MISSION STATEMENT: Liberals And Their Liberal Friends Are Destroying America And We Need Your Help To Overthrow Their God

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-At-Chief

 

America is potentially facing a crisis too difficult to overcome and we need your help.

If I can tell you one thing about this country, just one thing: we are the sum of our parts. The civil war taught us that, and that black people can be people too if they try really hard enough. This country is currently without a doubt at the height of total political polarization since FDR inflated the economy to cure polio for himself. But unlike the “wonder years” of the New Deal era, the executive branch right now is at its apex of megalomania. As a conservative news outlet, we are morally conflicted on how to perceive the one, Donald J. Trump. Ethically, we are way out the window. We don’t need ethics to make good journalism, we just need empirical facts in good news to more places than just talk radio and daytime television, but places like the World Wide Web. More people go on the internet for news then the ol’ timely American tradition of going to the radio, or waking up in the morning and begrudgingly making a cup of coffee to then sit down on a recliner and groan audibly before work. We conservatives must evolve our mediums in order to grow a more perfect union.

That’s where the “your” comes in from the headline, YOU(R), the average butt-scratching American, need to read US so that accurate, fact-checked information can be spread more quickly to the public. We need YOU(R) eyes, and your hearts. Be with us, and not them.

The Mainstream (read: liberal) Media is a threat to our free-flowing information outlet that we Americans love to call liberty. Outlets like CNN, NPR, and Breitbart News are owned by large media conglomerates. They claim to present news to cater to the audience of the common man, but they lie. They are the true fake news. I’m here to assure you that Bullshit News’ Mission, as the Founder and First Editor-in-Chief of Bullshit News, is that we will not be owned by these mammoth mainstream media corporations*, and that we will provide you the news that YOU, the average middle-class American, deserve to read. We will not have any blockage or clutter to give you the news before the corporations and their stockholders meddle with it and correct it from their perspective.

We don’t tolerate that Bullshit.

Don Kaftan is the Founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA.

*Until we receive a check with an extraordinary amount of zeroes, preferably before the “.”

Happy Thanksgiving, NOT INDIGENOUS PEOPLE’S DAY

Written by Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

Salutations to my fellow Americans that wish to enjoy a fried, roasted turkey on one of America’s finest holidays, Thanksgiving. It’s the holiday where we give thanks to our fellow Republican Americans for their courageous effort to counter the rise of the Soviet socialist surge our wonderful country has faced since the rise of Hillary Clinton and her Benghazi schemes. These dangerous socialists do not like Thanksgiving because of the holidays alleged “oppression” (big go-to word for liberals to decry something they have no control over) towards “indigenous people”. Sadly, we cannot ignore these deranged loonies that inhabit within our country, but we can surely tell them why they are wrong.

First of all, there is no such thing as “indigenous people”, it is a made-up word from the Noam Chomsky variety. There are Indians that existed in this country before the White man, sure. That’s how the origin story of Thanksgiving begins, when the first Americans started to settle in this new frontier (now named “North America”) they wanted to greet the Indians and taught them how to eat food and later, drink wine. Too much wine, but I digress. The Indians were grateful for the first Americans to give them food and that’s where the word “thanksgiving” originated, they were given food and were thankful for it, much like your children and the babies and your ungrateful feminist aunt Georgia for lecturing you about how poor people are victims of circumstance rather than being lazy indignant leeches of public welfare.

The word “indigenous” was invented by swines like my ungrateful aunt Georgia in order to dispell the notion that the Indians were the original Americans. They weren’t. Otherwise, we would be calling them “Native Americans” or what have you. They were not native to the land, they were Indian to the land. We do not tell our fellow American brothers “Happy Indigenous People Day”, that’s too many syllables. We call this holiday, “Thanksgiving” because it’s about thanking our first settlers for their prosperous trade of food for land. It is because of their valiant efforts that we can live in harmony and away from the savagery that is the Godless Islamic Barbarians that want to destroy America and recreate multiple 9/11 events. What is so “indigenous” about it? Don’t answer that rhetorical question, because there is no word “indigenous” in the dictionary. It is a farce.

