Tag: evolution

Beware Of Frog People

~ DonKaftan ~ 4 Comments

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

My fellow Humans, we are under duress by multiple evil-doers on a daily basis, whether it is the Islamic-Sikh Asaadists or Nancy Pelosi and the evil House Democrat Party Plot. But there are more existential threats to ourselves, the Christian Human race who have roamed the Earth for the last 6,000 years. There is a common conspiracy regarding the existence of “Lizard People”, which is factually unverifiable because God does not like lizards nor brings them up in the bible. It’s why they taste bad. But human beings and only one other animal share a common ancestry: the Frog.

Now you may be wondering about that Evolution myth about some monkeys, fish, plants, birds, rocks, and things but they are never referenced in the New Testament with a connection to the Human Being (except for “things”, you know what they are). However, the Bible does bring up multiple conversations between Jesus Christ and the Frogs. In Revelation 16:13, Jesus fought the Three Dragon-Frog Sinners Of Judaism. In that fight, the Dragon-Frog Jew Sinners with their large and mighty tounges inflicted Jesus’s seed permanently with their Frog DNA, causing some sons and daughters of Jesus (in faith) to possibly turn into these Frog People.

Revelation 16:13 is not Jesus’s only encounter with Frogs or Frog People, but it is his most important encounter. Frogs are routinely referenced as being a plague or scourge and acting as one of Jesus’s many antagonists. You can find that relevant material on this link. Frogs are not very edible, and since they have no other function for us big-brained humans, they are a threat to our existence. They could learn how to use a shotgun or .22 pistol quickly if The Lord is still furious at us for letting his Son die and all that. We must not risk ourselves and the plight of our species against these Frog People.

Now that we know why the Frog People are our enemy, we need to understand why the Frog People must be stopped and permanently exiled or exterminated from our society. You may recognize a “Frog Person” if their skin can become suspiciously green at any time. Sometimes the Frog People can change their skin and back to their Human skin again by a blink’s notice. The following is a description of Frog People and Frog People-like behavior: short in stature, bulgy frog-like eyes, bendable/weak arms and/or legs, large tounges, short appetite, enthusiasts of the musical group “Phish”, ability to jump over large heights, little to no hair, has a strong hobby or interest in swimming or water sports, strong lungs and “shakey” tendencies. Here is a drawing/representation of a frog person:

Frog Person

As you may notice, this frog person is on the lookout to attack or perhaps feast on a Human prey. Their large tounges could catch Jesus and invade his DNA, and Frog People can do it to you as well! They may appear innocent and humanlike, but be warned as the Frog People have sinister intentions and more than likely prefer the Old Testament over the more true and much more faithful New Testament which actually brings up Jesus Christ. Be aware, they are Frog-People, not Frogs. This drawing is a Frog Person in their Frog form, which they can turn into it for roughly 30 milliseconds to as long as three minutes depending on what their False Prophet orders from them if they deem a Human nearby as a threat or as candy.

The False Prophet is the leader of the Frog People, with the leader being chosen in a manner similar to Catholicism and the “Pope”. The False Prophet does not live on Earth–he cannot. He communicates via satellite with remote controls and VHS tape (the only kind of visual media that can work in space, don’t ask NASA, read the Bible) to control his army of frog people that inhabit in at least 3% of the Human Race on our Earth planet. There are rumored to be as many as 13 “False Prophets” operating at any time, but further investigation is needed.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to address to so-called “Frog-Elephant in the room”. There is a common misconception in the mainstream media about the Frog People menace. Liberal occasional MSNBC correspondent Alex Jones has referred to an unknown substance called a “chemical” that turns frogs into homosexual deviants that lust for blood or for some other nefarious and unordinary purpose. This is merely Obama propaganda and can be rationally ignored as nonsense. The Frog People are very much straight and have strong desires to procreate multiple Frog People into existence for they want to take over our planet and replace the human race. Their intentions, while on the outside seem innocent, are genocidal on the inside.

