What Is The Point Of Canada?

Written by Roger Goodmen

Canada is better known today as a colossal waste of land that neither the UK nor America can agree on who should “own” Canada. As a result, the Canadian wilderness is a vicious liberal cesspool of French people, hippies, ice, penguins, and whatever the hell “Saskatchewan” is. I’m pretty sure that’s not a word, but it is, in fact, a “province”, which means a lesser and lamer version of a state. Trying to understand Canada is like interpreting another language, which no true American has time for. So this begs the question, what is the point of Canada?

Perhaps Canada has oil, but if that were true America would claim the entire country by the federally sanctioned policy known as “manifest destiny”. Canada has no true natural resources that would make such an inhospitable icy-French hippie hell worthy of being an American state (or something much worse, California’s queer husband). American lives are not worth dying in the name to take over a maple syrup barren wasteland. Absorbing Canada’s GDP would not be worth the lives of our hard-working veterans that deserve to be glorified in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus would weep at Canada, seeing all that land being used for absolutely nothing. These are the only reasonable assertions I could understand as to why America would not “invade Canada”. The terrain would be arduous for American soldiers to kill Canadian mooses, hippies, and their French people.

The United Kingdom has the burden of “owning” Canada the same way America has Guam. There would be reasonable inferences for seeing how the UK would use Canada to attack America, which they have previously done before in their failure to strike the U.S. from the War of 1812. But the UK is dealing with its own turmoil, with Brexit and the Godless Islamic Heathens breeding all over England, they cannot focus on Canada. So they gave those reds autonomy, which is why the first announcements for Prime Ministers go to India to initiate their bid to run for Canadian high office. It is a delusional clueless country for liberal ex-pats to run away from all their troubles in a Freedom-loving country. Hence their population of French, Eskimos, and hippie-stoners. All best known for quitting and laziness more than anything else.

There is no reason for Canada to exist. I can’t name a single thing, aside from bagged milk and Communism, I could get in Canada that I could not get in America. Canada is such a wasteland because of their communist policies led in place by their current Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. He exists to go on Obama-like apology tours and get a free check from the Queen. I cannot think of a better example of welfare then Mr. Trudeau, who has contributed nothing to his local economy and doesn’t even have a golf course in his entire plot of barren land that can be better used for development. This is, of course, why liberals love him. Liberals love leaders that do nothing but just sit there and smile, precisely what Barack Obama did in his eight years. But Trudeau wants to upstage Obama by doubling the number of apology tours and doing even less work then a former POTUS.

The next time you look at a map, and you see the “hat” on top of America, feel free to ignore it. The imaginary land of “Canada” has proven it has no value or worth to be a big boy country. And because of that, it’s not worthy of being invaded in the name of freedom. What a giant waste.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.

President Donald J. Trump Is Not A Criminal

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder of Bullshit News

The donkeycrat asinine conspiracies about the treasonous elephant in the room must be addressed. The 45th President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump, has been accused of being involved in criminal activities by the mainstream media since day one of his 2016 Presidential Campaign to Make America Great Again. This has been completely unheard of in American history, no other President has been as stigmatized by the libelous media in recorded history than President Donald Trump. It’s as if George Washington himself was seen as a traitor that wanted to collude with the Indians to create his own nation-state against the then newly created United States. Why has the liberal media conjectured conspiracy theories to dismantle our countries unity? Donald Trump won his election fair and square, a long time ago might I add. Liberals refuse to concede their power to support a standing President of the United States, which is very unusual even for those treasonous bastards.

One of these many Democratic Party conspiracy theories involves that Donald Trump, a lifelong American patriotic businessman who embodies the American Dream, was accused of receiving assistance from the Russian government to help win his election. Bullshit News has already covered the so-called Russian collusion accusations, which you can read by clicking on this sentence. President Trump’s name has already been cleared by this conspiracy theory, according to the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence. Devin Nunes, who is the head of the committee, has announced that they have finished their year-long report and have seen zero evidence of any Russian involvement in the election.  In their meticulous report, there was, “no evidence of collusion, coordination, or conspiracy between the Trump campaign and the Russians”. The legal language can’t be any clearer than that.

