Month: December 2020

Santa Claus Killed By The Intolerant Left

~ DonKaftan ~ Leave a comment

Written by Rachel Gilfords

It brings me absolutely zero pleasure in reporting this, but Santa Claus also known as St. Nick or “The Gift-Giver” to all has been found dead in a ditch just outside Albuquerque, New Mexico late last night on Christmas Eve. While the cause of death by the coroner states that Santa suffered a “Cerebral Hemorrhage”, an unmistakably violent death, it was not ruled a homicide. While Santa Claus is a bipartisan figure, even a hero to all the good children in the United States and even Europe, this was an assassination doomed to happen. While details of the alleged assassination plot have not gone public, this was very clearly a planned and calculated murder. But by whom?

While many on the intolerant left joke about the War on Christmas not being a real phenomenon, it very much is real. The intolerable, intolerant Left have always despised Christmas and have strong desires to ruin Christmas by replacing “Merry Christmas” with “Merry Holidays”, as well as removing all known references to Christmas from the public eye and replacing them with the dreaded “Holiday”. Santa Claus’s demise should have been more apparent, as the Intolerant Left (Liberals, Antifa, and Islam) have calculated for decades about killing Santa Claus in order to “win” the War on Christmas for good. Long have we ignored their prophecies about their desires to end Christmas or spread some pagan nonsense fantasies about killing Santa Claus, and this was our failure to prevent this tragedy from occuring.

While Santa did not have time to deliver the vast majority of his presents along the Western United States, he managed to have enough time to help the rest of God’s beloved children in the real, more important parts of the United States and the rest of the world. “St. Nick” was considered one of the most beloved people on Planet Earth, even the Jews who don’t celebrate Christmas (just wait till the rapture, Jews) considered Santa Claus a good person, something they would never dare say about Christ Himself. St. Nick was a generous man with a seemingly limitless supply of presents to give to good children, and coal with a tax rebate to all the patently evil non-conforming children. He was as kind to everyone as Dolly Parton and Ronald Reagan have done to the poor. Someone as selfless and caring as Santa Claus could have only been killed by wicked thugs from the Intolerant Left that hate anyone that does not conform to their evil socialist policies. Even as Santa gives gifts for free in acts that are generally seen as benevolent and kind, the evil trade unionists disagree.

The fact that Santa Claus’s death was not given a through investigation by the Bernalillo County Coroner office is suspicious enough to be considered a collusion effort from the coroner to the as of yet unnamed leftist group of Santa Claus assassins is highly suspicious and rings in thoughts of conspiracy. New Mexico historically has voted against God (they voted for Hillary and Biden), and would be the ideal place of these assassins to kill Santa Claus because California would’ve been too obvious. Bullshit News will keep you informed about this news in more detail once this evil group is captured and hopefully locked behind bars, preferably in Guantanamo Bay for legal reasons. He may have a successor, he has a chance to rise again like another well-known person to save us from ourselves.

Thank you for all that you have done Santa, we will avenge your needless death with blood. Until then, we wish all of you and your families a joyful and delightful Merry Christmas, and to not let Santa Claus’s death effect you or your children. We must not the leftists claim another victory in this hollowed out, broken year. MARRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!!!



Rachel Gilfords is Bullshit News’ White House Correspondent, On-Field Reporter and a correspondent on religions that are not Christianity-affiliated or Judaism. She has covered the horrific tragedy of 9/11 and was at Ground Zero at 5:45AM, before any other reporter in all news media. Rachel has received acclaimed conservative awards and adoration from Rupert Murdoch. Rachel knows for certain that Bullshit News has a ‘no bullshit policy’ towards sexual harassment.

Anarcho-Polish Video Game “Cyberpunk 2077” Threatens To Radicalize Children Into Antifa

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Written by Aaron Lau

Video games have always been a wile and pernicious medium that seeks to coddle children that violence and/or pornography is acceptable, while also normalizing crime culture. The most anticipated “video game of the year” is Cyberpunk 2077 by CD Projekt, a Polish nationalist and (ergo) anti-American company that supports Joe Biden and the Antifa as a means to overthrow President Trump and his influential stronghold on American politics. But what makes Cyberpunk 2077 the greatest threat to our fellow Americans ever since the rigged 2020 Presidential Election? Absolutely everything.

There is no reason to assume Poland and the Polish people have Americans in their best interests, and if they did World War 2 would have ended a lot quicker. CD Projekt made “The Witcher” video game series, in which a witch gets to destroy numerous small business establishments and desecrates every idea the Republican Party holds dear. This is not a video game you are supposed to give to children to teach them how to do their 123’s and learning the alphabet, these are cold menacing thugs waiting to convert your children onto the Antifa lifestyle of being a rebel, and embracing it as a “cool lifestyle”. The setting of Cyberpunk 2077 cements this, as it takes place 57 years into the future where there is no longer an America, which is an absolutely dangerous idea to consider to our future leaders of the country.

We need to teach our children more important things than what most video games offer, such as the Bible and creating a balanced budget and understand state’s rights. Why discuss the uncertainty that is 57 years into the future and not learn how to do accounting so that they can grow up to be a successful CPA instead of a professional murderer? Unlike Poland, one of those two professions is looked upon as successful in our culture and the other is a lifelong prison sentence. It isn’t the most atrocious thing “Cyberpunk 2077” has to offer, as it lets their characters give them as much male and female genitalia as they want, which creates unrealistic expectations in the eyes of these children. Such prurient filth like this video game would never be permitted fifty years ago, so why should we allow it now?

The worst of all controversies is that this game produces political propaganda like no other. While Grand Theft Auto 69 is a gruesome, careless video game that encourages the degradation of society, Cyberpunk 2077 encourages children to do all these similar acts with political means rather than playing a video game “for fun”. Unlike Nintendo or God, no one seems to know the people in “CD Projekt”, which makes this game much more suspicious than it couldn’t already be. Given their anti-American political stances and choices the characters can make in Cyberpunk 2077, it’s astonishing such callousness can be given to our children for a measly $60.

The Antifa menace needs money to continue their effort to overthrow America and establish our beloved country as a haven for anarchist and other Antifa radicals to urinate and defecate all our statues used to salute to our heroes of the past in order to create a new “stateless” future. CD Projekt appeals to the Antifa, anti -conservative and anti-heritage people that want to see America crumble like a cookie. DO NOT BUY CYBERPUNK 2077, as it will turn your child into an enemy of the state and teach them how to become a professional assassin/spy. Our children need to learn more about the Founding Fathers, the ethics they tried to instill upon our country, and why Ronald Reagan saved us from Lucifer in the 80’s, more then they need to hear about a bunch of Polish Antifa revolutionaries attempting to convert our children into enemies of the state. This atrocity of a video game needs to cease their sales and be more responsible to the American people. We deserve better.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line media-culture related issues. He is married to his lovely wife, Cindy and has one manly daughter baby named Deborah. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and certain technologies including video games but not the liberal propaganda-endorsed “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University.