Written by Carlos Gutierrez

First, on behalf of everyone at Bullshit News, we would like to extend our prayers to those suffering in Houston, Louisiana, and elsewhere with Hurricane Harvey. Hurricanes suck, no one should go through them.

But, today we celebrate the freedom of former Sheriff of Maricopa County (Phoenix, AZ), known (when he was in power) as America’s harshest sheriff. Joe set the legal precedent of how a sheriff can make a municipality tough and safe, by any means necessary. Diligent with the law and conducting himself, he was slandered by judicial activism and nearly had to serve time for “contempt of court”, a meaningless legal phrase used to imprison people that disagree with the court’s opinion. Thankfully, this atrocious abuse of judicial power was pardoned by our 45th president who killed Hillary Clinton in the electoral college, Donald J. Trump.

“Average” Joe Arpaio knew how to punish criminals who ruthlessly disobeyed the law and treated the criminals accordingly to the crimes they committed, a true modern day biblical interpretation of “Eye for an Eye”. Many sheriffs across America were cowardly and could never quite punish criminals the right way, hence the rise of the private prison industry to correct this sin. The only way to stop crime is through fear itself, intimidate those Godless criminals and instill some morality on the Islamic criminals that come to our country to promote their “Jihads”. Average Joe knew the job of a sheriff is to be tough and to make his community safe, which is exactly what he did, and he excelled at his job so well liberals had to complain that someone in the government was doing an efficient job. Upset that Joe was allegedly mistreating his criminals, (Note to liberals: if a criminal is in prison, they are to be punished accordingly. It is their fault they are in prison, to begin with) the vast left-wing media sought to punish good ol’ Arpaio. They almost succeeded, but they didn’t see the pardon coming to him now did they? There’s nothing the liberals can do to prohibit the pardoning. Good job, President Trump!

Congrats to “Average” Joe Arpaio on defeating the corrupt liberal agenda to throw him into the prison he instilled tough retribution against the criminals who oppose our free and democratic society. May this be the first of many pardons Trump ushers to those who were found guilty of “crimes” they did not commit. The criminal justice system is not perfect, because how the hell can a sheriff go to prison? They are here to protect us, not to join the criminals and be a threat to society. Joe Arpaio is an American hero, serving his role as the leader of defending freedom, and his pardon will be a sign to those that if you disobey the law, expect divine punishment and retribution.

Carlos Gutierrez is the Bullshit News correspondent on Criminal Justice Issues and Immigration. He was born in Corpus Christi, Texas and is as American as you or anyone else that isn’t Muslim or Jewish. Devoted to his lovely local Catholic Church, Carlos is an active member of his community and goes to church every Sunday, before the Cowboys game. Carlos worked on the 2016 Ted Cruz presidential campaign before coming to Bullshit News.

Written by Mortimer E. Wallacaster

This country has a Civil War problem and a problem with our civility. The liberals refuse to acknowledge the Civil War being started as a state’s rights issue when Dred Scott was found guilty of being a free slave in a territory he was not free (see Dred Scott vs. Sandford for some liberal ownage). They also don’t mind the Southern states fighting for their state’s legal right to own property. Areas throughout the continental United States have many statues of leaders of the Confederacy, Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson among other good men of noble character. These brave men dedicated their rights to one of the more underrated Amendments, #10 in this case. These monuments need to stay in an upright position for Americans to enjoy and acknowledge their history and for them to gaze at the statue in such a way that their back posture is fixed with the monuments being upright. The youth these days always have that arched humpback that harms their future. Teenage millennials, if you are reading this, fix your posture and trim those sideburns!

Liberals always complain about how slavery was demeaning and immoral, but where would we be today without the Civil War? We would become even more divided and would ruin the unique characteristics that make America great. Without slavery, America would never learn about the evils of racism. How could we teach our children that the black ones that grow up with them that this country was fought over the logistics of the 10th amendment? They don’t even know what amendment means! So liberals think children know what slavery really is, and say “slavery” started the war and not constitutional scholars literally fighting over interpretations of the 10th amendments and state’s rights. It’s a shame that the liberalization of public education has forced Blacks to accept an alternate history where they are routinely marginalized.

The corrosion of Black-American values from our public education has effectively put Black people in a worse place today than they have ever been since they were slaves in Haiti. Liberals have made black people feel accepted for being outside the American cultural norm, and have instituted the learning of “ebonics” in Oakland elementary schools. The liberals have popularized the rap music, which makes the blacks dance, swear profusely, celebrate their ancestry in America with chains of gold, and dangerous drug usage, among other degrading activities they feel obligated to do. Some blame segregation for this, but it really is a part of their urban folk music which harms the mind akin to lead poisoning. The liberals do this to them so they vote democrat, naturally.

But enough slave talk, let’s talk about those that fought bravely to defend their rights, which we should respect with the monuments. These brave men of the Confederacy risked their lives over an idea, similar to know-nothing wannabe “business leaders” in San Fagcisco call “a startup company”, and were martyrs for their cause. That is the true American story, almost to folkloric to be real but it was. We need monuments to celebrate this moment in American history where the American dream was put to the test and passed, well kind of. But it was good enough fable to teach our children in American History classrooms.