This witch hunt has also traced President Trump’s past back to his real estate and reality TV star duel-life career. Why are people accusing a successful entrepreneur of finding some way to cheat to where he is today? He is no Bernie Madoff or Jordan Belfort in finding ways of accumulating his wealth, he’s worked long and hard, hours if not days on end non-stop to find ways to increase his net worth. He innovated the idea of having children to work on his businesses and profited tremendously by building large towers in New York City and across the non-American world with a household brand: Trump. If Democrats could find ways to make money like Donald has, maybe they wouldn’t be in the debt they’re in.

And among the vilest, immorberal (immoral/liberal), and most libelous claim the Mainstream Media has claimed to date was that President Donald Trump was having an affair with an “esteemed pornographic film actress” named Stormy Daniels. Have the Democrats gotten this desperate that they had to hire 18-year-olds to be their opposition research team? Did they get their fresh ideas from the gay-Jewish mecca of Broadway Hollywood? The Democratic Party, in a radically fascist attempt to seize power from a fair and toughly fought election, have paid an actress from movies like “Dripping Wet Sex 4”, “Space Nuts”, and “Trailor Trash Nurses 6” to sue the President of the United States and do what Crooked Hillary Clinton could never do, win the Electoral College. No other president, aside from perhaps Richard Nixon or Warren Harding, has had to endure such strife in fictitious and ludicrous scandals invented by a party that isn’t just bankrupt with ideas, but one that is powerless and continues to grasp at straws. For goodness’ sake, they ran a socialist as one of their nominees in 2016 and he finished in second place.

Bullshit News has declared red alert on our Mission Statement. The Democrats are attempting to overthrow God and install some Jimmy Carter dope fiend, flower power puppet in place. Perhaps Stormy Daniels could become president in the unrealistic and fictional world where she wins her lawsuit and Trump unconditionally surrenders his presidency. The Democratic Party has now begun to assert bolshevik means of usurping power, such governmental actions unseen since the Red Revolution in the USSR. The Democrats are seeking to overthrow the government of the United States. In retaliation to reassert his power, Donald Trump hired John Bolton to be his next National Security Advisor. John Bolton is known to be tough and assertive to get things done diplomatically and for national security. He is a “Hawk”, someone to be feared across the world like Henry Kissinger. This is how Donald Trump thinks intellectually, the opposite of how criminals and drug users think, Donald plans ahead. He has a bright and glowing future for a second term, unlike the democratic celebrity drug addicts.

Do not be deceived by the libelous mainstream media and their socially constructed lies about Donald Trump’s prestigious background and business acumen. They are manufactured by the same media conglomerates that give you the Disney movies, Time Warner’s NBA basketball, Viacom’s reality TV shows, Fox’s “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy”, and Comcast Xfinity’s everything. These corporations, the most mainstream of mainstream media, colluded together to pull strings for Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama’s radical socialist agenda to overthrow Republican power. But fear not, if the mainstream media were truly powerful they would have won the 2016 Presidential Election. But you, the informed Republican conservative voters, have proved the demagogue Democratic Party totally wrong. Bullshit News salutes to your valiant efforts, but the war is still going on. The Democrats falsely claimed to have risen like a drunken phoenix barrel rolling its way from the debt ashes.

Remain on high alert. Do not believe the media. Believe in the only conservative website on the net that sticks it to the man without relying on Matt Drudge sensationalism. Rely on Bullshit News as your political rhetoric and website/weapon of choice. Donald J. Trump is not a criminal. Believe it from us, Straight From The Source©.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.

Evolution: The Nancy Pelosi Taxpayer-Funded Lie

Written by Sarah Napoli

The children of San Francisco wake up each day and head to their public schools without thinking of the world in big-picture terms. Nancy Pelosi has indoctrinated every child in her city of liberal sodomy about something more heinous than premarital sex: the idea that God plays no role in creating the world. Blasphemy is nothing new to San Francisco or California as a whole for that matter, but by forcing children to see one side of an issue does not create great education. Not that it would matter for liberal oligarch Nancy Pelosi.

The Bullshit News position on the formation of our planet and our existence can be found in the book of Genesis in the Bible. It’s not a hard story to miss, it’s on page 1 because it’s the most important story in the entire book. It details everything, Adam and Eve, the forbidden fruit, how snakes existed, etc. God created light so he could see his next creations: the Heavens, Earth, and every biotic life form that ever existed on this planet. But Nancy Pelosi and her liberal cult fiends that run San Francisco into the poop-infested ground have banned the bible and intellectual design learning from public schools, a most treasonous and anti-liberty act. Why must children learn what Nancy Pelosi wants to learn? They need to learn critical thinking skills and rhetoric to understand how the Democratic Party have undermined how they perceive reality.

