MISSION STATEMENT: Liberals And Their Liberal Friends Are Destroying America And We Need Your Help To Overthrow Their God

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-At-Chief

 

America is potentially facing a crisis too difficult to overcome and we need your help.

If I can tell you one thing about this country, just one thing: we are the sum of our parts. The civil war taught us that, and that black people can be people too if they try really hard enough. This country is currently without a doubt at the height of total political polarization since FDR inflated the economy to cure polio for himself. But unlike the “wonder years” of the New Deal era, the executive branch right now is at its apex of megalomania. As a conservative news outlet, we are morally conflicted on how to perceive the one, Donald J. Trump. Ethically, we are way out the window. We don’t need ethics to make good journalism, we just need empirical facts in good news to more places than just talk radio and daytime television, but places like the World Wide Web. More people go on the internet for news then the ol’ timely American tradition of going to the radio, or waking up in the morning and begrudgingly making a cup of coffee to then sit down on a recliner and groan audibly before work. We conservatives must evolve our mediums in order to grow a more perfect union.

That’s where the “your” comes in from the headline, YOU(R), the average butt-scratching American, need to read US so that accurate, fact-checked information can be spread more quickly to the public. We need YOU(R) eyes, and your hearts. Be with us, and not them.

The Mainstream (read: liberal) Media is a threat to our free-flowing information outlet that we Americans love to call liberty. Outlets like CNN, NPR, and Breitbart News are owned by large media conglomerates. They claim to present news to cater to the audience of the common man, but they lie. They are the true fake news. I’m here to assure you that Bullshit News’ Mission, as the Founder and First Editor-in-Chief of Bullshit News, is that we will not be owned by these mammoth mainstream media corporations*, and that we will provide you the news that YOU, the average middle-class American, deserve to read. We will not have any blockage or clutter to give you the news before the corporations and their stockholders meddle with it and correct it from their perspective.

We don’t tolerate that Bullshit.

Don Kaftan is the Founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA.

*Until we receive a check with an extraordinary amount of zeroes, preferably before the “.”

Soccer Is A Colonialist Communist “Sport” That Aims To Radicalize The Youth

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

It has come to the forefront of my foresight that many of the children these days no longer play football, that is the football both you and I know as the forearm-flinging of the pigskin on the football field. No, today’s children in America are no longer playing football because of some so-called “safety concerns” when helmets and pads are readily available in stores for use to play football. These children raised by their liberal millennial parenting prefer to play a new, emerging popular sport called “Football“, as they call it in Europe and other countries, which is appropriately demonized here in America as “Soccer“. More immorberal parenting has forced children to play soccer instead of football in a vain attempt to prevent injuries and concussions, which are not even fatal enough to warrant serious attention to the NFL. Liberals are actively making our children weaker, not stronger so that they can be susceptible to Godless Islamic Barbarianism and other evil forms of euro-colonialism and to destroy our country from within.

So what is this radical sport of “soccer”, and what is its appeal toward the youth? For one, you are not allowed to use your arms in the sport, unless you are the “goalkeeper”. This is absurd, football, baseball, basketball and even the Canadian sport of hockey aren’t stupid enough to prevent the use of arms in order to move your body in a sport. What this really means is that kids are taught to learn that their arms are useless and unneeded, a dangerous moral. What the Sandinistas are hiding from us and their “soccer sport” is preventing kids from developing upper body strength, which can allow them to properly fire a sporting rifle and not unintentionally injure a nearby pedestrian or parent. These instructions are important for children so they can learn to grow and become an able-bodied adult. If our weak and infantile offspring can’t defend for themselves, how can they raise children to continue the circle of life? Celebrating “soccer” allows a dangerous risk that may lead to the decline of the American Empire or Western Civilization. Making children play “soccer” is not worth any attempts by other, weaker world leaders in taking down America’s grasp on the world.

The sinister globalist-minded organization that helps promote this “soccer” brand/sport is known as FIFA. FIFA is much like OPEC, only they hold “soccer” events and don’t actively lobby for you hopeful and God-fearing Americans to increase the price of oil, toilet paper, and gas. FIFA is about as corrupt as the Democratic Party, being involved in RICO scandals as well as the ordinary money laundering. Ask for yourself, is this really the best organization that my kids should learn about their athleticism? I would much rather let my great-great-grandchildren play for a noble sports organization like the NCAA, MLB, or the NFL before they associate themselves with a RICO/Democratic Party collusion effort to take down America two arms at a time.

