San Francisco Seeks Out A Total Ban On All Knives To Curb Violence Problem

Written by Dr. Steven T. Clements, Esq

The liberally-confused democrat “citizens” of Nancy Pelosi County, San Francisco, who are already in the midst to ban plastic straws for killing baby dolphins, has looked for another failure to curb their ever-rising crime rate, which jumped up exponentially after the city taxed guns out of existence. According to evidence from my study on gun violence over the decades by analyzing crime data, the frequency and occurrence of violent crimes, and the scientific method, San Francisco’s crime rate has increased rapidly, and hit new highs under the Obama Administration.

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San Francisco, a beacon for unreported criminal activity, has struggled with crime ever since they initiated the one party voting system in 1976.

 

San Francisco banned guns in a failed attempt to end their violence problem, but as logic would dictate, their problems got worse. London Breed, mayor of San Francisco, believes the next step forward is a total ban on all knives, trying to stop the violence one sharp object at a time. But how will that work? The violent felons, immune to being arrested because of San Francisco’s libertarian history, will create new weapons and with the help of Silicon Valley, become millionaires in the process. This ban will solve nothing, and will only make violence worse but yet slightly more profitable. The move to ban plastic straws makes sense in this context, as they can be sharpened by a knife to increase their potential deadliness.

Many call San Francisco a “progressive city”, which is nothing more than a dog-whistle term for a city that openly embraces socialism. The Democrats are hardly new to this kind of information warfare by inserting dog-whistle phrases to push a more emotional kind of argument as well as getting their base triggered into acting on their violent intentions. San Francisco is really a “regressive” city that acts as a nanny welfare state. The homeless are around to roam and poop freely, and the police act as their security guards to protect them among the violent but diverse population. In spite of their many problems, they are one of the few liberal cities that can generate money because of the new age “tech” movement. Despite their newfound wealth, their citizens remain angry about miscellaneous details wrong with the Trump Administration and the old-fashioned Al Gore hoax.

Not all are opposed to this ludicrous ban on many people’s favorite kitchen utensil. One opponent of this ban, concerned citizen Richard White, is one of the last few Republicans remaining in San Francisco. Richard and a few of his cohorts were outside of San Francisco City Hall chanting, “Knives come, knives go, You can’t take our knives, San Francisco!”. I was there at this rare moment of Republican civil unrest and had to document the very rare occasion by interviewing the brave Mr. White.


 

Dr. Steven Clements, Esq: Why does San Francisco want to ban knives? Don’t they eat steak out here?

Richard White: San Francisco doesn’t believe in self-protection. They would rather let you die in the streets then filling out a death certificate or taxing the poor. They don’t like knives for the same reason they banned guns in the 70’s, “to stop the violence that is plaguing our lives”.

Dr. Steven Clements, Esq: How do you survive in a city where the homeless are better protected more than the citizens?

Richard White: The only good thing about these new tech companies is that they made it so that people don’t need to leave their homes ever again. From Uber and Doordash to Tinder, we can go by our daily needs by the whim of a smartphone without the fear of getting robbed in broad daylight by a felon with scissors or the next worse thing.

Dr. Steven Clements, Esq: Wow, I’ve never heard of any of those words before. Smartphone? Uber? Tinder? DoorWhat? I know of Netscape.

Richard White: Technology advances faster in a city where the liberals care more about the government then the well-being of the people. Sadly, I can’t order a gun with my phone, but hopefully, we’ll all be able to one day.

Dr. Steven Clements, Esq: Do you think the knife ban will pass?

Richard White: Probably, and it won’t solve anything. I happen to like using my knives for eating meat and other food but clearly, the Board of Supervisors wants everyone to maintain a paleo-food based diet or for people to use their smartphones to cook and order their food. But I know the smartphones can’t help you when the Second Amendment can when you need it!


The San Francisco Board Of Supervisors will move to vote on the total ban on knives on September 10th, where Richard and his small base of Republican supporters plan to rally once more. They hope to garner bipartisan support against this ridiculous motion to ban kitchen appliances in the name of safety and security. As for now, Bullshit News is putting up a travel advisory to the San Francisco Bay Area for their unreasonable expectation that everyone entering the San Francisco  Region cannot carry a firearm, and possibly knives in the near future in violation of the Second Amendment. Our American right to self-defense is more important than technology and its liberal flaws.

Dr. Steven Clements, Esquire is Bullshit News’s legal scholar and property management expert witness for a side-gig. He spent a long time in college and law school to be properly educated about serious subjects like tax codes and property law related subjects like privacy and water slippages. After law school, he decided he wanted to learn more about life and became a doctor in medicine. He is a lifelong member of the Federalist Society and the National Rifle Association.