By referring to our historic and cherished ancestry of Thanksgiving as “Indigenous People’s Day”, we are dramatically changing our culture and traditions that have been long preserved to halt socialist and homosexual intrusions into our mighty culture. We cannot let the Democratic Party attempt to change our culture anymore, they wanted to kill Christopher Columbus and we refused. They cannot take our Thanksgiving away from the common man who wants to eat his turkey and yams and watch the football program in peace. No more shall we let liberals control the discourse of our country which was rightfully won by President Donald Trump and his smart campaign team of knowledgable intellectuals such as myself.

As we fight to prolong and conserve our conservative culture, we shall acknowledge and celebrate Thanksgiving for the holiday that it is, and not some made-up mumbo-jumbo hogwash the liberal socialists invented to scare our fellow Americans from celebrating a noble and sacred holiday with no controversial origins in it whatsoever. It is such a liberal viewpoint to destroy what ordinary Americans much like myself view as “fun and non-threatening”. We cannot let them win. Celebrate Thanksgiving, and NOT “Indigenous People’s Day”.

And once again, Happy Thanksgiving. May you eat the largest and healthiest turkeys your plot of land brings to you, and drink as much wine and alcohol as you can muster. And remember, Black Lives Matter is a hate group, and happy Black Friday.

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.

SPECIAL OP-ED: Why I Never Went To Ukraine by Rudy Giuliani

Written by Rudy Giuliani, Esq 

There has been a lot of news about my client, President Donald Trump, who may or may not have tried to make a TRADE DEAL with The Ukraine. But the lamestream media (that of which is biased towards the liberals) thinks that I, THE Rudy Giuliani and defender of New York on 9/11/2001, would somehow go to Ukraine and engage in an act of “Quid Pro Quo”, or deal/trade making. The lamemainstream liberal media would like you to believe that Quid Pro Quos are illegal (they aren’t), but even worse is that they think I, THE Rudy Giuliani, went to Ukraine all by myself to help Donald Trump do something feasibly illegal. These allegations are fake news, and with the thanks of Don Kaftan, I finally have an outlet to free myself from these baseless accusations.

As we all know, Democrats hate freedom and elections where they lose. They are the sorest losers in our society, always saying that elections are rigged and that Voter ID is bad, et cetera. They gain new excuses each decade to save face for their parties’ lack of ideas on how to fix the deficit and their feebleminded attempts to raise all of our taxes so they can steal our hard-working money. I never went to Ukraine for any reason, ever. I don’t know anybody in Ukraine nor do I know what sights, restaurants, or lavish gentleman’s clubs that exist in Ukraine. I NEVER WENT THERE, EVER. The idea that I wanted to help some two gentlemen named Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman with a quick pro biscuit is ridiculous. Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman are two names I would think of on the top of my head that sound like Ukrainians that deal with gravel pits or university dust bowl experts or what have you. Agriculture professors, not some money-laundering experts that have any expertise in politics or economics. I don’t know who either of those two people are. As far as I know, they were invented by the media to smear me and my client.

Now I ask you, faithful and smart conservatives that read this wonderful and stupendous website, why would I ever be in Ukraine? I’m busy helping America become great again, so why would I go to Ukraine and ask for their help to make America great again? It’s pure nonsense, just like Mueller’s witchhunt investigation to dismantle American unity from within. Now some media outlets like Breitbart allege that I was having communications with Parnas and Fruman (again, I don’t think these people exist but the media claims that they do) which would be enough to allegedly damage my reputable reputation which is again, a falsehood of the highest order (libel perhaps?). I never went to Ukraine. EVER. 

