BREAKING: Black Lives Matter Militia Conquer South Detroit, Threaten To Raze Southern Detroit Unless Trump Is Impeached Within 120 Days

Written By Rachel Gilfords

The violent and rogue “activist group” Black Lives Matter have formed a militia to “combat police brutality and behavior”, amongst other objectives on their table, like “preserving the Negro race with Aryan behavior” and “promoting multiculturalism and ending colorism(?)”. Black Lives Matter is well-known for their radical leftist views on multiculturalism and diversity, and their behavior usually coincides with anti-White crimes, behavior, and defamation. They are a legalized hate group.

I flew into Detroit Metro Airport Thursday afternoon in an attempt to interview the militia members first-hand but witnessed something far worse: Detroit. The houses of this so-called city were abandoned and riddled with graffiti and broken windows. This is Detroit: the once thriving city of automobile industry now forced to compete with other countries to manufacture cars, chemicals, rubber, and other car things, looked like a complete mess. Total Jeb Bush job. The city had very little greenery around, possibly from the Black Lives Matter groups intolerance to all things not black, such as grass and flowers. Detroit was once the shining city built on sustainable free enterprise, looked like the kind of city liberals cite as a “political problem manufactured by Republicans on a get-rich quick or Ponzi scheme”. This was a city that no longer solely focused on manufacturing cars, but to manufacture propaganda to cater to their wealthy elitist base.

The Black Lives Matter militia folks were very non-confrontational and destroyed my camera and my smartphone with little to no remorse. By Friday night, the Black Lives Matter folks were breaking and entering an abandoned McDonalds right by the Windsor, Canada border. Citing “reparations in form of eminent domain”, Black Lives Matter held the McDonalds hostage, garnering police attention to the situation. I was startled that there were police officers in Detroit, but I didn’t become too aghast from the situation to distract myself from this big story. A police officer, a balding white man in his late 40s, fired a warning shot for the BLM militia to leave the property or get arrested. A simple compromise, one would infer. But this literal warning shot was deemed a threat to a “Black life”, so the militia retaliated and ignited a shoot-out that lasted five minutes. Every police officer that arrived on the scene was shot, a total of twenty-five copsIn response to the situation, Black Lives Matter has claimed the outer abandoned McDonalds location within a three-mile radius as their territory.

The mayor of Detroit, Mike Duggan (lib), announced the surrender of this “South Detroit” territory, calling it “no skin of my bones”. Duggan welcomed the loss of Detroit land, but would permit sanctions to “South Detroit” in order to suffocate the land financially, perhaps as a political ploy for Mike Duggan’s next mayoral election?

The day after the horrific shootout, the militia had an amateur press conference, a relative large stature black man with a megaphone, threatening to burn down the abandoned McDonalds they illegally occupy as well as the rest of their conquered territory in 120 days if Donald Trump is not impeached by then. Any attempts to reacquire the territory of “South Detroit” would be responded with gunfire until “the pigs fly”. I might have been the only person at this press conference, as I saw police cruisers circling the area nearby but refusing to enter the Black Lives Matter land.

Mike Duggan wasn’t there but I was, to watch those violent militia thugs kill our men in blue like that, with no concern or empathy for life, hypocritical to the values the so-called “Black Lives Matter” group stands for. It’s a disgusting disgrace for Mike Duggan to allow the murder of twenty-five police officers in a shoot out to a militia that threatens the safety of citizens in Detroit. To condone such violent actions against our public defense of our fellow Americans is a disgrace to liberty and to our red, white, and blue that our country stands for. These actions are simply un-American and unneeded. The Black Lives Matter militia claim that the founding fathers forged the Second Amendment (praise be) to be invoked when to attack an unruly, tyrannical government, which has never happened in American history thank the Lord. They invoke this rhetoric to promote their agenda, which we can slowly see as an eventual takeover of our beloved United States of America herself. We cannot allow this to be. Mike Duggan must resign now, and let the citizens of Detroit pick their own strong and powerful Republican to combat this illegal militia from operating and killing our policemen, and more importantly occupying and harboring American God-given land. This is beyond a political movement that the Black Lives Matter folks claim to operate as it has turned into a terrorist organization hell-bent on destroying American society as she stands.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The staff at Bullshit News do not recognize the unsovereign land of “South Detroit”.

Rachel Gilfords is Bullshit News’ White House Correspondent and On-Field Reporter. She has covered Afghanistan and Iraq in one year and has received acclaimed conservative awards and adoration from Roger Ailes. She has a tiny brown Pomeranian named Thin Mint. 

