MISSION STATEMENT: Liberals And Their Liberal Friends Are Destroying America And We Need Your Help To Overthrow Their God

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-At-Chief

 

America is potentially facing a crisis too difficult to overcome and we need your help.

If I can tell you one thing about this country, just one thing: we are the sum of our parts. The civil war taught us that, and that black people can be people too if they try really hard enough. This country is currently without a doubt at the height of total political polarization since FDR inflated the economy to cure polio for himself. But unlike the “wonder years” of the New Deal era, the executive branch right now is at its apex of megalomania. As a conservative news outlet, we are morally conflicted on how to perceive the one, Donald J. Trump. Ethically, we are way out the window. We don’t need ethics to make good journalism, we just need empirical facts in good news to more places than just talk radio and daytime television, but places like the World Wide Web. More people go on the internet for news then the ol’ timely American tradition of going to the radio, or waking up in the morning and begrudgingly making a cup of coffee to then sit down on a recliner and groan audibly before work. We conservatives must evolve our mediums in order to grow a more perfect union.

That’s where the “your” comes in from the headline, YOU(R), the average butt-scratching American, need to read US so that accurate, fact-checked information can be spread more quickly to the public. We need YOU(R) eyes, and your hearts. Be with us, and not them.

The Mainstream (read: liberal) Media is a threat to our free-flowing information outlet that we Americans love to call liberty. Outlets like CNN, NPR, and Breitbart News are owned by large media conglomerates. They claim to present news to cater to the audience of the common man, but they lie. They are the true fake news. I’m here to assure you that Bullshit News’ Mission, as the Founder and First Editor-in-Chief of Bullshit News, is that we will not be owned by these mammoth mainstream media corporations*, and that we will provide you the news that YOU, the average middle-class American, deserve to read. We will not have any blockage or clutter to give you the news before the corporations and their stockholders meddle with it and correct it from their perspective.

We don’t tolerate that Bullshit.

Don Kaftan is the Founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA.

*Until we receive a check with an extraordinary amount of zeroes, preferably before the “.”

Bullshit News Stands For The Trump Administration’s Valient Efforts To Shut Down Government

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief, and Founder

In 2013, a young and fresh face arose from the Senate under the Barack Obama regime to tell King Obama that he doesn’t have the luxury and privilege to use the government’s money as he pleases. That young kid with the audacity to challenge the king was Ted Cruz, his first of many moves in his future as a leader of the Republican Party. But as A Hero’s Story goes, the youth and inexperience lose to the tyrannical dictator, and the government shut down was averted after reasonable accommodations were met. Still, the fact that a battle occurred was a victory that was much needed for the Republican Party for the time.

And now another clash is happening in our Game of Thrones.

The Democratic Party had enough shocking victories in November to reclaim the House of Representatives, which is not the Senate. When the white smoke cleared, Nancy Pelosi surprisingly reclaimed the gavel and began her reign of terror by refusing to listen to the president and his accommodations to fund the government for the fiscal year. Perhaps what is most emphasized by the mainstream media is that Nancy Pelosi and her buddy Chuck Schumer from the Senate will not support the president’s funding for The Wall, a protection device that prevents invaders from trying to conquer American territory.  Some view the wall as unnecessary, as Mexico is too drugged out to organize an army to even attack Florida! But protection is better than no protection at all, and at Bullshit News we prefer to keep it safe so a wall sounds fine and dandy. Hell, The Wall sounds pretty necessary given that we cannot trust the outside world to make decisions about America for us.

Nancy Pelosi is a far more fearsome and sinister figure to lead the otherwise dim-witted and self-defeating Democrats and their efforts to rule the free world. She is fine with millions upon millions of workers that vote for her and her party to work without pay and jeopardize their lives in exchange for power. She is ruthless and willing to get what she wants whereas Schumer just wants to eat the same sandwich at the same deli every day for the past 36 some-odd years and is content with not getting what he wants because he expects it–a typical Democrat. Nancy will find a way to get what she wants, and that’s not how the Republican Party operates. So Donald Trump has refused to budge to Nancy’s plans like a tough and confident president.

Donald Trump, a follower in Reagan’s light as a man dedicated to limited government and a balanced budget, has been prepared for this fight. President Trump declared that the shut down can last months and perhaps even years too.

This shook Pelosi. She wasn’t even thinking about the shutdown lasting two weeks!

The current government shut down is now the longest in American history, another terrific accomplishment from the Trump Administration! As the government is stripped to its core and begins to work as Hayek intended, real textbook conservatism will finally have the opportunity to flourish despite (or cause of) Nancy Pelosi’s attempts to intervene what a limited government is all about. Donald Trump has achieved Ayn Rand’s dream, and it could not have happened without the Democratic Party, oddly enough.

