Bernie Bro Arrested After Attempting To Illegally Inject President Trump With Marijuana

February 26, 2020 ~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

Tom Montefusco, A Democratic Party voter and marijuana enthusiast, was arrested yesterday morning around 7am after a failed attempt to run on the White House lawn with three needles in hand too, “inject the President with compassion and happiness”. Montefusco was found to be a part of the Democratic Party machine known as the “Bernie Brothers”, or “Bernie Bro” for short. The Bernie Brothers are the new wave of Democratic Party socialists that want to see an end for all economic organization and moral obligations in society. Bernie Bros actively attempt to overthrow the government so that the higher income inclined people, such as myself, pay more for taxes beyond our consent. But if there is something much more tangible and dangerous than socialists trying to raise our taxes (again), it’s an assassination attempt of our dearly beloved President.

It’s no secret that 2020 is an election year, the Democratic Party is outraged by four years of successful diplomacy and financial liberation from the Trump Administration. The economy is running well, which forces the Democrats to act highly aggressive, like letting one of their most dangerous senators like socialist champaign king Bernie Sanders and Israel-denier Elizabeth Warren run for candidacy. As of the time of this article’s release, Bernie Sanders, the most left-wing (communist-enthusiasts) members of their party. Radical politics is nothing new for the Democrats, but you can tell they’re going all-out. Their propaganda, combined with the questionably pernicious social media websites, have lead to the radicalization of Tom Montefusco, the would-be assassin.

Bernie Sanders has consistently demanded for our United States of America to surrender in the drug war when we are clearly ahead by miles. Elizabeth Warren has expressed sympathy for the enemy, including marijuana and it’s equally evil cousin, cocaine. Their support for their drug, perhaps even an endorsement at times, perhaps influenced Montefusco’s failed assassination bid. Perhaps he wanted to be enamored by his peers or was paid off by the Michael Bloomberg campaign as a smear to the socialists within his party. No matter who in the Democratic Party wanted this convoluted idea to go through, one of their future leaders will likely be in prison for the rest of his life because no one is above the law. Not even people that try to kill the president.

Tom Montefusco was not a “lone wolf”. He was very active with the Bernie Brothers’ movement to attack all that do not believe in their ideology, much like Joseph Stalin and his Antifa secret secret police. The Bernie Bros formed in 2015 on what appears to be a website called Twitter, where they began vocalizing their frustrations about people not reading enough Marx and engaging in the lamentations of the women. Their desire for drug consumption was a frequent discussion within the Bernie Bros, often encouraging each other to recklessly recreationally enjoy illegal substances. It was only a matter of time before one of them wanted to engage the community’s plea to kill the President.

Fortunately, all is fine–for now. But we must remain vigilant against the Bernie Bros, for they may try to attack President Trump again, especially when they lose the election again come November. No one should have to be forcibly injected marijuana without their consent. It is no different than murder or relaying electronic sign signals in a Baseball game. The Bernie Bros will never cease until Bernie Sanders is president, and it’s up to us to make sure that does not happen.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

First Fatal Marijuana Overdose Reported In San Pedro, California

May 18, 2019 ~ DonKaftan ~ 7 Comments

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

Once thought to be a “safe” drug with “medicinal value”, a marijuana death was reported in the mid-sized city in Los Angeles County, California overnight. The death of the majorly drug-addicted young man, aged 36, is Xhris Winthrop. Xhris was much like any other “normal marijuana user”, he pretended to have a job to pay off his debts to his drug dealer and his community college, or both. Xhris was like any marijuana-addled teenager, trying to become a personal trainer in order to acquire capital to hopefully find a mate to copulate with and create more productive hard-working Americans that vote Republican. Instead, Xhris’s dreams were crushed by smoking too much marijuana, choking his lungs to a point where Xhris could no longer breathe due to the heavy marijuana smoke that riddled his rented apartment. He is survived by his mom, Erica Winthrop, and his step-sister, Jessica.

The Democrats and the millennial youth are promoting drug culture in America at a time where the War on Drugs is becoming deadlier and deadlier. Democrats claim that laws against drug use are actually racist, which doesn’t make any sense. As we all know, Donald Trump banned racism in 2018. Any further use of drugs past that point cannot be connected to the absolute horrors of racism and acts merely as a strawman for the ineptitude of the Democrat Party “thought” process. Marijuana, for the millennials unaware of the danger, is a no ordinary drug. It is a gateway drug, a drug that makes you believe other dangerous drugs like Heroin and Cocaine are acceptable and won’t kill you. It isn’t a gateway to Heaven as the addicts would like you to believe, it is a gateway to hell, where sinners and heavy metal fanatics live and play their jazz music all the time. Marijuana controls your thought process into doing more marijuana until you are “fed up with your highs” and decide to “munch on” a deadlier high. Xhris is merely the first person to succumb to the true dangers of marijuana that have been in scientific studies since the late 1930s.

