Written by Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq
Salutations to my fellow Americans that wish to enjoy a fried, roasted turkey on one of America’s finest holidays, Thanksgiving. It’s the holiday where we give thanks to our fellow Republican Americans for their courageous effort to counter the rise of the Soviet socialist surge our wonderful country has faced since the rise of Hillary Clinton and her Benghazi schemes. These dangerous socialists do not like Thanksgiving because of the holidays alleged “oppression” (big go-to word for liberals to decry something they have no control over) towards “indigenous people”. Sadly, we cannot ignore these deranged loonies that inhabit within our country, but we can surely tell them why they are wrong.
First of all, there is no such thing as “indigenous people”, it is a made-up word from the Noam Chomsky variety. There are Indians that existed in this country before the White man, sure. That’s how the origin story of Thanksgiving begins, when the first Americans started to settle in this new frontier (now named “North America”) they wanted to greet the Indians and taught them how to eat food and later, drink wine. Too much wine, but I digress. The Indians were grateful for the first Americans to give them food and that’s where the word “thanksgiving” originated, they were given food and were thankful for it, much like your children and the babies and your ungrateful feminist aunt Georgia for lecturing you about how poor people are victims of circumstance rather than being lazy indignant leeches of public welfare.
The word “indigenous” was invented by swines like my ungrateful aunt Georgia in order to dispell the notion that the Indians were the original Americans. They weren’t. Otherwise, we would be calling them “Native Americans” or what have you. They were not native to the land, they were Indian to the land. We do not tell our fellow American brothers “Happy Indigenous People Day”, that’s too many syllables. We call this holiday, “Thanksgiving” because it’s about thanking our first settlers for their prosperous trade of food for land. It is because of their valiant efforts that we can live in harmony and away from the savagery that is the Godless Islamic Barbarians that want to destroy America and recreate multiple 9/11 events. What is so “indigenous” about it? Don’t answer that rhetorical question, because there is no word “indigenous” in the dictionary. It is a farce.
By referring to our historic and cherished ancestry of Thanksgiving as “Indigenous People’s Day”, we are dramatically changing our culture and traditions that have been long preserved to halt socialist and homosexual intrusions into our mighty culture. We cannot let the Democratic Party attempt to change our culture anymore, they wanted to kill Christopher Columbus and we refused. They cannot take our Thanksgiving away from the common man who wants to eat his turkey and yams and watch the football program in peace. No more shall we let liberals control the discourse of our country which was rightfully won by President Donald Trump and his smart campaign team of knowledgable intellectuals such as myself.
As we fight to prolong and conserve our conservative culture, we shall acknowledge and celebrate Thanksgiving for the holiday that it is, and not some made-up mumbo-jumbo hogwash the liberal socialists invented to scare our fellow Americans from celebrating a noble and sacred holiday with no controversial origins in it whatsoever. It is such a liberal viewpoint to destroy what ordinary Americans much like myself view as “fun and non-threatening”. We cannot let them win. Celebrate Thanksgiving, and NOT “Indigenous People’s Day”.
And once again, Happy Thanksgiving. May you eat the largest and healthiest turkeys your plot of land brings to you, and drink as much wine and alcohol as you can muster. And remember, Black Lives Matter is a hate group, and happy Black Friday.
Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.