UPDATE: John McCain Has Betrayed America, Conservative Values

Written by Editor-In-Chief Don Kaftan

The Better Care Reconciliation Act, which would cut $119 billion in government waste and pig barrel spending on health insurance amongst other wasteful spending on Medicare and social security. As you can recall, the bill was motioned to move further into a twenty-hour debate, where Democrats were in a crisis situation and gave a 6-chambered revolver with one bullet to John McCain, blindfolding him, and threatening McCain to vote no or they will shoot. The slanderous DNC gets their way again this time, joining fellow Senate RINOs Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) and Susan Collins (Maine) in stopping the bill.

It’s just a big shame, one of the most ambitious efforts from Mitch McConnell and the RNC to stop Big Government spending on Medicare and the Healthcare industry to lower our federal budget spending has been put on a big stop, and our country will greatly suffer through debt, much of which is owed to China, a country looming in becoming the new greatest Communist(ish) power, and ergo, a threat to the United States. It’s a disgrace the DNC would rather join forces with China rather than help their fellow Americans at home to pay more in taxes. It is a defeated battle, but Democrats have yet to win Congressional Supremacy and ownership of the United States. Do not pity or emphasize with their efforts or their rhetoric, the DNC is designed to undermine the common man in order to generate America with debt and promote the elite rather than use the power to help their fellow American. One day, that will all change.

What a shame. So it goes, I suppose.

Don Kaftan is the Founder of He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA.

Senate Moves To Support Pro-Jesus Healthcare Bill To Replace Obamacare

Written By Don Kaftan, Founder and Editor-In-Chief

The Senate voted 51-50 to proceed with the Jesus-endorsed Better Care Reconciliation Act, which will curb the federal deficit by $119 Billion over the next decade. Major applause to Senator Leader Mitch McConnell for helping to “drain the swamp” of government money going to waste on useless government programs designed by liberals to give the American people Big Government socialism. Jesus never had to worry about his debt, but if he did, he would endorse this bill since we spend far too much on insurance in this country. Why does the government need insurance? It runs by itself just fine, liberals just want to dilute your mind and make you believe the government is a problem and needs some insurance to help itself. Stupid liberals.

This passing of the vote now leads to the mandatory 20-hour debate sessions before casting the final vote. Yawn. The Democrats will whine about the supposed “benefits” of Social Security, Medicare, and Obamacare, while intellectual Republicans will tell the Democrats the government can’t afford to spend money on anything but the military to defend ourselves from the enemy. That is how the founders of our God-loving country intended our rights to be from the Bill of Rights onward.

A special Bullshit News shout-out for John McCain, former traitor of the Republican Party and possibly America during Vietnam when he was a POW, was diagnosed with Brain Cancer and had the strength and courage to come from Arizona to DC to vote “Yes” just for this bill. Without his involvement, this bill might not have been able to proceed. We would like to thank John McCain for his brave effort risking his life, in sheer agony and pain because of his brain tumor cancer thing, to help move this bill forward and to finally create a smaller government. We wish John McCain a speedy recovery and a successful reelection campaign.

Soon the President will sign the law, and we can begin to cut down some of the bigger costs that big government creates. As Trump has set his sights on budget cuts as the biggest focus of Making America Great Again, as evident by refusing to appoint nearly 1,000 federal appointments to do dumb menial tasks like secretary work or “Assistant Adviser to the Secretary of Agriculture” guy that also are the results of wasted taxpayer dimes and nickles that only add to the mammoth that is our deficit. We should all be thankful we finally have a president that wants to really cut government spending, which really is all this bill is about. It symbolizes real Republican values of a government that spends little and lets their citizens mind their own business when it comes to the insurance and health care industries. The government doesn’t need to be involved in these situations, so why shell nearly over two trillion dollars or whatever on those industries?

Our country has been paying the debt for far too long, and today is an important step to combating the large spending deficit that years of Obama and Clinton have poisoned the country with. It will take many years to pay off our overspending from corrupt liberal demagogues regimes, but the payout will be worth it not just for the future of our beloved United States of America, but the world will be better off for it as well.

Don Kaftan is the founder of  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA. Don Kaftan was formerly a lecturer at Bob Jones University until he had a vision from God to start and end liberal tyranny being formed at the World Wide Web.

