Written by Roger Goodmen

Within the last week, you might have read or watched the mainstream media talk about California experiencing wildfires in Sonoma and Los Angeles County, or last year when the same two counties (and some other ones) also experienced wildfires. This is no coincidence, and in the minds of liberals, they believe that “climate change” is the main culprit behind these wildfires that have destroyed tens of thousands of acres of land to burnt wine and ash. However, this is exactly what liberals want: unwarranted destruction of American land in order to blame conservatives for not spending more money cleaning our already clean and pure air and water so that greedy scientists in state universities should receive more money. The real reason these fires started is because of something much more sinister, the lack of attention the Millenials and “Gen Z” California teenagers pay to the Bible and the apathy that their state has over the Christian religion.

As we know in the older bible the Jews prefer to read over the more realistic and true bible, God is very vengeful and doesn’t like being ignored. The only reason God told Noah to build an ark is that he was sick of liberals engaging in sodomy so frequently that the only solution to end all abominations of homosexuality (but not the gay people) was to flood the whole Earth and start over again. Job ate pork once and he lost everything he loved dearly, except for God. The one true constant in all of our lives is that God will always be around and that doubting his power or not listening to God will result in devastating consequences, such as these wildfires over the United States of America’s most treasonous state.

So why has God struck vengeance against California? If you’re a longtime reader of our much-celebrated website, then you know that California is the place where everything goes wrong and progress falls off a steep cliff. California is home to a large number of Atheists and Jews (read: sinners) that try to enact their values over the entire California population via laws that control the mobility of people, whether it’s by taxes or other unwanted and needless forms of regulation, or because California refuses to accept Jesus Christ as their Official State Prophet. California was given plenty of time to revert their hedonistic and vanity culture by God, but God is not a patient man. He only wanted to flood the Earth for 40 days when he could have flooded the planet for 4,000 years. God is like a CEO or a COO, he has plans and expects actions to be met by a certain deadline, and if the deadline passes and the plans don’t go through, the CEO or COO will act accordingly. God is no different from a CEO or COO, and his patience is gone.

God’s targets make a lot of sense if you have kept up with your weekly Bible study group. God wanted to burn down Sonoma and Napa county for they are known for producing wine, a form of alcohol that enables people to relax and become inebriated in a pseudo-relaxing stance, a deadly combination of gluttony and sloth. Los Angeles County is experiencing wildfires because of Lust, Wrath, and for allowing Harvey Weinstein to run a production company for a long, long time. I could spend the rest of this article talking about how Los Angeles is one of the worst and most sinful places on the planet (up there with Djibouti and Tibet), but I fear for our conservative readers trapped in California are very aware of this, and they need more help then their State receives from their energy company, PG&E.

Money will not save California, as they reportedly produce their fair share of GDP to the USA (citation needed). This is a problem caused by a lack of faith or luster for God and has gone on long enough for Him to notice. The damages done to California thus far are enormous and could have been avoided if only their devotion to God was stronger than Las Vegas’s penchant for immorality (but done in an ethical manner). The mainstream media has been blaming PG&E for shutting off power to Californians (who I suppose, care more about their computer-phone Netflixes rather than living) rather than enacting more strict safety standards, which is a bland liberal talking point. Forcing PG&E to do more things via laws or more strict regulations will only enable PG&E to do more work and create a bigger mess, that is unless they change their power lines for Bible verses.

California’s true problems lie in their lack of (any or all) faith with the covenant of God and their state philosophy of hedonism and immorality. California’s stubbornness to accept reality (God and his Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth) and overly controlling their energy department has led California to suffer from more atrocious wildfires than the ones they dealt with last year. And it will continue to get worse from a yearly standpoint until California accepts a more positive relationship with Him. So please, if you are in the state of California and you don’t want your home, your car or your wife/husband to burn down anytime soon, go find your local church and start praying. Daily. Because God is an impatient, omnipotent force and he knows if you’re obeying him, or if you’re obeying Satan.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.