The Washington Redskins Exemplify America’s Time-Honored Heritage Of American Sports Names

Written by Deborah Schlasser

Even though they play in the liberal hellhole of Washington D.C., there’s nothing that outrages liberals more than the physical brutality of football. Other countries have their own version of football, notably lacking the pigskin and its glorious knots and replaced it with a hollowed-out ball used for kicking–a symbol of technological incompetence of every country that can’t design and model a football properly. The Democratic Party does not like American exceptionalism, and always desire to find a way to lower America’s status on the totem pole, and they take great offense to the idea of “sports”. Like their views on government, liberals want to change everything about ideas and other concepts they don’t understand, as they find the name “Washington Redskins” patently offensive. How in the world can they find a football name controversial?

The Redskins are far from the only team liberals have trouble dealing with, they also don’t like the Cleveland Indians (I thought they liked Indians?), Cincinnati Reds, Chicago Blackhawks, and the Denver Nuggets. All of these names are considered “cultural appropriation” to liberals, and demand that all of these teams, some of which as old as the sports themselves, to change their names or hear liberals continue to whine about it for many more decades to come. They don’t care about traditions, they care about power and control, and are desperate for any kind of power to exercise because they don’t control the House, Senate, or the presidency.

What did the Washington Redskins ever do to receive this kind of scrutiny and ire from liberals? Apparently, it’s because the name offends “Native Americans”. Well listen from me, a native American, and let me tell you there is absolutely nothing palpably offensive about the “Washington Redskins” or the Cleveland Indians. Democrats, many of which are not Native Americans or native to America, find just enough reason there to object just as they hate Christopher Columbus for discovering a continent and pioneering the idea of freedom. Liberals don’t care to celebrate the heritage of these Native Americans for taking care of our land before we got there and became Native Americans ourselves. They think the name of “Reds”, “Indians”, “Nuggets” and “Redskins” are derogatory and “offensive” even though they honor the culture of Bill Clinton’s sexual promiscuity and Elizabeth Warren’s reckless identity.

Let’s examine how the logos are used to find anything offensive about them. First with “Chief Wahoo”, logo and mascot of the Cleveland Indians.

Chief+Wahoo[1]
Chief Wahoo. Notice the smile–a sign of happiness and content in a reasonable society like ours.
How is this offensive? It portrays a very happy Native American, in red white and blue like a real patriot, ready to celebrate his local American baseball franchise. His eyes are the shape of a triangle, which could be offensive until you remember he is a symbol of a baseball team, a sport known for its “diamond”, a special type of triangle and precious expensive metal. He could use a couple more teeth and a rhinoplasty, but it’s a cartoon. When have cartoons hurt people? Perhaps the Washington Redskins, the team with the most controversy to their name listed, has a more blatantly offensive logo.

 

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The Washington Redskins: Note the cultural symbols being honored.
The Redskins’ logo is a lot more serious than the animated presence of Chief Wahoo. It reflects the more serious and brutal tone American football provides compared to the lax and mellow nature of baseball. Instead of one feather, there are two. By liberal logic, they care about Native Americans twice as much as Chief Wahoo and the Cleveland Indians. But Democrats think just the name of the Washington Redskins is offensive. How do they think about a sports franchise’s name like that? The Redskins reflect all of the cultures and traditions of Native Americans, not bringing in scorn and misery to them. If they wanted to offend Native Americans, they could rename the team to the ‘Washington Casinos” but Dan Snyder, the owner of the Washington Redskins, won’t. Because he’s a reasonable caring man with integrity and emphasizes about those people, hence why the team is called who they are. The “Washington Native Americans” doesn’t have the same ring as the “Washington Redskins”, it’s not catchy enough for drunk and gregarious football fans to cheer on. And at the end of the day, these sports franchises are a business and come to these conclusions to make the most capital. No one wants to see the “Washington Native Americans”, they want to see the “Washington Redskins”. It’s just that simple.

It’s a national shame that sports-hating liberals want to change things they have no control over. But it’s not any different from standard Democratic Party behavior. The Washington Redskins and the Cleveland Indians, among all the other “patently offensive” sports franchises out there are safe. Their game and their name reflect our society and decorum, and we must preserve our sports that way. It’s what the founding fathers wanted.

 
Deborah Schlasser is the Bullshit News sports tabloid correspondent. She follows the Dodgers, Red Wings, Yankees, Cowboys and goes on and off with the Celtics and Lakers. She loves to win, having played in the NCAA Women’s Elite Eight with Stanford. Her second favorite hobby is licking liberals’ tears.

Nike Endorses Terrorism, Colin Kaepernick

Written by Rachel Gilfords

The infamous unemployed ex-quarterback and noted liberal Colin Kaepernick has returned just in time for football season. Not for a career comeback mind you, but to wreak havoc on the United States of America. Kaepernick will appear in a series of ads for Nike, a company that gives you the biggest reason to never trust anything that comes from the state of Oregon. Nike took corporate PR lessons from fatwa-inspired Starbucks in trying to garner the terrorist marketplace to wear their shoes instead of cutting off camel’s feet. And just like that, Nike opposes American values and supports socialism and the barbaric Godless Islamic Terrorists in the War on Terror.

Kaepernick has inspired no one but stoner hippies from Berkeley to be unemployed and donate money to terrorist causes such as Weather Underground, Antifa, and the Greenpeace Jill Steiners. Attached is a chart from a study generated from our in-house lawyer/doctor, Dr. Steven T. Clements Esq, on Berkeley’s rising unemployment since 2008.