Nancy Pelosi has long been a monolith in the Democratic Party “knowledge bank”, she is the main source of everything vile and dumb liberals get their knowledge from. She is the agenda setter. And she wants to make sure your children think that humanity came from something beyond God, and something about monkeys being involved! The so-called evolution “theory” is a radical attempt to unChristianify America and turn it into an atheist state. What does an atheist state look like? It looks like the USSR, with purges occurring on a daily basis and a diabolical corrupt leader in charge who demands the position for life. This is something Nancy Pelosi aspires to be for the United States of America, and it is possibly the vilest and most anti-American incident that can ever happen. I get sick to my stomach typing about it.

Evolution was created by the very same people who want you to believe the so-called “global warming/climate change/Al Gore” is very real and a threat to our existence. The only threat to our existence is our own ignorance, which “Fancy Nancy” wants to spread. In the era of fake news and unverified claims becoming headlines, Pelosi has a desire to let America burn down to the ground while playing her Stradivarius violin, chiming something to herself about wanting to claim the world for the democrat-fascist ideology. Everything she touches either loses elections or corrodes the mind with dumb-founded claims with no grounds to reality.

We cannot save those poor lost souls of the children in San Francisco, who are too young to adhere to any single ideology but the devotion of America and God himself. Rome first burnt down from people staying away from conformity and deviating themselves to hateful fear-mongering liberal rhetoric that Evolution spews. If we descended from other animals, why are those animals still around? How come they aren’t sentient and rational like conservatives? Nancy Pelosi has a war against God himself, which is grounds enough for her constituents in sodomy-plagued San Francisco to get their heads out of their Teslas and demand her to resign. Nancy Pelosi’s very existence, as the leader of the minority (inferior) party she should not be eschewing radical views and forcing them into the minds of children. It is beyond unethical and is absolutely unacceptable for a politician to say.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) Correspondent of Bullshit News. Sarah is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. Sarah does not want children but considers herself a “dog mom”, taking care of a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. Sarah does not like coffee or tea, which are foreign inventions created to poison the minds of Americans.

Hillary Clinton Announces Bid To Run For Prime Minister Of Communism-Plagued Canada

Written By Dan Shapiro

Hillary Clinton, the infamous deplorable loser who was banished from the United States of America after her defeat in the 2016 presidential election, has announced she has migrated to the communist moose colony of Canada and will run for Prime Minister in their 2019 election. Hillary Clinton is bloodthirsty for power, and she has innovated her political methods by mimicking Donald Trump for calling the heartland of America, “backwards” and did not share any desire to make America great again, which is evident by running for a “Prime Minister”. That’s one thing that shines about Canada’s communism, they don’t believe in constitutions or presidents, both what help make America the world’s leader number one leader in liberty production.

We don’t like to talk about Canada on Bullshit News because we refuse to acknowledge our Stalinist neighbor or promote their red radical agenda. The leader of their “Prime Minister” bund, Justin Trudeau, is more of a hippie that likes to put flowers in guns than behave as a world leader. What exactly has he done since he became “Prime Minister”, raise taxes on the poor? Of course not, the most outlandish thing he is currently doing is promoting the liberal agenda known as “multiculturalism”. In layman’s terms, it’s a Canadian version of American liberty, only communist and inferior. There is a strong reason why the American Dollar will always be more valuable than the Canadian dollar because as we all know, Communism never works. If communism worked, why isn’t life more efficient than it needs to be?

Enough with the communist bastards of the North. Hillary Clinton, poaching over the Canadian “Parliament” like a vulture over a dead deer, will not cease her political ambitions until she is in a high and powerful position to dictate people’s lives. In an essence, she is an export of bastardized American liberty, but she is no communist. She might be too much of a socialist to make any “splash” for parliament seating, but this is a key sign that her days meddling with Donald Trump’s presidential affairs in cohorts with Robert Mueller are over. Her next approach is a long-shot one, become a popular Canadian politician and usurp the general-secretary (the so-called “Prime Minister”) role Justin Trudeau holds. But as we all know, when communists hold power they are very reluctant to take it, and will often approach violent ends to a means if it means staying in power. Once Hillary managed to get a chance to be on the ballot, we should not be surprised if something suspicious happens, such as asking America to help her campaign and is thrown to Canadian prison for colluding with a foreign government. What poetic justice that would be!

