Month: June 2019

Point/Counterpoint: Vaccinations

~ DonKaftan ~ Leave a comment

Written by Sid Phyllis and Dr. Steven T. Clements, Esq

In the latest of Bullshit News’s long-running award-winning debate series Point/Counterpoint, new Bullshit News correspondent Sid Phyllis and our in-house doctor/lawyer Steven T. Clements debate a newly hot topic that has flustered families across America: vaccines. While vaccines have claimed to cure polio, measles, cholera, etc, there also have been some startling discoveries that vaccines might, in contrast to the liberal science media, can cause some other diseases like cancer, autism, and bromidrosis. So where is the truth between all the other layers of truth? Sid and Dr. Clements debate.

 

POINT: Vaccines have been used extensively since Jonas Salk created the vaccine by Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s selfish idea to radically inflate the United States’ economy over the Great Depression in 1939 as a tax write-off.

COUNTERPOINT: Vaccines have been proven to be lethal in many controlled experiments. In every experiment on vaccinations, 100% of the participants are likely to be deceased in eighty years time. That’s frightening.

POINT: With vaccinations, polio was eradicated along with smallpox, measles, and dysentery. Without vaccines, we could all be dying quicker, which isn’t Christian.

COUNTERPOINT: The common cold is one of the most deadly forms of bacteria around, and yet vaccines cannot “end” the common cold with their “flu shots”. What’s the use?

POINT: Without vaccines, we might have more people dead than all of the abortions put together in the last three years.

COUNTERPOINT: The total amount of abortions in the past three years can’t be qualified because the data for it is not there, an uncountable amount of abortions were committed. We cannot go into “what-ifs” in terms of vaccines, it’s all about the safety. We must be safe before using needles, we all learned this in high school.

POINT: Vaccines have saved many God-loving Jesus-endorsed Christian children, much more than any abortion could prevent.

COUNTERPOINT: Vaccines have also saved an equal number of God-hating Islamic Barbarians that threaten our countries unity.

POINT: Vaccinations have become a national issue over the years because of fears that liberals have increased Mercury and Lead levels in vaccines in order to create mystical “spectrums” that give children a large range of learning disabilities that can only be solved from liberal entrapment otherwise known as “Crystal Healing”. The one place that cures “unruly vaccinations” is located in Marin County, California, a place known for being so liberal that ISIS and the Taliban congregate to plot how to instill terrorism every year in a conference called “TerrorCon”.

COUNTERPOINT: There is no scientific basis that “vaccinations” have ever been considered safe, yet there isn’t a known correlation between vaccinations and terrorism.

POINT: Vaccines cannot possibly be good for us because liberal fascism demands that every American child that goes to a public school must be vaccination. That is not true freedom, it imprisons the liberty of our children and prevents them from being the free Americans they ought to aspire to be from their History books.

COUNTERPOINT: Children can die without being vaccinated, but they can also just get really sick instead. It is better to be extremely sick without being vaccinated once than to get vaccinated and never get sick.

POINT: Autism never existed before the process of Vaccinations was created.

COUNTERPOINT: Neither has gonorrhea or nuclear power.

POINT: Let’s be honest, the America we know and love was perfected in an era where no one worried about Spanish Flu or The English Disease or cancer. There were no vaccinations either. And you know what? We all lived perfectly fine and healthy. It was only until liberals ushered in a public health crisis by inventing vaccinations to intoxicate our children into being communist childless subordinates.

COUNTERPOINT: Ever notice how a “vaccine” is a needle? Needles are primarily used as a means for a drug to enter your body and disrupt your body’s normally healthy process of living sustainment. HIV is just one of many diseases that can be created in the body as a result of needles. If vaccinations were truly 100% healthy and not Marin County Quack Doctorery, they would not be needles!

POINT: Liberals are actually more likely to undergo a “religious exemption” test to avoid vaccinations because they are aware of the dangers and evil inherent within those devices. They maliciously want young Republican Christian children to die in suffering and agony.

COUNTERPOINT: Liberals can’t possibly be too smart to make vaccines dangerous for the future of our children, they must only be in it for the money.

As you can tell, the process and implementation of vaccinations have been quite a hotbed of controversy not only in the political world but in the scientific one as well. We may never truly know the answers to what really happens in the vaccination process but as long as we are all better informed about all sides of this issue. As long as you make the correct decision for your child and raise them right, that’s what really matters. Parenting is about nurturing and supporting your child in the Christian tradition,  and making sure they are not under threat of Antifa or malicious liberals hellbent on making some money unethically.

Sid Phyllis is Bullshit News’s newest correspondent in political affairs and our White House Correspondent. Sid grew up in Chicago and got sick of living in the big city and moved into a rural blue-collar state where the real America is. Instead of going to some elite four-year college, he started a consulting firm in Wyoming (Donavon and Phyllis Firm, or DP Firm) that quickly became the #1 best firm in the state. Sid joined Bullshit News for his qualifications in understanding how the REAL Blue-Collar Americans think.

Dr. Steven Clements, Esquire is Bullshit News’s legal scholar and works as a property management expert witness for a side-gig. He spent a long time in college and law school to be properly educated about serious subjects like tax codes and property law related subjects like privacy and water slippages. After law school, he decided he wanted to learn more about life and became a doctor in medicine. He is a lifelong member of the Federalist Society and the National Rifle Association.

