Written by Aaron Lau

The beverage industry is one of the most powerful forces in America, as well as the entire world. Sure, everyone “needs” water, but there exists alternative to water as well. But that doesn’t mean they’re good alternatives, there are mind-altering substances out there that rival America’s drinking industry. As everyone knows, the United States of America invented the soda and its two flavors: Coke and Pepsi. Other countries like Afghanistan and India, lack the great innovations America brings onto the world, and prefer their old forms of not-water beverages that are akin to drugs. The inventions, coffee, and tea, drug people to ideas that America is not a great country and delude these same people with liberal ideas and intentions.

Sadly in America, coffee and tea are all too ubiquitous in our civil society. That doesn’t mean they are bad, like cigarettes*. It means that too many Americans willingly indoctrinate themselves in liberal drug-beverages and thus susceptible to be part of the problem. The more Americans support the coffee or tea industry, the worse America suffers in our soda industry. There are alleged health benefits to coffee or tea, such as “mindfulness” or “spiritual reawakening” but these are just liberal buzzwords with no meaning and too much substance. They are rhetorical tools that cults use for people to keep funneling them money.  The coffee and tea industries seek to do just that, using their addictive beverage industries as a cult in order to make Americans challenge the status quo.

Of course, America has coffee and tea industries which are infamously liberal. Starbucks is a racist Jihadist coffee company that manages to innovate ways of offending everyone every year. Howard Schultz, the Islamic CEO of the Starbucks coffee brand, has decided to step down to form stage two of his plan to overthrow America: by running for president as a Democrat. If you’re a long time follower of Bullshit News, you have subscribed to the boycott of their Jihadist coffee framework and are aware of their opposition to Christmas as a holiday. And this same corrupt Democrat that drugs the majority of coffees in America that turns well-mannered Americans into radical democrats wants to lead our country in 2020.

Tea industries are rampant in America as well and do not have a strong single presence like Starbucks. But tea is just as awful and corruptible like coffee, just that it comes from Afghanistan and not India. They give different highs than coffee in a way that marijuana allegedly gives the user different highs. But all these “highs” lead the user into poor decision-making decisions, the tendency to vote Democrat, and holding the belief that America is not a strong, unified, and powerful country. Pass on tea, iced or otherwise, beer or soda is much more American and better for our big brains.

So my fellow Americans, abstain from coffee and tea, for they intend to poison your mind, question your surroundings, and vote Democrat. Howard Schultz will return in two years to give his “five-year plan” or whatever in his presidential campaign and us noble and good-hearted Americans cannot accept this man’s highly addictive liberal drugs. Aldous Huxley warned the world of dangerous men like Howard Schultz using drugs to tame the status quo for nefarious and illicit means in “Brave New World”. And to live in “Brave New World” is a vote for Howard Schultz, a Godless Islamic Democrat who wants to ruin America with his shitty mind-altering beverages.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line media-culture related issues. He is married to his lovely wife, Cindy. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and certain technologies including video games but not the liberal propaganda-endorsed “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University and owns a Chow by the name of “Zappa”.

 

*Cigarettes can be good depending on how much money we will receive to change this sentence.