MISSION STATEMENT: Liberals And Their Liberal Friends Are Destroying America And We Need Your Help To Overthrow Their God

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-At-Chief

 

America is potentially facing a crisis too difficult to overcome and we need your help.

If I can tell you one thing about this country, just one thing: we are the sum of our parts. The civil war taught us that, and that black people can be people too if they try really hard enough. This country is currently without a doubt at the height of total political polarization since FDR inflated the economy to cure polio for himself. But unlike the “wonder years” of the New Deal era, the executive branch right now is at its apex of megalomania. As a conservative news outlet, we are morally conflicted on how to perceive the one, Donald J. Trump. Ethically, we are way out the window. We don’t need ethics to make good journalism, we just need empirical facts in good news to more places than just talk radio and daytime television, but places like the World Wide Web. More people go on the internet for news then the ol’ timely American tradition of going to the radio, or waking up in the morning and begrudgingly making a cup of coffee to then sit down on a recliner and groan audibly before work. We conservatives must evolve our mediums in order to grow a more perfect union.

That’s where the “your” comes in from the headline, YOU(R), the average butt-scratching American, need to read US so that accurate, fact-checked information can be spread more quickly to the public. We need YOU(R) eyes, and your hearts. Be with us, and not them.

The Mainstream (read: liberal) Media is a threat to our free-flowing information outlet that we Americans love to call liberty. Outlets like CNN, NPR, and Breitbart News are owned by large media conglomerates. They claim to present news to cater to the audience of the common man, but they lie. They are the true fake news. I’m here to assure you that Bullshit News’ Mission, as the Founder and First Editor-in-Chief of Bullshit News, is that we will not be owned by these mammoth mainstream media corporations*, and that we will provide you the news that YOU, the average middle-class American, deserve to read. We will not have any blockage or clutter to give you the news before the corporations and their stockholders meddle with it and correct it from their perspective.

We don’t tolerate that Bullshit.

Don Kaftan is the Founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA.

*Until we receive a check with an extraordinary amount of zeroes, preferably before the “.”

Santa Claus Killed By The Intolerant Left

Written by Rachel Gilfords

It brings me absolutely zero pleasure in reporting this, but Santa Claus also known as St. Nick or “The Gift-Giver” to all has been found dead in a ditch just outside Albuquerque, New Mexico late last night on Christmas Eve. While the cause of death by the coroner states that Santa suffered a “Cerebral Hemorrhage”, an unmistakably violent death, it was not ruled a homicide. While Santa Claus is a bipartisan figure, even a hero to all the good children in the United States and even Europe, this was an assassination doomed to happen. While details of the alleged assassination plot have not gone public, this was very clearly a planned and calculated murder. But by whom?

While many on the intolerant left joke about the War on Christmas not being a real phenomenon, it very much is real. The intolerable, intolerant Left have always despised Christmas and have strong desires to ruin Christmas by replacing “Merry Christmas” with “Merry Holidays”, as well as removing all known references to Christmas from the public eye and replacing them with the dreaded “Holiday”. Santa Claus’s demise should have been more apparent, as the Intolerant Left (Liberals, Antifa, and Islam) have calculated for decades about killing Santa Claus in order to “win” the War on Christmas for good. Long have we ignored their prophecies about their desires to end Christmas or spread some pagan nonsense fantasies about killing Santa Claus, and this was our failure to prevent this tragedy from occuring.

While Santa did not have time to deliver the vast majority of his presents along the Western United States, he managed to have enough time to help the rest of God’s beloved children in the real, more important parts of the United States and the rest of the world. “St. Nick” was considered one of the most beloved people on Planet Earth, even the Jews who don’t celebrate Christmas (just wait till the rapture, Jews) considered Santa Claus a good person, something they would never dare say about Christ Himself. St. Nick was a generous man with a seemingly limitless supply of presents to give to good children, and coal with a tax rebate to all the patently evil non-conforming children. He was as kind to everyone as Dolly Parton and Ronald Reagan have done to the poor. Someone as selfless and caring as Santa Claus could have only been killed by wicked thugs from the Intolerant Left that hate anyone that does not conform to their evil socialist policies. Even as Santa gives gifts for free in acts that are generally seen as benevolent and kind, the evil trade unionists disagree.

