America is potentially facing a crisis too difficult to overcome and we need your help.
If I can tell you one thing about this country, just one thing: we are the sum of our parts. The civil war taught us that, and that black people can be people too if they try really hard enough. This country is currently without a doubt at the height of total political polarization since FDR inflated the economy to cure polio for himself. But unlike the “wonder years” of the New Deal era, the executive branch right now is at its apex of megalomania. As a conservative news outlet, we are morally conflicted on how to perceive the one, Donald J. Trump. Ethically, we are way out the window. We don’t need ethics to make good journalism, we just need empirical facts in good news to more places than just talk radio and daytime television, but places like the World Wide Web. More people go on the internet for news then the ol’ timely American tradition of going to the radio, or waking up in the morning and begrudgingly making a cup of coffee to then sit down on a recliner and groan audibly before work. We conservatives must evolve our mediums in order to grow a more perfect union.
That’s where the “your” comes in from the headline, YOU(R), the average butt-scratching American, need to read US so that accurate, fact-checked information can be spread more quickly to the public. We need YOU(R) eyes, and your hearts. Be with us, and not them.
The Mainstream (read: liberal) Media is a threat to our free-flowing information outlet that we Americans love to call liberty. Outlets like CNN, NPR, and Breitbart News are owned by large media conglomerates. They claim to present news to cater to the audience of the common man, but they lie. They are the true fake news. I’m here to assure you that Bullshit News’ Mission, as the Founder and First Editor-in-Chief of Bullshit News, is that we will not be owned by these mammoth mainstream media corporations*, and that we will provide you the news that YOU, the average middle-class American, deserve to read. We will not have any blockage or clutter to give you the news before the corporations and their stockholders meddle with it and correct it from their perspective.
We don’t tolerate that Bullshit.
Don Kaftan is the Founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA.
*Until we receive a check with an extraordinary amount of zeroes, preferably before the “.”
It has been 43 years since the Vietnam War ended, with America receiving a bitter win compared to a perfect or flawless win, of course, I’m talking about the Revolutionary War and the Iraq War respectively. Unlike most of our victories in wars, the communist Vietnamese and their evil twin the Vietcong are both still very powerful political blocs in Vietnam, with seemingly no room for freedom or capitalism to flourish in the region. China understood capitalism is essential, so they adapted to modern day economics. The same for Laos and Cambodia, but yet Vietnam still remains a communist shithole incapable of progressing in the right direction on planet Earth. So what gives?
For those young Republicans (we see you Turning Point USA!) that might not remember the Vietnam War, it took place under the cold war as a battle of ideologies. The evil communist USSR was desperate to expand communism wherever necessary. Those actions lead them to conquer half of Europe and random territories throughout the world like Cuba, Afghanistan, and of course Vietnam. Their efforts were limited and stifled by our protagonist capitalists, the United States of America. Vietnam was the battleground where capitalism and communism would duke it out for absolute supremacy. This is where the ‘bitter” win comes in, America won the war, and ultimately the Cold War, but Vietnam resisted capitalism enough that the war became too unpopular in America (a tragedy in its own right) so that Jimmy Carter and his hippie squad of solar panels took American forces out of Vietnam.
As we learned, intervening in other countries affairs does great wonders for limiting evil ideologies from maintaining any more power and control across the world. Vietnam might not have wanted to fight on their own soil, but it was necessary in order to curb the evils of total communism from growing any further. Communism since the Vietnam War has been limited to a couple of square miles on Earth, but the number of square miles communism should be practiced on Earth should be 0. And because we’re not at 0 yet, Vietnam must pay the ultimate price, again. They can make the switch very easily at any time over the past 43 years but have refused to do so. Their political negligence cannot be ignored any further and action must take place. I’m sure many Americans can understand the need to purge communism off the globe, we don’t live in the 1970’s any more to find such ideas intolerable.
