Can Someone Nuke These North Korean Bastards Already?

Written By Sgt. Louie Gates II

I’m tired of Kim Jong-un’s white ass threatening to bomb our lovely United States of America with ICBM missiles and nukes. I was in the military for dozens of years, and let me tell you that the North Koreans have USSR technology, weapons of destruction so outdated they won’t be able to kill a badger no matter how hard they try. They’re naive but might possibly have a nuke makes them a threat to bring on the apocalypse. And the United States just can’t let that happen. Donald is a tough leader who loves the military as evidenced by the fact that a quarter of his staff are generals!*

And now North Korea is launching missiles on what is seemingly a once a week threat to the United States and our old enemy, Japan. No one else is stopping these North Korean bastards, cucking South Korea for nearly an eternity since their war. As a proponent of America First, America needs to send a statement to Kim Jong-un, and not from Twitter this time. This statement needs more than 140 or 280 characters, it needs plutonium.

Our military is strong and should not be mocked or be insulted from authoritarian fascists like Kim Jong-un. Our message to the pansy lame liberal countries at the United Nations will be that America does not tolerate fascism and especially communist fascists and North Korea will be made into an example of what America will do if you deny our freedoms and threaten our country with VCR weaponry. As Congress approves a $700 billion spending increase to our military, we will need to put good use for that reason to justify our deficit. All in all, it’s a fairly simple assignment.

Do not be wary of North Korean terrorist threats, they would not be clever to reenact ISIS truck attacks in Europe or, God forbid, 9/11. They can’t even fly a missile and hit Hawaii, barely even Japan! Let’s not think they can suddenly gain ahead in technology to be able to hit our beautiful country. No other country would bother to protect them, and China is hardly the party to initiate a war if it’s not about economics. Continue to mock these North Korean godless communists, because their words mean nothing.


Sgt. Louie Gates II is Bullshit News’ correspondent on national security and military issues. He owns four Rottweilers and is a huge Boston Red Sox fan. He is faithful to his wife LaShawnda Gates and has two daughters. He served in the military and received a purple heart for his efforts to protect our country.

*As of September 27th, 2017

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