The Only People Who Should Be Afraid Of Torture Are Liberals (For Not Understanding Common Sense)

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written by Sgt. Abu Ghraib 

It’s an established fact in every American history textbook, the finest textbooks regarding history in the whole world, that the Democratic Party (DNC) is responsible for slavery (AKA racism) and their support for gentrification, gerrymandering, and abortion, also miss the boat when it comes to legal and proper use of Enhanced Interrogation Techniques, known in the mass media pop culture vernacular as “torture”. Of course, the United States would never use “torture” on any American citizen no matter their race, sexual orientation, or other. “Torture”, or EIT for short, is a broad subject and can be quite elaborate to talk about in great detail. I was hired by Bullshit News to do my best to describe the history and proper ritual of EIT, so here we go!

EIT, that’s T for techniques not “torture”, is conducted only when the enemy, typically a committed “hater” of American values and decency, someone that truly hates freedom and Democracy that decided to become a higher up in the military rule of a terrorist country, commonly a Godless Islamic Barbarian type to boot, refuses to comply with the American government about details regarding their military or country that could give a benefit to American warfare. The information the convicted felon from another country is called “intelligence”, even though the enemy is often not very intelligent (because they are brainwashed by communist barbarians to hate Democracy and Freedom). If the enemy refuses to comply and offer the intelligence, then actions of EIT will be undergone to extract the intelligence. These actions are always interrogations well, actually enhanced interrogations, which implies that more force will be used is merely rhetorical and not indicative of any use of harm or alleged cruel and unusual punishment.

Now we really musn’t call it “torture”, that is merely a mainstream media buzzword for having a conflicting opinion about the tactics of war. Now, most journalists have never fought in a war, unlike me, so they don’t understand and have no clear idea about what happens when you’re fighting a war, especially in the desert. Should these hack mainstream media journalists at Breitbart really be the ones to judge warfare? And to have the so-called ethos to tell the public or “inside subscribers” to their access/extra-“gotcha journalism” about details like what goes on in Iraq, Afghanistan, or whatever country that happens to mettle with the might of the United States should not offer any opinions about warfare. Listen only to people that served, they know what happens. Civilians can’t easily comprehend the horrors I and every office in the military have seen. Believe us, not CNN.

Now that we got that all out of the way, we can talk briefly about the history of EIT. EIT was first mentioned and likely invented in Sun Tzu’s Art of War in the 5th Century Before Christ (BC). Sun Tzu merely wrote on the tools and techniques of EIT from his time, which has now evolved to include computers and social media websites.  Most of the time period between Sun Tzu and the War of Independence is largely irrelevant and can be explained in better detail by the Bible and a page or two in the Quran. Just know that George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and all the great Founding Fathers of their time universally agreed on two things, the Bill of Rights and approval of EIT. Such use of EIT was how this country was informed, and so long as other citizens weren’t conducting EIT on each other, then there should be no controversy. This is what lead to the creation of the 3rd and 8th Amendments.

Perhaps the greatest practitioners in the art of EIT were the brain trust of the Bush Administration, one of America’s most successful governments not just by GDP growth, but as the administration with the greatest exporting of freedom and liberty by any government in recorded human history. Lead by the one and only President George W. Bush, the only man on 9/11/2001 to steer our country away from Terror and Anarchic Communist Terrorism and propel America into an even stronger Democracy and Freedom exporting country than Osama Bin Laden and his ISIS/ISIL followers could spread terrorism and their Godless Islamic Barbarianism.

Those within the brain trust include his Vice-President Dick Cheney who was personally responsible for strengthening the Bush Administrations use of EIT and wrote many, many dissertations on the subject, Donald Rumsfeld who was called “The Architect” of EIT in the Bush Administration, Rumsfeld helped eased media and public tension regarding the knowns and unknowns (as well as the known knowns and unknown knowns and the unknown unknowns) and means of acquiring intelligence through any means otherwise not detailed during the Geneva Convention or similar peace protocols.

We can spend another 1,000 words about how the Bush Administration essentially reinvented EIT, so I won’t talk any more on it. But if you, the loyal and faithful reader of Bullshit News ever wants to learn more about the success of the Bush Administration or Enhanced Interrogation Techniques, the local library is usually located in your city or census-designated place and will have books about it, nothing you can ever find in those darn Obamaphones!

But I digress. Hopefully, you have learned more about EIT and the success the United States of America has been conducting it since the tragic morning of September 11th, 2001. But I also must inform you that the opponents of EIT, who again are the inane liberals over at the Democratic Party, don’t understand the benefits and success EIT has given to our country, unlike you–the faithful and well-educated patriotic reader. Thank you. Thank you for understanding how America works, unlike the phony liberals that threaten to destroy our countries unity on a daily basis.

 

Sgt. Abu Ghraib is Bullshit News’ newest Correspondent, providing expert analysis and thought-out opinions about the on-going threats of the War on Terror and the Godless Islamic Barbaric Terrorists that conduct it. Whether it’s Morocco, Israel, Iraq, Palestine, Las Vegas or Iran, Abu fought in the Iraq War and enjoyed it so much he went to Afghanistan where he is stationed today in Kabul. Abu was born and raised in Macon, Georgia to prove all the “haters’ that bullied him in his high school that he was much more American than they are, and never looked back. Abu is currently on inactive duty, eagerly waiting for his name to be called at any moment.