That is all the information I have as of this very moment I can share about the Frog People. There is no true call to action, this is merely a public service announcement. If you see a fellow human “brother or sister” friend of yours, and you notice they have turned into a Frog Person for a rare period of more than 30 seconds, then you must do your sworn Christian Human duty and engage in self-defense on behalf of the Human race. Don’t take it very personally, it’s for our children and their children’s children to live in a pure world free from all threats against humanity. Sacrifices need to be made, feel fortunate that you can do your part against these evil crusaders and help humanity win the battle for God’s love.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Sunni Muslims, excluding Druids. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

The So-Called ‘Evolution Theory’ Is A Liberal Conspiracy Theory Designed To Dismantle Small-Town America

~ DonKaftan ~ 2 Comments

Written By Pavel Shostakovich

Greetings my fellow Americans of good Republican nature that are fruitfully fertile. I remember when my ancestors fled the USSR under the reign of Stalin in the 1950s to enjoy the much-sought-after “American Dream”. They went to the one-state they felt was most comfortable to them weather-wise, Wisconsin. They were aware of the lies that are California, they knew it was all too similar to the evils of the USSR with their Moonbeam governor and their pernicious universities in Berkeley and San Francisco. They knew what made America great were the small towns, the heartland, or as the evil far-left pundits at Breitbart call it, “Heartland America”. Small-town America is not the “Heartland America”, it is America. To suggest otherwise is unfactual.

On that small farm in Wisconsin where I was conceived, I learned real American values and discovered supermarkets twenty years before Gorbachev did and worked the blue-collar jobs like lobbying and alcohol industry. My father worked in multiple steel mills and my mother in a couple coal mines starting when she was 12. They worked in rough, laborious jobs which would make them miserable and get stale bread in the USSR, but in America, they lived in comfort and ate bread with garlic.

My point is, small-town America gave my family hope and inspiration, whereas cities like New York, Seattle and Chicago would spit on them and force my family to live in an uncomfortable apartment next to some overly talkative and intrusive man named “Newman” or “Kramer”. The perceptions people have on small-town Americans are vapid and meaningless, especially the portrayals of West Virginia in Mainstream Media culture. They call Iowa, “field of dreams” and “flyover county” because it appears boring on the outside. Well, have you looked at planet Earth from Google Maps? It looks boring on the outside too, but we are all a “small-town America” in the galaxy, nay, the universe we live in. We should not be making fun of others no matter the size of their local nation, state, or country. Although Crimea had it coming.

The “Evolutionary Theory” is the theory taught in many Big-City American Towns that we come from the monkeys and not through a divine command and/or will from Our Lord. The small-towns in America know better and are good-natured in understanding the world was put together from God and his son Jesus. They willed the world with morality, which is where humanity ergo man, scientifically known as the “Homo Sapien” truly began. All those before His Command were neanderthals, and nothing more. Once morality was implemented, society began via The Roman Empire (later Byzantium) and Greece. The big city schools refuse to learn the real way mankind was conceived and instead force their children to learn the jargon of Charles Darwin and other Nancy Pelosi-inspired nonsense.

But alas, my expertise involves America’s relationship with Europe and not just small-town America, despite it being my background. But I am tired of Mainstream Media publications trying to disregard the America that I come from. It’s disgraceful and ethical of these so-called CNN-inspired journalists to say defaming statements that small-town America is “irrelevant” or “invalidates the Electoral College”. America began as a small-town, and as they say here that we should never “forget our roots”. It appears to me that these journalists forgot that we are a country of immigrants, not ignorant immigrants. I remember my parents fought tooth and nail to escape Stalin’s purges or when my father got his neck screwed off in a steel mill malfunction incident that the Carter Administration-influenced regulations impacted him. Big city Americans influenced those decisions and I can never forgive them, which is why I always vote Republican.