The evil scourge of communism must be eradicated no matter how impossible the odds may seem. Communism is an inherent evil towards our society. Communism and capitalism are incompatible with each other as capitalism seeks for people to work for what they want, free from government control and tyranny while communism suggests that people should depend on their government for absolutely everything. It’s no surprise to see the Democratic Party endorse communist countries and behaviors, like Venezuela, Cuba or Nicaraguan death squads. They are very desperate for any kind of voter help no matter how illegal or improbable it is for citizens in these countries to vote for them illegally. The Democratic Party remains the only monolith obstacle remaining to stop America from re-intervening in Vietnam and ending communism there once and for all. Should Republicans re-win the midterms, intervening in Vietnam should be priority #1, as the Supreme Court is perfectly filled for now.
But even winning the midterms might not be enough to win the war before it even starts. We’ll need as much manpower as we get, so it is important to reinstate the draft to help two fronts. The first front would be crushing communism in Vietnam. The second front will allow these illegal immigrants, refugees, and other wannabe Americans to join our army, and consequently our country, as long as they move to the front lines and fight the evil communist scourge of Vietnam head-on. If they really love our country, they need to be the first battalion out and collect some scalps for proof. Its how many other red white and blue-blooded Americans earned their citizenships before, and like any American tradition, it ought to continue. Collecting scalps is the only way to know if these illegal refugees and Mexicans really love our country enough to kill the evil communist bastards that oppose it.
Remember that communism is terrorism’s older brother. They go hand in hand like a hot dog and a bun. They need each other to survive and thrive. The only way to cleanse ourself of this evil and impure ideology is to destroy it at its source. Vietnam is one of the sources as well as Venezuela. While Venezuela crushes under its own weight, Vietnam remains relatively aloof. The time has come for the Vietcong to Vietchoke.
Sgt. Louie Gates II is Bullshit News’ correspondent on national security and military issues. He owns five Rottweilers and is a huge Boston Red Sox fan. He is faithful to his wife LaShawnda Gates and has two daughters. He served in the military many times on multiple tours and received a purple heart for his valiant efforts to protect our country.
We here at Bullshit News are still rejoicing over the fact that Brett Kavanaugh, the righteous underdog of Supreme Court appointees, who many of the deplorable Democraps sought to deny his birthright God-given right to be a Supreme Court Justice, won his “case” anyhow. The vicious gaslighters of the left arranged many USSR- styled propaganda tactics to garner the public to oppose his confirmation because of a few bad apples on a mostly flawless, 3.84 GPA in his law career. The feminists said he was a “bad character” and a sexual deviant and/or miscreant using loaded words and hearsay stories from childhood. Globalists deemed him “unfit to rule”, which if true, meant Kavanaugh would not be appointed to begin with, which makes little sense.
Now all the liberals can do is swallow their pride and their uncanny ability to defy law and order with judicial activism is less powerful than it ever has been in history. This is Donald Trump’s biggest win in his presidency, more so then curing Puerto Rico of its hurricane issue (in record timing, better than Bush or Obama) or becoming the first president since Andrew Jackson to solve America’s tax woes by any means necessary. This victory alone will last decades, maybe even multiple lifetimes, a new true hallmark on President Trump’s track record.
Aside from President Trump’s successes, Brett Kavanaugh represents an end to the judicial activist tyranny that was imposed on the court since FDR decided to appoint his own justices without the consent of Republican senators of their time. The last of FDR’s appointees, Anthony Kennedy, died of swine flu while out farming during the High Court’s recess. His vacancy was quickly filled despite paid protestors trying to talk down the public (via CNN and MSNBC) by suggesting that Brett Kavanaugh is an immoral man. While he may be Catholic, there is little that is immoral about the man. I’ve met Brett Kavanaugh quite a couple of times, mostly through William F. Buckley’s social functions in the 1990’s, and I can confirm that his character is higher than his BAC intake at those parties. It’s amazing how much someone who can drink almost half a keg can still recite the entire Dred Scott decision and how beneficial it was to America’s economy at the time.
I know after retelling that story that the television media will find a new way to slain Brett Kavanaugh’s name, but just because the man loves his beer doesn’t mean that he should be forced to step down. He’s just expressing his support for the 21st Amendment, which was created because of the Democrat Party’s opposition to beer in the early 1900’s. Brett has always liked his beer, but from his days at Yale and DKE, he knows how to moderate his alcohol intake. He would never put or use someone’s life because of him possibly being drunk. I can attest to his character that he drinks like a Russian, with vodka running down his veins while retaining his clarity and ability to behave appropriately. It’s important to note that he doesn’t drink all the time, and absolutely would not on the job. He may not be Antonin Scalia, but he is Brett Kavanaugh. His job is to carve his own legacy onto the court, and he has plenty of time to do so.
