Tag: Coronavirus

President Trump Cures Coronavirus, Demands Everyone Go Back To Work Tomorrow

~ DonKaftan ~ 10 Comments

Written By Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

As you might be aware the coronavirus pandemic that was inflicted on us by professional socialist and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has forced a majority of Americans to stay at home and not go to work, forcing a heavy and unfair economic burden on the Trump Administration. The Sanders campaign made a strong effort to tank the economy to prove that capitalism could not win another Cold War, but their campaign has failed thanks to Trump’s creative use of the Laffer Curve to budget cut the coronavirus out of existence. The President held a press conference today, announcing the cure of the Coronavirus otherwise known as COVID-19, and the immediate plans going forward.

The coronavirus while incredibly infectious to the point of scaring people to socialize properly anymore has a fatal flaw: it can’t kill. That’s right, the coronavirus can’t kill. It can numb your sense of smell, make you have a bad cough and in the case of one of the Cuomos of New Yorkistan, hallucinate to the point you pretend you’re in The Godfather Part 3. Even marijuana is deadlier than the coronavirus, and even the scientists aren’t stupid about that. What is stupid is that people aren’t working anymore because they’re scared of something easier to treat than syphilis. Has Bernie Sanders successfully made America look pathetic because of China originated “COVID-19”?

Sure you may have noticed “reported deaths”, but this is a mere misconception. Deaths are reported to mainstream media publications like The Federalist and Quillette, both known for their vocally anti-Republican agendas with their founders being millions of dollars deep into the Clinton Foundation. All of these “reported deaths” show that America, a profoundly strong country with no weaknesses whatsoever, has a higher “reported death/fatality” number than socialist countries like China, Russia, and England. America is only behind Spain and Italy, who are merely irrelevant fascist nations that have complex “free” medical care programs that lead to more deaths. That is, if COVID-19 could kill after all. Which it can’t, if you recall.

What left-wing dominated media won’t tell you is that President Trump has been hard at work, day in and night out talking to all of the smartest scientists in the world (such as myself) to work on a vaccine quickly and efficiently to destroy any chance of Coronavirus stopping any more Americans from working their job and having a normal life with heterosexual family values. And on this historical day, the 4th of April, 2020, Donald Trump has announced in his normal press briefing that the cure to Coronavirus/COVID-19 has been created. Normally illnesses and other impedances to capitalism can be cured via flu shots and vaccinations, which didn’t exist for this particular strain of infectious bacteria or whatever. There’s usually test trials or whatever those left-wing biologists pretend to do in their spare time waiting for their chlorophyll.

Yet this particularly infectious strain of influenza and the common cold put together was defeated soundly in just one trial, where it cured President Trump’s personal case of the coronavirus as well as the Eternally Democratically Elected President of Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro. Since the first trial worked so well, there was no importance deemed upon repeating the trial so that the cure could reach out to as many corporations and small businesses as they can. There is nothing worse in our society than unemployment, and as soon as we can remedy that as soon as possible, the better society will march on towards Election Season.

President Trump still advises that all citizens must routinely wash their hands, so that we may continue to scrub socialism and all other forms of pandemic flu away from our nation. Trump also announces that America will dedicate the rest of its leftover resources fighting the coronavirus into curing Opioid addiction, which takes the lives of more Republicans on a day-to-day basis than the coronavirus. The President demands that everyone go back to work as soon as tomorrow, and as late as this Monday. We should all follow our President’s orders and celebrate!

 
Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.

Hillary Clinton Endorses President Donald Trump For Reelection

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief, And Founder

Despite the possibly fictitious corona-virus scare from the Bernie Sanders campaign designed to disrupt our natural order, there is still a presidential election going on in November this year. Another candidate that won’t be on that ballot is one of the most infamous to ever run for office in our freedom-loving country. Hillary Clinton, a woman whose name alone elicits all the scandals she’s ravished onto America, has decided that after her other failed bid at becoming Prime Minister of Canada, she has finally learned how to use her brain and endorse the one person who already has a track record of successfully running America, President Donald Trump.

Hillary has joined President Trump in his rallies (before this coronavirus hoax epidemic meant to assassinate Trump’s character) at first to loud and unpleasant booing from the audience who have learned to treat Hillary Clinton as Adolf Hitler for five years. But after a rally in Dayton, Ohio where Hillary Clinton spoke about the radical left-wing threat that is Joe Biden and how he will come to take over people’s jobs, she drew strong praise from the Trump campaign not heard since November 2016. Hillary obviously had a feud with Bernie Sanders before, and she is smart enough to never support socialist communism unless it directly benefits her.

In spite of Hillary’s endorsement being a surprise to many in the Trump Administration, the President himself has refused to acknowledge support from one of the more infamous politicians to touch God’s green and murky brown Earth. Trump has stated in a press conference: “It is great that Hillary has finally come to her senses and be on the right side of history. But I don’t know, she might be better suited to stay by her man [Bill Clinton] and not talk while important men like myself are speaking. She’s still very nasty, quite nasty indeed, but she’s alright I guess. Maybe she won’t go to prison after all [mild chuckle]”. Hillary has also “joked” at some of these rallies that being in prison is a preferable sentence than going to support Joe Biden as the presumptive Democratic Party nominee.

