Written By Sarah Napoli
Feminism is the lame argument that women should be equal or better than men in every aspect known to mankind. Sorry girls, we can’t be equal to men if we live on average, a little longer than most men. Liberal women (the most uninformed kind of women) have been advocating for a socialist system for their bosses to pay for their lack of work they do when they are too pregnant to work. Liberals like to patent it as “Maternity Leave” but it really is an excuse for working women to not work while they’re pregnant so it’s “better for the baby”. It’s a lie, women just want to get paid to not work while they treat their excuse to be fat in three months. It’s disgraceful to single women such as myself because we can’t get pregnant so we can have three months off work, paid. Fellow women, we must stop this shonde. We can work while having a child, men have done it for literal epochs, why should we be stopped by 21st-century ethics and norms?
If we want to be equal to men, then we cannot have maternity leave, women’s shelters, birth control, or makeup (outside of Hollywood, naturally). It’s a hard, long fight girls but we can do it. I haven’t put on or purchased makeup in thirty-five years and I look like I’m twenty-three again! It’s really that easy. We also should not have institutions and structures that support women’s ideologies by themselves, because men don’t. We want to be equal to them, right? Then we must do anything by any means to be on the same foot as men, and maybe one day a woman can be in office. Not Hillary Clinton of course, she wasn’t man enough to become the president. But if we want to be president, we must put down the foundation and re-ignite our liberation, from our own tyranny.
Face it, women are already equal to men. We can go to war, get a job, vote, have a gun, drive a car, be considered innocent until proven guilty, and not have to cover ourselves to “modest standards”. The United States of America is not Saudi Arabia where women get stoned to death for doing man-things or dressing “inappropriately”. Outside of biological issues, women have the same equal footing in American society just like men. There are women CEOs, race-car drivers, and bodybuilders, and probably involving people of color in those fields as well. “Feminism” is a meaningless phrase, it has already been achieved. We now live in a “Post-Feminist” society where the roles of women have to be defined by the women individual herself. And we should be glad that we want, unlike those Godless Islamic heathens in Saudi Arabia and ISISstan.
Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) Correspondent of Bullshit News. She is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. She does not want children but recently adopted a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”.