Month: January 2019

Walls Work: A Bullshit News History Lesson

~ DonKaftan ~ 5 Comments

Written By Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

The Nancy Pelosi-inflicted government shutdown is still in effect as of the time this article is finished. Much of the debate regarding the yearly government funding bill is because the Democratic Party failing to realize that a wall will protect America from foreign-born Godless-Islamic crime and from the drug-addled brains from Mexico, Canada, and those tiny Central American countries you need a microscope for in order to read their countries’ names. Other countries, like Israel, Germany, and China, have used walls for centuries to keep out invaders and infidels alike in their reckless and dangerous pursuit to invade sovereign and prosperous countries.

One of the earliest walls ever constructed is still in good use today. China’s famous “Great Wall of China” was constructed to defend the Chinese from the evil carnivorous barbarians from Mongolia, possibly inspired from the Islam “religion”. The Great Wall of China was constructed before Christ was arisen, and finished when He was alive. Jesus Christ motivated the Chinese to build the Great Wall in order to preserve Christianity from Islam and Communism. Unfortunately, we all know what happened to China in the long-term, but for the majority of Chinese history, the wall was a success until it didn’t and then when it didn’t, it didn’t even matter.

Communism and walls are mortal enemies. Consider the time where Germany was two-faced and couldn’t decide between what was right (Capitalism) and what was wrong (Communism). It was a decision that tore Germany apart for forty years or two French revolutions. When Germany finally decided that capitalism was ultimately better, they tore down the Berlin Wall so that their countries people can eat at Taco Bell and support the American economy as every European nation should. The wall was removed because there was no longer a threat, which is why China still has their Great Wall, to protect themselves from ourselves. They were centuries ahead of their time. They even use their Great Wall for tourism and to boost their economy, giving President Trump some incentives and inspiration about his Wall.

And as many are aware, the nation of Israel has a wall to protect themselves from their Islamic and capitalist-hating neighbors, everyone. Israel, living up to its reputation as a state that rejects Christianity in favor of smaller hats, built a gate first, which evidently did not work out that well as they had to improve their gate to a more sophisticated and advanced form of barrier protection, a wall. Ever since Israel built their wall it has been a stellar success for a country that is constantly attacked for promoting heresy. Fortunate for Israel is that they adopted many American customs when it comes to self-defense, such as their love for the American 2nd Amendment. If invaders came over the wall with their strong knees, most Israelis are armed and ready to defend themselves from terror. But if Israel were an intelligent first world country, they would be Christian country so that Christ may rise again and defend us from the Muslim Gods that hate our freedom and their threats to invade our world.

So now we must focus on the present day, we are in the longest government shut down in American history. This is extraordinary news for our fellow American people because we have now made sure our government is fiscally responsible for once and not wasting money on pork-barrel spending or on Nancy Pelosi science initiatives. If the Democrats want to continue the American tradition of government waste and excess, they will pass a bill that permits funding for The Wall. President Trump will only support a government funding bill that allocates money for The Wall. This explains the deadlock we have today.

The Wall, of course, refers to the proper construction of a great barrier to protect ourselves from Mexico’s drug-addled liberal reckless college partying self. It’s not because of President Trump or average every-day Americans don’t trust Mexico or Mexicans, it’s because they don’t trust Mexico to do the right thing and get treatment. Mexico, according to President Trump, has a lot of crime and drugs and is doing really really bad. Mexico is the junkie of Democracy, but not a functioning addict. Mexico will hurt itself more than it will hurt us, but if the price of cutting strong diplomatic relations with a country that endorsed Barack Obama twice is worth the price of liberty than it is absolutely worth it. The Wall is absolutely necessary because, without it, America could become infested with crime and drugs given how drug addiction can spread via gateway drugs and access points. There is only one proper solution to gateways, and that is building The Wall.

