Tag: sfw

We Must Remove All “Pornography” Off The Internet

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

The internet has been one of the most revolutionary inventions in the entire world. As a writer on the first conservative website on the world-wide-web, a feat that took twenty-two years, there is a shockingly disgusting amount of pornography on the Internet. Such smut is a shocking display of immorality designed to destroy Christianity from the inside out. Something must be done to remove all these photos of scantily clad women and men pornifying our society.

Sexual intercourse is for procreation purposes only. Unless you’re Barack Obama and want kindergarteners to start breeding to create more Democrats. Pornography in our society encourages the women to engage in abortion, a cardinal sin for almost all religions, even for Catholics. The creation of life is the most important aspect of our existence, and masturbation is some sick game that results in spilling important seeds needed to fertilize our women. All sperm is sacred, and any needless drop of sperm as the result of pornography graphically assaults our society and damages the minds of children awaiting God’s glory.

There should be no surprise that liberals are in favor of masturbation, calling it a “personal liberty”. Democrats don’t understand true freedom is being able to procreate without heinous non-sperm producing devices such as “dildos”, “vibrators”, or any other Satanic-influenced device. It makes perfect sense that Democrats suffer from low testosterone, and are unable to multiply fruitfully, coming from their vegetarian or “vegan” diets based in soy and not testosterone-filled red meat. Thus, the Democrats must use pornography in order to concede to the fact that they are being outnumbered by fertile Republicans. The Democratic Party is a dying breed.

Beyond the so-called “women’s liberation” permitting the legalization of pornography in America, the over-abundance of pornography in our society poses an existential threat to our species. Young boys will prefer to masturbate over finding an ideal humble Christian woman to marry. With more distractions from “smartphones”, condoms, and other pornographic devices that distract our children, what can we do to repurify these millennials? I’m glad you let me ask because my solution is easy and has worked in every era in every generation of human history: the Bible. The Bible educates everyone about the sanctity of life and teaches us the dangers of immorality in our society, like murder, adultery and of course, pornography and masturbation. I lock all the apps on my children’s phones except for The Bible, as technology these days are much too lax and allow such vile filth to be promoted everywhere.

Sadly, the Bible by itself does not end the nonstop distribution of pornography that spreads like a Northern California wildfire. But we have some help in destroying the vile pornography industry. Vice President Mike Pence believes in our mission that pornography is an evil sin that should be banned throughout America. The pornography industry has created a social construction called “sex work”, which is not exclusive to prostitution, pin-up modeling or mutual masturbation. Such “sex work” involves women wearing hardly any clothing at all, soliciting “tokens” on a web-operated camera which can be used to inherit American dollars. These e-harlots refuse to do legal occupations and operate in black markets offline as well. They are agents of sexual trafficking and should be prosecuted as such. The Bible would consider such atrocious acts as sodomy as well.

While many consider the invention of the World Wide Web to be a blessing, it reaps what it sows in morality. The amount of pure evil and vile and shocking displays of “human sexuality” is the decaying moral agent within our society that causes civilization to break down. Such decadence encourages liberal/judicial activism, higher divorce rates, and promoting the Gay Agenda. We must retaliate with the one Book that guides us all under God’s light, and it doesn’t come from “Pornhub”, it comes from Jesus. Jesus, please save our children from the easily-accessible pornography that runs rampant on the world-wide-web. They can’t help themselves.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor and Religion Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Evangelicals, excluding Presbyterians. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

Labor Unions Are The Gateway Drug To Communism

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Gilbert Miser

It should come as no surprise that communism and its ugly stepcousin socialism are one of the main pillars of the Democratic Party. But there are other, equally horrible political ideas and factions that form America’s second most popular political party. Among them are the abortion-endorsers, Mexicans, and labor unions. Labor unions are the idea that the workers should form a bund together. What is a bund? Well, talking more about definitions of new foreign-sounding words is how you fall down the Marxist foxhole and get you suckered into communism. And any kind of union-related activity will “fix you” into becoming a communist, and ergo, an unemployed homeless bum. It will be impossible to find a job when you have to roam from train to train to find areas you are not blacklisted in for believing in an abhorrent anti-American terrorist ideology.

Unions allow a minority of workers to have a bigger say in their employment status over the majority. Workers deserve the right to speak for themselves, like individuals in America are normally treated, and without needing a group or organization to do just that. So unions have no use but for workers to tax themselves more for the idea of hosting “pizza party” meetings that conclude with no business done and a total loss for the company. Workers in union-less America are the silent majority of their own workplace, everyone agrees to the rules they are dealt with. If they ask questions, they will know how to raise their hands. So for what purpose do unions really have aside from the obstruction of capitalist justice?

The beauty of America is that the individual is powerful. Communism is the very definition of undoing that powerful feeling which makes Americans and America so tough. Labor Unions revolve around viewing work through a Marxist lens, and that includes threatening to strike, being allowed to loiter more at work or bargain their salaries. Strikes are extremely anti-American and very pro-French and Pro-Italy. Both of these countries, France and Italy, had fascism installed onto their constitutions and forced labor union policies until America kicked their communist asses out of existence in World War II. Do we really want America to be more like Europe, a continent of failed “oh no let’s do our government all over again since the last time didn’t work” nations? Absolutely not, and labor union activity will lead to a rise of this creeping fascism.

Regulations are the problem that labor unions think are the solution. Regulations, many of which were implanted under the Barack Obama regime, are what kill workers from succeeding more in life. Regulations and unions aren’t some kind of Kevlar that can protect workers from having a better life. It’s the opposite, it will lead to disrupted marriages, unintentional children, and even an early death. Or onset-baldness. And, more often than not, will make you lose your job rather than earn you more money. So there is no point to enabling communism in your workplace, it always backfires. The regulations that are already in workplaces like OSHA, EPA and the AFL-CIO create more systemic problems than solving societal woes. It is a swamp currently being weeded out by President Trump and Scott Pruitt. They are both working hard to remove all unions and regulations from existence so we can live in a cleaner and better world away from a government that governs too much.

Communism has and will never win in America, but the fragile Democratic Party seeks to resurrect its policies and practices to somehow “better enrich American lives”. It is all rhetoric, ideas, and dreams without substance, the American X-factor. Workers function better independently, much like the individual and the government. A team that works sparingly together, is a team well-kept and built strongly. Those are the principles that run America, not Godless Islamic communism. And especially unions.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner”.