Hillary Clinton announced she was running for “Prime Minister” from Mumbai, India. Just weeks before, Justin Trudeau was campaigning for reelection in the former communist colony, India.  Hillary is aiming to see how Trudeau is popular and must robotically mimic his approach to politics to better understand the so-called “average Canadian voter”. Justin’s communist constituents denounced Trudeau’s New Delhi-leg of his campaign saying that he was “trying too hard“, creating a divide in the Liberal Party (the communist bund for the Democratic Party) and the exact moment for Hillary Clinton to jump in on the scene and challenge Trudeau. What’s to happen will be examined more by Bullshit News in the future. For now, America will always be in the headlines.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on Republican Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB spl.

POINT/COUNTERPOINT: Capital Punishment (Or The Death Penalty)

Written by Rachel Gilfords and Aaron Lau

In our latest installment of Point/Counterpoint, there have always been discussions about if certain ethical dilemmas play a role in our most prized punishment, the death sentence. Should the death penalty be used for the most wretched of crimes, like murder or drug dealing? Or should capital punishment be the most divine way of handling the death sentence? We invited Rachel Gilfords and Aaron Lau to discuss one of America’s most cherished activities.


 

Rachel Gilfords: Point: capital punishment is the only way to purge evil-doers from our society. Locking them up behind bars will only give them incentives to escape. They cannot escape hell.

Aaron Lau: Counterpoint: The death penalty should be primarily reserved for those that murder babies. Or children. The most severe of crimes should lead to a more severe death sentence.

RG: Point: Each monotheistic religion on Earth has their own form of capital punishment, extending our American tradition since Adam and Eve.

AL: Counterpoint: Every monotheistic religion that isn’t Christianity is inherently wrong. Just because the Islamic folks and Jews have their own version of the death penalty doesn’t make them any more right, or intelligent. It simply means they have a very low standard of rationality.

RG: Point: Capital punishment is a deterrent to pernicious members of society to never commit a crime. They will know what will come to them.

AL: Counterpoint: Those criminals want the death penalty. They hate living and will continue to provoke terror until they get what they want. They are asking for it.

RG: Point: As technology gets better and better, more efficient and less costly ways for capital punishment to go underway will make any potential opposition towards capital punishment meaningless.

AL: Counterpoint: As the Bullshit News technology expert, we will find new ways to innovate the death penalty. Instead of muskets for a firing squad, we can use nuclear missiles. Instead of an electric chair, we can give the death penalty via virtual reality. The most common method, lethal injections, are needless and only support the elitist Pharmaceutical companies and not the State. The death penalty will always cost us money, but it is money well spent.

RG: Point: Capital punishment is not cruel enough.

AL: Counterpoint: The death penalty doesn’t go far enough.

RG: Point: Certain “three strikes” laws should all end in capital punishment rather than forced incarceration for life. Putting prisoners behind bars for life is very taxing.

AL: Counterpoint: The average American is informed about the law enough to never commit a crime in their life. There should be a one strike policy to result in the death penalty.

RG: Point: Without capital punishment, our streets would be like Chicago and littered with crime. Capital punishment is the ultimate deterrent every civilized society instills.

AL: Counterpoint: Without the death penalty, we would be forced to lock up prisoners for life when they should not be living. They will inevitably be released from prison to commit more crimes in a desire to go back. Our prison system is like soma to its heartless inhabitants.

RG: Point: Capital punishment is the ultimate death sentence for convicts and outlaws that would otherwise strive to be the president of Mexico or one of their local drug cartels.

AL: Counterpoint: The death penalty is the real ultimate sentence to drug users, rapists, convicted murderers (abortion-havers), and we need it more over capital punishment because criminals do not deserve an easy break. Their brains, like liberals, are neurologically different from the sane, rational-minded conservatives that do not deserve to be washed away from living for purely existing.


 

Thanks to both correspondents, Aaron Lau and Rachel Gilfords, for their ability to civilly disagree with each other to present us a public forum for informed citizens to better pick a side between capital punishment or the death penalty. One of the greatest things about America is the ability to choose two sides of one issue, and for both parties to agree to disagree. These issues can be very personal for some folks, and often cause liberals to lose their minds (as if they were ever existent, to begin with) and speak in terms of emotion, rather than sound logic and reason. May we all become better-informed citizens in the process.

