Brexit Will Be A Steady Success

Written by Gilbert Miser, PhD

Brexit, Great Britain’s vain attempt to achieve more freedom and create more democracy than the United States by leaving the European Union, is quickly approaching its final deadline on October 31st. Theresa May, a martyr for the Brexit cause and almost First President of England, received unwarranted criticism because of anti-feminists and Nazis from the Labour party, the more self-aware socialists equivalent to our Democrat Party. It’s quite ironic that the left and center-left parties in England would rather live in dire straits and never let the free market dictate the lives of commoners and peasants (English for poor) to fight for freedom from poverty. But with Brexit, the poor can finally move up on the ladder as England will no longer accept the Euro, which greatly devalues the lives of people that are too lazy to find a job and feed their families.

Theresa May was forced to resign when Brexit had to be extended and not implemented on its original deadline of April 12th, as the foolhardy citizens of England could not agree about some miscellaneous, near-irrelevant economic details about some trade agreements that may or may not had to have been cut off once Brexit is implemented. Replacing Theresa May as the would-be first President of England is Boris “long” Johnson, a brazen confident man who, among everyone in the Conservative Party of England, is the most likely to be the George Washington of the England Republic. Taking over for Theresa, Boris Johnson has received an unneeded amount of criticism from his country’s mainstream media due to his “character” and “brash rudeness”. These are not legitimate criticisms, they are examples of the strength of his character. Only a real leader could make the right decisions no matter how morally questionable or intelligible they are.

To truly comprehend the totality of Brexit, you need a big brain. You can’t be a socialist and understand economics, that’s just not how the world works. Leaving a large trade NGO organization like the European Union, an organization that is more powerful than Albania or possibly New Mexico shows great courage and strength that is quite admirable from an American point of view. The European Union holds great trade powers and regulates trade wars, and has had some (minor) success for them. I have personally visited England in 2004, and the Euro was more expensive then it was now. That must have meant there was some success for them in the past, how cute. Since now they will leave the European Union, this will mean their currency about pounds and whatnot will come near American levels, but not quite for the first few months. It’s a bit like the Laffer Curve but slower, much like the people of England “innit”.

As an economics PhD and expert in speculating futures, I can see no doubt in England’s steady approach under Theresa May Boris Johnson and the Conservative Party. The mainstream media may call Johnson some kind of ruthless tyrant or doofus who won’t let anyone chip in with “better” ideas or care about the people, but these are just archetypes of how successful leaders throughout history have managed their nations. Critics of Boris Johnson and Brexit are simply people that oppose order and decency in a free democratic society. The English people have long wanted a strong, intelligent and confident leader in Boris that they haven’t had run the country since Thatcher. Boris, as first President of England, is the right man to steer his country to clearer, less stormy tides that will guide England to what a truly free society looks and acts like.

Denizens of England have long been under the monarchy and have never been more free than an average American, always having to pay tea taxes for their queen and the people having submissive tendencies in regards to foreign policy. As we arrive closer and closer to Brexit Independence Day and the ushering of a new era in England’s long history, it is time to celebrate their eventual, and sure enough, the success they will achieve in the long run. The American Revolution was not won in one day, it took many days for the American Revolution to be a success, and we have seen the results of that revolution work swimmingly. England’s revolution coming up in two weeks may be rocky at first, but the English will know what to do once the time arrives. As the late great proverb-writer Douglas Adams once wrote, “Don’t Panic!”. Everything will be alright in the long run. You will still have your mars bars and local fish and chip eateries, but now with more freedom and economic opportunities to truly plot out your futures. The future is looking bright, New Republic of Free England!
Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. Miser recently earned his PhD in economics from the University of Chicago. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.

Brexit: How England Wants To Be America Now

Written by Gilbert Miser

England is sick of being represented by an old queen, and has finally caved into an American concept known as “liberty” as well as, “freedom”. In 2016, the “people” in England voted on a referendum (a spontaneous election but lamer) to decide whether or not they want to be governed by a queen and her hornet’s nest (the European Union), or finally leave their parent’s basement of monarchy and become an independent democracy. The wise people of England voted to leave the European Union and by proxy disobeying the queen that has ruled over their land for over a millennium. The term “Brexit” is a combination of words relating to Britain, exit, and Chex Mix, the corporate sponsors of the “Leave EU” movement.  As England leaves the European Union, they become much closer to being American than ever. That will greatly help our weird-looking allied country.

These are quite exciting times for the people that have given us The Beatles, Monty Python, and whatever the hell “fish and chips” are. No longer will England be governed by an autocratic queen that hordes the largest selection of “tea” in the known world, but they will be able to draft their own constitution and have truly free elections. The European Union was bringing England down with its debt and stagnation as well as the stranglehold the evil Queen of Britain has cast down on them. Time will keep ticking until March 29th, 2019 when England will finally be its own state, permanently withdrawn from the “United Kingdom” and turn into a democracy.

Until that time, England will have its own boring decisions to make regarding trade, immigrants and whatever. Their economy will grow stronger from being away from European Union regulations and whatever the Queen demands. England still has quite a way to go before it fully turns into the USA of Europe, perhaps they should begin building a wall to prevent the Spanish from bringing their crime, drugs, and all that anti-Christian stuff. They need to do away with the European tradition of “SOCCER” dominating their society and turn to the much more manly and American sport, football. Financially, they’ll have to deal with their currency exchange rate, but they have more pressing issues to worry about before the March 29th due date. They have plenty of time to fix their culture and make it more entertaining.

Leaving the European Union and subsequently, the Queen of Britain will greatly assist the ailing economy of England, which is hampered by a plethora of taxes to support a 21st-century monarchy and keeping it afloat. After enough taxation without proper representation, the English have finally realized that the United States of America has a better deal in the world then they do, and if they want to be anywhere near America’s level, they need to step up their game. It’s time to give props for England in realizing their 242-year blunder in having a normal government. Congratulations to Theresa May, the first president of England! You’ve earned it.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial correspondent. His billionaire parents died under mysterious circumstances he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became a multibillionaire. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner”.