Joe Biden Is Using Illegal Hispanic Immigrants To Vote For Him

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

As we move closer and closer towards the unneeded 2020 Presidential Election, we must be reminded that the Democrat Party have routinely tried to artificially inflate the number of voters they receive in order to cheat the real hard-working God-fearing American people from getting the Republican president they deserve. As per tradition, the Democrat Party is at it again, with much more desperation then they ever have needed before. So it should come to no surprise that Democrat Party nominee Joe Biden is receiving an influx of help from the “Hispanics” from the island of “Mexico” to help vote for him.

Bullshit News has already discussed at-length the evil and callous nature of the anti-christ and his co-star, who wish to seek vengeance against the American people for trying to work their hard-earned 9-5 jobs. They understand they don’t have the number of votes needed to win almost every state except for Sodom and California, so they must rely on these “Hispanics“, a fancy sociological word for illegal immigrants, to vote in-mass for them. Knowing that Americans can only have one vote, but Hispanics can vote as often as they want, Biden and his base understand the only way to win is to cheat. The Biden campaign aims to airlift as many Hispanics from Hispaniola and the Isle of Mexico onto as many states as possible to vote for him, as much as 128 times. They are fearless cretins who will check mark Joe Biden 1,000 times despite that massive benefits the Trump Administration has given to their people.

This disgusting act of political heresy is nothing new in the tradition of Democratic Party politics. Democrats in the past have been able to capture illegal people to vote illegally in order to cheat a legitimate aspect of our noble political structure. The electoral college is one of the oldest institutions in our Democracy that exists for the purpose of counting every ballot and sending it up to the sky to God for verification that these people all exist, and which states will “win the votes”. Now God is an old man, still wise but yet still very old. His judgement hasn’t been the same since his son was killed by the Jerry Garcia. Nevertheless he can’t be wrong because he is all-knowing and omniscient and whatnot. God doesn’t know the difference between an “American voter” who can only vote once and the ill “Hispanic voter” that can vote as many times as they need. There is significant concern that God will just permit these “Hispanic voters” and the results could be disastrous for our democracy.

Nevertheless, no amount of Hispanics will impede a determined President Trump from saving America from the bureaucracy of an election. But to see the Democrats using dirty cheap tricks being done dirt cheap is another sign that we are in the right ethically. If the Democrats lose with their “surplus of voters”, they will riot and commit wrath of such high level that the results can be drastic. The influx of the Hispanic voters being parachuted into the election should not be enough to guarantee a Biden victory, but it can guarantee some unfortunate and unneeded suspense on Election Day.

What can you, the conscientious and intelligent reader, do about this? Well it’s easy, you need to vote. Even if you can’t vote a million times like a parachuting Mexican, your vote will still matter. No matter the outcome, whether Trump wins and Biden loses or Biden wins and Trump loses, the Democrats had to cheat to get there. There is nothing the Democratic Party does that is legal and legitimate that gives them power. They are hungry for nothing but relentless bureaucracy and tax increases. They want YOU to have less money and Trump wants to help you. Any real American knows that the choice is clear, and that anyone voting for that anti-christ infidel is a vote for treason.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

The Postal Service Is Antiquated And Deserves Desecration

Wrtiten by Gilbert Miser

2020 has been quite an eventful year for the Trump Administration. From stopping the Bernie Sanders-sponsored Coronavirus to the rise of mankind’s greatest threat, the Frog People, President Trump has had to deal with some of the biggest crises a president has had to burden since Abraham Lincoln fixed America. But as the election comes near, a formerly trustworthy and decent utility of the United States, the Postal Service, has become massively unprofitable and outdated due to the rise of the “e-mail”, or electronic mail. Now that we have this “e-mail”, we do not need the USPS and their communist model of business.

Mainstream media outlets like The Daily Wire and OANN praise the Postal Service as if it were some deity. They believe the Postal Service is essential for Americans, and they could not be more out of touch with the common American. The truth behind all the mainstream lies is that the Postal Service is beyond out of touch to Americans. Nobody needs “mail” anymore than people need liberty from the tyranny of government. With “e-mail” and “Amazon”, mail has become redundant and a waste of space. We need to move forward as a country and terminating or reducing the number of communist Postal Service currently in operation would be a great leap forward for American democracy.