 

There Are Not Nearly Enough Guns In The United States

Written by Dr. Steven T. Clements, Esq

By common law, it is a fact that the United States’ #1 hobby involves hunting. All forms of hunting involve a firearm, as guaranteed by the 2nd Amendment of the United States of America’s constitution. If the 2nd Amendment wasn’t important, it wouldn’t be #2. But America is facing a tragedy once again, as gun sales have declined over the past six months because of mainstream media liberal outrage. The liberals claim to support the 2nd Amendment, but demand “universal background checks”, a dog-whistle word for socialism. This is a national outrage that demands more media recognition, but of course, you won’t find any coverage of this issue except on Bullshit News. Let’s dive deep into it:

As discussed before on this website, teachers are not properly armed to defend themselves in case ISIS busts open their English class door and force children to start speaking in Islam. We refuse to teach children about firearm safety and protocol to defend themselves from communist ISIS intrusion. If America’s children can’t learn to defend themselves from birth to death, how can they guarantee their own safety? Parents can only do so much by purchasing firearms for every member of their family, including pets, but they can’t do everything. That’s why teachers ought to teach children on the use of firearms starting around pre-kindergarten, or kindergarten for the more “slower” kids. As every kid learns from the James Bond movies, the only way to stop an alleged “bad person with a gun” is a good person with a gun, which happens to be almost every American who has a gun.

We reached out to the NRA for a quote, but they did not respond for comment:

NRAContact1

Clearly, the NRA is working very hard to keep fighting the good fight. But perhaps the NRA doesn’t want to confront the fact that gun sales are declining, but rather trying to reinvent guns and appeal them to a younger or different demographic. The secretive nature of the NRA makes many liberals upset because they cannot process logic, unlike a noble conservative institution like Bullshit News or The Rush Limbaugh Show. As an experienced doctor and lawyer, I am an expert in critical thought, and it should be obvious the NRA is in deep thought over this sensitive issue of gun sales. My best thoughts and prayers are with the NRA in this tragic time. They should have an answer to the nation soon enough.

I looked for answers outside of the NRA, but college libraries in my nearby vicinity have barred me because of my “white privilege”. I do not understand how other common everyday Americans are not outraged by the fact they are not armed to defend themselves or concerned about the decline in gun sales. Instead, they talked about Santa Fe, New Mexico for some reason, which I refuse to believe is a U.S territory or state. These “people” are clearly part of the problem, and they can solve this problem by adequately defending themselves with a handgun. Remember, there may be bad people with guns (and their intentions are probably not related to the gun), but with enough good people with guns can outmatch and outduel all the alleged “bad people with guns”. There are no bad people with guns, only criminals. And criminals are not people, as President Trump uttered yesterday. So who are the bad people with guns? An urban fiction.

“Universal Background Checks” are precisely what the Stasi used to reclaim Germany as a communist state. But eventually, they failed, just as Democrats ordinarily do. The UBC’s are a threat to our national epidemic on the lack of guns per American citizen, and if the liberals keep complaining their way, it’s possible for these so-called “Universal Background Checks” to become more recognized as a form of gun censorship. These acts are not just against nature, but the First and Second Amendment of our God-fearing country. These are acts of malice waiting to happen, and we don’t have the research to know whether or not UBC’s will lead to fewer guns in our society. But the fewer people have access to guns, the more dangerous people become. You cannot deprive people of their basic human liberty to defend themselves. But because liberals are not people, they do not have the emotions to empathize with a passionate American who loves the Second Amendment just as liberals love running the government to the ground with budget deficits and needless taxing.

As we approach a national epidemic of a possible decline in gun sales, let us purchase as many firearms as we are able to for this and next week so we can do our best to make our country better prepared for terrorist acts of Godless Islamic Communism. Our founding fathers did not invent a constitution to submit themselves to the United Kingdom and their monarchic oppression. It has long been a national pastime to own a gun, and we can’t let liberals take what most Americans love. If we let liberals get away with “Universal Background Checks”, they will start to pry away at other freedoms until America becomes a communist nation, precisely what Barack Hussein Obama wanted to leave as his legacy.

Dr. Steven T. Clements, Esquire is Bullshit News’s legal scholar and property management expert witness for a side-gig. He spent a long time in college and law school to be properly educated about serious subjects like tax codes and property law related subjects like privacy. After law school, he decided he wanted to learn more about life and became a doctor. He is a lifelong member of the Federalist Society and the National Rifle Association.