Feminism Is Meaningless And/Or Outdated

Written By Sarah Napoli

Feminism is the lame argument that women should be equal or better than men in every aspect known to mankind. Sorry girls, we can’t be equal to men if we live on average, a little longer than most men. Liberal women (the most uninformed kind of women) have been advocating for a socialist system for their bosses to pay for their lack of work they do when they are too pregnant to work. Liberals like to patent it as “Maternity Leave” but it really is an excuse for working women to not work while they’re pregnant so it’s “better for the baby”. It’s a lie, women just want to get paid to not work while they treat their excuse to be fat in three months. It’s disgraceful to single women such as myself because we can’t get pregnant so we can have three months off work, paid. Fellow women, we must stop this shonde. We can work while having a child, men have done it for literal epochs, why should we be stopped by 21st-century ethics and norms?

If we want to be equal to men, then we cannot have maternity leave, women’s shelters, birth control, or makeup (outside of Hollywood, naturally). It’s a hard, long fight girls but we can do it. I haven’t put on or purchased makeup in thirty-five years and I look like I’m twenty-three again! It’s really that easy. We also should not have institutions and structures that support women’s ideologies by themselves, because men don’t. We want to be equal to them, right? Then we must do anything by any means to be on the same foot as men, and maybe one day a woman can be in office. Not Hillary Clinton of course, she wasn’t man enough to become the president. But if we want to be president, we must put down the foundation and re-ignite our liberation, from our own tyranny.

Face it, women are already equal to men. We can go to war, get a job, vote, have a gun, drive a car, be considered innocent until proven guilty, and not have to cover ourselves to “modest standards”. The United States of America is not Saudi Arabia where women get stoned to death for doing man-things or dressing “inappropriately”. Outside of biological issues, women have the same equal footing in American society just like men. There are women CEOs, race-car drivers, and bodybuilders, and probably involving people of color in those fields as well. “Feminism” is a meaningless phrase, it has already been achieved. We now live in a “Post-Feminist” society where the roles of women have to be defined by the women individual herself. And we should be glad that we want, unlike those Godless Islamic heathens in Saudi Arabia and ISISstan.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) Correspondent of Bullshit News. She is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. She does not want children but recently adopted a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. 

It’s Time To Increase Taxes On The Poor and “Working Class”

Written By Gilbert Miser

It remains 2017’s biggest non-story, that Donald Trump has done an impeccable job reducing the budget deficit of our country. A non-American source for this story (Reuters) reports that America’s budget deficit is $90 billion dollars, which is drastically lower than Obama’s budget deficit of $23 trillion dollars that he doomed the country for. However we are still spending more than what we’re earning, and that is dangerous. The rich have been taxed to ludicrous amounts, and we still cannot make more money. The middle class have paid their fair share for the duration of IRS, and that is fine. America’s most poorest people are also the people who get taxed far less than any other tax rate, that in today’s world, is completely unacceptable.

The poor hardly pay a damn dime in this country, and they own refrigerators. They learned how to store and preserve food. Good for them. Much like our oil reserves in North Dakota, Wyoming, and Oklahoma, the ‘Working Class’ and ‘Poor’ tax brackets paying such a low percent in taxes act as America’s frugal tendencies not to rake in money she well deserves. We live in times of terror where ISIS, Iran, Al-Qaeda and North Korea threaten to destroy our country on a daily basis, and if we can’t spend more money on our military to combat these damn Terrorist hell-hounds, how can we sleep at night?

Taxing the ‘Working Class’ and ‘Poor’, also America’s largest tax brackets, would definitely be an economic force that would wipe out the remaining budget deficit and America can finally begin to start saving for Her retirement. But we still need to cut several other departments and Medicaid so America can earn more money to spend more on Defense. Once we’re good with defensive spending, we can start spending some money to our offense and truly mobilize America as the strongest military force in the known universe! Remember kids, America went into space first, to kick its ass!

Wouldn’t it feel good to tell your kids that? Then we must tax the poor at much higher rates. They have food preserved so don’t feel to bad for them, they can always just work harder to earn themselves more money out of that tax bracket. It’s so easy.

Still, a $90 billion deficit (a “trigger” word liberals close their eyes and ears and go “LALALALALA” to) is a sign that America is in financial trouble, which is embarrassing compared to China or Germany, and the Germans are dog-tied to the European Union because of the poor Slovak countries and most egregiously, Greece. They don’t have deficits and they threaten to out-make more money in GDP than us! That’s something we must stop at all costs, or else the costs turn out to be priceless. And being priceless isn’t the American way.

