Tag: maga

BREAKING: Racism Is Over

~ DonKaftan ~ 15 Comments

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief, and Founder

President Donald Trump has issued an executive order declaring that the war on racism is now over, with the evil racist communists losing. This is now one of President Donald Trump’s most significant accomplishments and victories to date. Now Blacks, Reds, Asians, Jews, Hispanics, Mexicans, and White Americans can all peacefully coexist without having to bother or insult each other based on the skin they are born with. It was only fifty years ago this year that the Civil Rights Act was passed in a failed liberal effort to end racism, which in reality only inspired riotings, lootings, and lynchings in every mall and suburb in America. But now we can at long last put our past aside and focus working on the now: Making America Great Again.

President Trump also gave a speech during one of his rallies in Arkansas about issuing his executive order. Trump noted that he was the first president ever to take on racism, “They’ll have it in the papers: President Donald Trump was the president that finally brought down the whole racism deal. Ronald Reagan couldn’t do it. Bill Clinton brought back racism from its grave. Carter only gave bad deals and the Iranian government bombs. It was even too hard for former President George Bush. But I did it, I finally did it for you America! [crowd cheers] Racism is over! Take that Obama! Obama was too scared to approach racism, actually…I think in fact he was a racist! [crowd roars into another applause] He had to have been racist because he couldn’t end racism. But I did!”

Racists have decided that their cause isn’t worth fighting anymore and have conceded to President Trump that they are flawed liberals in need of re-education. The executive order forces anyone that still holds “abhorrent views on racialism” to be put into these re-education camps and forcibly learn their ways or face a maximum prison sentence. Racism has long been a problem in America ever since it was pointed out that it existed from a Martin Luther King Jr. speech about dreams or mountain tops of that variety. He wanted his people to be let go of the shackles of racism. He tragically passed away from a wound relating to a racist’s interactions with King. Rest in Peace, Martin Luther King Jr. We hope you can smile back at us now that we have solved your dream riddle.

Now for the Democratic Party, they are effortlessly doomed. No rational citizen will want to vote for a political party that didn’t end racism. What values do they really have? The only groups that want to pander to the Democratic Party now are socialists, unions, and Nazis. All strong morally repugnant populist groups. Perhaps they will continue to dwell on their racist “grassroots” strategy in an effort to steal voters from the AARP as well as their illegal voter fraud the Democratic Party construes to win House/Senate seats. Any smart citizen will realize the Democratic Party will only try to elect the most fascist candidates to office in an attempt to seize power for themselves forever. How ironic!

Fear not united by race American citizens, for the Godless Islamic plot in Syria remains a critical threat to the free world. America, as beautiful as she is exceptional, must be united against its other wars on Iraq, Afghanistan, drugs, poverty, illegal immigration, voter fraud, Christmas, random Middle Eastern countries that deserve it, Benghazi, cancer, trade, energy, coal, women, culture, and especially in Syria. With all these major wars to focus on it’s good riddance to racism, to say the least.

America clearly has bigger problems to focus on, especially in regards to the fake news epidemic that has been sweeping the nation for years now. Bullshit News wants to congratulate you on doing your job to preserve the status quo for the better Americans around us. We rely on your fanatical (and eventually financial) support in order to Make America Great Again. Keep reading about the good fight, and continue to make Bullshit News trend around the world. Thank YOU.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.

President Donald J. Trump Is Not A Criminal

~ DonKaftan ~ 4 Comments

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder of Bullshit News

The donkeycrat asinine conspiracies about the treasonous elephant in the room must be addressed. The 45th President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump, has been accused of being involved in criminal activities by the mainstream media since day one of his 2016 Presidential Campaign to Make America Great Again. This has been completely unheard of in American history, no other President has been as stigmatized by the libelous media in recorded history than President Donald Trump. It’s as if George Washington himself was seen as a traitor that wanted to collude with the Indians to create his own nation-state against the then newly created United States. Why has the liberal media conjectured conspiracy theories to dismantle our countries unity? Donald Trump won his election fair and square, a long time ago might I add. Liberals refuse to concede their power to support a standing President of the United States, which is very unusual even for those treasonous bastards.

One of these many Democratic Party conspiracy theories involves that Donald Trump, a lifelong American patriotic businessman who embodies the American Dream, was accused of receiving assistance from the Russian government to help win his election. Bullshit News has already covered the so-called Russian collusion accusations, which you can read by clicking on this sentence. President Trump’s name has already been cleared by this conspiracy theory, according to the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence. Devin Nunes, who is the head of the committee, has announced that they have finished their year-long report and have seen zero evidence of any Russian involvement in the election.  In their meticulous report, there was, “no evidence of collusion, coordination, or conspiracy between the Trump campaign and the Russians”. The legal language can’t be any clearer than that.

