NASA Announces Moon Is A Harbor For Terrorism And Needs To Be Annihilated

Written by Aaron Lau

The moon, once thought to be useful as the sun, may not be as peaceful as we once thought. At a recent NASA press conference late Saturday morning, America’s top space scientists that study how “astronomy” and space works, have reasonably concluded that the Moon is a training ground for terrorism and Islamic studies. This horrifying study has concluded society’s worst fears when it comes to extraterrestrial terrorism, and that the United States of America has a lot more to deal with on the War On Terror than previously estimated. Calls to increase the military’s funding have been issued in more drastic measures than ever before. What else is hiding on the moon?

Top NASA scientist John “Dwayne” Gacy came to talk to the press about NASA’s historic, once in a lifetime study: “It’s my pleasure and and honor to tell you all about the extremist Islamic barbarian terrorist colony NASA has just discovered on the moon. Our original goal was to look for vegetation or other forms of life on the moon, hell even finding drinkable clean water would be a successful mission. But we discovered something much more darker and evil. Three of our probe units, Alpha-Larry Beta-Curly and Gamma-Moe were all seemingly destroyed or otherwise offline beyond ordinary means. As of this time I cannot tell you whether or not it’s Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, ISIS, or some nefarious Nancy Pelosi/Chuck Schumer plot to sabotage our space system. I will inform you all when we get more information. Thank you for your patience in a time of utmost urgency”.

Luckily, we know an intelligent NASA scientist willing to talk to us for this article. John Z, a high level worker on the project, had much more to say to us rather than consult some demagogue Democrat website like The Daily Wire. John Z informed us that the terrorists that harbor the moon seem to look like humanoid earthlings, but the cameras and photography could not detail more than their 250×144 resolution cameras in black and white. John did say that these were not stereotypical Hollywood aliens but “looked like ones that follow the Islamic tradition of barbarianism and Wahhabism”. John was very concerned about the state of the moon, given all that we know now. “It seems like we have either two choices: to go to war against these evil space terrorists, or blow up the moon and purify the lunar region from foreign-born terrorism”.

This news is shocking and requires urgent compelling action from the White House. Terrorism is bad, yet the moon is (allegedly) good. But terrorism brings no compromises to the table, and now they have total control of the moon, and perhaps more areas beyond the cosmos. It may come as quite a shock, but if the ultimate solution is to blow up the moon, then I am all for it. Moons can be replaceable, they aren’t like the sun or anything. Heck, Jupiter has 79 of them. It should not be hard to drag one of those moons and put it where the old terrorist moon used to be. All of this comes in at a drastic time at ten days before the election, but urgent action about terrorism is more important than some silly, irrelevant election that won’t decide anything.

Pink Floyd, the cyber-rock band, once said “I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon”. What we didn’t know was that the moon’s dark side was not literal, it was extremist and responsible for allowing 9/11 to come into fruition. Now we might not know that these moon terrorists were part of the problem when it comes to 9/11, but NASA has not ruled out anything. When we face terrorism, we need to annihilate it at all costs, no matter what the actual real cost could be. We may never see night again, but think of the positives with no moon: daylight would be all we have, and it would be significantly easier to track down on other criminals because they can no longer vanish into the night on the moon-units to hide on the moon to plan more terrorist activities. It will be hard at first, but it will all be worth it to restore the status quo to a more permanent peaceful state.

Goodnight moon, we hardly knew thee, until we knew thee too much and too well. Terrorism must be eradicated at all costs, even if one of those costs is the moon itself. But don’t fret moon-aficionados, we’ll get a new moon soon. One with less terrorism harbored onto it.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line media-culture related issues. He is married to his lovely wife, Cindy and has one manly daughter baby named Deborah. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and certain technologies including video games but not the liberal propaganda-endorsed “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University.

Amy Coney Barrett Would Be The First REAL Women To Be On Supreme Court

Written by Sarah Napoli

For the first time in the Supreme Court’s history, a woman could be given the role of one of the most powerful judicial arms in the entire world. While Barrett may be very controversial due to her catholic and pro-birth, anti-democratic party opinions, she is nevertheless a real woman and a strong candidate to fill an open seat on the Supreme Court. Sure, the Supreme Court has had “women” serve on the court as clerks or occasionally a judge, but Barrett is a real women’s women. Young girls can look up and aspire to be Amy Coney Barrett in a way that Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Elena Kagan cannot. Amy has real girl power to her walk, and she can talk the talk. The biggest problems lie within her “Catholic” heritage and general benign Democrat Party opposition to norms.

Amy Barrett was likely born in the backseat of a greyhound bus on the bayous of New Orleans, a lawless Democrat hellhole filled with a large amount of sodomy and endless nonstop unethical partying. Barrett grew up in rough conditions, surrounded by such debauchery and degeneracy, she turned to Catholicism as her preferred way of salvation. While some can see nothing wrong in Catholicism, it is nevertheless not Protestantism, the preferred religion of any non-biased judge or attorney in common law countries. Despite her idolatry of this “pope” figure, she worked arduously to get where she is today. Being a women involves an immense amount of adversity, and I would know as a women of over thirty years of age. While the men may have lambasted Barrett over her “looks”, she spent all the time in the library studying law unlike the many women before her who were stuck in the kitchen, dining room with a television set, or at a radio station. If confirmed to the Supreme Court, I have no doubt the girls of the future will look up to Barrett as a civil rights milestone.

But there is a strong catch to Barrett, and if it isn’t for being a women, it’s for being a Catholic. Catholics have long been pope-followers and have a questionably different approach to Jesus Christ unlike other religious backgrounds. For one, the Pope and Catholicism have long been tied to the evil Frog People cult that has swept the world over the last 6,000 years. New Orleans is supposedly a “hotbed” for Frog People and the Catholic agenda. This makes Amy’s all-American background suspect in the eyes of Democrats, they are scared of a strong independent women whose life views are dependent on the Pope and by extension, the frog people. If Amy doesn’t make a strong public case against these Frog People, she will not be seen as trustworthy among the easily convinced Democrats. Time will tell when she will finally call out the Frogs.

However, if Barrett decides to destroy the evil Obamacare legislation that has taxed many Americans into death panels, she would be able to save feminism as we know it from its evil liberal origins. Feminism has been dying or been outdated for many generations due to its troubling authoritarian idea of putting women in dangerous situations. One such obstacle is America’s troubling abortion problem. In today’s America, one can have a “Virtual Reality” abortion, which is an abortion via live-streaming according to our local IT tech nerds. It is especially pernicious that the Catholic Church has been incessantly supported abortion since Egypt was first created by the Jews to find Jerusalem. Barrett needs to address her suspicious background in spite of her personal anti-Abortion viewpoints.

In spite of her flaws like most women, Barrett really shines when it comes to the legal world. If appointed, she will become one of the most powerful women in America unlike witchy Nancy Pelosi and her evil Court of the Crimson King they call the House of Representatives. Barrett’s eventual appointment to the Supreme Court will be a huge milestone in the eyes of Women across the country and ergo, world. The Democrats would be foolish to not also allow such a milestone to happen without stealing some credit as they usually do. Let us hope Amy Barrett does not fail us when she is inevitably confirmed unlike Rehnquist who was corrupted from within. Barrett is a strong, regrettably catholic woman who can save the planet from judicial tyranny.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) And Gossip Correspondent of Bullshit News. Sarah is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. Sarah does not want children but considers herself a “dog mom”, taking care of a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. Sarah does not like coffee or tea, which are foreign inventions created to poison the bright minds of Americans.