It is beyond my wildest comprehension that anyone would want to incriminate me, let alone President Trump, in some wild foreign policy conspiracy theory about Ukraine and corruption as well as the attacks on character towards my client and I. Why would I want to hurt my own country, The United States of America, when I nearly prevented 9/11 from happening until it was too late? I was the one who helped save our country on 9/12 and made us come back from that harrowing attack that nearly killed 3,000 people on our own soil in New York City, New York where I was mayor for quite some time. As mayor of New York City, one of the most stupendous sights in the world, why would I spend some time in Ukraine, let alone talk to some weirdos about money or whatever? I never went to Ukraine. EVER.

It is simply asinine for me to explain myself to the patriotic American people that I never went to Ukraine. EVER. For any reason. I don’t know who started these baseless rumors but they should be punished swiftly for libeling and slandering my name as well as President Donald Trump’s in a vain effort to push him out of office for being one of the loudest and great patriots of our time. So I ask you, have you ever went to Ukraine to make money? No of course not, there are better places to make money and Ukraine is not one of them. Hell, I would go to Syria before Ukraine if I wanted to make some money. But I was looking to make money inside America, and NOT UKRAINE. I have been attacked from these baseless accusations and writing this article up is distracting me from the very real work and soft power I’ve been working hard on making our country great and secure again. There’s a lot of work I have to do so I’m going to leave you all on one final note.

I NEVER WENT TO UKRAINE. EVER. I HAVE NO BUSINESS OR FAMILY OR RELATIONS OR SECRET WIVES OR ANY MONEY HIDDEN AWAY IN A BANK IN UKRAINE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE IN MY LIFE AND I AM NOT UKRAINIAN. ANY ACCUSATION ABOUT UKRAINE TO ME OR MY CLIENT, PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, IS A FALSEHOOD. I WILL SUE THE NEXT NEWS ORGANIZATION FOR LIBEL IF THEY THREATEN TO ME OR MY CLIENT ABOUT POTENTIALLY BEING IN UKRAINE, WHICH AGAIN, I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO. NEITHER HAS PRESIDENT TRUMP BUT ALSO I HAVE NOT BEEN TO UKRAINE. EVER BEFORE. OR PREVIOUSLY THEREAFTER. NEVER. BEEN. TO UKRAINE. NOT EVEN ONCE. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

Have a pleasant evening, everyone! I’m going to watch Mork & Mindy and eat some baked beans with mustard.

Rudy Giuliani is the former mayor of New York City from 1994 to 2001, where he successfully defended America from more godless Islamic barbarian attacks after 9/11. Formally known as “America’s Mayor”, Rudy Giuliani is one of the most successful mayors in American history, helping to stop crimes from happening in NYC permanently as well as his fierce tenacity to defend America from the evil forces that try to attack America’s “quality of life”. Rudy is known to have a super keen sense of smell that allowed him to know when exactly terrorists were about to attack the World Trade Center on 9/11. 

QUEERS: The Socialist Conspiracy Organization To Convert YOUR Children Into Democrats

Written by Alexander Jones

It may seem impossible to believe, but America is almost always under attack. Not by violent terrorists mind you, but terrorist sympathizers that want to help achieve the terrorist anti-American dream to destroy and/or overthrow America by any means necessary. Many of these groups operate in public, like the Jewish religion or Media Matters For America, a far-left outlet much like the Daily Caller and Breitbart that want to delegitimize conservative media for being far too politically inconvenient for them. Other such groups that want to achieve much darker dreams operate in private, and it is our job as a journalist institution of the World Wide Web to uncover these “dark money groups”. One of these groups I have discovered is an LGBT+  grassroots network known as the QUEERS.

Who are the QUEERS? They claim to be a “homosexual/lesbian socialist liberation group” (IE: hippies that work in politics on their commune farms). I decided to investigate this strange group since I felt there was more to being a QUEER then its alleged identity. The QUEERS are a group shrouded in mystery, as unorganized as they are grassroots, but don’t let that mean they come across as a bunch of soft, weak dim-witted liberals, they are something far more sinister. QUEERS stand for  Question (the) Ulterior (and) Engage (the) End ResultS, a slogan of there’s wrapped up in LGBT+ slang so that the pure-minded Republican Christian straight man or married and pure Christian woman would not be able to comprehend the QUEER agenda. The QUEERS operate in riddles and mysterious, speaking in codes so that people like the readers of our very fine website can not understand their true intentions, which is where I come in.