This witch hunt has also traced President Trump’s past back to his real estate and reality TV star duel-life career. Why are people accusing a successful entrepreneur of finding some way to cheat to where he is today? He is no Bernie Madoff or Jordan Belfort in finding ways of accumulating his wealth, he’s worked long and hard, hours if not days on end non-stop to find ways to increase his net worth. He innovated the idea of having children to work on his businesses and profited tremendously by building large towers in New York City and across the non-American world with a household brand: Trump. If Democrats could find ways to make money like Donald has, maybe they wouldn’t be in the debt they’re in.

And among the vilest, immorberal (immoral/liberal), and most libelous claim the Mainstream Media has claimed to date was that President Donald Trump was having an affair with an “esteemed pornographic film actress” named Stormy Daniels. Have the Democrats gotten this desperate that they had to hire 18-year-olds to be their opposition research team? Did they get their fresh ideas from the gay-Jewish mecca of Broadway Hollywood? The Democratic Party, in a radically fascist attempt to seize power from a fair and toughly fought election, have paid an actress from movies like “Dripping Wet Sex 4”, “Space Nuts”, and “Trailor Trash Nurses 6” to sue the President of the United States and do what Crooked Hillary Clinton could never do, win the Electoral College. No other president, aside from perhaps Richard Nixon or Warren Harding, has had to endure such strife in fictitious and ludicrous scandals invented by a party that isn’t just bankrupt with ideas, but one that is powerless and continues to grasp at straws. For goodness’ sake, they ran a socialist as one of their nominees in 2016 and he finished in second place.

Bullshit News has declared red alert on our Mission Statement. The Democrats are attempting to overthrow God and install some Jimmy Carter dope fiend, flower power puppet in place. Perhaps Stormy Daniels could become president in the unrealistic and fictional world where she wins her lawsuit and Trump unconditionally surrenders his presidency. The Democratic Party has now begun to assert bolshevik means of usurping power, such governmental actions unseen since the Red Revolution in the USSR. The Democrats are seeking to overthrow the government of the United States. In retaliation to reassert his power, Donald Trump hired John Bolton to be his next National Security Advisor. John Bolton is known to be tough and assertive to get things done diplomatically and for national security. He is a “Hawk”, someone to be feared across the world like Henry Kissinger. This is how Donald Trump thinks intellectually, the opposite of how criminals and drug users think, Donald plans ahead. He has a bright and glowing future for a second term, unlike the democratic celebrity drug addicts.

Do not be deceived by the libelous mainstream media and their socially constructed lies about Donald Trump’s prestigious background and business acumen. They are manufactured by the same media conglomerates that give you the Disney movies, Time Warner’s NBA basketball, Viacom’s reality TV shows, Fox’s “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy”, and Comcast Xfinity’s everything. These corporations, the most mainstream of mainstream media, colluded together to pull strings for Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama’s radical socialist agenda to overthrow Republican power. But fear not, if the mainstream media were truly powerful they would have won the 2016 Presidential Election. But you, the informed Republican conservative voters, have proved the demagogue Democratic Party totally wrong. Bullshit News salutes to your valiant efforts, but the war is still going on. The Democrats falsely claimed to have risen like a drunken phoenix barrel rolling its way from the debt ashes.

Remain on high alert. Do not believe the media. Believe in the only conservative website on the net that sticks it to the man without relying on Matt Drudge sensationalism. Rely on Bullshit News as your political rhetoric and website/weapon of choice. Donald J. Trump is not a criminal. Believe it from us, Straight From The Source©.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.

Hillary Clinton Announces Bid To Run For Prime Minister Of Communism-Plagued Canada

~ DonKaftan ~ 6 Comments

Written By Dan Shapiro

Hillary Clinton, the infamous deplorable loser who was banished from the United States of America after her defeat in the 2016 presidential election, has announced she has migrated to the communist moose colony of Canada and will run for Prime Minister in their 2019 election. Hillary Clinton is bloodthirsty for power, and she has innovated her political methods by mimicking Donald Trump for calling the heartland of America, “backwards” and did not share any desire to make America great again, which is evident by running for a “Prime Minister”. That’s one thing that shines about Canada’s communism, they don’t believe in constitutions or presidents, both what help make America the world’s leader number one leader in liberty production.

We don’t like to talk about Canada on Bullshit News because we refuse to acknowledge our Stalinist neighbor or promote their red radical agenda. The leader of their “Prime Minister” bund, Justin Trudeau, is more of a hippie that likes to put flowers in guns than behave as a world leader. What exactly has he done since he became “Prime Minister”, raise taxes on the poor? Of course not, the most outlandish thing he is currently doing is promoting the liberal agenda known as “multiculturalism”. In layman’s terms, it’s a Canadian version of American liberty, only communist and inferior. There is a strong reason why the American Dollar will always be more valuable than the Canadian dollar because as we all know, Communism never works. If communism worked, why isn’t life more efficient than it needs to be?