This is exactly why we need Confederate monuments: If we don’t remember history, we are doomed to repeat it. We need to learn that the Confederacy fought for their rights and they should be commemorated as such. It’s history, folklore, and if we don’t have monuments to celebrate their martyrdom, they will be reduced to an urban myth. People need to understand the Civil War, but outside their liberal classrooms and read a BOOK!

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. His centenarian mind and wisdom are a bright addition to the Bullshit News team.

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-At-Chief

It is a travesty in this country that our current President of the United States and Commander-In-Chief Donald Trump has an uncommonly low approval rating according to the newest polls. Presidents should be admired and thoroughly respected as the strongest, most masculine leader of the free world whose job is to be the world’s biggest lobbyist for democracy. Preaching freedom every day, to every state, because it is the right and the justest thing for the President of the United States to be. But today we live in turbulent times with White House staff shake-ups becoming a weekly headline to distract us from the fact that the mainstream media is targeting Republicans and conservatives for standing true to our principles and supporting the president no matter what. Let Bullshit News tell you who liberals are and why they challenge the status quo of our country in order to manufacture drama and political deceit in our wonderful America.

Liberal is an ambiguous political term that has changed quite a bit in history. There are a variety of liberals, such as the Neo-liberal, the globalist liberal, socialists, closet communists, and John McCain.  For the purpose of our website, we do not mean to use the term liberal to disparage the word liberal, but to those that consistently disagree with the American definition of freedom. These liberals often pledge themselves to the Democratic Party, but the more extremist kinds join the “Green”, “Democratic Socialist”, or “Independent” parties. Many liberals tend to live in the west coast, New York, or whatever city is “trending” these days on Twitter or Instagram. Also Austin, never forget Austin or the Alamo for the record.

But what do liberals tend to believe in, when it comes to the world of politics? The antithesis of everything that America stands for. Military spending? “Slash it in half, for the school!” Abortion? “Yes, sir one for every family, provided from the government!” Supporting Israel? “Well I don’t know Mr. Strawman that’s a complex and pretty multifaceted issue to bring up you can’t possibly be totally in favor of one group of people over another”. Their rhetoric is disgusting and alarming, they don’t want a strong military, are “pro-choice” when they actually don’t want you to have a choice when it comes to having a child, and attempt to dissuade people from formulating opinions. They support censorship and thought suppression.

Liberals often preach “tolerance” in such a way they do not condemn terroristic extremist behavior, found in places such as the radical Islamic religion. It is in their ideological thinking that you cannot call out a Nazi for being a Nazi because we have to create a “safe space”. It is dangerous to assume this behavior. Suppose you go out on your date, and someone wearing Nazi paraphernalia is out in the theater, silent, while watching the trailers to their Hollywood propaganda film about superheroes. You, the rational God-fearing American, would decry the Nazi and shame him, but the liberals in their Nickelodeon 5-cent entertainment sap would tell you to “hush”, or perhaps even “Boo” you for trying to kick a Nazi out of a theater. But if you scream “Fire” in the theater, they all get scared. Those snowflakes are always scared to get burned, ironic given their political knowledge supporting the ability to fight fire with fire.

The liberals try to quell your speech by crying out “political correctness” to assess your “tolerance” and berate you so you choose to make an “improper” joke or point out something. They give you their agenda but don’t tell you why they support it, and overall liberals and the Democrat party are there to generate a terrible amount of bureaucracy and other red tape investigations or earmarks to waste hard-working lower middle-class American tax dollars. Ideally, a two party system would work together and pass bills and other legislation, such as allowing the United States military to go to war with Guatemala whenever a bipartisan deal gets done. Unfortunately today all Democrats and all other liberals do is complain and stall, budging the Republican party from accomplishing anything in Congress.

Today is a good day to remind you that although liberals claim to be “tolerant” despite the fact the Grand Ole Party freed the Slaves and started the Civil Rights Movement, they will shut down your speech before they can even rationalize about what you said, all because of saying something that is offensive or  “out of the line”. A liberal is unable to process certain critical thinking skills, which is often why you hardly see them as lawyers, judges, or a pitcher. Do not let the liberal suppress your speech, bark back at them, and remind them which party really supports the dominant social paradigm.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

Written By Rachel Gilfords

The violent and rogue “activist group” Black Lives Matter have formed a militia to “combat police brutality and behavior”, amongst other objectives on their table, like “preserving the Negro race with Aryan behavior” and “promoting multiculturalism and ending colorism(?)”. Black Lives Matter is well-known for their radical leftist views on multiculturalism and diversity, and their behavior usually coincides with anti-White crimes, behavior, and defamation. They are a legalized hate group.