The “Evolution Theory” was invented to divide America toward the state where it is today, where liberals are free to claim the President cannot do what he is rightly able to under Executive Privilege. One part of America will listen to the President proudly while the other part refuses to comply and be patriotic to our wonderful Dream-inspired country. It is a shame the big city Americans don’t understand how much freedom they live in, but as a small-town American, I do.

Pavel Shostakovich is the Bullshit News correspondent reporting on Russian, European, and Euro-American Affairs. He is a naturalized American citizen whose parents escaped Communist tyranny in Russia, AND NOT BELARUS. Pavel studied political science at the University of Pennslyvania and is a member of the Federalist Society. He is a part-time European Policy Czar for the Donald Trump Administration.

Evolution: The Nancy Pelosi Taxpayer-Funded Lie

~ DonKaftan ~ 16 Comments

Written by Sarah Napoli

The children of San Francisco wake up each day and head to their public schools without thinking of the world in big-picture terms. Nancy Pelosi has indoctrinated every child in her city of liberal sodomy about something more heinous than premarital sex: the idea that God plays no role in creating the world. Blasphemy is nothing new to San Francisco or California as a whole for that matter, but by forcing children to see one side of an issue does not create great education. Not that it would matter for liberal oligarch Nancy Pelosi.

The Bullshit News position on the formation of our planet and our existence can be found in the book of Genesis in the Bible. It’s not a hard story to miss, it’s on page 1 because it’s the most important story in the entire book. It details everything, Adam and Eve, the forbidden fruit, how snakes existed, etc. God created light so he could see his next creations: the Heavens, Earth, and every biotic life form that ever existed on this planet. But Nancy Pelosi and her liberal cult fiends that run San Francisco into the poop-infested ground have banned the bible and intellectual design learning from public schools, a most treasonous and anti-liberty act. Why must children learn what Nancy Pelosi wants to learn? They need to learn critical thinking skills and rhetoric to understand how the Democratic Party have undermined how they perceive reality.

Nancy Pelosi has long been a monolith in the Democratic Party “knowledge bank”, she is the main source of everything vile and dumb liberals get their knowledge from. She is the agenda setter. And she wants to make sure your children think that humanity came from something beyond God, and something about monkeys being involved! The so-called evolution “theory” is a radical attempt to unChristianify America and turn it into an atheist state. What does an atheist state look like? It looks like the USSR, with purges occurring on a daily basis and a diabolical corrupt leader in charge who demands the position for life. This is something Nancy Pelosi aspires to be for the United States of America, and it is possibly the vilest and most anti-American incident that can ever happen. I get sick to my stomach typing about it.

Evolution was created by the very same people who want you to believe the so-called “global warming/climate change/Al Gore” is very real and a threat to our existence. The only threat to our existence is our own ignorance, which “Fancy Nancy” wants to spread. In the era of fake news and unverified claims becoming headlines, Pelosi has a desire to let America burn down to the ground while playing her Stradivarius violin, chiming something to herself about wanting to claim the world for the democrat-fascist ideology. Everything she touches either loses elections or corrodes the mind with dumb-founded claims with no grounds to reality.

We cannot save those poor lost souls of the children in San Francisco, who are too young to adhere to any single ideology but the devotion of America and God himself. Rome first burnt down from people staying away from conformity and deviating themselves to hateful fear-mongering liberal rhetoric that Evolution spews. If we descended from other animals, why are those animals still around? How come they aren’t sentient and rational like conservatives? Nancy Pelosi has a war against God himself, which is grounds enough for her constituents in sodomy-plagued San Francisco to get their heads out of their Teslas and demand her to resign. Nancy Pelosi’s very existence, as the leader of the minority (inferior) party she should not be eschewing radical views and forcing them into the minds of children. It is beyond unethical and is absolutely unacceptable for a politician to say.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) Correspondent of Bullshit News. Sarah is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. Sarah does not want children but considers herself a “dog mom”, taking care of a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. Sarah does not like coffee or tea, which are foreign inventions created to poison the minds of Americans.