The vile effects of Soccer have been waning on America throughout the 21st century. Soccer may have been involved with the decline of children participating in baseball, which the whole world knows is America’s pastime. Baseball views on the television have been dropping every year while “MLS”, a FIFA-influenced racketeering operation focused in the United States, has been improving their ratings and drawing in more advertising and sponsorships, marking its economic threat in our country. America is already becoming different then the America I remembered growing up as a child in the  1910’s and 20’s, and if soccer overtakes baseball by the time I head to the grave, I will not believe this country can ever recover from such economic colonialism. Any money given towards the FIFA/OPEC giants is revenue lost in America that would be better suited to fund more sporting stadiums/complexes. If we start building more “soccer” stadiums over football fields, it will mark the beginning of the end of this great American empire.

No matter what your child believes is right about the sport of soccer, they are wrong. Do not allow your child to become a soldier for FIFA’s hands and be turned into a Sandinista. Protect our children for tomorrow, and say no for soccer and say yes to a real American sport like Football. Protect our children from communism, OPEC, and Godless Barbaric Islamic Invaders and ensure that your child does not start kicking around a volleyball while being thrown yellow and red flags by a zebra-striped whistle-blowing Sandinista.

 

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

Howard Schultz Changes Political Affiliation To Independent In Effort To Corrupt America With Presidential Campaign, Islamic Coffee

Written by Gilbert Miser 

Howard Schultz, the Islamic ex-CEO of Starbucks, has formally announced his presidential campaign for 2020 which he already kickstarted in June 2018, as Bullshit News has covered the moment his campaign began. Howard Schultz, fearing the already large number of unqualified Democrats currently in the running that are not nearly as powerful or rich as he is, has decided to play it safe and run as an independent candidate, otherwise known as the “Ross Perot” or the Joe Leiberman political euthanasia exercise. It is a non-working strategy only the Democrats would use on themselves if they felt too giddy beating Republicans in states by more than a percent margin. Howard Schultz, clearly not an expert in American history, thinks he can use this strategy to get what he wants.

Bullshit News has authorized a boycott on Starbucks since November 2017 when Starbucks unveiled its infamous corporate fatwa by forcing employees to greet customers with the un-American “Happy Holidays” and refusal to recognize Christmas as a holiday and further ignited the War On Christmas. Starbucks aligned with our enemies in ISIS/ISIL, Al-Qaeda, Hezbollah, Hamas, and the FBI in supporting Godless Islamic Barbarianism that threatens to destroy Donald Trump and the American people. Howard Schultz represents the failure of the American Electoral System, by being the reason people might have to think outside of a human-constructed binary pattern that has been in the works for nearly 250 years. But destroying cultural institutions is something that Howard Schultz is familiar with, invoking controversy is within his genome. He is perhaps more of a threat to America than whichever Democrat ends up losing in 2020.

We made a promise to you, the proud and faithful readers, in our mission statement that Bullshit News will never be owned by a mammoth media corporation like the one Howard Schultz has corruptedly run and operated, promoting illicit liberal beverages in an effort to promote Jihads. It is our imperative to remind the faithful Bullshiteers that Howard Schultz is not the man he appears to be in mainstream media outlets. They call him “the one who will put America back together again as he has done before over his famed caffeinated iced beverages”. Howard Schultz is a fraud, a billionaire economy-contributing fraud, but a fraud nonetheless. His plans to run as an independent is an illusion to pretend to distance himself from Democrat Party by pretending to be more of a hardline conservative willing to rule America like Mussolini. He hides is Democratic, Islamic past in an effort to look like a middle class Christian American conservative, which he absolutely is not.

His campaign may last a week, or it could win the presidency. We, the faithful reporters of Bullshit News, are here to remind you again that Howard Schultz is a corrupt nepotistic Democrat who, much like Hillary Clinton in Canada, wants absolute power and will ruin anyone that attempts to step in his way. Bullshit News intends to step in his way to help benefit you, the loyal readers, into voting for a real Republican who has done as much as he can to help as many lives as he possibly can with his current track record, President Donald Trump.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.