The fact that Santa Claus’s death was not given a through investigation by the Bernalillo County Coroner office is suspicious enough to be considered a collusion effort from the coroner to the as of yet unnamed leftist group of Santa Claus assassins is highly suspicious and rings in thoughts of conspiracy. New Mexico historically has voted against God (they voted for Hillary and Biden), and would be the ideal place of these assassins to kill Santa Claus because California would’ve been too obvious. Bullshit News will keep you informed about this news in more detail once this evil group is captured and hopefully locked behind bars, preferably in Guantanamo Bay for legal reasons. He may have a successor, he has a chance to rise again like another well-known person to save us from ourselves.

Thank you for all that you have done Santa, we will avenge your needless death with blood. Until then, we wish all of you and your families a joyful and delightful Merry Christmas, and to not let Santa Claus’s death effect you or your children. We must not the leftists claim another victory in this hollowed out, broken year. MARRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!!!



Rachel Gilfords is Bullshit News’ White House Correspondent, On-Field Reporter and a correspondent on religions that are not Christianity-affiliated or Judaism. She has covered the horrific tragedy of 9/11 and was at Ground Zero at 5:45AM, before any other reporter in all news media. Rachel has received acclaimed conservative awards and adoration from Rupert Murdoch. Rachel knows for certain that Bullshit News has a ‘no bullshit policy’ towards sexual harassment.

Anarcho-Polish Video Game “Cyberpunk 2077” Threatens To Radicalize Children Into Antifa

Written by Aaron Lau

Video games have always been a wile and pernicious medium that seeks to coddle children that violence and/or pornography is acceptable, while also normalizing crime culture. The most anticipated “video game of the year” is Cyberpunk 2077 by CD Projekt, a Polish nationalist and (ergo) anti-American company that supports Joe Biden and the Antifa as a means to overthrow President Trump and his influential stronghold on American politics. But what makes Cyberpunk 2077 the greatest threat to our fellow Americans ever since the rigged 2020 Presidential Election? Absolutely everything.

There is no reason to assume Poland and the Polish people have Americans in their best interests, and if they did World War 2 would have ended a lot quicker. CD Projekt made “The Witcher” video game series, in which a witch gets to destroy numerous small business establishments and desecrates every idea the Republican Party holds dear. This is not a video game you are supposed to give to children to teach them how to do their 123’s and learning the alphabet, these are cold menacing thugs waiting to convert your children onto the Antifa lifestyle of being a rebel, and embracing it as a “cool lifestyle”. The setting of Cyberpunk 2077 cements this, as it takes place 57 years into the future where there is no longer an America, which is an absolutely dangerous idea to consider to our future leaders of the country.

We need to teach our children more important things than what most video games offer, such as the Bible and creating a balanced budget and understand state’s rights. Why discuss the uncertainty that is 57 years into the future and not learn how to do accounting so that they can grow up to be a successful CPA instead of a professional murderer? Unlike Poland, one of those two professions is looked upon as successful in our culture and the other is a lifelong prison sentence. It isn’t the most atrocious thing “Cyberpunk 2077” has to offer, as it lets their characters give them as much male and female genitalia as they want, which creates unrealistic expectations in the eyes of these children. Such prurient filth like this video game would never be permitted fifty years ago, so why should we allow it now?

The worst of all controversies is that this game produces political propaganda like no other. While Grand Theft Auto 69 is a gruesome, careless video game that encourages the degradation of society, Cyberpunk 2077 encourages children to do all these similar acts with political means rather than playing a video game “for fun”. Unlike Nintendo or God, no one seems to know the people in “CD Projekt”, which makes this game much more suspicious than it couldn’t already be. Given their anti-American political stances and choices the characters can make in Cyberpunk 2077, it’s astonishing such callousness can be given to our children for a measly $60.

The Antifa menace needs money to continue their effort to overthrow America and establish our beloved country as a haven for anarchist and other Antifa radicals to urinate and defecate all our statues used to salute to our heroes of the past in order to create a new “stateless” future. CD Projekt appeals to the Antifa, anti -conservative and anti-heritage people that want to see America crumble like a cookie. DO NOT BUY CYBERPUNK 2077, as it will turn your child into an enemy of the state and teach them how to become a professional assassin/spy. Our children need to learn more about the Founding Fathers, the ethics they tried to instill upon our country, and why Ronald Reagan saved us from Lucifer in the 80’s, more then they need to hear about a bunch of Polish Antifa revolutionaries attempting to convert our children into enemies of the state. This atrocity of a video game needs to cease their sales and be more responsible to the American people. We deserve better.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line media-culture related issues. He is married to his lovely wife, Cindy and has one manly daughter baby named Deborah. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and certain technologies including video games but not the liberal propaganda-endorsed “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University.