Rachel Gilfords is Bullshit News’ White House Correspondent, On-Field Reporter and a War On Christmas analyst. A former Fox News beat-reporter, Rachel has covered Afghanistan and Iraq on the ground in one year and received acclaimed conservative awards and adoration from Roger Ailes. Rachel knows for certain that Bullshit News has a ‘no bullshit policy’ towards sexual harassment.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line media-related issues. He is married to his lovely wife, Cindy. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and certain technologies including video games but not the liberal propaganda-endorsed “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University and owns a Chow by the name of “Zappa”.

Opioids: How Democrats Are Killing Republicans

Written by Mortimer E. Wallacaster

The War on Drugs, formed by President Richard Nixon to soberize the country from the fascist drug-craven reign of LBJ, has been one of America’s toughest wars to fight in recent memory. The latest drugs that poison America’s unfortunate able-bodied workers are something called “opioids”. Opioids function as pain relief, as a method to get away from the nonstop liberal rhetoric the mainstream media pollutes daily. Opioids are effectively the number one cause of death to conservatives. A national tragedy.

Opioids are just one drug trying to kill Americans, and more importantly conservative Americans. There is also cocaine, the Fidel Castro-approved method of self-destruction as seen in Scarface. Heroin, the so-called “mushrooms”, methamphetamine, LSD, ecstasy (otherwise known to the kindergarteners as “molly”), and marijuana are all popular amongst the youth. Each of these drugs leads to destructive habits and corruptible behaviors like voting for a Democrat in a midterm election, of all elections. There are compelling reasons as to why each of these drugs is illegal, but each of them can also kill you. Especially Marijuana, which is the drug most likely to lead towards deviant behavior and mental illness. Such mental illness that makes some Republicans (RINOS) convert to Democrats, like Ron Paul and his sicko-lackey, Gary Johnson. These RINOS want to surrender the war on drugs to the drugs because they are already addicted to that liberal crack menace. Ronald Reagan fought to save these souls from the liberal crack, but too much exposure from it never salvaged Ron Paul.

America will never surrender to drugs, Mr. Ron Paul. Not while Jeff Sessions is Attorney General, who is supporting a maximum-prison term sentence for drug-related offenses. The greatest way to hasten the end of the drug war is a lesson from the Philippines, America’s most forgettable colony. They no longer have drug problems, as President Rodrigo Duterte has personally ended the lives of all drug distributors and manufacturers in his country. Donald Trump has looked up to Duterte for drug policy influence, which is not a bad place to begin looking for research. Better than those “Lib(eral)aries” the government wastes tax dollars on.

The death penalty, otherwise known as capital punishment, would be a great end to a mean to the “War on Drugs”. It is a war that has dragged on far too long, much like the War of Northern Aggression. Much like the “War on Christmas”, “War on Poverty”, “War on Coal”, and the “War on The History Channel Never Airing History-Related Segments” created by Senator Grassley, these wars are all catastrophic to our American tax dollars. “Poverty is Expensive”, says famous author James Baldwin. Needless deaths resulting from these wars reduce our GDP and weakens our country in doing so. Drug dealers never intend to be taxed for their work, which is an especially heinous crime. If the United States of America cannot profit from mercantile transactions, it is an act of war. Opioids make this problem hazy, and Democrats seize this moment to support the drugs perspective on the war to disillusion the American populace from capitalism. This is an act of treason.

The Democrats have made mind-altering drugs to persuade young conservatives to the liberal blue pill mindset, and enjoy that evil carnivorous “Grateful Dead” jam band music that fuels the marijuana pollution in the air. The opioids are the Democrats latest drug-craze experiment that has gone madly wrong, more people are dying from opioids than from cars. It has reached far past the point where someone is more likely to die from relieving the pain of a car accident, then the car exploding because you wanted to smoke a cigarette at a gas station. Liberals have conceited that if they cannot attempt to win over voters with failed ideology and false promises, then they must kill the opposition in order to remain relevant. This is sickening and unethical to the lowest degree. The opioids must stop harming our God-fearing Americans in the heartland. It is time to crank up the War on Drugs, kill the drug creators, manufacturers, and distributors, and for opioids to be over.

Just say no.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month.