The confirmation of Kavanaugh has put liberals into a frenzy just before the midterm season. Their disillusionment and cynicism have jumped up in perfect timing. Their optimism over these midterms was their sole rally cry to their base, and as long as their mood is muted, Republicans across America will not have to worry about liberal fascism come election day. The timing of Kavanaugh’s confirmation could not have gone any less perfect. Now is the time to see how Brett Kavanaugh and his near flawless character will handle some of the countries most pressing concerns regarding immigration, economics, and illegal liberal activism.
Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God. He is as much of a patriot for America as liberals consistently whine about it.
Even though they play in the liberal hellhole of Washington D.C., there’s nothing that outrages liberals more than the physical brutality of football. Other countries have their own version of football, notably lacking the pigskin and its glorious knots and replaced it with a hollowed out ball used for kicking–a symbol of technological incompetence of every country that can’t design and model a football properly. The Democratic Party does not like American exceptionalism, and always desire to find a way to lower America’s status on the totem pole, and they take great offense to the idea of “sports”. Like their views on government, liberals want to change everything about ideas and other concepts they don’t understand, as they find the name “Washington Redskins” patently offensive. How in the world can they find a football name controversial?
The Redskins are far from the only team liberals have trouble dealing with, they also don’t like the Cleveland Indians (I thought they liked Indians?), Cincinnati Reds, Chicago Blackhawks, and the Denver Nuggets. All of these names are considered “cultural appropriation” to liberals, and demand that all of these teams, some of which as old as the sports themselves, to change their names or hear liberals continue to whine about it for many more decades to come. They don’t care about traditions, they care about power and control, and are desperate for any kind of power to exercise because they don’t control the House, Senate, or the presidency.
What did the Washington Redskins ever do to receive this kind of scrutiny and ire from liberals? Apparently, it’s because the name offends “Native Americans”. Well listen from me, a native American, and let me tell you there is absolutely nothing palpably offensive about the “Washington Redskins” or the Cleveland Indians. Democrats, many of which are not Native Americans or native to America, find just enough reason there to object just as they hate Christopher Columbus for discovering a continent and pioneering the idea of freedom. Liberals don’t care to celebrate the heritage of these Native Americans for taking care of our land before we got there and became Native Americans ourselves. They think the name of “Reds”, “Indians”, “Nuggets” and “Redskins” are derogatory and “offensive” even though they honor the culture of Bill Clinton’s sexual promiscuity and Elizabeth Warren’s reckless identity.
Let’s examine how the logos are used to find anything offensive about them. First with “Chief Wahoo”, logo and mascot of the Cleveland Indians.
How is this offensive? It portrays a very happy Native American, in red white and blue like a real patriot, ready to celebrate his local American baseball franchise. His eyes are the shape of a triangle, which could be offensive until you remember he is a symbol of a baseball team, a sport known for its “diamond”, a special type of triangle and precious expensive metal. He could use a couple more teeth and a rhinoplasty, but its a cartoon. When have cartoons hurt people? Perhaps the Washington Redskins, the team with the most controversy to their name listed, has a more blatantly offensive logo.
The Redskins’ logo is a lot more serious than the animated presence of Chief Wahoo. It reflects the more serious and brutal tone American football provides compared to the lax and mellow nature of baseball. Instead of one feather, there are two. By liberal logic, they care about Native Americans twice as much as Chief Wahoo and the Cleveland Indians. But Democrats think just the name of the Washington Redskins is offensive. How do they think about a sports franchise’s name like that? The Redskins reflect all of the cultures and traditions of Native Americans, not bringing in scorn and misery to them. If they wanted to offend Native Americans, they could rename the team to the ‘Washington Casinos” but Dan Snyder, the owner of the Washington Redskins, won’t. Because he’s a reasonable caring man with integrity and emphasizes about those people, hence why the team is called who they are. The “Washington Native Americans” doesn’t have the same ring as the “Washington Redskins”, it’s not catchy enough for drunk and gregarious football fans to cheer on. And at the end of the day, these sports franchises are a business and come to these conclusions to make the most capital. No one wants to see the “Washington Native Americans”, they want to see the “Washington Redskins”. It’s just that simple.