The goal of the QUEERS is to incite moral panic to Chrisitan America, and their main goal is to make sure that our children vote for Democrats and to join their organization and increase their numbers. From my investigative research, including two interviews from anonymous ex-QUEER members, the QUEERS are focusing their reach onto children because they are simple-minded, easy to command their attention by use of force and to encourage them to be more civically minded while trying to overthrow several of our great American institutions like the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library or the Washington Monument. The QUEERS will not rest until they change society to the way they deem fit, and not to average hard-working blue-collar Americans such as ourselves.

So now that we know a little bit more about the QUEERS, we need to know how to end their agenda or otherwise take a crowbar to the knees of their organization, but that is the hardest step. The QUEERS are a loosely organized grassroots movement whose agendas and occasionally their ideology remain fluid, they can be Stalinist communists one day and Hegelian philosophical scientists the next, spending their entire weeks or months reading long, overly drawn-out radical socialist/Marxist literature until they come out of hibernation to assault our American values with ‘flash mob’ tactics. The QUEERS are a leaderless organization as they aspire to become true communists as Marx intended, for now. Their organization can change at any moment, and hopefully not by the time this article gets out because that would be very irritating to edit a lot of words that I’ve dedicated a lot of time, money, and effort towards describing this shadowy group’s agenda. But if they spend a lot of their time reading boring Marxist ramblings twice as long as Atlas Shrugged, how can they be a bigger threat outside of a bunch of hippies reading to each other in a drum circle?

What makes the QUEERS dangerous is their rapidly changing ideology, they can attack at any moment like the Mexicans or Canadians. They hide their financial information by cheating the IRS and operating as a “dark money group”. “Dark money”, to be brief, is a way far-left radical socialist syndicates use government funding from government programs approved the LBJ, Clinton, and Obama administrations to increase the political power and bully pulpit of the pernicious far-left Democrat ideology. This is aside from the fact that a large majority, or near all of their members are also part of the LGBT+ community, otherwise known as The Gays. The Gays have been able to operate in secret long after they forged their identity in the late ’80s/early ’90s in order to cheat America’s proud and longstanding tradition of cohabitation as a method to pay less for taxes. Let me say one thing straight here: cheating on your taxes in America is unacceptable, but to marry someone of the same sex to cheat on your taxes is unforgivable and should lead to prison sentences, but I’m distracting myself here, which is exactly what the QUEERS want me to do.

We cannot find and hunt down all the members of the QUEERS, they do not publish anything to the public and their financial information is classified due to them somewhat legally skirting the tax codes that “dark money” allows them to do. All we can do about the QUEERS is to be aware of them, and aware of their secret agendas to potentially overthrow our country and more importantly, indoctrinate your kids to the far-left movement. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has allegedly funded the group in the past but such information I could not find, so if any of you readers have a tip about that lead or anything regarding the QUEERS, please inform us at Bullshit News via the Contact Tab on the top of the page. The QUEERS can attack America at any moment, and as long as we are all strongly informed by the QUEERS intentions, they cannot stop us nor our children so long as they don’t watch Teletubbies.

Alexander Jones is a fierce investigative journalist dedicating to finding the real truth blurred by the mainstream globalist media. Alexander Jones is a strong advocate for libertarianism, liberty, and raw rib-eye steak. In his spare time away from journalism, Alexander enjoys hunting and keyboard/synthesizer music. An animal advocate throughout his life, he currently owns five hunting dogs, two purebred horses, and two cats. Although he is an advocate for the survival of the fittest Darwinism, he is a Pentecostal Christian who always–ALWAYS spends time with Jesus and The Lord on Sundays. 

