The So-Called ‘Evolution Theory’ Is A Liberal Conspiracy Theory Designed To Dismantle Small-Town America

Written By Pavel Shostakovich

Greetings my fellow Americans of good Republican nature that are fruitfully fertile. I remember when my ancestors fled the USSR under the reign of Stalin in the 1950s to enjoy the much-sought-after “American Dream”. They went to the one-state they felt was most comfortable to them weather-wise, Wisconsin. They were aware of the lies that are California, they knew it was all too similar to the evils of the USSR with their Moonbeam governor and their pernicious universities in Berkeley and San Francisco. They knew what made America great were the small towns, the heartland, or as the evil far-left pundits at Breitbart call it, “Heartland America”. Small-town America is not the “Heartland America”, it is America. To suggest otherwise is unfactual.

On that small farm in Wisconsin where I was conceived, I learned real American values and discovered supermarkets twenty years before Gorbachev did and worked the blue-collar jobs like lobbying and alcohol industry. My father worked in multiple steel mills and my mother in a couple coal mines starting when she was 12. They worked in rough, laborious jobs which would make them miserable and get stale bread in the USSR, but in America, they lived in comfort and ate bread with garlic.

My point is, small-town America gave my family hope and inspiration, whereas cities like New York, Seattle and Chicago would spit on them and force my family to live in an uncomfortable apartment next to some overly talkative and intrusive man named “Newman” or “Kramer”. The perceptions people have on small-town Americans are vapid and meaningless, especially the portrayals of West Virginia in Mainstream Media culture. They call Iowa, “field of dreams” and “flyover county” because it appears boring on the outside. Well, have you looked at planet Earth from Google Maps? It looks boring on the outside too, but we are all a “small-town America” in the galaxy, nay, the universe we live in. We should not be making fun of others no matter the size of their local nation, state, or country. Although Crimea had it coming.

The “Evolutionary Theory” is the theory taught in many Big-City American Towns that we come from the monkeys and not through a divine command and/or will from Our Lord. The small-towns in America know better and are good-natured in understanding the world was put together from God and his son Jesus. They willed the world with morality, which is where humanity ergo man, scientifically known as the “Homo Sapien” truly began. All those before His Command were neanderthals, and nothing more. Once morality was implemented, society began via The Roman Empire (later Byzantium) and Greece. The big city schools refuse to learn the real way mankind was conceived and instead force their children to learn the jargon of Charles Darwin and other Nancy Pelosi-inspired nonsense.

But alas, my expertise involves America’s relationship with Europe and not just small-town America, despite it being my background. But I am tired of Mainstream Media publications trying to disregard the America that I come from. It’s disgraceful and ethical of these so-called CNN-inspired journalists to say defaming statements that small-town America is “irrelevant” or “invalidates the Electoral College”. America began as a small-town, and as they say here that we should never “forget our roots”. It appears to me that these journalists forgot that we are a country of immigrants, not ignorant immigrants. I remember my parents fought tooth and nail to escape Stalin’s purges or when my father got his neck screwed off in a steel mill malfunction incident that the Carter Administration-influenced regulations impacted him. Big city Americans influenced those decisions and I can never forgive them, which is why I always vote Republican.

The “Evolution Theory” was invented to divide America toward the state where it is today, where liberals are free to claim the President cannot do what he is rightly able to under Executive Privilege. One part of America will listen to the President proudly while the other part refuses to comply and be patriotic to our wonderful Dream-inspired country. It is a shame the big city Americans don’t understand how much freedom they live in, but as a small-town American, I do.

Pavel Shostakovich is the Bullshit News correspondent reporting on Russian, European, and Euro-American Affairs. He is a naturalized American citizen whose parents escaped Communist tyranny in Russia, AND NOT BELARUS. Pavel studied political science at the University of Pennslyvania and is a member of the Federalist Society. He is a part-time European Policy Czar for the Donald Trump Administration.

