Soccer Is A Colonialist Communist “Sport” That Aims To Radicalize The Youth

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

It has come to the forefront of my foresight that many of the children these days no longer play football, that is the football both you and I know as the forearm-flinging of the pigskin on the football field. No, today’s children in America are no longer playing football because of some so-called “safety concerns” when helmets and pads are readily available in stores for use to play football. These children raised by their liberal millennial parenting prefer to play a new, emerging popular sport called “Football“, as they call it in Europe and other countries, which is appropriately demonized here in America as “Soccer“. More immorberal parenting has forced children to play soccer instead of football in a vain attempt to prevent injuries and concussions, which are not even fatal enough to warrant serious attention to the NFL. Liberals are actively making our children weaker, not stronger so that they can be susceptible to Godless Islamic Barbarianism and other evil forms of euro-colonialism and to destroy our country from within.

So what is this radical sport of “soccer”, and what is its appeal toward the youth? For one, you are not allowed to use your arms in the sport, unless you are the “goalkeeper”. This is absurd, football, baseball, basketball and even the Canadian sport of hockey aren’t stupid enough to prevent the use of arms in order to move your body in a sport. What this really means is that kids are taught to learn that their arms are useless and unneeded, a dangerous moral. What the Sandinistas are hiding from us and their “soccer sport” is preventing kids from developing upper body strength, which can allow them to properly fire a sporting rifle and not unintentionally injure a nearby pedestrian or parent. These instructions are important for children so they can learn to grow and become an able-bodied adult. If our weak and infantile offspring can’t defend for themselves, how can they raise children to continue the circle of life? Celebrating “soccer” allows a dangerous risk that may lead to the decline of the American Empire or Western Civilization. Making children play “soccer” is not worth any attempts by other, weaker world leaders in taking down America’s grasp on the world.

The sinister globalist-minded organization that helps promote this “soccer” brand/sport is known as FIFA. FIFA is much like OPEC, only they hold “soccer” events and don’t actively lobby for you hopeful and God-fearing Americans to increase the price of oil, toilet paper, and gas. FIFA is about as corrupt as the Democratic Party, being involved in RICO scandals as well as the ordinary money laundering. Ask for yourself, is this really the best organization that my kids should learn about their athleticism? I would much rather let my great-great-grandchildren play for a noble sports organization like the NCAA, MLB, or the NFL before they associate themselves with a RICO/Democratic Party collusion effort to take down America two arms at a time.

The vile effects of Soccer have been waning on America throughout the 21st century. Soccer may have been involved with the decline of children participating in baseball, which the whole world knows is America’s pastime. Baseball views on the television have been dropping every year while “MLS”, a FIFA-influenced racketeering operation focused in the United States, has been improving their ratings and drawing in more advertising and sponsorships, marking its economic threat in our country. America is already becoming different then the America I remembered growing up as a child in the  1910’s and 20’s, and if soccer overtakes baseball by the time I head to the grave, I will not believe this country can ever recover from such economic colonialism. Any money given towards the FIFA/OPEC giants is revenue lost in America that would be better suited to fund more sporting stadiums/complexes. If we start building more “soccer” stadiums over football fields, it will mark the beginning of the end of this great American empire.

No matter what your child believes is right about the sport of soccer, they are wrong. Do not allow your child to become a soldier for FIFA’s hands and be turned into a Sandinista. Protect our children for tomorrow, and say no for soccer and say yes to a real American sport like Football. Protect our children from communism, OPEC, and Godless Barbaric Islamic Invaders and ensure that your child does not start kicking around a volleyball while being thrown yellow and red flags by a zebra-striped whistle-blowing Sandinista.

 

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

Howard Schultz Changes Political Affiliation To Independent In Effort To Corrupt America With Presidential Campaign, Islamic Coffee

Written by Gilbert Miser 

Howard Schultz, the Islamic ex-CEO of Starbucks, has formally announced his presidential campaign for 2020 which he already kickstarted in June 2018, as Bullshit News has covered the moment his campaign began. Howard Schultz, fearing the already large number of unqualified Democrats currently in the running that are not nearly as powerful or rich as he is, has decided to play it safe and run as an independent candidate, otherwise known as the “Ross Perot” or the Joe Leiberman political euthanasia exercise. It is a non-working strategy only the Democrats would use on themselves if they felt too giddy beating Republicans in states by more than a percent margin. Howard Schultz, clearly not an expert in American history, thinks he can use this strategy to get what he wants.

Bullshit News has authorized a boycott on Starbucks since November 2017 when Starbucks unveiled its infamous corporate fatwa by forcing employees to greet customers with the un-American “Happy Holidays” and refusal to recognize Christmas as a holiday and further ignited the War On Christmas. Starbucks aligned with our enemies in ISIS/ISIL, Al-Qaeda, Hezbollah, Hamas, and the FBI in supporting Godless Islamic Barbarianism that threatens to destroy Donald Trump and the American people. Howard Schultz represents the failure of the American Electoral System, by being the reason people might have to think outside of a human-constructed binary pattern that has been in the works for nearly 250 years. But destroying cultural institutions is something that Howard Schultz is familiar with, invoking controversy is within his genome. He is perhaps more of a threat to America than whichever Democrat ends up losing in 2020.

We made a promise to you, the proud and faithful readers, in our mission statement that Bullshit News will never be owned by a mammoth media corporation like the one Howard Schultz has corruptedly run and operated, promoting illicit liberal beverages in an effort to promote Jihads. It is our imperative to remind the faithful Bullshiteers that Howard Schultz is not the man he appears to be in mainstream media outlets. They call him “the one who will put America back together again as he has done before over his famed caffeinated iced beverages”. Howard Schultz is a fraud, a billionaire economy-contributing fraud, but a fraud nonetheless. His plans to run as an independent is an illusion to pretend to distance himself from Democrat Party by pretending to be more of a hardline conservative willing to rule America like Mussolini. He hides is Democratic, Islamic past in an effort to look like a middle class Christian American conservative, which he absolutely is not.

His campaign may last a week, or it could win the presidency. We, the faithful reporters of Bullshit News, are here to remind you again that Howard Schultz is a corrupt nepotistic Democrat who, much like Hillary Clinton in Canada, wants absolute power and will ruin anyone that attempts to step in his way. Bullshit News intends to step in his way to help benefit you, the loyal readers, into voting for a real Republican who has done as much as he can to help as many lives as he possibly can with his current track record, President Donald Trump.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.