Trump Pardons American Hero Joe Arpaio

Written by Carlos Gutierrez

First, on behalf of everyone at Bullshit News, we would like to extend our prayers to those suffering in Houston, Louisiana, and elsewhere with Hurricane Harvey. Hurricanes suck, no one should go through them.

But, today we celebrate the freedom of former Sheriff of Maricopa County (Phoenix, AZ), known (when he was in power) as America’s harshest sheriff. Joe set the legal precedent of how a sheriff can make a municipality tough and safe, by any means necessary. Diligent with the law and conducting himself, he was slandered by judicial activism and nearly had to serve time for “contempt of court”, a meaningless legal phrase used to imprison people that disagree with the court’s opinion. Thankfully, this atrocious abuse of judicial power was pardoned by our 45th president who killed Hillary Clinton in the electoral college, Donald J. Trump.

“Average” Joe Arpaio knew how to punish criminals who ruthlessly disobeyed the law and treated the criminals accordingly to the crimes they committed, a true modern day biblical interpretation of “Eye for an Eye”. Many sheriffs across America were cowardly and could never quite punish criminals the right way, hence the rise of the private prison industry to correct this sin. The only way to stop crime is through fear itself, intimidate those Godless criminals and instill some morality on the Islamic criminals that come to our country to promote their “Jihads”. Average Joe knew the job of a sheriff is to be tough and to make his community safe, which is exactly what he did, and he excelled at his job so well liberals had to complain that someone in the government was doing an efficient job. Upset that Joe was allegedly mistreating his criminals, (Note to liberals: if a criminal is in prison, they are to be punished accordingly. It is their fault they are in prison, to begin with) the vast left-wing media sought to punish good ol’ Arpaio. They almost succeeded, but they didn’t see the pardon coming to him now did they? There’s nothing the liberals can do to prohibit the pardoning. Good job, President Trump!

Congrats to “Average” Joe Arpaio on defeating the corrupt liberal agenda to throw him into the prison he instilled tough retribution against the criminals who oppose our free and democratic society. May this be the first of many pardons Trump ushers to those who were found guilty of “crimes” they did not commit. The criminal justice system is not perfect, because how the hell can a sheriff go to prison? They are here to protect us, not to join the criminals and be a threat to society. Joe Arpaio is an American hero, serving his role as the leader of defending freedom, and his pardon will be a sign to those that if you disobey the law, expect divine punishment and retribution.

Carlos Gutierrez is the Bullshit News correspondent on Criminal Justice Issues and Immigration. He was born in Corpus Christi, Texas and is as American as you or anyone else that isn’t Muslim or Jewish. Devoted to his lovely local Catholic Church, Carlos is an active member of his community and goes to church every Sunday, before the Cowboys game. Carlos worked on the 2016 Ted Cruz presidential campaign before coming to Bullshit News.