It’s a national shame that sports-hating liberals want to change things they have no control over. But it’s not any different from standard Democratic Party behavior. The Washington Redskins and the Cleveland Indians, among all the other “patently offensive” sports franchises out there are safe. Their game and their name reflect our society and decorum, and we must preserve our sports that way. It’s what the founding fathers wanted. Deborah Schlasser is the Bullshit News sports tabloid correspondent. She follows the Dodgers, Red Wings, Yankees, Cowboys and goes on and off with the Celtics and Lakers. She loves to win, having played in the NCAA Women’s Elite Eight with Stanford. Her second favorite hobby is licking liberals’ tears.
Poverty has always been one of America’s most curable problems that can never truly be fully eradicated. Washington D.C. is full of politicians, businessman, lobbyists, lawyers, and the unemployed uneducated yokel that clean the dishes and sinks of the aforementioned in Washington. Under Donald Trump’s presidential administration, there have been great strides in deficit and poverty reduction and with the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017, there is now a far greater chance for those of lower strata to succeed in America in ways the LBJ and Obama “presidential administrations” failed to accomplish. But poverty, much like opioids and crime, keeps re-occurring in our society with seemingly no end in sight for its encumbrance. Fortunately, I have the solution to cure our societal woes.
No one likes to be in prison much like how allegedly no one likes living in poverty. My solution is simple, we must criminalize poverty in order to discourage the poor and homeless from maintaining their ugly and destitute lifestyle. Many of those that are in poverty and “working class” societal status are often tangled with debt, a status sign that people are too poor to help themselves and act desperate for every kind of government handout and welfare. They seemingly have no incentive to get out of their debt-ridden hole they dug themselves in, and their so-called college education in the arts will never help these poor “artists” from achieving or creating anything meaningful in life. They are almost worse than vermin, but at least vermin have the decency to never take out a loan with interest.
Evidently, many people with debt will never be able to pay it off in their lifetime. How can these people afford housing, let alone a television or those newfangled radio-phone-computer-watches? These poor people have no impulse to save money but rather spend it frivolously–the nerve. Europe had a remedy for poverty hundreds of years ago and it seems to work well for Western European countries. They shoved the poor into prison until they were able to pay off their debts, giving their release from prison as their receipt in life that they were no longer proles. We Americans have never given this incentive to eliminate poverty a try, but now is a better time than never to act. Poverty walks in our streets, creates drug and violence problems, and ultimately gives the liberals a platform to appeal to hippies and centrists. The Democratic Party loves poverty because its one of the few methods they instill to play partisan politics. So poverty isn’t just a societal and political problem, it’s an obstruction of bureaucracy at its very worst.
It’s not unethical to put some of the worst people in society in prison, so why do the poor get special exemptions and tax cuts when they are some of the most debt-burdened people in the country? No one can pay taxes when they’re highly in debt, and they spend money everywhere as if they earned it! Their selfish attitudes on finance have been such a detriment to our national debt and allowed Obama to be president. These people don’t need a say in our society, they need to work. A debtor’s prison will provide the poors with free shelter, minimal costs to food and water, and they’ll be able to sleep comfortably not having to worry about their Fortnights or Facebooks distracting them from their ability to assess their finances. If they cannot pay off their credit card debt, student loans, mortgages or any other financial obligation while in a debtor’s prison, then they can be punished accordingly to their own abilities, and accordingly to their own needs. In any ethical sense, debt is debt, a hindrance on finances for everyone but globalists loan sharks. When debt is multiplied to absurd extents, you get the national debt.
It is high past time to see poverty for what it really is: a federal offense. A national disgrace, a burden for the common man to have to pay higher taxes to help their fellow man. Our country has a debt problem with seemingly no end in sight, aside from help from our beloved Republican Party to cut taxes, my solutions and tax cuts alone will not be enough to exterminate poverty in America. If the debts can’t be removed, then the people burdened with debt do not deserve to participate in society. They are a burden to our country, no more, no less. They must be punished accordingly.
Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in Manhattan.