From Trump’s bold unwavering stance on The Wall, the Republican Party’s founding ideals are finally in fruition. The government funding is entirely stripped down for only essential purposes and the budget has been minimized enough for it to be a non-factor. If Pelosi wants her posse union to have jobs, she will allow the wall to be funded. That’s the name of the game at this point, and Pelosi has refused to cross the picket line for a bipartisan agreement. But even if Pelosi and the Democan’ts agree to portions of the bill, or more unlikely the entire bill, Trump will have the final say.  And if President Trump doesn’t get what he wants, the shutdown will continue. The Democrats tried to catch Trump’s gambit on day one of their reign of the House, and like typical Democrats, they fail at every pursuit of success and personal achievement.

You may hear from mainstream media sources that some government workers will not receive their paychecks because of the government shut down, which is absurdly false. Slavery was banned in the 15th Amendment after the War of Northern Aggression, these workers are getting paid in terms of liberty and being free from government control, a wage means nothing after that point. True emancipation requires some sacrifices and in the “emergency” of a government shutdown, those sacrifices are easily met. There should be no more worrying about this media manufactured falsehood. There are no starving families in the United States, and there will not be one more food insecure family because of the shutdown.

No one, including President Trump, is sure when the government shut down will end. But we should all take a moment to cherish this blessed record-breaking event to happen in our lifetime. Knowing Trump, he could break a record like this again next year but for now, we’ll have to wait and see.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.

Bring On The Rapture!

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

It is such a joyous occasion that we are continued to be guided by divine light in the Year of our Lord, 2019. Many prominent biblical scholars, greater than myself, have often predicted the end times to occur during their own lifetimes, which is a foolish mistake. As Bullshit News’s prominent scholar in eschatology, I know exactly when the rapture is coming. More specifically, I know for certain the rapture is near as the Secretary of State and former Director of the CIA, Mike Pompeo, acknowledged as such in a speech uncovered by digital media forensics right before the end of 2015.

While preaching for religious liberty at Summit Church in Wichita, Kansas, Mike Pompeo discussed his vision of the world, its foreseeable future, and how to fight it:

“We will continue to fight these battles. [Politics] is a never-ending struggle until the Rapture. Be part of it. Be in the fight.” He continued to the God-Fearing Jesus-Loving worshippers, “We’ve lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values. America has worshipped other Gods and called it multiculturalism. And we endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle. We’ve neglecting to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem. The only way to fight this, and to fight the Islamists, is Christianity. Our time might be calling sooner rather than later.”

Mike Pompeo is one of America’s finest statesmen in the 21st century. He did such a stellar job as Director of the CIA that he was promoted to Secretary of State in little over a year! Only some of the brightest minds in our country could ever be Head Director of the CIA to the Secretary of State with such quick turnaround. His experience also means he is likely to know about events going on in the world with much greater clarity than you, me or anyone other than President Donald Trump. If Pompeo believes the end times are coming, stemming from the sick immorberal efforts of the Barack Obama regime and the reincarnated devil from San Francisco who now runs the House of Representatives, then he must be right. A man that high up in power is closer to God than even some of the highest earning CEOs in America.

As we begin our adventures into what may be our final year on Earth, keep in mind that even until the final waking moments of your life, Jesus Christ will always be available to be enabled your personal savior. I was going to make that a disclaimer but Don Kaftan, our editor-in-chief and founder, decided against that. Why 2019 could be our last sand to fall in the bottom of the hourglass is because liberals would rather have the rapture to strike than for Donald Trump to continue his impeccable presidency. And with Mike Pompeo as his chief diplomat, America will be saved for as long as Trump maintains his presidency. For once the Rapture strikes, and it will be soon, America will be given priority as established by God’s Contract to man. And if you don’t believe me, which country was first to successfully install democracy? It was the United States of America, of course.

Mike may not be a pastor, but he wields tremendous responsibility in politics, and to the world. If he fears the end is near, that is an air raid siren going off to every preacher, clergyman, and many messianic rabbis that I know that he is correct in his assessment. There is still time to be saved. But I cannot guarantee you how much time or when. You must feel Jesus Christ in your body, and not within “Victoria’s Secret”. 2019 is the year liberals begin their civil war towards God. America, and Christianity. Will you join in?

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Sunni Islam, excluding Sh’ia Islam. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

 

Anti-Christmas Terrorist Arrested In Iowa Wal-Mart

Written by Dan Shapiro

An evil terrorist attempt to destroy the CHRISTMAS SEASON was arrested in the kitchen appliances section in Des Moines, Iowa last night. The terrorist, an atheist liberal, was attempting to concoct a bomb and what appeared to be a substance for making chemical weapons known as “methamphetamine”. The atheist, who is allegedly a minor under the law so we cannot publish his atheist name, was sick to death about hearing “Merry Christmas” all the time and wanted to take the matter into his own hands—almost certainly going to lead to another tragedy of un-armed Americans unable to properly defend themselves in times of second amendment necessity. Thankfully, the police arrived just in time to thwart the pro-Happy Holidays atheist from our gun-less friends.

