Written by Dan Shapiro
It is with great displeasure that Bullshit News announces today that Roy Moore, former Alabama Attorney General, lost the Alabama Senate election to an ABORTION-SUPPORTING PLANNED PARENTHOOD JIHAD-FAVORING DEMOCRAT, Doug Jones. The people of Alabama have spoken, but have listened to the lies of the mainstream media and believed that hard-on-crime Roy Moore was a “pedophile”. Such cable propaganda hurts not just this election, but the Republican party. Roy Moore was only accused of pedophilia, and such accusations without evidence violate our nation’s prideful libel laws. Roy Moore ought to sue, but he knows what to do since he has 30+ years of legal expertise and analysis.
However, the Republican party still has a firm grip on the House, but their grasp of the Senate has taken a step back. Now is only the time for the Republican Party to push forward! We must be united through liberal backlash! We must move on and quickly from this election, we have a country to save. The liberals can take a Senate seat, but we will strike back with more power and money then the DUMB-O-CRATS can imagine.
Lastly, happy Hannukkah to all of our Jewish supporters. May you all find a time to find Jesus Christ in your life so you can be saved.
Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on Republican Party Politics and that Middle Eastern issue everyone blabbers about. Dan Shapiro went to Yale and graduate at the top of his class with his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to own liberals with his vast and mighty brain. He lives in New York City.