Written by Dan Shapiro
An evil terrorist attempt to destroy the CHRISTMAS SEASON was arrested in the kitchen appliances section in Des Moines, Iowa last night. The terrorist, an atheist liberal, was attempting to concoct a bomb and what appeared to be a substance for making chemical weapons known as “methamphetamine”. The atheist, who is allegedly a minor under the law so we cannot publish his atheist name, was sick to death about hearing “Merry Christmas” all the time and wanted to take the matter into his own hands—almost certainly going to lead to another tragedy of un-armed Americans unable to properly defend themselves in times of second amendment necessity. Thankfully, the police arrived just in time to thwart the pro-Happy Holidays atheist from our gun-less friends.
The War On Christmas has become more militaristic in the past few years. One year ago, an anti-Christmas terrorist recorded the first casualty on the War on Christmas since 1979. From the death of Diego Adams, the Trump Administration raked up its efforts to crack down anti-Christmas terrorists and terrorism in general. The arrest of this hateful Holiday atheist would not have happened if it weren’t for Donald Trump’s aggressive stand towards atheists and Jews who implore society to say “Happy Holidays” over the more accurate and correct-in-the-eyes-of-the-Lord “Merry Christmas” greeting. We can only imagine that under the Barack Obama regime, more innocent valuable Christians would be persecuted and murdered by atheists who are sick and tired of being told to have a “Merry Christmas”.
Atheists have long opposed the Christmas holiday season, for a variety of reasons that range from “liberal” to “homeless, trying to touch babies for food”. With the rise in political polarization spearheaded by the Obama regime, more liberals have been affiliating with ISIS and the Taliban in order to butt heads with the Republican Party over the greeting of “Merry Christmas” not being a national standard. This friction in our Christmas time period has resulted in Starbucks promoting Jihad while the vile and nefarious Antifa plan to kidnap children to coerce them to say “Happy Holidays”. The liberals desired for all of this in mind, they could simply just tolerate being told a “Merry Christmas” regardless of their (fake) religion but refuse to. Because liberals are famously intolerant to anyone that isn’t close to their ideology, they want to take action and atheists like this underage methamphetamine endorser in Des Moines was merely following orders from his Democratic Party operatives.
Some take the “War on Christmas” as a farce, but the drastic action and potential results that can happen from events like these are serious business. Lives are on the line because some liberals are sick of being told to have a good, supportive Christmas. It only makes sense that ISIS would support their party and be sponsored from Starbucks to promote the “Holiday” agenda. Do not be deceived from Democratic Party efforts to change our culture in America, we must fight the Democrats in the grassroots. Places like Des Moines, Iowa, and Albuquerque, New Mexico are two areas ignored by coastal elites but are often the main battlegrounds for the “War on Christmas”. It’s not a coincidence, its mostly due to liberals fearing their operatives will die in the line of duty, thus losing more voters to promote their evil progressive agendas.
As the evil atheist in Des Moines may face life in prison, we must remember that anti-Christmas terrorists are more often than not, likely to be homegrown rather than Al-Qaeda trying to teach terrorists in Mexico to act on their behalf. All of this is because the Democratic Party is intolerant of the right messages in society.
Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on Republican Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.