Written by Mortimer E. Wallacaster
America has many epidemics: opioids, abortions, and horrific public education. But all of these atrocities dramatically affect America’s newest Baby Boomers, The Millennials. These millennials are destined to be the most entitled and obnoxious generation ever. Millenials are so lackluster as a generation that even the mainstream media always picks up on their shenanigans. If the lying liberal media even know that correctly (much like a broken clock working twice a day), they must be an epidemic amongst themselves, a great threat to our countries future.
These “millennials” will rule the country in a couple of decades. The America they will get will likely be far too bureaucratic and liberal to save. No laws will pass, the debt crushes them with more intensity than their college debt, and their social media will blind them all to the state of some kind of techno-fascism lead by algorithms and the Department of Defense all dedicated to coding. With too many people coding, no one will be in the military to defend our country and drop our freedom-loving bombs. The pussification complex of the millennials will be our countries undoing. But yes, keep on “snapchatting” millennials, you too will ruin this country much like your parents and their parent’s parents, but NOT their parents’ parents parents or their parents’ parents parents parents like myself. We built this country right: to prevent the communists or the Germans from invading ever again.
That is why President Trump is such a gift to our society, he’s a high energy businessman only 33 years my junior. He whips the youngins into shape, a man so filled with fertility that he can have multiple minds at once working in the White House. These millennials will never find the dedicated time to run the White House as effectively as President Trump has. Millennials are to busy on their phones prostituting themselves for fame and glory, things politics and the White House are not meant for. It is a serious institution that requires some of the brightest minds in our country, and liberals with sinister intentions in the Democrat Party. The threshold for an IQ to work in politics will dramatically drop once the millennials are of voting age, and will continue to plummet like Hillary Clinton when they are able to run for office. We are approaching a crisis by allowing the Instagrammers and programmers to run, and this will rip the fabric of our Democracy faster than the Obama regime.
These millennials invent fads and trends to distract themselves from their inevitable role to defend and protect our nation with responsibility. They do not want to focus and start a family, at least not seriously. They are a generation poorly adapt at properly defending themselves with firearms, and are physically weaker compared to other generations. Millennials cannot work in matters pertaining to special operations or counter-intelligence works, because they will share all of the confidential high-security clearance information on the social media, exposing valuable information that can endanger our nation’s security. There will simply be too many epidemics and wars that distracted millennials will never be fully prepared to tackle on each one. Millennials will initiate the apocalypse.
While the millennials worry about their problems that they believe can be solved by using Facebook instead of being a productive worker for the economy, our nation will not get any greater after Trump’s terms end. We can make America great again, but the millennials will tear down everything our beloved President stands for once they are in office. America may be doomed when I’m gone, but we can at least live the glory years today. Until the millennials have to deal with real powers and responsibility, America will be just fine.
Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.