The War On Christmas has become more militaristic in the past few years. One year ago, an anti-Christmas terrorist recorded the first casualty on the War on Christmas since 1979. From the death of Diego Adams, the Trump Administration raked up its efforts to crack down anti-Christmas terrorists and terrorism in general. The arrest of this hateful Holiday atheist would not have happened if it weren’t for Donald Trump’s aggressive stand towards atheists and Jews who implore society to say “Happy Holidays” over the more accurate and correct-in-the-eyes-of-the-Lord “Merry Christmas”  greeting. We can only imagine that under the Barack Obama regime, more innocent valuable Christians would be persecuted and murdered by atheists who are sick and tired of being told to have a “Merry Christmas”.

Atheists have long opposed the Christmas holiday season, for a variety of reasons that range from “liberal” to “homeless, trying to touch babies for food”. With the rise in political polarization spearheaded by the Obama regime, more liberals have been affiliating with ISIS and the Taliban in order to butt heads with the Republican Party over the greeting of “Merry Christmas” not being a national standard. This friction in our Christmas time period has resulted in Starbucks promoting Jihad while the vile and nefarious Antifa plan to kidnap children to coerce them to say “Happy Holidays”. The liberals desired for all of this in mind, they could simply just tolerate being told a “Merry Christmas” regardless of their (fake) religion but refuse to. Because liberals are famously intolerant to anyone that isn’t close to their ideology, they want to take action and atheists like this underage methamphetamine endorser in Des Moines was merely following orders from his Democratic Party operatives.

Some take the “War on Christmas” as a farce, but the drastic action and potential results that can happen from events like these are serious business. Lives are on the line because some liberals are sick of being told to have a good, supportive Christmas. It only makes sense that ISIS would support their party and be sponsored from Starbucks to promote the “Holiday” agenda. Do not be deceived from Democratic Party efforts to change our culture in America, we must fight the Democrats in the grassroots. Places like Des Moines, Iowa, and Albuquerque, New Mexico are two areas ignored by coastal elites but are often the main battlegrounds for the “War on Christmas”. It’s not a coincidence, its mostly due to liberals fearing their operatives will die in the line of duty, thus losing more voters to promote their evil progressive agendas.

As the evil atheist in Des Moines may face life in prison, we must remember that anti-Christmas terrorists are more often than not, likely to be homegrown rather than Al-Qaeda trying to teach terrorists in Mexico to act on their behalf. All of this is because the Democratic Party is intolerant of the right messages in society.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on Republican Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.

Black Lives Matter Is A Hate Group, Happy Black Friday

Written By Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Ph.D., Esq

First, I would like to say happy Black Friday from Bullshit News! May your sweet deals ever benefit my continually growing stock portfolio. Second, Black Lives Matter is a hate group. They dislike capitalism, liberty, and freedom equally. They are anti-American by definition and must be stopped by any means necessary. Their radical agenda reflects those of the ruthless Black Panthers and the Civil Rights Bad Guys from the ’50s and ’60s. It is an ideology based on Black Supremacy, a hatred rooted deeply from a similar form of Godless Islamic Barbaric extremism. The Black Lives Matter militia has conquered southern Detroit and yet the Hussein Obama administration has done nothing to address this! They harbor terrorism consciousness and want to make the American economy rupture into nothingness. They plan to accomplish this with a “National Black Friday Boycott”, to attack capitalism at its source: the American Heartland.

The Black Lives Matter militia want the United States of America to become the “United States of Africa”, by claiming that America is a country based on “stolen land”. That is patently false, the earliest Americans were explorers looking to go westward to claim the continent as God intended. Any interaction with the mythos of “Native Americans” was done appropriately, by bartering goods/food for land. The Black Lives Matter crowd has evidently never read a history textbook, which would refute all of their ludicrous claims. Even the early settlers in American history were African-American in origin when they went off to Oregon and California for manifest destiny. The Black Lives Matter believe in a warped sense of history, believing that average every day Americans have “oppressed” them for far too long, hence their desire to take extremist action.

For liberals that are attempting to analyze my irrefutable logic, the Black Lives Matter militia do not want you to save money by shopping today. They want you to boycott the holiday because it “oppresses black lives around the world”. Listening to them is a form of appeasement, a logic tactic no different from England being okay with Nazi Germany invading Poland and France. First Black Lives Matter will issue an order, then they will make their demands louder and bolder until they get what they want. This is a common element of extremist movements: constantly begging to get what they want or they will issue violence. Ignoring these kinds of statements will lead to more deaths by angry leftists that refuse to work. South Detroit and Kaepernick were only the beginning of Black Lives Matter’s conquest for Black Supremacy.

Finally, Bullshit News would like to thank everyone that participates in “Black Friday” today. This is one of the more important days in American history that move the Economy ball rolling. Keep spending fellow Bullshiteers, capitalism can only work when we all work for it. Don’t listen to the Black Lives Matter lies about not purchasing greatly discounted goods in order to appease their movement, spend as much as you can today! The more powerful the U.S. economy is, the less powerful hateful extremist groups like Black Lives Matter become. The free market will always win, a black hand is not an invisible hand. It would be clearly visible.

 

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston.