Brexit: How England Wants To Be America Now

Written by Gilbert Miser

England is sick of being represented by an old queen, and has finally caved into an American concept known as “liberty” as well as, “freedom”. In 2016, the “people” in England voted on a referendum (a spontaneous election but lamer) to decide whether or not they want to be governed by a queen and her hornet’s nest (the European Union), or finally leave their parent’s basement of monarchy and become an independent democracy. The wise people of England voted to leave the European Union and by proxy disobeying the queen that has ruled over their land for over a millennium. The term “Brexit” is a combination of words relating to Britain, exit, and Chex Mix, the corporate sponsors of the “Leave EU” movement.  As England leaves the European Union, they become much closer to being American than ever. That will greatly help our weird-looking allied country.

These are quite exciting times for the people that have given us The Beatles, Monty Python, and whatever the hell “fish and chips” are. No longer will England be governed by an autocratic queen that hordes the largest selection of “tea” in the known world, but they will be able to draft their own constitution and have truly free elections. The European Union was bringing England down with its debt and stagnation as well as the stranglehold the evil Queen of Britain has cast down on them. Time will keep ticking until March 29th, 2019 when England will finally be its own state, permanently withdrawn from the “United Kingdom” and turn into a democracy.

Until that time, England will have its own boring decisions to make regarding trade, immigrants and whatever. Their economy will grow stronger from being away from European Union regulations and whatever the Queen demands. England still has quite a way to go before it fully turns into the USA of Europe, perhaps they should begin building a wall to prevent the Spanish from bringing their crime, drugs, and all that anti-Christian stuff. They need to do away with the European tradition of “SOCCER” dominating their society and turn to the much more manly and American sport, football. Financially, they’ll have to deal with their currency exchange rate, but they have more pressing issues to worry about before the March 29th due date. They have plenty of time to fix their culture and make it more entertaining.

Leaving the European Union and subsequently, the Queen of Britain will greatly assist the ailing economy of England, which is hampered by a plethora of taxes to support a 21st-century monarchy and keeping it afloat. After enough taxation without proper representation, the English have finally realized that the United States of America has a better deal in the world then they do, and if they want to be anywhere near America’s level, they need to step up their game. It’s time to give props for England in realizing their 242-year blunder in having a normal government. Congratulations to Theresa May, the first president of England! You’ve earned it.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial correspondent. His billionaire parents died under mysterious circumstances he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became a multibillionaire. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner”.