Written by Deborah Schlasser
Even though they play in the liberal hellhole of Washington D.C., there’s nothing that outrages liberals more than the physical brutality of football. Other countries have their own version of football, notably lacking the pigskin and its glorious knots and replaced it with a hollowed-out ball used for kicking–a symbol of technological incompetence of every country that can’t design and model a football properly. The Democratic Party does not like American exceptionalism, and always desire to find a way to lower America’s status on the totem pole, and they take great offense to the idea of “sports”. Like their views on government, liberals want to change everything about ideas and other concepts they don’t understand, as they find the name “Washington Redskins” patently offensive. How in the world can they find a football name controversial?
The Redskins are far from the only team liberals have trouble dealing with, they also don’t like the Cleveland Indians (I thought they liked Indians?), Cincinnati Reds, Chicago Blackhawks, and the Denver Nuggets. All of these names are considered “cultural appropriation” to liberals, and demand that all of these teams, some of which as old as the sports themselves, to change their names or hear liberals continue to whine about it for many more decades to come. They don’t care about traditions, they care about power and control, and are desperate for any kind of power to exercise because they don’t control the House, Senate, or the presidency.
What did the Washington Redskins ever do to receive this kind of scrutiny and ire from liberals? Apparently, it’s because the name offends “Native Americans”. Well listen from me, a native American, and let me tell you there is absolutely nothing palpably offensive about the “Washington Redskins” or the Cleveland Indians. Democrats, many of which are not Native Americans or native to America, find just enough reason there to object just as they hate Christopher Columbus for discovering a continent and pioneering the idea of freedom. Liberals don’t care to celebrate the heritage of these Native Americans for taking care of our land before we got there and became Native Americans ourselves. They think the name of “Reds”, “Indians”, “Nuggets” and “Redskins” are derogatory and “offensive” even though they honor the culture of Bill Clinton’s sexual promiscuity and Elizabeth Warren’s reckless identity.
Let’s examine how the logos are used to find anything offensive about them. First with “Chief Wahoo”, logo and mascot of the Cleveland Indians.
How is this offensive? It portrays a very happy Native American, in red white and blue like a real patriot, ready to celebrate his local American baseball franchise. His eyes are the shape of a triangle, which could be offensive until you remember he is a symbol of a baseball team, a sport known for its “diamond”, a special type of triangle and precious expensive metal. He could use a couple more teeth and a rhinoplasty, but it’s a cartoon. When have cartoons hurt people? Perhaps the Washington Redskins, the team with the most controversy to their name listed, has a more blatantly offensive logo.
The Redskins’ logo is a lot more serious than the animated presence of Chief Wahoo. It reflects the more serious and brutal tone American football provides compared to the lax and mellow nature of baseball. Instead of one feather, there are two. By liberal logic, they care about Native Americans twice as much as Chief Wahoo and the Cleveland Indians. But Democrats think just the name of the Washington Redskins is offensive. How do they think about a sports franchise’s name like that? The Redskins reflect all of the cultures and traditions of Native Americans, not bringing in scorn and misery to them. If they wanted to offend Native Americans, they could rename the team to the ‘Washington Casinos” but Dan Snyder, the owner of the Washington Redskins, won’t. Because he’s a reasonable caring man with integrity and emphasizes about those people, hence why the team is called who they are. The “Washington Native Americans” doesn’t have the same ring as the “Washington Redskins”, it’s not catchy enough for drunk and gregarious football fans to cheer on. And at the end of the day, these sports franchises are a business and come to these conclusions to make the most capital. No one wants to see the “Washington Native Americans”, they want to see the “Washington Redskins”. It’s just that simple.
It’s a national shame that sports-hating liberals want to change things they have no control over. But it’s not any different from standard Democratic Party behavior. The Washington Redskins and the Cleveland Indians, among all the other “patently offensive” sports franchises out there are safe. Their game and their name reflect our society and decorum, and we must preserve our sports that way. It’s what the founding fathers wanted.
Deborah Schlasser is the Bullshit News sports tabloid correspondent. She follows the Dodgers, Red Wings, Yankees, Cowboys and goes on and off with the Celtics and Lakers. She loves to win, having played in the NCAA Women’s Elite Eight with Stanford. Her second favorite hobby is licking liberals’ tears.