Written by Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq
Citing internal sources within the White House, President Trump has declared he is tired of the eyesore that is the Grand Canyon (located somewhere in Arizona) and would desire one of America’s formerly great national parks would be better suited for golfers rather than “the mole people” that live in the region along with the “amount of Natives waiting to make a profit off their land.” These comments were leaked to the media by the far-left Mainstream Media operatives known as the “Daily Caller”.
President Trump held a rally nearby the Grand Canyon in Flagstaff, AZ where he further elaborated his comments to high praise, “Have you seen the Grand Canyon? It’s such an eyesore, there’s nothing to do. It’s not like Lake Tahoe with their geysers and those deer with antlers that roam around freely on to traffic then BAM! Lots of blood, blood was everywhere in fact. So gruesome yet thrilling. Much better looking than Janet Reno.”
The Grand Canyon is a national landmark that is 277-mile long canyon and 18 miles wide which, like Canada, is a barren wasteland that has no natural resources to squander for. President Trump is correct in his assertions, as there is nothing useful about the land the Grand Canyon currently occupies, it could be improved by adding in a five-star hotel, a couple of resorts, 3-5 golf courses, maybe a mini-golf resort and movie theater for the kids, and perhaps a few Bed and Breakfasts for the impoverished travelers. All of these ideas won’t cover the entire Grand Canyon, but it’s a fresh start to what’s already not there. Arizona can certainly use the money to fund the border and by executing this gameplan, they can make money back on it too.
Many Democrats and African-American Supremacists have opposed this plan, calling it “unnatural” to make capitalism happen in one of the most boring places on Earth, let alone in the United States of America. Enron and Shell cannot do anything in the region for there is no oil to extract, and the coal industry in America is not strong enough in Arizona to justify more coal plants in the region. The next best thing is to make the area as luxurious as possible, for the Grand Canyon now is just a waste of real estate that would be in better hands of the Trump Administration and not some burrower humans.
It’s high time for Arizona to step up their GDP and prove to be a state that cares for Americans and doesn’t get sucked up by the liberal left coast corruption that is Washington, Oregon, and California. If Trump has considered selling Alaska to cut off the national debt, then major Grand Canyon modifications are also strongly possible. Aside from being a border state meant to protect us from them, Arizona can improve in many ways and cutting their losses with the so-called “Grand Canyon” would be the best way to start helping Make America Great Again. Let us commend President Trump for his bold, brave and modestly unconventional ventures to improve our country and make us dominant in the world’s affairs once again.
Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.