Arming Teachers With Firearms Is The Only Way To Prevent Undesirable Manslaughter In Schools

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief, Founder

Liberals have not stopped talking about guns since the Stoneham Douglass High School tragedy last Wednesday. Why are liberals so fixated on guns? We know guns can’t be the problem, they’re the solution to the problem that was initiated by wacko nutjob folks that play too much Call of Duty: Medal of Honor 3, listen to too much “Heavy Metal” and “Jazz” music and absorb all violent tendencies that come from CNN and the local movie theater. There are innumerable studies that show mentally disturbed people who absorb too much inappropriate media will order a gun from HGTV and shoot up somewhere in a statement they whine in their manifestos, naturally inspired by Karl Marx. My question is this: Why do all the mentally ill vote Democrat? Consider John Hinckley, the nutjob that was in love with Jane Fonda (an anti-American freedom and anti-liberty actress) and tried to kill the bastion of all that is good and noble, Ronald Reagan. What kind of common sense Republican would attempt to discharge a firearm in public, let alone founding father himself Ronald Reagan? Republicans are responsible and orderly, Democrats are mischievous, overly idealistic and odorly.

The real problem this whole fiasco brings up an important question, why do Democrats want this supposed “gun control”? What could that accomplish? People will still find a way to acquire a firearm (and knowing democrats that want all guns to be illegal, they would sell them on the black market to make a profit to save their bankrupt asses), and no God-fearing patriot would ever refuse a sale. Everyone needs money, everyone needs to find a way to protect their money, and so everyone needs a firearm to protect their money for themselves. So yes, teachers like children must learn how to use a firearm for self-protection, it is not just a practical solution, it is the only solution. If crazy atheist liberal wackos will keep shooting guns in school and not on a firing range, making every teacher prepared for the worst, will give them a strong mindset to be ready for the worst.

“But”, the dumb-o-crat contrarian says, “What if teachers don’t want to use a gun?”. That’s tragically simple, they will die. If they die, they die. I believe the term to be used is “natural selection”, because the liberal teacher will naturally select himself to die, preferably as a body shield for the accidental manslaughter that can occur in schools. The smart children that have Glocks can easily save teachers too, but it is ideal that every person in a local public school is armed, and from there it will prevent these incidental discharges from occurring ever again in public. As the Founding Fathers said when creating our beautiful and exceptional country:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Ahh, the Second Amendment is like Psalm 23 of the United States. Our shepherd, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, guides us through the cloudy uncertainty of day-to-day living. There will always be worse people with guns (some circles call these people, “libertarians”) that will exercise their Second Amendment rights and discharge their bullets to unwilling defenseless toddlers. And until everyone is armed (per their rights and given they are not a felon, in which case they can use BB guns), these atheist wacko Islamists will always try to terrorize the people. But if we all listened to our Founding Fathers, maybe we don’t have to worry about these incidental acts of unintentional manslaughter in public venues.
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Teachers NEED guns, perhaps at subsidized costs and preferably tax-free. We can’t afford to have any young bright minds wasted because they never learned how to use a firearm in school for self-defense. Local NRA chapters should assist every teacher on how to be properly armed and ready in the event of an unfortunate discharge, and learn how to fire and hold a gun to prevent recoil and cause other accidental discharges. The only solution the commies can contour up when it comes to so-called “gun control” is to either ban every firearm, ban media imagery, or promote “universal background checks”. “Universal background checks” is a dog-whistle word for socialism, as well as the word “universal”. Think about it, the term “universal” puts every American into a regulated box waiting for the government to pick them up from the school to lobotomize them into unwilling consent that regulation is acceptable and that everything in life would be better if the government-funded everything. Ugh, fiscal irresponsibility gives me the shakes.
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The media are to blame here. Our media is very violent and bloody that it makes liberals squirm with all the high-intensity action that media provides. It’s very entertaining, so much it functions as a feedback loop, resending the same signals that tell people to purchase a product or commit a tragedy using a beloved firearm towards a local populace. But the solution isn’t more regulation, you filthy liberal plutocrat, but to be more aware of media’s images and effects. Children are intelligent but unaware of the effects of the media, so it’s up to the parent’s discretion to be mindful of what their children do before they grow up a Democrat. And especially do not give a child a “Metallica” or “Charlie Parker” CD, those kinds of music will mess with any mentally disturbed teenager. To adequately protect children is to go beyond giving them firearms and training, but to instill that your child is media literate and is well aware of the liberal biases in places like NPR, CBS, and CNN. Too much exposure to those outlets will drive them into an unintentional manslaughter event.
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The liberal fixation on regulating or banning firearms is a call to arms. We cannot allow this kind of atrocity to impact our beloved and beautiful country and corrode what our Founding Fathers died for with terrible and inaccurate musket-rifles. Pistols have a safety for a reason, obviously meant to prevent unintentional public discharges from occurring but sadly Democrats never read the fine print or a manual. The solution to these public undesirable manslaughter events is not more regulation, but to make sure every teacher is locked and loaded before the first bell rings. We cannot afford more children to die because of educational mishaps, or their lack of awareness of what firearms are. WE NEED TO TEACH THE CHILDREN rather then charade them into a world of lies and firearm regulation, what a crooked future that would be.
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Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was not invited to CPAC because he was too conservative for their tastes.