Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster
I remember when I first fornicated with my soon-to-be first wife at the proper age of “16”. Back then, in 1929, you had to earn your wife the hard way: through depression and hard labor. Not much has changed since, although I’ve moved on to four other wives from there. The Barack Obama Administration was responsible for dispensing condoms to kindergarteners in an effort to promote “safe sex”. Liberals love “safe sex”, a buzzword for allowing the queers to engage in the intercourse “with protection”. But it is a total sham! The only safe sex is in a marriage curated by God or Jesus of Nazareth himself with a MAN and a WOMAN.
But this article is not about marriage and its commonly-shared traditional definition. Ever since the Obama Administration gave away condoms to every kindergarten and grade school across our 47 states, the young children began to engage in having sexual intercourse more frequently than ever, and it’s all a Democratic Party plot to garner more voters. But Democrats always live in an alternate reality where they think the rules of law and history don’t apply to their wacky beliefs. Sure, the amount of children will rise in 20ish years when they are able to vote, but can they live that long? Will they know how to vote? Can they even be successful in American society? And more importantly, are they legal American citizens? We know that there are billions of illegal immigrants all across this beautiful country, and the Obama regime is there to blame. That is why the children are breeding in schools, especially with their mothers being able to hold more than one child per year.
We are witnessing a moral degradation in our society when the children are having children. The liberals want their Woodstock to never end with their “free love” and “safe sex” devilish Jazz music. It used to be easier in life when abortion was outlawed and everybody didn’t have to invent anxiety as an excuse for not getting any. Men were men, and women were classy and didn’t reveal their knees in public so often! Now children will get their super handheld computer-phone as soon as they become a parent by the time they graduate elementary school. Only liberals would permit this, and thankfully the Donald Trump administration will bring back decency to our public schools that urgently need it.
The only way you can have “safe sex” is when you want to have children. Venereal diseases are designated for non-normative sexual couples and for anyone who puts “IT” up the bum. Poop will give you any disease when you come into contact with it, and the people who engage in this (should go without saying they are Democratic Party members) are sick and depraved. These people don’t enjoy life, they’re doing the drugs and otherwise not behaving to social order! These same people want to bring an end to the United States of America and bring in socialism and USSR-like fantasies into life!
Condoms in the classroom are merely just the beginning for the Democratic Party’s feeble-minded effort to garner more voters and attempt to overthrow President Trump’s administration. The liberals are so sick and depraved to waste what could be millions of billions of childhoods and double or quintuple the poverty rate just to get more rapport from their dormant and neglected base. The illegal immigrants, condoms, national debt, and foreign policy neglect that the Barack Obama regime has left Donald Trump with a lot of work to do. Thankfully conservatives have hired the best man for the presidency that is renowned for his decency standards for all children.
Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.