The higher taxes on the poor should be a good reminder to them about the proper ways to conserve money. You don’t need to spend more money on your dumb phone and Candy Crush or whatever, you need to save all that money and put it into a bond, bitch! Poor people spend too much money and it’s no wonder why they remain tied to their class. It’s a shame they are placed onto where they are, but times are drastic and desperate in America today, so it’s time they pay their fair share. That is at least, the American way.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial correspondent. His billionaire parents died under mysterious circumstances he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became a multibillionaire. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner”. 

REVIEW: This New Virtual Reality Game Will Teach Liberals A Real Proper Lesson About Abortion

Written by Aaron Lau

Abortion may be a bit of a painful subject to bring up, but the immorberal (immoral + liberal) judicial ruling allows the murder of unborn children to be legal. To encourage the Supreme Court to change their wicked minds at some point creators at Pacific Dreams, a startup focused on making Virtual Reality video games most known for their Bible VR project, have announced they are near-done with their first virtual reality game: Live at Planned Parenthood. In Live at Planned Parenthood, gamers will be able to play out their role as the doctor or the women in “need” of an abortion. Finally, a video game that truly reflects reality unlike those damned Minecraft of Duty: Call of Juarez games that plague the market with liberal inconsistencies.

Men can also learn what it’s like to undergo an abortion and how demonizing it is that doctors blindly agree to murder babies under their “Hypocritical Oath” about “doing no harm”. Abortion is blatant murder akin to having eggs for breakfast. Sure, you can claim there “isn’t a baby yet” (a pants on fire LIE) but a life is lost at the end of the day, and someone deserves to go to prison for it, hell maybe even deserve the death penalty depending on how many babies an abortion doctor has committed. Abortion is immoral and unfortunately allowed in our country from judicial activism. If we all go to hell because of Roe V. Wade, I’m dragging a handful of democrat demagogues with me.

The Graphics of LaPP are very well detailed, including the technical specifics of the deadly tools doctors use for murder, such as a hacksaw. You can see the women undergoing the “operation” and the horrific pain she feels under the knife. The screaming, shrieking and distraught sounds from the women in anguish is painfully realistic and accurate. With the technology of virtual reality, it really feels like you are in Planned Parenthood, ready to “operate”. It was quite scary for a horror game and because of that, I don’t recommend this game for people under the age of 7 to “enjoy” or play it.

But we can change the average liberal’s mindset with Live At Planned Parenthood, where I’m sure they will VR as the doctor to have the pleasure of murdering babies for their own amusement, much from their experience playing violent video games such as Grand Theft Auto: Overwatch and Halo 18: The Fall of Max Payne. What they will see, from my experience playing the demo, is how much blood and decapitation really goes on during an ‘abortion’. It’s absolutely sickening, I had some terrible nausea for hours after playing as the doctor, I can’t imagine the VR experience from the women’s perspective, which I refuse to see from because of the nausea I’ve felt experiencing giving the operation. Yes, it is THAT realistic which is why every liberal and democrat in our country must play this game. This game may be the only real way we can get progress done in our country to re-criminalize abortion and reinstate liberty for us all, especially for those “unborn”.

I highly recommend you play Live At Planned Parenthood whenever it comes out (perhaps soon), it is truly an unforgettable experience you do not want to miss. Because you won’t forget it unless you miss it. So don’t forget to miss it, or miss it to intentionally forget it. Because that’s what the Democraps want, and we can’t let them have what they want anymore. This is OUR country, and we must defend it by any means necessary. Life is too precious to be murdered before it is given a chance, miscarriages are already too much so we do not need abortions to re-traumatize the lost and suffered. It’s a crying shame and absolutely sickening that liberals try to generate a profit off the deaths of babies.

Final Review: 8 out of 10. It’s a bit too short, but it’s not sweet at all. At. All.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line issues. He is faithful to his bride-to-be, Cindy Chieng. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and technology including video games but not the liberal propaganda-supported “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University.

It’s Time To Sit Down By The Fireside And Talk About Russia

Written by Editor-in-Chief, Don Kaftan

Good day, faithful loyal readers of The Bullshit. Doesn’t it smell like an international crisis is in the air? Never fear, let us unravel the Bullshit News for you. So sit down, light up your pipe (IT BETTER BE LEGAL WHAT YOU’RE SMOKING OR GOD FORBID) right by the fire and let trusty Don Kaftan tell you how to perceive the current state of affairs in our ever-twisting modern age of American liberty.