God Is Enacting His Revenge Upon California

Written by Roger Goodmen

Within the last week, you might have read or watched the mainstream media talk about California experiencing wildfires in Sonoma and Los Angeles County, or last year when the same two counties (and some other ones) also experienced wildfires. This is no coincidence, and in the minds of liberals, they believe that “climate change” is the main culprit behind these wildfires that have destroyed tens of thousands of acres of land to burnt wine and ash. However, this is exactly what liberals want: unwarranted destruction of American land in order to blame conservatives for not spending more money cleaning our already clean and pure air and water so that greedy scientists in state universities should receive more money. The real reason these fires started is because of something much more sinister, the lack of attention the Millenials and “Gen Z” California teenagers pay to the Bible and the apathy that their state has over the Christian religion.

As we know in the older bible the Jews prefer to read over the more realistic and true bible, God is very vengeful and doesn’t like being ignored. The only reason God told Noah to build an ark is that he was sick of liberals engaging in sodomy so frequently that the only solution to end all abominations of homosexuality (but not the gay people) was to flood the whole Earth and start over again. Job ate pork once and he lost everything he loved dearly, except for God. The one true constant in all of our lives is that God will always be around and that doubting his power or not listening to God will result in devastating consequences, such as these wildfires over the United States of America’s most treasonous state.

So why has God struck vengeance against California? If you’re a longtime reader of our much-celebrated website, then you know that California is the place where everything goes wrong and progress falls off a steep cliff. California is home to a large number of Atheists and Jews (read: sinners) that try to enact their values over the entire California population via laws that control the mobility of people, whether it’s by taxes or other unwanted and needless forms of regulation, or because California refuses to accept Jesus Christ as their Official State Prophet. California was given plenty of time to revert their hedonistic and vanity culture by God, but God is not a patient man. He only wanted to flood the Earth for 40 days when he could have flooded the planet for 4,000 years. God is like a CEO or a COO, he has plans and expects actions to be met by a certain deadline, and if the deadline passes and the plans don’t go through, the CEO or COO will act accordingly. God is no different from a CEO or COO, and his patience is gone.

God’s targets make a lot of sense if you have kept up with your weekly Bible study group. God wanted to burn down Sonoma and Napa county for they are known for producing wine, a form of alcohol that enables people to relax and become inebriated in a pseudo-relaxing stance, a deadly combination of gluttony and sloth. Los Angeles County is experiencing wildfires because of Lust, Wrath, and for allowing Harvey Weinstein to run a production company for a long, long time. I could spend the rest of this article talking about how Los Angeles is one of the worst and most sinful places on the planet (up there with Djibouti and Tibet), but I fear for our conservative readers trapped in California are very aware of this, and they need more help then their State receives from their energy company, PG&E.

Money will not save California, as they reportedly produce their fair share of GDP to the USA (citation needed). This is a problem caused by a lack of faith or luster for God and has gone on long enough for Him to notice. The damages done to California thus far are enormous and could have been avoided if only their devotion to God was stronger than Las Vegas’s penchant for immorality (but done in an ethical manner). The mainstream media has been blaming PG&E for shutting off power to Californians (who I suppose, care more about their computer-phone Netflixes rather than living) rather than enacting more strict safety standards, which is a bland liberal talking point. Forcing PG&E to do more things via laws or more strict regulations will only enable PG&E to do more work and create a bigger mess, that is unless they change their power lines for Bible verses.

California’s true problems lie in their lack of (any or all) faith with the covenant of God and their state philosophy of hedonism and immorality. California’s stubbornness to accept reality (God and his Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth) and overly controlling their energy department has led California to suffer from more atrocious wildfires than the ones they dealt with last year. And it will continue to get worse from a yearly standpoint until California accepts a more positive relationship with Him. So please, if you are in the state of California and you don’t want your home, your car or your wife/husband to burn down anytime soon, go find your local church and start praying. Daily. Because God is an impatient, omnipotent force and he knows if you’re obeying him, or if you’re obeying Satan.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.