Enough with the communist bastards of the North. Hillary Clinton, poaching over the Canadian “Parliament” like a vulture over a dead deer, will not cease her political ambitions until she is in a high and powerful position to dictate people’s lives. In an essence, she is an export of bastardized American liberty, but she is no communist. She might be too much of a socialist to make any “splash” for parliament seating, but this is a key sign that her days meddling with Donald Trump’s presidential affairs in cohorts with Robert Mueller are over. Her next approach is a long-shot one, become a popular Canadian politician and usurp the general-secretary (the so-called “Prime Minister”) role Justin Trudeau holds. But as we all know, when communists hold power they are very reluctant to take it, and will often approach violent ends to a means if it means staying in power. Once Hillary managed to get a chance to be on the ballot, we should not be surprised if something suspicious happens, such as asking America to help her campaign and is thrown to Canadian prison for colluding with a foreign government. What poetic justice that would be!

Hillary Clinton announced she was running for “Prime Minister” from Mumbai, India. Just weeks before, Justin Trudeau was campaigning for reelection in the former communist colony, India.  Hillary is aiming to see how Trudeau is popular and must robotically mimic his approach to politics to better understand the so-called “average Canadian voter”. Justin’s communist constituents denounced Trudeau’s New Delhi-leg of his campaign saying that he was “trying too hard“, creating a divide in the Liberal Party (the communist bund for the Democratic Party) and the exact moment for Hillary Clinton to jump in on the scene and challenge Trudeau. What’s to happen will be examined more by Bullshit News in the future. For now, America will always be in the headlines.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on Republican Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB spl.

Trade Wars: Everything Old Is New Again For American Supremacy

~ DonKaftan ~ 6 Comments

Written by Gilbert Miser

President Donald Trump’s daily parade of American glory has decided to continue sailing its route towards making America #1 in freedom again. President Trump is extremely concerned about our deficits in liberty from trade. As we all know, America is #1 in liberty production and somehow still continues to spend more on exporting liberty than receiving liberty, or our money back. This is completely unacceptable and we should all salute Donald J. Trump for urging a trade war to help our unsalted economy from former Democratic/Autocratic leader, Barack Hussein Obama.

Donald Trump also announced new tariffs on aluminum and steel, two industries that were ransacked by us from the Mexicans and the Canadians. Or the British and Chinese, whoever those countries were, they are anti-American in ideology and agenda. We need to trade more with countries like Russia or Albania, we will instantly receive rubles, or profits, from those countries. And the more currencies America crushes with its hard big dollar, the more powerful the trade war benefits the American dollar, the absolute currency of the universe.

While liberals like Globalist/Elitist-stooge Gary Cohn run screaming, proclaiming a trade war “makes no sense” or “will make the cost of living more unaffordable to the average American” are pure nonsense. Trade wars assert American might, and might creates right. And what’s right, is ultimately what’s best for not just the country, but for the world. Trade wars are what killed Adolf Hitler, poisoned Leon Trotsky, and let George Washington kill oppressive monarch King George the Third. From trade wars, Adolf Hitler learned he was a total baby loser and shot himself. Leon Trotsky learned that socialism was for suckers and was living a lie his entire life to poison and himself from making the wrong trade deal with Joseph Stalin. And as well all know, George Washington crossed the Potomac to burn down the tea factories the British forced Americans to work in without money. Trade wars work in silencing the opposition, and Donald Trump has made steps in the right direction to make America work again.

“Trade wars” and “tariffs” are economic weapons that America has always had in Her arsenal, and those weapons were waiting to be used, much like our nuclear weapons program. All the meaningless presidents before Donald Trump, such as Obama, Clinton, and the like, never bothered to provoke other meaningless countries like Germany or Australia into a trade war, because they fear about the public image of the United States. That is shameful, and not American in any sense of behavior. Trade wars are not vulgar displays of power, but rather tools to better correct the economic world. But why steel, liberty and aluminum tariffs and not tariffs on cotton or wind instruments? Because the number one goal of a trade war is to win money, and what can provide more to America, besides oil, then steel and aluminum? This is the exact time to take our country back from the scrap heap and into the dominant social paradigm-heap.

 

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents died under mysterious circumstances he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became a multibillionaire. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. Contrary to the popular misconception, Gilbert is neither an “elitist” nor a “globalist”. 