Democrats, a number of which are closeted socialists and/or communists, have been viciously opposed to any measure against their closely-aligned in ideology USPS. These losers who nominated Delaware’s noted anti-Christ Joe Biden want to ensure government waste continues to be flourish in spite of the fact many USPS workers do nothing and wait for thirty years on the job to grab a pension without contributing to any mile of service. The Democrat Party needs to protect “their own” as a means of survival. They don’t care for these people, only their votes. Everything else is an afterthought, saving the USPS gives the Democrats more money in their wallets instead of the money being spend constructively on our precious military or the defense contractors who deserve it.

As an expert in asset and liability management, I can reassure you that the Postal Service has never been profitable and is one of the largest risks the Government has ever dealt with. Before the days of “e-mail”, the USPS was a company of valor, family values, and profits. Once everyone caught on with the electronic mail, the USPS floundered and grew more and more in debt until it became the gigantic mammoth of debt that anchors the U.S into trouble with China. Now a burden and obsolete, President Trump once again proves he is on the right side of history with reducing USPS hours, marking the first step to the final end of the USPS. Thank God.

The Democrats, always acting in desperation, believes Donald Trump’s desire to end the USPS is an extension to end the ability to Vote-By-Mail. What Democrats don’t tell you is that voting by mail doesn’t mean you have voted. All it means is that you doted a check, maybe up to a dozen or so times, and put it in an envelope to send back to God-Knows-Where. That is not voting, that is voter fraud, or the pretense of believing you voted when in actuality you did nothing of the sort. REAL voting is actually showing up to a noble polling place, passing an identification check, criminal background check, a drug test, a security check, literacy test AND a sobriety check, then you can finally vote like a normal human American being. That’s the American way, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Hopefully all this propaganda behind the Postal Service can be laid to rest like the idea of physical “mail”. We live in newer, interesting times, so we should be more mindful towards that. We need to purge the Postal Service out of our lives so we can move forward as a society. We do not need old government to obstruct and make us do needless work to send parcels in the mail when FedEx, UPS, and their competitors exist. We are living in the future and not the past, and we need to act that way and ensure President Trump can make the next four years just as successful as he made these past four.

 

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.

The Nationwide Epidemic of Voter Fraud

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-in-Chief

Liberals in our country have suspiciously expanded their political influence to gain political power. They attempt to appear the majority of the people when in reality, Democrats are the minorities in our Congress and lack any power. Democrats in recent years have begun undertaking “innovative” methods to gain more seats in the House and Senate, by means of nationwide voter fraud.

What is voter fraud? It’s a phenomenon where someone ineligible to vote, like refugees/immigrants or convicted felons, is able to anyways without repercussions. Voter fraud is also when someone impersonates an eligible voter and steals their job. Democrats are kings of voter fraud, like in the state of Virginia where they allowed convicted felons to vote for a limited time before our handy-dandy judicial system stopped them (H/T NBC29). Sleazy democrats need to find a strategy to get more votes behind their antiquated ideology.

Voter fraud can be found everywhere in America because many polling booths in our country do not ask for ID, or for a criminal background check. This is absurd, how do we prevent criminals from voting if we have a system that can let teenagers vote if they can name a dead person with a voting record? We must take measures to lessen voter impersonations and enforce tougher security to every voting booth in America. Every voter should go through a quick criminal background check before they can put their pen to the ballot. With Internets technology these days, we can program a mobile phone app that tells poll workers whether or not people in their district are frauds and crooks or real authentic American voters.

But the liberals say, “Oh, voter fraud is a victimless crime, and it hardly ever happens. Why waste federal funds to it?”. This is complete disinformation and riddled with misconceptions. Voter fraud is a crime to our democracy and to the way the government operates. If our Republic has any instance of voter fraud in an election, it will invalidate the entire system, or at the minimum, the state the crime was allowed in. Voter fraud is what led an Islamic man into our office for eight years and we’re still getting over his wrath. The government should expend federal funds to prevent illegitimate elections and foreign, mischievous interference into our Democracy. Don’t listen to the liberal misconceptions of voter fraud–it is very much real and a big epidemic in our country. We here at Bullshit News support the Presidential Administration’s effort to curb voter fraud and back them 102%.

After a 2% margin of error, of course.

Don Kaftan is the Founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good heady IPA. Don Kaftan was a former lecturer at Bob Jones University before getting the pink slip for “expressing his mind”.