Walls Work: A Bullshit News History Lesson

Written By Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

The Nancy Pelosi-inflicted government shutdown is still in effect as of the time this article is finished. Much of the debate regarding the yearly government funding bill is because the Democratic Party failing to realize that a wall will protect America from foreign-born Godless-Islamic crime and from the drug-addled brains from Mexico, Canada, and those tiny Central American countries you need a microscope for in order to read their countries’ names. Other countries, like Israel, Germany, and China, have used walls for centuries to keep out invaders and infidels alike in their reckless and dangerous pursuit to invade sovereign and prosperous countries.

One of the earliest walls ever constructed is still in good use today. China’s famous “Great Wall of China” was constructed to defend the Chinese from the evil carnivorous barbarians from Mongolia, possibly inspired from the Islam “religion”. The Great Wall of China was constructed before Christ was arisen, and finished when He was alive. Jesus Christ motivated the Chinese to build the Great Wall in order to preserve Christianity from Islam and Communism. Unfortunately, we all know what happened to China in the long-term, but for the majority of Chinese history, the wall was a success until it didn’t and then when it didn’t, it didn’t even matter.

Communism and walls are mortal enemies. Consider the time where Germany was two-faced and couldn’t decide between what was right (Capitalism) and what was wrong (Communism). It was a decision that tore Germany apart for forty years or two French revolutions. When Germany finally decided that capitalism was ultimately better, they tore down the Berlin Wall so that their countries people can eat at Taco Bell and support the American economy as every European nation should. The wall was removed because there was no longer a threat, which is why China still has their Great Wall, to protect themselves from ourselves. They were centuries ahead of their time. They even use their Great Wall for tourism and to boost their economy, giving President Trump some incentives and inspiration about his Wall.

And as many are aware, the nation of Israel has a wall to protect themselves from their Islamic and capitalist-hating neighbors, everyone. Israel, living up to its reputation as a state that rejects Christianity in favor of smaller hats, built a gate first, which evidently did not work out that well as they had to improve their gate to a more sophisticated and advanced form of barrier protection, a wall. Ever since Israel built their wall it has been a stellar success for a country that is constantly attacked for promoting heresy. Fortunate for Israel is that they adopted many American customs when it comes to self-defense, such as their love for the American 2nd Amendment. If invaders came over the wall with their strong knees, most Israelis are armed and ready to defend themselves from terror. But if Israel were an intelligent first world country, they would be Christian country so that Christ may rise again and defend us from the Muslim Gods that hate our freedom and their threats to invade our world.

So now we must focus on the present day, we are in the longest government shut down in American history. This is extraordinary news for our fellow American people because we have now made sure our government is fiscally responsible for once and not wasting money on pork-barrel spending or on Nancy Pelosi science initiatives. If the Democrats want to continue the American tradition of government waste and excess, they will pass a bill that permits funding for The Wall. President Trump will only support a government funding bill that allocates money for The Wall. This explains the deadlock we have today.

The Wall, of course, refers to the proper construction of a great barrier to protect ourselves from Mexico’s drug-addled liberal reckless college partying self. It’s not because of President Trump or average every-day Americans don’t trust Mexico or Mexicans, it’s because they don’t trust Mexico to do the right thing and get treatment. Mexico, according to President Trump, has a lot of crime and drugs and is doing really really bad. Mexico is the junkie of Democracy, but not a functioning addict. Mexico will hurt itself more than it will hurt us, but if the price of cutting strong diplomatic relations with a country that endorsed Barack Obama twice is worth the price of liberty than it is absolutely worth it. The Wall is absolutely necessary because, without it, America could become infested with crime and drugs given how drug addiction can spread via gateway drugs and access points. There is only one proper solution to gateways, and that is building The Wall.

If the Democratic Party ever developed a brain (or read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged), they will know that self-defense and Republican Party ideology is morally and ethically superior on the behavior of war and self-preservation. As their government supporters struggle during their self-inflicted shutdown, the liberals and Nancy need to support The Wall. If not, they could rapture communism into the country. Every day is a win-win solution for the Republican Party as the Democrats live in their “socially constructed’ hell they created for themselves. But if this shut down were to last longterm, the Democratic Party will desire for Total Communism and perhaps spark a civil war. But as we all know, the Democratic Party will beat itself before it beats anyone, Republican Party or a trade deal.