If the Democratic Party ever developed a brain (or read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged), they will know that self-defense and Republican Party ideology is morally and ethically superior on the behavior of war and self-preservation. As their government supporters struggle during their self-inflicted shutdown, the liberals and Nancy need to support The Wall. If not, they could rapture communism into the country. Every day is a win-win solution for the Republican Party as the Democrats live in their “socially constructed’ hell they created for themselves. But if this shut down were to last longterm, the Democratic Party will desire for Total Communism and perhaps spark a civil war. But as we all know, the Democratic Party will beat itself before it beats anyone, Republican Party or a trade deal.

Do the right thing Nancy, support the Wall. You know you want to, your people are counting on you. It is time for you to fail them, and vote for The Wall. It is the only way the American people can defend themselves from the opioid epidemic, and the foreseeable future.

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey. 

Bullshit News Stands For The Trump Administration’s Valient Efforts To Shut Down Government

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief, and Founder

In 2013, a young and fresh face arose from the Senate under the Barack Obama regime to tell King Obama that he doesn’t have the luxury and privilege to use the government’s money as he pleases. That young kid with the audacity to challenge the king was Ted Cruz, his first of many moves in his future as a leader of the Republican Party. But as A Hero’s Story goes, the youth and inexperience lose to the tyrannical dictator, and the government shut down was averted after reasonable accommodations were met. Still, the fact that a battle occurred was a victory that was much needed for the Republican Party for the time.

And now another clash is happening in our Game of Thrones.

The Democratic Party had enough shocking victories in November to reclaim the House of Representatives, which is not the Senate. When the white smoke cleared, Nancy Pelosi surprisingly reclaimed the gavel and began her reign of terror by refusing to listen to the president and his accommodations to fund the government for the fiscal year. Perhaps what is most emphasized by the mainstream media is that Nancy Pelosi and her buddy Chuck Schumer from the Senate will not support the president’s funding for The Wall, a protection device that prevents invaders from trying to conquer American territory.  Some view the wall as unnecessary, as Mexico is too drugged out to organize an army to even attack Florida! But protection is better than no protection at all, and at Bullshit News we prefer to keep it safe so a wall sounds fine and dandy. Hell, The Wall sounds pretty necessary given that we cannot trust the outside world to make decisions about America for us.

Nancy Pelosi is a far more fearsome and sinister figure to lead the otherwise dim-witted and self-defeating Democrats and their efforts to rule the free world. She is fine with millions upon millions of workers that vote for her and her party to work without pay and jeopardize their lives in exchange for power. She is ruthless and willing to get what she wants whereas Schumer just wants to eat the same sandwich at the same deli every day for the past 36 some-odd years and is content with not getting what he wants because he expects it–a typical Democrat. Nancy will find a way to get what she wants, and that’s not how the Republican Party operates. So Donald Trump has refused to budge to Nancy’s plans like a tough and confident president.

Donald Trump, a follower in Reagan’s light as a man dedicated to limited government and a balanced budget, has been prepared for this fight. President Trump declared that the shut down can last months and perhaps even years too.

This shook Pelosi. She wasn’t even thinking about the shutdown lasting two weeks!

The current government shut down is now the longest in American history, another terrific accomplishment from the Trump Administration! As the government is stripped to its core and begins to work as Hayek intended, real textbook conservatism will finally have the opportunity to flourish despite (or cause of) Nancy Pelosi’s attempts to intervene what a limited government is all about. Donald Trump has achieved Ayn Rand’s dream, and it could not have happened without the Democratic Party, oddly enough.

From Trump’s bold unwavering stance on The Wall, the Republican Party’s founding ideals are finally in fruition. The government funding is entirely stripped down for only essential purposes and the budget has been minimized enough for it to be a non-factor. If Pelosi wants her posse union to have jobs, she will allow the wall to be funded. That’s the name of the game at this point, and Pelosi has refused to cross the picket line for a bipartisan agreement. But even if Pelosi and the Democan’ts agree to portions of the bill, or more unlikely the entire bill, Trump will have the final say.  And if President Trump doesn’t get what he wants, the shutdown will continue. The Democrats tried to catch Trump’s gambit on day one of their reign of the House, and like typical Democrats, they fail at every pursuit of success and personal achievement.

