President Trump Cures Coronavirus, Demands Everyone Go Back To Work Tomorrow

Written By Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

As you might be aware the coronavirus pandemic that was inflicted on us by professional socialist and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has forced a majority of Americans to stay at home and not go to work, forcing a heavy and unfair economic burden on the Trump Administration. The Sanders campaign made a strong effort to tank the economy to prove that capitalism could not win another Cold War, but their campaign has failed thanks to Trump’s creative use of the Laffer Curve to budget cut the coronavirus out of existence. The President held a press conference today, announcing the cure of the Coronavirus otherwise known as COVID-19, and the immediate plans going forward.

The coronavirus while incredibly infectious to the point of scaring people to socialize properly anymore has a fatal flaw: it can’t kill. That’s right, the coronavirus can’t kill. It can numb your sense of smell, make you have a bad cough and in the case of one of the Cuomos of New Yorkistan, hallucinate to the point you pretend you’re in The Godfather Part 3. Even marijuana is deadlier than the coronavirus, and even the scientists aren’t stupid about that. What is stupid is that people aren’t working anymore because they’re scared of something easier to treat than syphilis. Has Bernie Sanders successfully made America look pathetic because of China originated “COVID-19”?

Sure you may have noticed “reported deaths”, but this is a mere misconception. Deaths are reported to mainstream media publications like The Federalist and Quillette, both known for their vocally anti-Republican agendas with their founders being millions of dollars deep into the Clinton Foundation. All of these “reported deaths” show that America, a profoundly strong country with no weaknesses whatsoever, has a higher “reported death/fatality” number than socialist countries like China, Russia, and England. America is only behind Spain and Italy, who are merely irrelevant fascist nations that have complex “free” medical care programs that lead to more deaths. That is, if COVID-19 could kill after all. Which it can’t, if you recall.

What left-wing dominated media won’t tell you is that President Trump has been hard at work, day in and night out talking to all of the smartest scientists in the world (such as myself) to work on a vaccine quickly and efficiently to destroy any chance of Coronavirus stopping any more Americans from working their job and having a normal life with heterosexual family values. And on this historical day, the 4th of April, 2020, Donald Trump has announced in his normal press briefing that the cure to Coronavirus/COVID-19 has been created. Normally illnesses and other impedances to capitalism can be cured via flu shots and vaccinations, which didn’t exist for this particular strain of infectious bacteria or whatever. There’s usually test trials or whatever those left-wing biologists pretend to do in their spare time waiting for their chlorophyll.

Yet this particularly infectious strain of influenza and the common cold put together was defeated soundly in just one trial, where it cured President Trump’s personal case of the coronavirus as well as the Eternally Democratically Elected President of Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro. Since the first trial worked so well, there was no importance deemed upon repeating the trial so that the cure could reach out to as many corporations and small businesses as they can. There is nothing worse in our society than unemployment, and as soon as we can remedy that as soon as possible, the better society will march on towards Election Season.

President Trump still advises that all citizens must routinely wash their hands, so that we may continue to scrub socialism and all other forms of pandemic flu away from our nation. Trump also announces that America will dedicate the rest of its leftover resources fighting the coronavirus into curing Opioid addiction, which takes the lives of more Republicans on a day-to-day basis than the coronavirus. The President demands that everyone go back to work as soon as tomorrow, and as late as this Monday. We should all follow our President’s orders and celebrate!

 
Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.

5 thoughts on “President Trump Cures Coronavirus, Demands Everyone Go Back To Work Tomorrow

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s