Iran: Syria’s Other Evil Twin After Iraq

Written by Roger Goodmen

President Donald Trump has achieved history yet again. President Trump has decided to pull out from the horrible, terrible, no-good and very bad Iran Deal,  a trade deal from the immorberal (immoral + liberal) Obama regime from his apology tour to Iran. Obama would give taxpaying American dollars to initiate a “Big Government” in Iran while helping them acquire the abilities to use nuclear weapons to kill American citizens in their homes. In exchange, Iran would give “art supplies” and permit their women population to become literate and write books or something like that. Previous efforts from the Barack Obama regime to plague our public schools also involve supporting a 9-year-old’s “artwork” of positive imagery of Mohammed personally murdering Jesus Christ with a shoe, created in a public school classroom in Utah. This is what liberals define what “good art” looks like.

But today is not about liberals, it is about something just as bad. Iran has been a member of the “Axis of Evil” since 2003 when George W. Bush watched the Disney film, “Pirates of The Caribbean”. Syria, Iraq’s evil twin, has been involved in the news lately because of their freshman entry into the Terrorism War. Iran, Syria’s evil twin, has existed under Ruhollah al-Khomeini since 1979 after cutting his law-abiding Republican president with a samurai blade and drank his blood, as per tradition with Terrorist “governments”. The other countries that exist in or around the Axis of Evil are North Korea and Saudi Arabia. They might disagree between different methods of execution against God-loving Americans, but they all agree on one thing: the destruction of the United States of America and its Government. They will kill Americans until we surrender, which is impossible for America to do. Seriously, read your history books.

Iran is among one of the fiercest and perhaps the strongest country within the Axis of Evil. As I’ve written before on Bullshit News, I’m a strong proponent for nuking Iran. Consider that an ethics statement. Iran has gone on for far too long threatening the American way of life for letting women procreate peacefully. They have strong hostility over the idea of Freedom so they focus on war instead. Iran has existed for far too long because they used to be a middle-of-the-road Democracy, it existed for a while but was cut away by Al-Khomeini. They have become a terrorist country ever since, and they threaten our way of living. If they were to build nuclear weapons per the Iran Deal, we would all be blown to smithereens.

Iran has always planned to strike America with nuclear weapons, but they lack the capability of doing so until Obama came along. Obama worked with al-Khomeini on a particularly deceitful liberal trick, the “reverse psychology”. Obama’s gambit was that he was trying to trick al-Khomeini into loving capitalism, but al-Khomeini tricked Obama with feigned empathy with feminism. Barack Obama enabled feminist terrorism in exchange for arts and craft supplies. If he was going to make a trade deal with Iran, he could at least get some bombs or weapons at the worst, but he managed to be worse than worst. It was his defining foreign relations moment under his neoliberal fascist regime.

President Trump eliminating this needless Iran Deal was the right thing to do. The only regret over this decision is that it wasn’t the first thing President Trump did in the White House, instead of him looking for a phone booth. Iran will no longer be funded in their Nuclear Weapons department in their West Wing and will be given tougher and stronger sanctions than ever before. Barack Obama infamously lifted many of these sanctions in his apology tour to accomplish needless public relations for “his legacy”. Donald Trump has restored our decorum in the Middle East, because of his close relationship with God compared to Hillary Clinton. We exist because of God for very good reasons, so we should celebrate his legacy instead of the Hussein Obama. With Trump ending this no-good nonsense Iran Deal, we know that God is confident with Trump to make the right decision. And to be honest, that’s all that matters in life. If God wills it, so it is done. Nuke Iran, but only when they least expect it.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.

Syria: Iraq’s Evil Twin

Written by Dan Shapiro

President Donald Trump announced at 6:00PM today that he has ordered a military strike against Syria for using chemical weapons on their own people. Where did Syria come from before 2017? They are a country formed by ISIS, which was created from the evil remnants of the Iraqi government and Al-Qaeda. The leader of Syria is Bashir Al-Assad, who has a wide range of indicators influences from Nero to Roberto Mugabe to Joseph Stalin. His use of chemical weapons on his own people shows how fragile the cousin or nephew or whatever of Saddam Hussein. President Trump decided that Assad has gone too far in the world, and should cease to exist as well as his fractured nation, “Syria”.

“Syria” is one of the few countries in the world that willingly harbor terrorists and terrorist ideology. They were long overdue for a good bombardment as a reminder that their worldview is not what makes the world go round. American liberty is what makes the world go round, and not Godless Islamic barbaric terrorism. Assad is an insidious president whose true intentions are unknown. I can only speculate that he wants to rule with an iron fist by murdering his people, rather than tweeting about it. He has gone too far in asserting terrorist ideology and abetting the deaths of American soldiers that he must be scalped. No one messes with America nor its strong economy and liberty exports.

As our military might bombs the shit out of this freedom hating cock-gobbler, let us remember what it is like to be truly free in this crazy coiled-up world: by being an American citizen. There really is nothing quite like being free from terrorism in our neighborhoods or worrying if a country would decide to attack us at any given moment. Everyone on Earth knows about how exceptional America is, and are in awe of our sheer might to be the world’s leader in liberty. Syria does not have these luxuries because of their failure to adapt to the global environment. And sometimes, you just have to learn lessons the hard way. That’s just life.

Syria better learn its lesson before it becomes too late. We should not have spared Iraq’s twin and assumed that Iraq was just the evil twin. America however, never forgets her mistakes. America has a strong arsenal of other missiles, bombs, and a whole nuclear arsenal that will forcibly convert Syria’s senses to what a life of freedom looks like. Bashir Al-Assad is a threat to the American people, and he must be forcibly dealt with. Life and limb.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on Republican Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.