Old Town Road And The Death Of The American Dream From Liberal Fascism

Written By Roger Goodmen

For the last twelve weeks, America has faced a strong cultural challenge to one of its many beloved artistic movements, country music. The song “Old Town Road” by one “Lil Nas X” (our research could not determine what “Lil” “Nas” or the usage of the letter “X” all meant”) has been at the top of the “hip hop” charts, while also claiming to be a country song about horses, when it’s clearly a song about an old road with no maintained infrastructure due to government meddling. Normally we don’t cover the pernicious medium of rock and roll music on Bullshit News, but when a liberal fascist song like “Old Town Road” becomes enormously popular out of the blue, something is totally wrong.

To truly understand “Old Town Road” we need to view the song from a macroeconomics perspective. While Old Town Road claims to be a Country song, it is listed by the Billboard company as a “hip-hop trap” song. “Hip Hop” was created in the late 1970s by black anarchist radicals known as the “Sugarhill Gang”. The Sugarhill Gang were counterculture, meaning they teamed up with the nefariously evil drug-pushers more commonly known as the “Grateful Dead”, the term originating from the “band members” supporting drug overdoses with a graceful aesthetic, beautifying the War on Drugs and not treating it seriously as the health epidemic it really is. A known hip-hop artist is the popular millennial entertainer Kendrick Lamar, whom we had an interview with about his (unpopular for his community) decision to support Donald Trump in the 2016 election.

Then, of course, leads us to what the “trap” in “hip hop trap” music is. “Trap” music is a relatively recent phenomenon that refers to music to trap children into becoming lifetime welfare liberals that never leave their parents home for miscellaneous nonsensical reasons including “I can’t afford a home because the rent is too high” to “My persistent belief in Al Gore is preventing me from going to work today”. Trap music is not about instrumentation at all, it is merely the hip hop community’s response to Trump much like how “Punk music” was a response to the evils of communism and the fall of the USSR. Liberals love “trap music” because it is one of the few fields in life that the left has any form of propaganda or mind control in order to obtain voters, with trap music being the newest iteration in a long history of proselytizing young Republicans into opposing the establishment.

So “Old Town Road” is popular because of its “Hip Hop Trap” genre that blends into country, the second most Christian musical genre after the holy gospel but one of the most American of all music genres. One big question remains, why did the inventor of this song, the one “Lil Nas X”, create this song, and who in the DNC funded this man? Lil Nas X cannot possibly be considered his real name, but he is not referred to by anyone else. Since he is an artist, he cannot possibly be making millions or even thousands of dollars, and yet his song remains #1 on the charts for over 3 months, a feat that has only been done once previously by that English band from the ’60s named after a Volkswagon Car that also popularized anti-American sentiment. With Lil Nas X only being 19 years old, he cannot possibly have achieved this much success alone with a short song with country-influenced “hip hop”. No, I’m not suggesting there is a conspiracy at play here, for we know the music industry hates conservatism and religious liberty, but that the Democratic Party is actively supporting rebellion against the status quo and encouraging their naive fanbase that Lil Nas X is their next God and soon-to-be President.

The American Dream has long been a reason for why many Americans continue to persevere with intense motivation to fulfill their lifelong dreams.  Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” is a disgusting satire, an insult to farmers, country music fans, and the hard-working poor and middle-class Americans that struggle to get by because of Nancy Pelosi and her evil “San Francisco counterculture” politics. The continued popularity of his song is a threat to America’s stability as a world power and to the country music industry in Nashville as a whole. If they let Lil Nas X into the Grand Ole Opry, the entire country, and maybe even the Trump Administration, will be at stake. The Democrats want to shake up the country and start a civil war before their inevitable defeat in the 2020 Presidential Election, and Lil Nas X is the tank commander to lead the Democrats into fascism, their only method to win elections and to influence feeble-minded “Americans”.

Finally, Happy 4th of July to every American out there in the world! Without our Declaration of Independence, we would all be speaking British by now, or would we be speaking Brexitlish? Regardless, every American should be proud they aren’t located in anywhere else but our beloved home in the USA. Fire your fireworks with precaution, but not in safe spaces!!

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.