History will tell how important and significant it is for an untrustworthy, immorberal, corrupt and famous politician like Hillary Clinton to go across party lines for a cause that is truly worth aligning for. This may perhaps be Hillary Clinton’s swan song of politics, and it is the first good thing she has ever done for our wonderful and beautiful country. But we should also use caution and hope this isn’t a trap set up by the nefarious DNC to force our fellow countrymen to vote against ourselves, and therefore the true dogma and face of our country, because of Hillary’s endorsement.

In any case, this does not look good at all to Joe Biden’s campaign, which already has had trouble getting Joe Biden to come out in public and take a mental competency test, which Trump already passed with flying colors just under a year ago. This has created strong friction within the Democratic Party as they have trouble letting Joe Biden talk for longer than three minutes. Hillary has seen the writings on the wall with the DNC and their management of the Biden campaign, and she knows what’s going to happen. We thank Hillary Clinton for her obvious endorsement of what’s at stake, but we cannot forgive her and her bloated husband for disrupting the American economy and damaging the average American’s view of politicians and how the status quo works, but at least she is finally coming to her senses bare minimum. Thank you, Hillary Clinton.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

Bernie Sanders Unleashes Socialist Coronavirus Upon America Unless Coronavirus Doesn’t Exist

~ DonKaftan ~ 9 Comments

Written by Carlos Gutierrez

The United States may or may not be under a flu pandemic. There is a lot of uncertainty in the markets within the past couple of days leading to an unfavorable economic downturn. Left-wing mainstream media outlets like The Epoch Times and The FDRLST are putting their blame finger (the middle one) on President Trump while pushing for “accountability”. Such foolish socialist websites will often deflect blame to the real culprit who is trying to infect America with Chinese/Mexican-like diseases: Bernie Sanders with his deadly contagious Bernie Bros gang.

The (possible) origins of the coronavirus come from Wutan, China, which we can verify is a real place that has people and casinos and other forms of debauchery. Bernie Sanders, a self-diagnosed socialist and opponent of American liberty, has made several trips to China over the past six years under mysterious circumstances. Some of the more hopeful rumors were that Bernie Sanders has an offshore bank account somewhere in China, but I’m afraid the scandal is far worse than some petty tax avoidance, he is trying to destroy America from the inside out. If Bernie cannot achieve the nomination for the Democratic Party, he will salt America down with Chinese “herbal treatment remedies” or however Chinese scientists assisted him in starting the coronavirus. It’s not important. The main takeaway is that no other presidential candidate for the Democratic Party has supported China and the General Mao dictatorship other than Mr. Socialist Sanders.

However, the coronavirus (if the rumors are true and that it actually does exist and isn’t meant to poison the American people and tank the stock market) also has its origins in Oaxaca, Mexico. The water quality in Mexico is below subpar, to speak the least about it. And if water quality is unwell, then the chance for diseases can increase. I mean, corona is a word in Spanish, which leads to open interpretations for the disease to also be in El Salvador or Chile. I digress. Because of the open interpretations, it’s much more likely to believe that the possibly-existent coronavirus probably came from China than Latin America. Corona could mean something in Chinese but further research is needed.

We cannot ignore the elephant of the room behind the fact the coronavirus may or may not exist. Sure, a man in Washington died from symptoms similar to what they define as a “coronavirus” from Fox News, but a broken clock is right twice a day. The announcement of the “coronavirus” from the mainstream media (via Bernie Sanders) conspicuously also lead to a stock market drop previously unprecedented. Something is fishy, and that fishy is being intentionally put into the microwave, and making the entire country smell terribly. It’s not good for our wallet, which means it is not good for our health.

The facts are that this disease came from outside America, in China, and that Bernie Sanders does business with the Chinese with his off-shore bank accounts. It’s possible that Bernie Sanders might be compromised by the Chinese government and is running for president to spread Maoism across the land. How else could so-called socialists raise 16 million dollars and “win over voters”? Money doesn’t come easy from their ideology, especially with regards to taxing–their favorite hobby. China is a country strong with biotechnology, and with its ever-increasing threat over handling the planet over the United States of America, a virus that (could) threaten the entire population in an elaborate attempt to remove President Trump with an economic recession is very much possible. The influence of Mao on the Chinese government is still strong, and he very much despised America. Bernie Sanders is their golden opportunity to seize our country from ourselves.

So the coronavirus, which has possibly threatened a couple of lives could exist to destroy the American economy with help from the Bernie Sanders campaign, or it could not exist. President Trump has gone on the record to explain the multiple theories on the issue and has labeled the coronavirus as a terrorist threat to not only his presidential campaign but towards the economy as well. Time will tell what will truly happen, but If I had to think about it clearly for a minute, it’s clearly a hoax created by the Bernie Sanders campaign from his brothers that want to prove socialism is right by spreading lies to mainstream media outlets about a potentially real virus from China that could have been in America if it weren’t a hoax the whole time. I hope that clears up everything.

Carlos Gutierrez is the Bullshit News correspondent on Criminal Justice Issues, Immigration, and Russian Propaganda. He was born in Corpus Christi, Texas and is as American as you or anyone else that isn’t Irish or Italian. Devoted to his local Catholic Church, Carlos is an active member of his community and goes to church every Sunday, before the Cowboys game. Carlos worked on the 2016 Ted Cruz presidential campaign before coming to Bullshit News.