President Elect Joe Biden Ready To Drink The Blood Of His Enemies If It Means Being Inaugrated

Written by Pastor John Mathewson 

Friends and followers of Bullshit News, I regret to inform you that the coup against Donald Trump has, by 11/21/2020, succeeded in dethroning Donald Trump as the deserved President of the United States. But not all hope is lost, as President Trump still holds office. By inauguration day the rapture may, still, and will possibly continue to happen, but the world is still just and fair. The anti-christ will eventually become president, but it will be meaningless to Mitch McConnell, who has the keys to prevent America from being dethroned by Godless Islamic Barbarian Gangsters who cannot wait to join Joe Biden’s cabinet.

President Trump’s lack of victory won’t mean anything. President Trump has already accomplished more than any future president could wish to do, and Mitch will assure us all of this when he prevents Joe Biden from doing anything abhorrent to our republic. Mitch IS the checks and balances of our newly innovated Republican-led country. Joe Biden being a Democrat should hopefully have no powerful grasp on our society like what happened under Obamagate. President Trump, even as he turns into former President Donald Trump, will still be able to address to country and guide many lost souls into the promised land.

The next four years will be very divisive and unruly as the Anti-Christ will attempt to undue all the greatness Trump has brought to our country and culture. Mitch McConnell represents the last of a dying breed: a hero to save Americans much like Jesus Christ saved the souls of a damned planet filled with sinners. While Michigan, Arizona, Georgia, Pennsylvania, and Nevada will be doomed with eternal damnation, nothing will stop America from being the #1 country on the planet, not even California or any sodomite that voted for the anti-christ.

Joe Biden, who hasn’t officially been declared President just yet, will claim to be a “Man of God”, but in actuality he is just a Catholic, much like Supreme Court Justice Amy Barrett. The Catholic Clan is a strange one that crosses party lines and disrupts the nuclear family order like Joe Lieberman. You can never trust the Catholics because they aren’t Protestants and definitely not the Jews. President Trump himself is a dedicated man of faith to the Evangelical Church. and demonstrates more piety than Biden ever could. Biden is ready to not drink the blood of Christ, but the blood of His enemies, ready to devour any sort of common sense practical solutions to on-going American problems that are not-at-all Trump’s fault in the slightest.

We can spend all day listing Donald Trump’s accomplishments, achievements, and other forms of evidence that supports his case as the greatest president ever since Lincoln Washington saved our country from evil liberals that wanted to force everyone to convert to Islam for profit. But Trump can still come back in 2024, like a vengeful Nixon waiting to starve the beast and end government handouts once and for all. But while Biden is probably going to be in office for the next four years, Mitch McConnell, the gatekeeper of our Democracy/Republic, will be there to keep in check the powers that be for another six years. Biden will be like a neutered dog, begging to breed while McConnell can do what he pleases. Mitch is the real president here, Biden is just a showman and yes, the Anti-Christ reincarnated.

We will need to pray to our nation even more without President Trump in the White House. We are all lost souls begging to be saved after our prophet was crucified by election results which may have in all likeliness been tampered with. It matters no more, we may all be damned to hell eternally for letting the Anti-Christ get his executive branch powers to dictate our lives. Mitch will do what he can but there are even some limits to his powers that cannot stop Biden no matter the effort. It’s almost as if all we can do is pray, but that shall not stop the mission of Bullshit News to deliver to you the greatest information about the world the best we can. We will keep Joe Biden in check and make sure he cannot destroy America as hard as he tries to. For now, America’s salvation is Bullshit News, and we’ll need us to stop them. This is far from over, glory will be returned to the White House soon enough.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Anglicans, excluding the Jews. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

Bullshit News Calls For Trump Victory In Re-election Bid

Written By Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder

With more than a million votes already cast for the election on November 3rd, Bullshit News has decided to be the first past the post in calling the election for Donald Trump’s second term. The votes are still coming in, but aren’t needed to determine who really wins the presidency. Deep down inside, millions and millions of Americans have the cold reassurance that President Trump has succeeded so much in his first term that he has earned his second term regardless of what “polling” and “democratic institutions” say otherwise. For a man who donated all of his Presidential salary to charity and regularly smiles at orphan children, he has already created a legacy to last for generations. But take it from his politics, not his personality.