I flew into Detroit Metro Airport Thursday afternoon in an attempt to interview the militia members first-hand but witnessed something far worse: Detroit. The houses of this so-called city were abandoned and riddled with graffiti and broken windows. This is Detroit: the once thriving city of automobile industry now forced to compete with other countries to manufacture cars, chemicals, rubber, and other car things, looked like a complete mess. Total Jeb Bush job. The city had very little greenery around, possibly from the Black Lives Matter groups intolerance to all things not black, such as grass and flowers. Detroit was once the shining city built on sustainable free enterprise, looked like the kind of city liberals cite as a “political problem manufactured by Republicans on a get-rich quick or Ponzi scheme”. This was a city that no longer solely focused on manufacturing cars, but to manufacture propaganda to cater to their wealthy elitist base.

The Black Lives Matter militia folks were very non-confrontational and destroyed my camera and my smartphone with little to no remorse. By Friday night, the Black Lives Matter folks were breaking and entering an abandoned McDonalds right by the Windsor, Canada border. Citing “reparations in form of eminent domain”, Black Lives Matter held the McDonalds hostage, garnering police attention to the situation. I was startled that there were police officers in Detroit, but I didn’t become too aghast from the situation to distract myself from this big story. A police officer, a balding white man in his late 40s, fired a warning shot for the BLM militia to leave the property or get arrested. A simple compromise, one would infer. But this literal warning shot was deemed a threat to a “Black life”, so the militia retaliated and ignited a shoot-out that lasted five minutes. Every police officer that arrived on the scene was shot, a total of twenty-five cops. In response to the situation, Black Lives Matter has claimed the outer abandoned McDonalds location within a three-mile radius as their territory.

The mayor of Detroit, Mike Duggan (lib), announced the surrender of this “South Detroit” territory, calling it “no skin of my bones”. Duggan welcomed the loss of Detroit land, but would permit sanctions to “South Detroit” in order to suffocate the land financially, perhaps as a political ploy for Mike Duggan’s next mayoral election?

The day after the horrific shootout, the militia had an amateur press conference, a relative large stature black man with a megaphone, threatening to burn down the abandoned McDonalds they illegally occupy as well as the rest of their conquered territory in 120 days if Donald Trump is not impeached by then. Any attempts to reacquire the territory of “South Detroit” would be responded with gunfire until “the pigs fly”. I might have been the only person at this press conference, as I saw police cruisers circling the area nearby but refusing to enter the Black Lives Matter land.

Mike Duggan wasn’t there but I was, to watch those violent militia thugs kill our men in blue like that, with no concern or empathy for life, hypocritical to the values the so-called “Black Lives Matter” group stands for. It’s a disgusting disgrace for Mike Duggan to allow the murder of twenty-five police officers in a shoot out to a militia that threatens the safety of citizens in Detroit. To condone such violent actions against our public defense of our fellow Americans is a disgrace to liberty and to our red, white, and blue that our country stands for. These actions are simply un-American and unneeded. The Black Lives Matter militia claim that the founding fathers forged the Second Amendment (praise be) to be invoked when to attack an unruly, tyrannical government, which has never happened in American history thank the Lord. They invoke this rhetoric to promote their agenda, which we can slowly see as an eventual takeover of our beloved United States of America herself. We cannot allow this to be. Mike Duggan must resign now, and let the citizens of Detroit pick their own strong and powerful Republican to combat this illegal militia from operating and killing our policemen, and more importantly occupying and harboring American God-given land. This is beyond a political movement that the Black Lives Matter folks claim to operate as it has turned into a terrorist organization hell-bent on destroying American society as she stands.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The staff at Bullshit News do not recognize the unsovereign land of “South Detroit”.

Rachel Gilfords is Bullshit News’ White House Correspondent and On-Field Reporter. She has covered Afghanistan and Iraq in one year and has received acclaimed conservative awards and adoration from Roger Ailes. She has a tiny brown Pomeranian named Thin Mint. 

Written by Editor-In-Chief Don Kaftan

The Better Care Reconciliation Act, which would cut $119 billion in government waste and pig barrel spending on health insurance amongst other wasteful spending on Medicare and social security. As you can recall, the bill was motioned to move further into a twenty-hour debate, where Democrats were in a crisis situation and gave a 6-chambered revolver with one bullet to John McCain, blindfolding him, and threatening McCain to vote no or they will shoot. The slanderous DNC gets their way again this time, joining fellow Senate RINOs Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) and Susan Collins (Maine) in stopping the bill.

It’s just a big shame, one of the most ambitious efforts from Mitch McConnell and the RNC to stop Big Government spending on Medicare and the Healthcare industry to lower our federal budget spending has been put on a big stop, and our country will greatly suffer through debt, much of which is owed to China, a country looming in becoming the new greatest Communist(ish) power, and ergo, a threat to the United States. It’s a disgrace the DNC would rather join forces with China rather than help their fellow Americans at home to pay more in taxes. It is a defeated battle, but Democrats have yet to win Congressional Supremacy and ownership of the United States. Do not pity or emphasize with their efforts or their rhetoric, the DNC is designed to undermine the common man in order to generate America with debt and promote the elite rather than use the power to help their fellow American. One day, that will all change.

What a shame. So it goes, I suppose.

Don Kaftan is the Founder of Bullshitnews.org. He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. He enjoys his steak medium rare with a good strong IPA.