Tomorrow will be the infamous G20 summit, where countries that are a pedestal below America organize together to talk about economic or war things. Many (dems) are concerned that Donald Trump will talk to Putin about lifting economic sanctions on former enemy/rival, Russia. These sanctions were put in place because of the supposed-hacking and collusion the Russian government had with Donald Trump and his campaign. Recent current events have discussed Russia and its role to the United States, but we here at Bullshit News feel Russia is misguided by American freedom and could be better off if they were freer than Russian denizens currently are. But I’m not here to talk about oppressed poor Russian citizens, I’m here to talk about America, and more specifically, how America can be better off with Russian support.

Russia has been America’s rival ever since they were jealous America killed Hitler first. Stalin, a humanitarian by nature, was driven by competition to win World War II more for Russia and less for helping the spoiled ruins of Europe. Russia gave up once the Nazis were vanquished, so America had to pick up the slack and totally end the war with by bombing the shit out of Imperial Japan into total submission. It worked out great, but Russia was jealous by America’s might and decided that they should go to space to bomb us in an area where we would least expect an attack to hit us, from space. From there they noticed our bombs were Nuclear, and that there’s weren’t yet. So they fixed that problem and became a global threat to us all. Ever since they launched the Sputnik, the United States decided that they will be more powerful in space than the Soviets. Those Russian blowhards thought some stupid satellite the size of a potato would outmatch us putting HUMANS ON THE MOON. The Soviets soon realized they lost the space wars and decided to refocus on the ground agenda, being more powerful on Earth. This worked for a little while.

Puny Jimmy Washington Carter’s peanut farmer logic nearly endangered America’s status as a superpower in the Cold War from his sheer incompetence. Russia was making more money than us, and they were a communist society! Communists aren’t supposed to make money, they’re all supposed to make meager wages and give their lives for the state. Thankfully, American hero Ronald Reagan became president, and America had its charisma again. You see, Russia lacked charisma because they drink Vodka all the time. Russia would later invent Viagra to instill fertility to their impoverished and jaundiced denizens so that they could have babies again, a big problem for them in the late 70’s and early 80’s. President Reagan had an aura of cool, similar to Joe Montana in the clutch, and he was undefeatable in the Foreign Policy game. Germany was so divided because they could not decide whether godless communism or faithful capitalism was a better system for their government. Reagan came along and told Germany to tear down their communist and dystopian wall and ushered in democracy to Germany. This caused the USSR to collapse, and form to their new government which was really their government 100 years ago, Russia.

Russia has been in the news because of their autocrat, Vladimir Putin, and his seemingly powerful control of Russia. Putin has been reported to murder journalists who criticize him (un-American), heavy discrimination and even acts of malice towards those who are not pure Russian (which in a sense is American but also unacceptable and therefore, un-American), as well as reliving the grand Russian tradition of purges (un-American). He is not a nice man by any metrics, well, until he comes to our studio and agrees to do an interview so we can better know the guy. He doesn’t bring with him a nice reputation, but our stoic President, Donald Trump, sees something special in this Putin-feller. We are not sure what, but perhaps Putin is a Lenin/Stalin/Gorbachev apologist, and seeks to undo Russia’s old communist flaws and wants to better Russian society by making it more American.

We asked White House sources for our story to discuss any impact the Russian Government has had on the election, or anything involving Putin’s alleged flings with Donald, but we were not given an email reply back. It seems like if Putin and Trump are working together to make both of our countries great (by say, a trade deal or agreeing to bomb the hell out of Syria and/or North Korea), then the secrecy is a good thing and should be cherished. If Putin is actively trying to undermine American confidence and Donald Trump is acting as a useful idiot for Russia, then that should be discouraged and Trump should be given a stern talking to. Helping Russia has historically been un-American, but with recent social polarization in this country, perhaps undoing old wrongs into rights can be the one catalyst to making our country equal, and great, again. So let’s not worry about Russia for now, and let’s focus on our own country and unifying it so that old threats like Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and the United Kingdom don’t threaten our nation and weaken it from the inside. We Americans must be tough on the inside, and equally as tough on the outside so no country may undermine ourselves. Only we, fellow Americans, decide our manifest destiny to mean we either stand together, or die divided.

Don Kaftan is the founder of  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA. He hates paying taxes as much as you do.