It’s evident that Donald Trump has been America’s most popular and successful president. He’s given more media attention than any other president before him, and for a good reason: he’s enacted many reforms and other popular legislation to make American lives easier and free from the inequities of the Obama regime. President Trump has, to keep it brief: ended America’s long terrible history of racism, cured an otherwise evil socialist virus meant to take him out, ended the Democratic Party’s spread of opioids to kill Republicans and fellow real working class American people, brought Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Barrett on to the Supreme Court, further helping America’s problems with understand what the founders of the country wanted for America, saved Thanksgiving and Christmas, among countless other activities President Trump has been busy in restoring America back to the greatness it once was but yet still always was originally.

Joe Biden is a disgraceful “man” who does not deserve the dignity to be in the White House and to claim himself as president. He is the anti-christ, and his vice-presidential pick in Kamala Harris is also a countess for evil socialism. The Democratic Party is trying to deceive the American people into believing that there could be a better alternative to President Trump by inventing these two politicians to lie on the behalf of the American people about policies they don’t support and pledging action that they will not finish. They will only leave behind more political messes and scandals, while actively making this country look weak to the eyes of China or the newest evil godless Islamic barbarian country that is waiting to strike us. It can only make sense that President Trump can save our country from such evil extremes, inside and outside the country.

Therefore, we at Bullshit News find it simple to declare President Trump the definitive winner of the 2020 Election before Election Day. The results are merely a ploy, everyone understands that President Trump has been far more than qualified to lead a second term, as nearly every president since 1992 was given this compromise, even the evil Barack Obama regime followed this protocol. So a reelection bid is far more than useless, it is a waste of President Trump’s time to deal with such bureaucratic formalities like the 2020 election. The United States of America needs to move forward, so let us all start working for President Trump for the next four years, today!


Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

NASA Announces Moon Is A Harbor For Terrorism And Needs To Be Annihilated

Written by Aaron Lau

The moon, once thought to be useful as the sun, may not be as peaceful as we once thought. At a recent NASA press conference late Saturday morning, America’s top space scientists that study how “astronomy” and space works, have reasonably concluded that the Moon is a training ground for terrorism and Islamic studies. This horrifying study has concluded society’s worst fears when it comes to extraterrestrial terrorism, and that the United States of America has a lot more to deal with on the War On Terror than previously estimated. Calls to increase the military’s funding have been issued in more drastic measures than ever before. What else is hiding on the moon?

Top NASA scientist John “Dwayne” Gacy came to talk to the press about NASA’s historic, once in a lifetime study: “It’s my pleasure and and honor to tell you all about the extremist Islamic barbarian terrorist colony NASA has just discovered on the moon. Our original goal was to look for vegetation or other forms of life on the moon, hell even finding drinkable clean water would be a successful mission. But we discovered something much more darker and evil. Three of our probe units, Alpha-Larry Beta-Curly and Gamma-Moe were all seemingly destroyed or otherwise offline beyond ordinary means. As of this time I cannot tell you whether or not it’s Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, ISIS, or some nefarious Nancy Pelosi/Chuck Schumer plot to sabotage our space system. I will inform you all when we get more information. Thank you for your patience in a time of utmost urgency”.

Luckily, we know an intelligent NASA scientist willing to talk to us for this article. John Z, a high level worker on the project, had much more to say to us rather than consult some demagogue Democrat website like The Daily Wire. John Z informed us that the terrorists that harbor the moon seem to look like humanoid earthlings, but the cameras and photography could not detail more than their 250×144 resolution cameras in black and white. John did say that these were not stereotypical Hollywood aliens but “looked like ones that follow the Islamic tradition of barbarianism and Wahhabism”. John was very concerned about the state of the moon, given all that we know now. “It seems like we have either two choices: to go to war against these evil space terrorists, or blow up the moon and purify the lunar region from foreign-born terrorism”.