You may hear from mainstream media sources that some government workers will not receive their paychecks because of the government shut down, which is absurdly false. Slavery was banned in the 15th Amendment after the War of Northern Aggression, these workers are getting paid in terms of liberty and being free from government control, a wage means nothing after that point. True emancipation requires some sacrifices and in the “emergency” of a government shutdown, those sacrifices are easily met. There should be no more worrying about this media manufactured falsehood. There are no starving families in the United States, and there will not be one more food insecure family because of the shutdown.

No one, including President Trump, is sure when the government shut down will end. But we should all take a moment to cherish this blessed record-breaking event to happen in our lifetime. Knowing Trump, he could break a record like this again next year but for now, we’ll have to wait and see.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.

Bring On The Rapture!

~ DonKaftan ~ Leave a comment

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

It is such a joyous occasion that we are continued to be guided by divine light in the Year of our Lord, 2019. Many prominent biblical scholars, greater than myself, have often predicted the end times to occur during their own lifetimes, which is a foolish mistake. As Bullshit News’s prominent scholar in eschatology, I know exactly when the rapture is coming. More specifically, I know for certain the rapture is near as the Secretary of State and former Director of the CIA, Mike Pompeo, acknowledged as such in a speech uncovered by digital media forensics right before the end of 2015.

While preaching for religious liberty at Summit Church in Wichita, Kansas, Mike Pompeo discussed his vision of the world, its foreseeable future, and how to fight it:

“We will continue to fight these battles. [Politics] is a never-ending struggle until the Rapture. Be part of it. Be in the fight.” He continued to the God-Fearing Jesus-Loving worshippers, “We’ve lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values. America has worshipped other Gods and called it multiculturalism. And we endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle. We’ve neglecting to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem. The only way to fight this, and to fight the Islamists, is Christianity. Our time might be calling sooner rather than later.”

Mike Pompeo is one of America’s finest statesmen in the 21st century. He did such a stellar job as Director of the CIA that he was promoted to Secretary of State in little over a year! Only some of the brightest minds in our country could ever be Head Director of the CIA to the Secretary of State with such quick turnaround. His experience also means he is likely to know about events going on in the world with much greater clarity than you, me or anyone other than President Donald Trump. If Pompeo believes the end times are coming, stemming from the sick immorberal efforts of the Barack Obama regime and the reincarnated devil from San Francisco who now runs the House of Representatives, then he must be right. A man that high up in power is closer to God than even some of the highest earning CEOs in America.

As we begin our adventures into what may be our final year on Earth, keep in mind that even until the final waking moments of your life, Jesus Christ will always be available to be enabled your personal savior. I was going to make that a disclaimer but Don Kaftan, our editor-in-chief and founder, decided against that. Why 2019 could be our last sand to fall in the bottom of the hourglass is because liberals would rather have the rapture to strike than for Donald Trump to continue his impeccable presidency. And with Mike Pompeo as his chief diplomat, America will be saved for as long as Trump maintains his presidency. For once the Rapture strikes, and it will be soon, America will be given priority as established by God’s Contract to man. And if you don’t believe me, which country was first to successfully install democracy? It was the United States of America, of course.

Mike may not be a pastor, but he wields tremendous responsibility in politics, and to the world. If he fears the end is near, that is an air raid siren going off to every preacher, clergyman, and many messianic rabbis that I know that he is correct in his assessment. There is still time to be saved. But I cannot guarantee you how much time or when. You must feel Jesus Christ in your body, and not within “Victoria’s Secret”. 2019 is the year liberals begin their civil war towards God. America, and Christianity. Will you join in?

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Sunni Islam, excluding Sh’ia Islam. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.