It’s Time To Sit Down By The Fireside And Talk About Russia

~ DonKaftan ~ 9 Comments

Written by Editor-in-Chief, Don Kaftan

Good day, faithful loyal readers of The Bullshit. Doesn’t it smell like an international crisis is in the air? Never fear, let us unravel the Bullshit News for you. So sit down, light up your pipe (IT BETTER BE LEGAL WHAT YOU’RE SMOKING OR GOD FORBID) right by the fire and let trusty Don Kaftan tell you how to perceive the current state of affairs in our ever-twisting modern age of American liberty.

Tomorrow will be the infamous G20 summit, where countries that are a pedestal below America organize together to talk about economic or war things. Many (dems) are concerned that Donald Trump will talk to Putin about lifting economic sanctions on former enemy/rival, Russia. These sanctions were put in place because of the supposed-hacking and collusion the Russian government had with Donald Trump and his campaign. Recent current events have discussed Russia and its role to the United States, but we here at Bullshit News feel Russia is misguided by American freedom and could be better off if they were freer than Russian denizens currently are. But I’m not here to talk about oppressed poor Russian citizens, I’m here to talk about America, and more specifically, how America can be better off with Russian support.

Russia has been America’s rival ever since they were jealous America killed Hitler first. Stalin, a humanitarian by nature, was driven by competition to win World War II more for Russia and less for helping the spoiled ruins of Europe. Russia gave up once the Nazis were vanquished, so America had to pick up the slack and totally end the war with by bombing the shit out of Imperial Japan into total submission. It worked out great, but Russia was jealous by America’s might and decided that they should go to space to bomb us in an area where we would least expect an attack to hit us, from space. From there they noticed our bombs were Nuclear, and that there’s weren’t yet. So they fixed that problem and became a global threat to us all. Ever since they launched the Sputnik, the United States decided that they will be more powerful in space than the Soviets. Those Russian blowhards thought some stupid satellite the size of a potato would outmatch us putting HUMANS ON THE MOON. The Soviets soon realized they lost the space wars and decided to refocus on the ground agenda, being more powerful on Earth. This worked for a little while.

Puny Jimmy Washington Carter’s peanut farmer logic nearly endangered America’s status as a superpower in the Cold War from his sheer incompetence. Russia was making more money than us, and they were a communist society! Communists aren’t supposed to make money, they’re all supposed to make meager wages and give their lives for the state. Thankfully, American hero Ronald Reagan became president, and America had its charisma again. You see, Russia lacked charisma because they drink Vodka all the time. Russia would later invent Viagra to instill fertility to their impoverished and jaundiced denizens so that they could have babies again, a big problem for them in the late 70’s and early 80’s. President Reagan had an aura of cool, similar to Joe Montana in the clutch, and he was undefeatable in the Foreign Policy game. Germany was so divided because they could not decide whether godless communism or faithful capitalism was a better system for their government. Reagan came along and told Germany to tear down their communist and dystopian wall and ushered in democracy to Germany. This caused the USSR to collapse, and form to their new government which was really their government 100 years ago, Russia.

Russia has been in the news because of their autocrat, Vladimir Putin, and his seemingly powerful control of Russia. Putin has been reported to murder journalists who criticize him (un-American), heavy discrimination and even acts of malice towards those who are not pure Russian (which in a sense is American but also unacceptable and therefore, un-American), as well as reliving the grand Russian tradition of purges (un-American). He is not a nice man by any metrics, well, until he comes to our studio and agrees to do an interview so we can better know the guy. He doesn’t bring with him a nice reputation, but our stoic President, Donald Trump, sees something special in this Putin-feller. We are not sure what, but perhaps Putin is a Lenin/Stalin/Gorbachev apologist, and seeks to undo Russia’s old communist flaws and wants to better Russian society by making it more American.

We asked White House sources for our story to discuss any impact the Russian Government has had on the election, or anything involving Putin’s alleged flings with Donald, but we were not given an email reply back. It seems like if Putin and Trump are working together to make both of our countries great (by say, a trade deal or agreeing to bomb the hell out of Syria and/or North Korea), then the secrecy is a good thing and should be cherished. If Putin is actively trying to undermine American confidence and Donald Trump is acting as a useful idiot for Russia, then that should be discouraged and Trump should be given a stern talking to. Helping Russia has historically been un-American, but with recent social polarization in this country, perhaps undoing old wrongs into rights can be the one catalyst to making our country equal, and great, again. So let’s not worry about Russia for now, and let’s focus on our own country and unifying it so that old threats like Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and the United Kingdom don’t threaten our nation and weaken it from the inside. We Americans must be tough on the inside, and equally as tough on the outside so no country may undermine ourselves. Only we, fellow Americans, decide our manifest destiny to mean we either stand together, or die divided.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA. He hates paying taxes as much as you do.