This news is shocking and requires urgent compelling action from the White House. Terrorism is bad, yet the moon is (allegedly) good. But terrorism brings no compromises to the table, and now they have total control of the moon, and perhaps more areas beyond the cosmos. It may come as quite a shock, but if the ultimate solution is to blow up the moon, then I am all for it. Moons can be replaceable, they aren’t like the sun or anything. Heck, Jupiter has 79 of them. It should not be hard to drag one of those moons and put it where the old terrorist moon used to be. All of this comes in at a drastic time at ten days before the election, but urgent action about terrorism is more important than some silly, irrelevant election that won’t decide anything.

Pink Floyd, the cyber-rock band, once said “I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon”. What we didn’t know was that the moon’s dark side was not literal, it was extremist and responsible for allowing 9/11 to come into fruition. Now we might not know that these moon terrorists were part of the problem when it comes to 9/11, but NASA has not ruled out anything. When we face terrorism, we need to annihilate it at all costs, no matter what the actual real cost could be. We may never see night again, but think of the positives with no moon: daylight would be all we have, and it would be significantly easier to track down on other criminals because they can no longer vanish into the night on the moon-units to hide on the moon to plan more terrorist activities. It will be hard at first, but it will all be worth it to restore the status quo to a more permanent peaceful state.

Goodnight moon, we hardly knew thee, until we knew thee too much and too well. Terrorism must be eradicated at all costs, even if one of those costs is the moon itself. But don’t fret moon-aficionados, we’ll get a new moon soon. One with less terrorism harbored onto it.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line media-culture related issues. He is married to his lovely wife, Cindy and has one manly daughter baby named Deborah. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and certain technologies including video games but not the liberal propaganda-endorsed “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University.

Amy Coney Barrett Would Be The First REAL Women To Be On Supreme Court

Written by Sarah Napoli

For the first time in the Supreme Court’s history, a woman could be given the role of one of the most powerful judicial arms in the entire world. While Barrett may be very controversial due to her catholic and pro-birth, anti-democratic party opinions, she is nevertheless a real woman and a strong candidate to fill an open seat on the Supreme Court. Sure, the Supreme Court has had “women” serve on the court as clerks or occasionally a judge, but Barrett is a real women’s women. Young girls can look up and aspire to be Amy Coney Barrett in a way that Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Elena Kagan cannot. Amy has real girl power to her walk, and she can talk the talk. The biggest problems lie within her “Catholic” heritage and general benign Democrat Party opposition to norms.

Amy Barrett was likely born in the backseat of a greyhound bus on the bayous of New Orleans, a lawless Democrat hellhole filled with a large amount of sodomy and endless nonstop unethical partying. Barrett grew up in rough conditions, surrounded by such debauchery and degeneracy, she turned to Catholicism as her preferred way of salvation. While some can see nothing wrong in Catholicism, it is nevertheless not Protestantism, the preferred religion of any non-biased judge or attorney in common law countries. Despite her idolatry of this “pope” figure, she worked arduously to get where she is today. Being a women involves an immense amount of adversity, and I would know as a women of over thirty years of age. While the men may have lambasted Barrett over her “looks”, she spent all the time in the library studying law unlike the many women before her who were stuck in the kitchen, dining room with a television set, or at a radio station. If confirmed to the Supreme Court, I have no doubt the girls of the future will look up to Barrett as a civil rights milestone.

But there is a strong catch to Barrett, and if it isn’t for being a women, it’s for being a Catholic. Catholics have long been pope-followers and have a questionably different approach to Jesus Christ unlike other religious backgrounds. For one, the Pope and Catholicism have long been tied to the evil Frog People cult that has swept the world over the last 6,000 years. New Orleans is supposedly a “hotbed” for Frog People and the Catholic agenda. This makes Amy’s all-American background suspect in the eyes of Democrats, they are scared of a strong independent women whose life views are dependent on the Pope and by extension, the frog people. If Amy doesn’t make a strong public case against these Frog People, she will not be seen as trustworthy among the easily convinced Democrats. Time will tell when she will finally call out the Frogs.

However, if Barrett decides to destroy the evil Obamacare legislation that has taxed many Americans into death panels, she would be able to save feminism as we know it from its evil liberal origins. Feminism has been dying or been outdated for many generations due to its troubling authoritarian idea of putting women in dangerous situations. One such obstacle is America’s troubling abortion problem. In today’s America, one can have a “Virtual Reality” abortion, which is an abortion via live-streaming according to our local IT tech nerds. It is especially pernicious that the Catholic Church has been incessantly supported abortion since Egypt was first created by the Jews to find Jerusalem. Barrett needs to address her suspicious background in spite of her personal anti-Abortion viewpoints.

