice from the Dems is Donald Trump tweeting that Mika Brzezinski, an MSNBC correspondent was, “Bleeding badly from a facelift” after she was reportedly been at the President’s personal golf course and resort, Mar-a-Lago, three times.

So?

That is just the president’s opinion. He has a right to one, as do all of us, in the First Amendment. If he wants to call out a morning news anchor because he disagrees with her politics and/or looks, then so be it. He is the president, but he is also an American. He is guaranteed freedom of the press like the rest of us,  so why is he being hounded by the mainstream media? A man is entitled to his opinion, much like the rest of us average Americans.

It’s time we look past our President’s viewpoints on TWITTER, an INTERNET WEBSITE with no basis or grounds to REALITY. Just because he has one doesn’t mean you have to read it! If Donald Trump posted these remarks to Tumblr or Facebook, would you dumb dems still cry about? God, liberals get so upset over something minor like a facelift.

It’s time to move on from Trump’s twitter and start focusing on his Administration and how they are making America great as it once was. That is real news, and not whatever the president decides to gossip about today. We have serious issues we in the media need to discuss, such as the tax cuts to come later this year and rebranding our failing medical system (No disrespect to fellow correspondent, Dr. John Henry Roberts).

You don’t have to follow his twitter feed, after all.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line issues. He is faithful to his bride-to-be, Donna Chieng. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and technology. 

Written by Dr. John Henry Roberts

There is a lot of liberal controversy over the American Healthcare Act (otherwise known in the Senate as the “Better Care Reconciliation Act”) , the Republican healthcare bill designed to replace the failed Obamacare system with a superior successor designed to help more Americans by not paying for the unconstitutional individual mandate, as well as repealing many other aspects from the Obamabill. Many have chastised Senate Republican leadership over this bill by touting the commonly debunked Liberal myth that the American Healthcare Act will reduce the amount of insured Americans by 23 million over the period of ten years. What the lefties have failed to see is that Republicans have planned on ending the long-epidemic country that is the obesity epidemic.

It’s not a lie that American pants are getting bigger and bigger, it’s well documented that the Chinese and Indonesian governments that manufacturer 62% of American apparel have added MSG to our foods so that they can make more money and sell bigger pants. Mitch McConnell and his wife, Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao, have seen through this, and aimed to make the American Healthcare Act to curb the ever-rising obesity epidemic in our country that only rivals Mexico for the fattest of the land. I have conducted a study that supports my hypothesis that as soon as the AHCA passes as intended, the obesity rate in this country will plummet. For security purposes, I cannot publish the study so please bear with me. My personal privacy is very important to me and I don’t want my research tainted by liberal scientific observers that stick their “hypotheses” to places it doesn’t belong.

Why is the Mainstream Media not supporting this aspect of the AHCA? Don’t liberals hate obesity and want it to end, or do they view obesity as a “human” attribute much like the queers? It’s hard to go inside the mentality of a liberal, because they have no brains! Haha, get it? Ben Carson told me that one a couple of years back. Good times, good times. Anyways…

Flattening the American obesity epidemic is a strong priority of the AHCA and the 115th United States Congress, and finally we can see some changes in this country unlike Obama and his standby obstructionism that has caused the strife political polarization in our country. It’s good to see the changes we wish to see in this country, going forward. Obesity has long been a problem to big to put down for Republicans. Liberals want to humanize these out-of-shape football players in expensive, tax-payer funded wheelchairs, to help their “mobility”. Pretty soon these same football player sized humans will demand their “mobile phones” for free too, but they already received those handouts from Obama a blue moon ago. Give up over-sized libs, your fight is over. Go home.

We can all afford to put down the ice cream sandwich, too. Spend this holiday season with your tax returns on a treadmill and not at Taco Bell.

Dr. John Henry Roberts is a doctor. He owns a Rhodesian Ridgeback named “Sparky”. His medical field specializes in head injuries/trauma. 

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-At-Chief

 

America is potentially facing a crisis too difficult to overcome and we need your help.

If I can tell you one thing about this country, just one thing: we are the sum of our parts. The civil war taught us that, and that black people can be people too if they try really hard enough. This country is currently without a doubt at the height of total political polarization since FDR inflated the economy to cure polio for himself. But unlike the “wonder years” of the New Deal era, the executive branch right now is at its apex of megalomania. As a conservative news outlet, we are morally conflicted on how to perceive the one, Donald J. Trump. Ethically, we are way out the window. We don’t need ethics to make good journalism, we just need empirical facts in good news to more places than just talk radio and daytime television, but places like the World Wide Web. More people go on the internet for news then the ol’ timely American tradition of going to the radio, or waking up in the morning and begrudgingly making a cup of coffee to then sit down on a recliner and groan audibly before work. We conservatives must evolve our mediums in order to grow a more perfect union.

That’s where the “your” comes in from the headline, YOU(R), the average butt-scratching American, need to read US so that accurate, fact-checked information can be spread more quickly to the public. We need YOU(R) eyes, and your hearts. Be with us, and not them.

The Mainstream (read: liberal) Media is a threat to our free-flowing information outlet that we Americans love to call liberty. Outlets like CNN, NPR, and Breitbart News are owned by large media conglomerates. They claim to present news to cater to the audience of the common man, but they lie. They are the true fake news. I’m here to assure you that Bullshit News’ Mission, as the Founder and First Editor-in-Chief of Bullshit News, is that we will not be owned by these mammoth mainstream media corporations*, and that we will provide you the news that YOU, the average middle-class American, deserve to read. We will not have any blockage or clutter to give you the news before the corporations and their stockholders meddle with it and correct it from their perspective.

We don’t tolerate that Bullshit.

Don Kaftan is the Founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA.

*Until we receive a check with an extraordinary amount of zeroes, preferably before the “.”