Opioids: How Democrats Are Killing Republicans

Written by Mortimer E. Wallacaster

The War on Drugs, formed by President Richard Nixon to soberize the country from the fascist drug-craven reign of LBJ, has been one of America’s toughest wars to fight in recent memory. The latest drugs that poison America’s unfortunate able-bodied workers are something called “opioids”. Opioids function as pain relief, as a method to get away from the nonstop liberal rhetoric the mainstream media pollutes daily. Opioids are effectively the number one cause of death to conservatives. A national tragedy.

Opioids are just one drug trying to kill Americans, and more importantly conservative Americans. There is also cocaine, the Fidel Castro-approved method of self-destruction as seen in Scarface. Heroin, the so-called “mushrooms”, methamphetamine, LSD, ecstasy (otherwise known to the kindergarteners as “molly”), and marijuana are all popular amongst the youth. Each of these drugs leads to destructive habits and corruptible behaviors like voting for a Democrat in a midterm election, of all elections. There are compelling reasons as to why each of these drugs is illegal, but each of them can also kill you. Especially Marijuana, which is the drug most likely to lead towards deviant behavior and mental illness. Such mental illness that makes some Republicans (RINOS) convert to Democrats, like Ron Paul and his sicko-lackey, Gary Johnson. These RINOS want to surrender the war on drugs to the drugs because they are already addicted to that liberal crack menace. Ronald Reagan fought to save these souls from the liberal crack, but too much exposure from it never salvaged Ron Paul.

America will never surrender to drugs, Mr. Ron Paul. Not while Jeff Sessions is Attorney General, who is supporting a maximum-prison term sentence for drug-related offenses. The greatest way to hasten the end of the drug war is a lesson from the Philippines, America’s most forgettable colony. They no longer have drug problems, as President Rodrigo Duterte has personally ended the lives of all drug distributors and manufacturers in his country. Donald Trump has looked up to Duterte for drug policy influence, which is not a bad place to begin looking for research. Better than those “Lib(eral)aries” the government wastes tax dollars on.

The death penalty, otherwise known as capital punishment, would be a great end to a mean to the “War on Drugs”. It is a war that has dragged on far too long, much like the War of Northern Aggression. Much like the “War on Christmas”, “War on Poverty”, “War on Coal”, and the “War on The History Channel Never Airing History-Related Segments” created by Senator Grassley, these wars are all catastrophic to our American tax dollars. “Poverty is Expensive”, says famous author James Baldwin. Needless deaths resulting from these wars reduce our GDP and weakens our country in doing so. Drug dealers never intend to be taxed for their work, which is an especially heinous crime. If the United States of America cannot profit from mercantile transactions, it is an act of war. Opioids make this problem hazy, and Democrats seize this moment to support the drugs perspective on the war to disillusion the American populace from capitalism. This is an act of treason.

The Democrats have made mind-altering drugs to persuade young conservatives to the liberal blue pill mindset, and enjoy that evil carnivorous “Grateful Dead” jam band music that fuels the marijuana pollution in the air. The opioids are the Democrats latest drug-craze experiment that has gone madly wrong, more people are dying from opioids than from cars. It has reached far past the point where someone is more likely to die from relieving the pain of a car accident, then the car exploding because you wanted to smoke a cigarette at a gas station. Liberals have conceited that if they cannot attempt to win over voters with failed ideology and false promises, then they must kill the opposition in order to remain relevant. This is sickening and unethical to the lowest degree. The opioids must stop harming our God-fearing Americans in the heartland. It is time to crank up the War on Drugs, kill the drug creators, manufacturers, and distributors, and for opioids to be over.

Just say no.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month.