Brexit Will Be A Steady Success

Written by Gilbert Miser, PhD

Brexit, Great Britain’s vain attempt to achieve more freedom and create more democracy than the United States by leaving the European Union, is quickly approaching its final deadline on October 31st. Theresa May, a martyr for the Brexit cause and almost First President of England, received unwarranted criticism because of anti-feminists and Nazis from the Labour party, the more self-aware socialists equivalent to our Democrat Party. It’s quite ironic that the left and center-left parties in England would rather live in dire straits and never let the free market dictate the lives of commoners and peasants (English for poor) to fight for freedom from poverty. But with Brexit, the poor can finally move up on the ladder as England will no longer accept the Euro, which greatly devalues the lives of people that are too lazy to find a job and feed their families.

Theresa May was forced to resign when Brexit had to be extended and not implemented on its original deadline of April 12th, as the foolhardy citizens of England could not agree about some miscellaneous, near-irrelevant economic details about some trade agreements that may or may not had to have been cut off once Brexit is implemented. Replacing Theresa May as the would-be first President of England is Boris “long” Johnson, a brazen confident man who, among everyone in the Conservative Party of England, is the most likely to be the George Washington of the England Republic. Taking over for Theresa, Boris Johnson has received an unneeded amount of criticism from his country’s mainstream media due to his “character” and “brash rudeness”. These are not legitimate criticisms, they are examples of the strength of his character. Only a real leader could make the right decisions no matter how morally questionable or intelligible they are.

To truly comprehend the totality of Brexit, you need a big brain. You can’t be a socialist and understand economics, that’s just not how the world works. Leaving a large trade NGO organization like the European Union, an organization that is more powerful than Albania or possibly New Mexico shows great courage and strength that is quite admirable from an American point of view. The European Union holds great trade powers and regulates trade wars, and has had some (minor) success for them. I have personally visited England in 2004, and the Euro was more expensive then it was now. That must have meant there was some success for them in the past, how cute. Since now they will leave the European Union, this will mean their currency about pounds and whatnot will come near American levels, but not quite for the first few months. It’s a bit like the Laffer Curve but slower, much like the people of England “innit”.

As an economics PhD and expert in speculating futures, I can see no doubt in England’s steady approach under Theresa May Boris Johnson and the Conservative Party. The mainstream media may call Johnson some kind of ruthless tyrant or doofus who won’t let anyone chip in with “better” ideas or care about the people, but these are just archetypes of how successful leaders throughout history have managed their nations. Critics of Boris Johnson and Brexit are simply people that oppose order and decency in a free democratic society. The English people have long wanted a strong, intelligent and confident leader in Boris that they haven’t had run the country since Thatcher. Boris, as first President of England, is the right man to steer his country to clearer, less stormy tides that will guide England to what a truly free society looks and acts like.

Denizens of England have long been under the monarchy and have never been more free than an average American, always having to pay tea taxes for their queen and the people having submissive tendencies in regards to foreign policy. As we arrive closer and closer to Brexit Independence Day and the ushering of a new era in England’s long history, it is time to celebrate their eventual, and sure enough, the success they will achieve in the long run. The American Revolution was not won in one day, it took many days for the American Revolution to be a success, and we have seen the results of that revolution work swimmingly. England’s revolution coming up in two weeks may be rocky at first, but the English will know what to do once the time arrives. As the late great proverb-writer Douglas Adams once wrote, “Don’t Panic!”. Everything will be alright in the long run. You will still have your mars bars and local fish and chip eateries, but now with more freedom and economic opportunities to truly plot out your futures. The future is looking bright, New Republic of Free England!
Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. Miser recently earned his PhD in economics from the University of Chicago. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.

Ireland: A Wretched Cesspool That Endorses Abortions

Written by Roger Goodmen

A long time ago, the Irish were mistreated in America for nonsensical reasons. Today, they deserve the scorn and contempt from the United States of America. Ireland recently voted to repeal their 8th Amendment, which also involves cruel and unusual punishment: a noble and righteous ban on abortion, or the intentional termination of a baby human. Bullshit News has previously discussed a neutral conversation regarding the practice of an “abortion”. And what Ireland has voted for will be a tragic shame for their generation to bear.

Ireland has long been America’s ally because of their role in the United Kingdom as the “black sheep” despite the population being 93% non-Hispanic white. The point being Ireland was peasant land and always desired the delicious taste of American liberty and freedom it could not have. Eventually, they became a democracy but were still owned by the English, which might not be the case anymore soon when Brexit occurs. But even with a Brexit outcome leading to Ireland’s alleged liberty, their permission of abortion being enabled upon the women is a threat to all of the potential children Ireland deserves. If Ireland allowed abortions by the time of their Great Famine (pick a famine any famine), their country would cease to exist. The 8th Amendment was one of the most important amendments Ireland ever had, it’s right in their Bill of Rights! Ireland’s liberty is under assault, from the hands of their own people that allowed atrocious legislation to pass.

Women deserve the freedom to have their child without any harm from outside interests. Every child is a special gift from God gift-wrapped inside a magical woman body. The baby is a special covenant from the Lord and is not meant to be altered or terminated, and doing so would violate a woman’s liberty. If women were given the right to vote in Ireland, they would not have passed such an evil repeal to one of the most fundamental rights in their so-called “democracy”. It’s no wonder how backward Ireland is when women are treated like they live in Iran.

There’s a good reason why Ireland is an afterthought in the United Kingdom, and the repeal is just one of the many, many reasons why. Ireland is the “little train that could” but never can, the Charlie Brown, the Glass Joe, the inferiority complex of a country that cannot muster the mental toughness to be a strong, fearful nation. The women of Ireland should all rise up and demand their rights to enjoy having a child without having to deal with the burden of their tyrannical government to choose whether or not their child lives or dies.

The one good thing Ireland produces is alcohol, and they will be needing tons of it for their upcoming political crisis. When all the women rise up and demand to be treated equally, the revolution will be bloody. If this repeal failed, all the needless bloodshed would not be possible. But with the legality of abortion, the permission to allow more needless baby deaths, there is more bloodshed from that action than in any single war. People of Ireland: it is about time to reconsider how your government should legislate your own people.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a recent graduate of George Mason University who double majored in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.