Do the right thing Nancy, support the Wall. You know you want to, your people are counting on you. It is time for you to fail them, and vote for The Wall. It is the only way the American people can defend themselves from the opioid epidemic, and the foreseeable future.

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey. 

Bullshit News Stands For The Trump Administration’s Valient Efforts To Shut Down Government

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief, and Founder

In 2013, a young and fresh face arose from the Senate under the Barack Obama regime to tell King Obama that he doesn’t have the luxury and privilege to use the government’s money as he pleases. That young kid with the audacity to challenge the king was Ted Cruz, his first of many moves in his future as a leader of the Republican Party. But as A Hero’s Story goes, the youth and inexperience lose to the tyrannical dictator, and the government shut down was averted after reasonable accommodations were met. Still, the fact that a battle occurred was a victory that was much needed for the Republican Party for the time.

And now another clash is happening in our Game of Thrones.

The Democratic Party had enough shocking victories in November to reclaim the House of Representatives, which is not the Senate. When the white smoke cleared, Nancy Pelosi surprisingly reclaimed the gavel and began her reign of terror by refusing to listen to the president and his accommodations to fund the government for the fiscal year. Perhaps what is most emphasized by the mainstream media is that Nancy Pelosi and her buddy Chuck Schumer from the Senate will not support the president’s funding for The Wall, a protection device that prevents invaders from trying to conquer American territory.  Some view the wall as unnecessary, as Mexico is too drugged out to organize an army to even attack Florida! But protection is better than no protection at all, and at Bullshit News we prefer to keep it safe so a wall sounds fine and dandy. Hell, The Wall sounds pretty necessary given that we cannot trust the outside world to make decisions about America for us.

Nancy Pelosi is a far more fearsome and sinister figure to lead the otherwise dim-witted and self-defeating Democrats and their efforts to rule the free world. She is fine with millions upon millions of workers that vote for her and her party to work without pay and jeopardize their lives in exchange for power. She is ruthless and willing to get what she wants whereas Schumer just wants to eat the same sandwich at the same deli every day for the past 36 some-odd years and is content with not getting what he wants because he expects it–a typical Democrat. Nancy will find a way to get what she wants, and that’s not how the Republican Party operates. So Donald Trump has refused to budge to Nancy’s plans like a tough and confident president.

Donald Trump, a follower in Reagan’s light as a man dedicated to limited government and a balanced budget, has been prepared for this fight. President Trump declared that the shut down can last months and perhaps even years too.

This shook Pelosi. She wasn’t even thinking about the shutdown lasting two weeks!

The current government shut down is now the longest in American history, another terrific accomplishment from the Trump Administration! As the government is stripped to its core and begins to work as Hayek intended, real textbook conservatism will finally have the opportunity to flourish despite (or cause of) Nancy Pelosi’s attempts to intervene what a limited government is all about. Donald Trump has achieved Ayn Rand’s dream, and it could not have happened without the Democratic Party, oddly enough.

From Trump’s bold unwavering stance on The Wall, the Republican Party’s founding ideals are finally in fruition. The government funding is entirely stripped down for only essential purposes and the budget has been minimized enough for it to be a non-factor. If Pelosi wants her posse union to have jobs, she will allow the wall to be funded. That’s the name of the game at this point, and Pelosi has refused to cross the picket line for a bipartisan agreement. But even if Pelosi and the Democan’ts agree to portions of the bill, or more unlikely the entire bill, Trump will have the final say.  And if President Trump doesn’t get what he wants, the shutdown will continue. The Democrats tried to catch Trump’s gambit on day one of their reign of the House, and like typical Democrats, they fail at every pursuit of success and personal achievement.

You may hear from mainstream media sources that some government workers will not receive their paychecks because of the government shut down, which is absurdly false. Slavery was banned in the 15th Amendment after the War of Northern Aggression, these workers are getting paid in terms of liberty and being free from government control, a wage means nothing after that point. True emancipation requires some sacrifices and in the “emergency” of a government shutdown, those sacrifices are easily met. There should be no more worrying about this media manufactured falsehood. There are no starving families in the United States, and there will not be one more food insecure family because of the shutdown.

No one, including President Trump, is sure when the government shut down will end. But we should all take a moment to cherish this blessed record-breaking event to happen in our lifetime. Knowing Trump, he could break a record like this again next year but for now, we’ll have to wait and see.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.