Brexit Will Be A Steady Success

Written by Gilbert Miser, PhD

Brexit, Great Britain’s vain attempt to achieve more freedom and create more democracy than the United States by leaving the European Union, is quickly approaching its final deadline on October 31st. Theresa May, a martyr for the Brexit cause and almost First President of England, received unwarranted criticism because of anti-feminists and Nazis from the Labour party, the more self-aware socialists equivalent to our Democrat Party. It’s quite ironic that the left and center-left parties in England would rather live in dire straits and never let the free market dictate the lives of commoners and peasants (English for poor) to fight for freedom from poverty. But with Brexit, the poor can finally move up on the ladder as England will no longer accept the Euro, which greatly devalues the lives of people that are too lazy to find a job and feed their families.

Theresa May was forced to resign when Brexit had to be extended and not implemented on its original deadline of April 12th, as the foolhardy citizens of England could not agree about some miscellaneous, near-irrelevant economic details about some trade agreements that may or may not had to have been cut off once Brexit is implemented. Replacing Theresa May as the would-be first President of England is Boris “long” Johnson, a brazen confident man who, among everyone in the Conservative Party of England, is the most likely to be the George Washington of the England Republic. Taking over for Theresa, Boris Johnson has received an unneeded amount of criticism from his country’s mainstream media due to his “character” and “brash rudeness”. These are not legitimate criticisms, they are examples of the strength of his character. Only a real leader could make the right decisions no matter how morally questionable or intelligible they are.

To truly comprehend the totality of Brexit, you need a big brain. You can’t be a socialist and understand economics, that’s just not how the world works. Leaving a large trade NGO organization like the European Union, an organization that is more powerful than Albania or possibly New Mexico shows great courage and strength that is quite admirable from an American point of view. The European Union holds great trade powers and regulates trade wars, and has had some (minor) success for them. I have personally visited England in 2004, and the Euro was more expensive then it was now. That must have meant there was some success for them in the past, how cute. Since now they will leave the European Union, this will mean their currency about pounds and whatnot will come near American levels, but not quite for the first few months. It’s a bit like the Laffer Curve but slower, much like the people of England “innit”.

As an economics PhD and expert in speculating futures, I can see no doubt in England’s steady approach under Theresa May Boris Johnson and the Conservative Party. The mainstream media may call Johnson some kind of ruthless tyrant or doofus who won’t let anyone chip in with “better” ideas or care about the people, but these are just archetypes of how successful leaders throughout history have managed their nations. Critics of Boris Johnson and Brexit are simply people that oppose order and decency in a free democratic society. The English people have long wanted a strong, intelligent and confident leader in Boris that they haven’t had run the country since Thatcher. Boris, as first President of England, is the right man to steer his country to clearer, less stormy tides that will guide England to what a truly free society looks and acts like.

Denizens of England have long been under the monarchy and have never been more free than an average American, always having to pay tea taxes for their queen and the people having submissive tendencies in regards to foreign policy. As we arrive closer and closer to Brexit Independence Day and the ushering of a new era in England’s long history, it is time to celebrate their eventual, and sure enough, the success they will achieve in the long run. The American Revolution was not won in one day, it took many days for the American Revolution to be a success, and we have seen the results of that revolution work swimmingly. England’s revolution coming up in two weeks may be rocky at first, but the English will know what to do once the time arrives. As the late great proverb-writer Douglas Adams once wrote, “Don’t Panic!”. Everything will be alright in the long run. You will still have your mars bars and local fish and chip eateries, but now with more freedom and economic opportunities to truly plot out your futures. The future is looking bright, New Republic of Free England!
Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. Miser recently earned his PhD in economics from the University of Chicago. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.