BerkeleyUnemploymentRate

 

It is clear the widespread influence of formerly competitive athletes is particularly damning toward the East Bay suburb. But Berkeley is just a microcosm of the problem, which is that Colin Kaepernick supports ISIS with Nike as a beneficiary of their “activism”. No true American can oppose the War on Terror, and Kaepernick has knelt on that line because he is the Che Guevara t-shirt in American colleges. He is the new Fidel Castro, only he doesn’t have the widespread communist support of Cuba, which is still around and uninvaded. So Nike has decided to become “counter-culture” (anti-American) and create the new Che Guevara-inspired clothing to influence the college youth to vote liberal. This is immorberal.

Unemployment is not supposed to be an enjoyable, solidarity moment of political tribalism. It is a horrific rite of passage that sparks fear in every American to not turn into a homeless bum pedaling for pennies. Having a job and earning an income is part of the American experience, and now Kaepernick is shamelessly exploiting our hard-working capitalist enterprise which has the strongest economy in the entire globe which took 242 years to build from the ground-up. Nike supports this endeavor: homelessness, taxing the upper-middle incomes, and adherence to the Islamic tradition. While he may no longer be permitted to kneel on the turf, he can at least work forty plus hours a week like a real hard-working patriot that loves this country. Socialism is a disease on the rise, and Colin Kaepernick is a symptom that is infecting this country worse than syphilis.

The value of hard work in an economy as strong as ours is a symbol of how unified we all are against tyrannical liberals who want abortion legalized along with prostitution, gambling, and horsecollar tackles. They have no morals, no standards, and hardly have a shred of dignity with Nancy Pelosi roaming around. It is clear that the Democratic Party is in decay, and Nike will help them out by any means necessary. Even if it means uplifting the unemployed union-endorsing Kaepernick to be their icon of their anti-War on Terror movement. It is a great shame of capitalism to allow this to happen, but also somehow permissible. Bullshit News does not permit this, as any act of public advocacy that Colin Kaepernick enters is inherently unethical because of his embrace of socialism and governments that are not America. Nike could have been a normal shoe company and ignored the former quarterback but has decided to embrace him and every anti-American idea that he kneels for.

Exposing Kaepernick’s rhetoric to your children will lead them to believe that ISIS has a right to exist and for Christianity to fall because of its supposed societal ills. The Kaepernick fable does have a moral you can share with your children: never trust someone who is unemployed. They will have an agenda, and shove it in your face until you conform to their liberal views on life and their view on “hard work”. Don’t hand out money to someone that doesn’t give you a service and sits on a street, and instead give it to a corporation that deserves it, like New Balance.

Rachel Gilfords is Bullshit News’ White House Correspondent and On-Field Reporter. She has covered the horrific tragedy of 9/11 and was at Ground Zero at 5:45AM, before any other reporter in all news media. Rachel has received acclaimed conservative awards and adoration from Rupert Murdoch. Rachel knows for certain that Bullshit News has a ‘no bullshit policy’ towards sexual harassment.

Happy Glorious Eternal Consumer Capitalism Extravaganza Fiesta!

Written by Deborah Schlasser

It is another glorious Sunday afternoon where we all indulge on the frankfurters, pigskins, and the almighty fashionable dollar. You read correctly, it’s “Superb Owl” day, where every American consumer has lined up their money for proper cushion rest, chips (WITHOUT SALSA, AN UNAMERICAN CONDIMENT), the pigskin, and most important, the advertising. Yes, folks, it’s a game of two very good NFL teams, the Philadelphia Whatevers and the eternal Tom Brady/Bill Bellichek football team by way of Massachusetts or some god-forsaken north-eastern state. Nevertheless, the almighty dollar rolls forward today and there’s nothing the no-good liberal-hating stock marketeers can do anything about it!

The NFL will reward consumers with entertainment, in exchange for a glorious percentage of gross revenue will come their way, without a single player acting out of line during the eternal everlasting National Anthem. This is the America our founding fathers envisioned, a land where we call peacefully watch a sixty-minute football game that determines who is the greatest football team of all time that year, while America’s national revenue jumps up remarkably. This is truly the greatest holiday right after Christmas, the 4th of July, and Black Friday. The “Superb Owl” day is one that has been etched into the American way ever since Ronald Reagan desired better ratings for his 1981 inauguration, which the “superb owl” game was previously known as the “NFL Championship game” without the advertising success its successor, the “Superb Owl”, would later achieve. Ronald Reagan came into office inventing a holiday to drive the American economy more than any Carter or Clinton presidency could achieve and on his first day in office!

So today, we honor our lost Founding Father, Ronald Reagan, by seeing which of two NFL teams is superior and which broadcast channel provider will reek in the prized allotted advertising revenue it gets to share with the NFL. It is a high and esteemed honor for the cable provider to give us this “Superb Owl” pigskin sport game for they continue a time-honored American tradition of sitting down on the sofa, drinking the beers, and eating as much food as you can eat provided from the Walmart or Vons grocery department that has an indispensable amount of chips and nacho cheese for America’s arteries to handle.

Deborah Schlasser is the Bullshit News sports correspondent. She follows the Dodgers, Yankees, Cowboys and goes on and off with the Celtics and Lakers. She loves to win, having played in the NCAA Women’s Elite Eight with Stanford. Her second favorite hobby is licking liberals’ tears. Deborah is a fan of winning and has a strong hatred of losing, hence why she is a devout conservative!