Debtor’s Prisons Are A Great Incentive To Eliminate Poverty

Written by Gilbert Miser

Poverty has always been one of America’s most curable problems that can never truly be fully eradicated. Washington D.C. is full of politicians, businessman, lobbyists, lawyers, and the unemployed uneducated yokel that clean the dishes and sinks of the aforementioned in Washington. Under Donald Trump’s presidential administration, there have been great strides in deficit and poverty reduction and with the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017, there is now a far greater chance for those of lower strata to succeed in America in ways the LBJ and Obama “presidential administrations” failed to accomplish. But poverty, much like opioids and crime, keeps re-occurring in our society with seemingly no end in sight for its encumbrance. Fortunately, I have the solution to cure our societal woes.

No one likes to be in prison much like how allegedly no one likes living in poverty. My solution is simple, we must criminalize poverty in order to discourage the poor and homeless from maintaining their ugly and destitute lifestyle. Many of those that are in poverty and “working class” societal status are often tangled with debt, a status sign that people are too poor to help themselves and act desperate for every kind of government handout and welfare. They seemingly have no incentive to get out of their debt-ridden hole they dug themselves in, and their so-called college education in the arts will never help these poor “artists” from achieving or creating anything meaningful in life. They are almost worse than vermin, but at least vermin have the decency to never take out a loan with interest.


A “working class” person living in poverty. Notice the ability to afford a fatwa-inspired latte.

Evidently, many people with debt will never be able to pay it off in their lifetime. How can these people afford housing, let alone a television or those newfangled radio-phone-computer-watches? These poor people have no impulse to save money but rather spend it frivolously–the nerve. Europe had a remedy for poverty hundreds of years ago and it seems to work well for Western European countries. They shoved the poor into prison until they were able to pay off their debts, giving their release from prison as their receipt in life that they were no longer proles. We Americans have never given this incentive to eliminate poverty a try, but now is a better time than never to act. Poverty walks in our streets, creates drug and violence problems, and ultimately gives the liberals a platform to appeal to hippies and centrists. The Democratic Party loves poverty because its one of the few methods they instill to play partisan politics. So poverty isn’t just a societal and political problem, it’s an obstruction of bureaucracy at its very worst.

It’s not unethical to put some of the worst people in society in prison, so why do the poor get special exemptions and tax cuts when they are some of the most debt-burdened people in the country? No one can pay taxes when they’re highly in debt, and they spend money everywhere as if they earned it! Their selfish attitudes on finance have been such a detriment to our national debt and allowed Obama to be president. These people don’t need a say in our society, they need to work. A debtor’s prison will provide the poors with free shelter, minimal costs to food and water, and they’ll be able to sleep comfortably not having to worry about their Fortnights or Facebooks distracting them from their ability to assess their finances. If they cannot pay off their credit card debt, student loans, mortgages or any other financial obligation while in a debtor’s prison, then they can be punished accordingly to their own abilities, and accordingly to their own needs. In any ethical sense, debt is debt, a hindrance on finances for everyone but globalists loan sharks. When debt is multiplied to absurd extents, you get the national debt.

It is high past time to see poverty for what it really is: a federal offense. A national disgrace, a burden for the common man to have to pay higher taxes to help their fellow man. Our country has a debt problem with seemingly no end in sight, aside from help from our beloved Republican Party to cut taxes, my solutions and tax cuts alone will not be enough to exterminate poverty in America. If the debts can’t be removed, then the people burdened with debt do not deserve to participate in society. They are a burden to our country, no more, no less.  They must be punished accordingly.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in Manhattan.

POINT/COUNTERPOINT: Capital Punishment (Or The Death Penalty)

Written by Rachel Gilfords and Aaron Lau

In our latest installment of Point/Counterpoint, there have always been discussions about if certain ethical dilemmas play a role in our most prized punishment, the death sentence. Should the death penalty be used for the most wretched of crimes, like murder or drug dealing? Or should capital punishment be the most divine way of handling the death sentence? We invited Rachel Gilfords and Aaron Lau to discuss one of America’s most cherished activities.


Rachel Gilfords: Point: capital punishment is the only way to purge evil-doers from our society. Locking them up behind bars will only give them incentives to escape. They cannot escape hell.

Aaron Lau: Counterpoint: The death penalty should be primarily reserved for those that murder babies. Or children. The most severe of crimes should lead to a more severe death sentence.

RG: Point: Each monotheistic religion on Earth has their own form of capital punishment, extending our American tradition since Adam and Eve.

AL: Counterpoint: Every monotheistic religion that isn’t Christianity is inherently wrong. Just because the Islamic folks and Jews have their own version of the death penalty doesn’t make them any more right, or intelligent. It simply means they have a very low standard of rationality.

RG: Point: Capital punishment is a deterrent to pernicious members of society to never commit a crime. They will know what will come to them.

AL: Counterpoint: Those criminals want the death penalty. They hate living and will continue to provoke terror until they get what they want. They are asking for it.

RG: Point: As technology gets better and better, more efficient and less costly ways for capital punishment to go underway will make any potential opposition towards capital punishment meaningless.

AL: Counterpoint: As the Bullshit News technology expert, we will find new ways to innovate the death penalty. Instead of muskets for a firing squad, we can use nuclear missiles. Instead of an electric chair, we can give the death penalty via virtual reality. The most common method, lethal injections, are needless and only support the elitist Pharmaceutical companies and not the State. The death penalty will always cost us money, but it is money well spent.

RG: Point: Capital punishment is not cruel enough.

AL: Counterpoint: The death penalty doesn’t go far enough.

RG: Point: Certain “three strikes” laws should all end in capital punishment rather than forced incarceration for life. Putting prisoners behind bars for life is very taxing.

AL: Counterpoint: The average American is informed about the law enough to never commit a crime in their life. There should be a one strike policy to result in the death penalty.

RG: Point: Without capital punishment, our streets would be like Chicago and littered with crime. Capital punishment is the ultimate deterrent every civilized society instills.

AL: Counterpoint: Without the death penalty, we would be forced to lock up prisoners for life when they should not be living. They will inevitably be released from prison to commit more crimes in a desire to go back. Our prison system is like soma to its heartless inhabitants.

RG: Point: Capital punishment is the ultimate death sentence for convicts and outlaws that would otherwise strive to be the president of Mexico or one of their local drug cartels.

AL: Counterpoint: The death penalty is the real ultimate sentence to drug users, rapists, convicted murderers (abortion-havers), and we need it more over capital punishment because criminals do not deserve an easy break. Their brains, like liberals, are neurologically different from the sane, rational-minded conservatives that do not deserve to be washed away from living for purely existing.


Thanks to both correspondents, Aaron Lau and Rachel Gilfords, for their ability to civilly disagree with each other to present us a public forum for informed citizens to better pick a side between capital punishment or the death penalty. One of the greatest things about America is the ability to choose two sides of one issue, and for both parties to agree to disagree. These issues can be very personal for some folks, and often cause liberals to lose their minds (as if they were ever existent, to begin with) and speak in terms of emotion, rather than sound logic and reason. May we all become better-informed citizens in the process.

Rachel Gilfords is Bullshit News’ White House Correspondent, On-Field Reporter and a War On Christmas analyst. A former Fox News beat-reporter, Rachel has covered Afghanistan and Iraq on the ground in one year and received acclaimed conservative awards and adoration from Roger Ailes. Rachel knows for certain that Bullshit News has a ‘no bullshit policy’ towards sexual harassment.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line media-related issues. He is married to his lovely wife, Cindy. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and certain technologies including video games but not the liberal propaganda-endorsed “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University and owns a Chow by the name of “Zappa”.