How The Legalization Of Abortion Leads To Increased Rates Of Cannibalism

Written by Dr. Steven T. Clements, Esq

As a doctor AND a lawyer, I know all about two of the biggest industries on Earth that impact American politics. I went to school for 20ish years to understand how liberals try to eradicate family values and all good things Christian. One of the worst things liberals have inflicted on our country with their abortion values is the idea that a woman can terminate her God-sanctioned pregnancy at any time she chooses. But what the mainstream media won’t tell you is that with the rise of abortions in our society, there have been increased rates of cannibalization, otherwise known as the act of humans eating other humans out of some sick lust for power and domination.

Some liberals out there (admittingly not the majority, but a disturbing, sizeable amount) have confessed to eating “placenta” or “ass”, slang terms for the human body. Eating babies and cutting them up as if they were pieces of a cow meant to be consumed in a variety of ways. Instead of chicken wings, Democrats want to devour baby wings, citing the supposed nutritional value and “climate change“. These baby-eating socialists call themselves the “Democratic Socialists of America“, or the “DSA”.

Once Roe Vs. Wade removed the right to criminalize murdered babies in 1973, Democrats have been gung-ho about what to do in regards to “recycling the waste”. They claim removing these lost souls can be helpful, citing some fictitious mumbo-jumbo about “stem cells” that can supposedly help fight against cancer and AIDS, but I never heard of this pseudoscience my whole life, and I’m a doctor! If these stem cells really worked as the hacks in state universities claim they do, we would be using them, and we are not. There are no benefits to abortion, only more lost souls to be lost in the bureaucracy that is Heaven.

But the DSA was not the only baby-eating Democrats trying to push their agenda down everyone’s thoughts, there were popular “heavy metal” groups like “Quiet Riot”, “Winger”, “Angel”,  and “Motley Crue” that also advocated for the agenda. These heavy metal bands not only challenged the strong American traditions of heteronormativity, but they also were cruel sadists that abused drugs and polluted the streets with their satanic impurity. Despite their shrewd classlessness, they attained popularity on MTV and the radio, abetted by mainstream media to challenge the War on Drugs’ authority.

But even in a subject as immoral as abortion, for the Democratic Party to not even appear the slightest bit unfazed by the idea of members of their own party consume infants tells you everything wrong there is about them. They don’t mind children when they need them to vote for their party, but they still get thrills on their abortion and snack as their version of a “dinner and a show” for normal Republican people that do not eat babies. Democrats always want to criticize the president for living an honest life and defending America from the forces that dare to test our might and pry our liberty, and yet they never try to silence the loudest and most heinous and inhumane members of their own party. How should the American people take them seriously?

But we should let the Democrats continue to eat babies, even if it claims that it makes them “feel younger” like their fake skincare products. It is unpopular politics, and the more the general public is aware of the Democratic Party’s baby-eating obsession from the obfuscation of the issue by mainstream media, the better their party is to fade away from time. The big question is how much longer can the American people tolerate the extremely immoral and unnatural attitudes and politics the Democrats have. Someone has to tell the obvious to those deviants, that eating other human beings is not okay, especially babies. They are not veal, nor are they a vegan dish, they are human beings and not FOOD. But then again, logic has never really been on the Democratic Party’s side anyway. Perhaps if the babies had “gluten” in their system, the Democrats would avoid eating babies like the black plague.

Ending Roe V. Wade is a long, arduous process that will happen at some point within our lifetimes, and stopping everything seditious and immoral that followed will take a longer time to cure our culture of this pernicious stench of evil that legalized abortion brings to a country. Let’s hope that this evil can be defeated. Instead of eating a baby Democrats, try eating a Snickers. At least the chocolate is real chocolate.

 

Dr. Steven Clements, Esquire is Bullshit News’s legal scholar and works as a property management expert witness for a side-gig. He spent a long time in college and law school to be properly educated about serious subjects like tax codes and property law-related subjects like privacy and water slippages. After law school, he decided he wanted to learn more about life and became a doctor in medicine. He is a lifelong member of the Federalist Society and the National Rifle Association.