In spite of her flaws like most women, Barrett really shines when it comes to the legal world. If appointed, she will become one of the most powerful women in America unlike witchy Nancy Pelosi and her evil Court of the Crimson King they call the House of Representatives. Barrett’s eventual appointment to the Supreme Court will be a huge milestone in the eyes of Women across the country and ergo, world. The Democrats would be foolish to not also allow such a milestone to happen without stealing some credit as they usually do. Let us hope Amy Barrett does not fail us when she is inevitably confirmed unlike Rehnquist who was corrupted from within. Barrett is a strong, regrettably catholic woman who can save the planet from judicial tyranny.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) And Gossip Correspondent of Bullshit News. Sarah is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. Sarah does not want children but considers herself a “dog mom”, taking care of a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. Sarah does not like coffee or tea, which are foreign inventions created to poison the bright minds of Americans. 

Do We Really Need An Election?

Written by Dan Shapiro

It’s almost October, and soon it will be one of the most important days of any day of any country on Earth, Election Day. Once a long held tradition created to bestow a proper successor to George Washington, many on the intellectual side of the globe in America have felt that elections have been antiquated for the past 30 or so years. Once an established part of a robust Democratic system, it is rife with fraudulent voters, mailing errors, and other Democratic Party obstructions designed to rig a once perfectly run system. With the polls so high in President Trump’s favor, one can argue this upcoming election will be purely for show and have no meaning or luster that it once had. It’s time to abolish elections.

Elections used to be meaningful competitions between Democrats and Whigs, Democrat Republicans vs. Know-Nothings until after the War of Northern Aggression has lead us to the same Democrat vs. Republican in the battle of evil vs good for the past 170 years. The plotlines have remained largely the same, the GOP pulls out one of their best and finest leaders while the Democrats go to hell and back to pick a nefarious person that aligns best with their ideology against faith and the ordinary American citizen. Hillary Clinton, the previous nominee before admitted anti-Christ Joe Biden, was a woman created out of scorn and villainy that could only be designed by the most nefarious lobbyists and evil fascist masterminds that control the strings of the Democrat Party. Now that the American people fully understand that the Republican Party is by their side and the Democrats are filled with nepotism and wasteful government spending, their days are finished.

Elections nowadays are a broken system, the Democrats insist that the Electoral College, an institution almost as old and precious as our country, should be replaced with a “popular vote system”, a system designed by 6 year olds who fight to get their favorite candy in their kindergarten classrooms. America cannot have a president that is directly elected without states interfering, for that would break a tradition long held to preserve the special status that comes with presidency. Should America try and establish this dim-witted ‘popular vote’ system, then anyone could win the presidency. Democrats would shove their fictitious Al Gore presidency without any reprimanding. They would eliminate checks and balances and turn America into a fascist state. The ‘popular vote’ theory does not include anything more simple than just counting up votes. There’s got to be more to it for an election result to happen. Simplicity leads to the worst results, and we cannot have mathematical errors that result from it to give us answers.

The Electoral College does its job very well, it is a scientific formula created by the Founders of our country designed to run elections efficiently without simplicity. The Founders did not want any commoner to win an election by picking their own name and getting elected without any vetting. There were too many “Adam Smiths” of that time period, and if all of them started to write their own name in the election instead of picking the aligned-two or three candidates to vote for, we would have too many “Adam Smiths” as president. Thus, all of the founders of the country had to meet again at a bar (it was the style at the time) and formally decide how the presidency and line of succession worked.

And all of this leads us to today, about a month and a week or so until the pointless 2020 election. Trump has been commanding the polls since Biden came out of Delaware with black smoke that inaugurated him as the Democratic Party’s nominee. President Trump has already accomplished more than many presidents could think of in four years: he ended racism, appointed Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, and found and condemned the evil Obamagate that was infesting the country. Oh and by the way, he streamlined the cure to the possibly fictional Covid-19 outbreak created by the Bernie Sanders campaign. It’s like Democrats don’t even want to go through an election with a man that phenomenal of a resume. So the Democrats should let it go this year, and perhaps maybe forever, and just let Trump finish painting his masterpiece.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on GOP Politics, the 2020 presidential elections, and Iran. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “own” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.