Xhris was merely a casualty in a war that cares not for humanity but cares for the end of human normalcy. The drug culture that swept America in the 1960s has permeated over the American consciousness today. Once President Nixon declared that drugs were a serious threat to the American economy, efforts to maximize drug illegalization initiated, and have prevented an upwards of over two million deaths in America since. Sadly, Xhris was not one of those easily preventable deaths, even if he only used the “safe drug” that is/was marijuana. But as we mourn his grave, his death gives us all a stark reminder that no drug can ever be truly “safe” for consumption. Drugs alter your brain’s chemistry leading to poor decision making and creating a more difficult thought process. To be wise is to abstain from all drugs and going to Church every Sunday to wash away any unneeded sins that someone like Xhris would use drugs for comfort instead of taking the easier route to go to Church on Sundays. If only Xhris did that, he would probably still be alive today.

It is unfortunate now that Xhris is a martyr for the marijuana drug culture, even being considered a “hero” and a “legend” for his unremarkable ability to consume vast quantities of marijuana. The hippies on the left have no regard for life, which explains their radical support for abortion, or the killing of unborn children. But now we all know that marijuana, the king of all gateway drugs, can still kill. It is morally irredeemable for Democrats to claim that Marijuana and its “CBD” cousin are healthy and “medical” for people that claim they need medical assistance. What’s next from the Democrat Party, Medical Alcohol? Prescriptions for Cocaine and Heroin to cure cancer? LSD for infants? This is the future presidential candidates Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren want when they mean they want to end the War on Drugs, they want the drugs to win.

Drugs kill, no matter the drug. The Democrat Party wants to keep moving America towards an unsafe overdose of narcotics. The Republican Party, the party that actually cares for American progress, wants to make sure you and your kids are safe and free from all drugs. Abstinence is the best and only system to instill a clean mind, and marijuana is not an exception. Xhris Winthrop, unfortunately, learned it the hard way, but unlike the Democrat Party, he at least can learn from his mistakes in the afterlife, if he’s lucky enough to be accepted into Heaven after being a drug fiend. Don’t end up like Xhris kids, WINNERS DON’T DO DRUGS.

Opioids: How Democrats Are Killing Republicans

March 8, 2018March 19, 2018 ~ DonKaftan ~ 17 Comments

Written by Mortimer E. Wallacaster

The War on Drugs, formed by President Richard Nixon to soberize the country from the fascist drug-craven reign of LBJ, has been one of America’s toughest wars to fight in recent memory. The latest drugs that poison America’s unfortunate able-bodied workers are something called “opioids”. Opioids function as pain relief, as a method to get away from the nonstop liberal rhetoric the mainstream media pollutes daily. Opioids are effectively the number one cause of death to conservatives. A national tragedy.

Opioids are just one drug trying to kill Americans, and more importantly conservative Americans. There is also cocaine, the Fidel Castro-approved method of self-destruction as seen in Scarface. Heroin, the so-called “mushrooms”, methamphetamine, LSD, ecstasy (otherwise known to the kindergarteners as “molly”), and marijuana are all popular amongst the youth. Each of these drugs leads to destructive habits and corruptible behaviors like voting for a Democrat in a midterm election, of all elections. There are compelling reasons as to why each of these drugs is illegal, but each of them can also kill you. Especially Marijuana, which is the drug most likely to lead towards deviant behavior and mental illness. Such mental illness that makes some Republicans (RINOS) convert to Democrats, like Ron Paul and his sicko-lackey, Gary Johnson. These RINOS want to surrender the war on drugs to the drugs because they are already addicted to that liberal crack menace. Ronald Reagan fought to save these souls from the liberal crack, but too much exposure from it never salvaged Ron Paul.

America will never surrender to drugs, Mr. Ron Paul. Not while Jeff Sessions is Attorney General, who is supporting a maximum-prison term sentence for drug-related offenses. The greatest way to hasten the end of the drug war is a lesson from the Philippines, America’s most forgettable colony. They no longer have drug problems, as President Rodrigo Duterte has personally ended the lives of all drug distributors and manufacturers in his country. Donald Trump has looked up to Duterte for drug policy influence, which is not a bad place to begin looking for research. Better than those “Lib(eral)aries” the government wastes tax dollars on.

The death penalty, otherwise known as capital punishment, would be a great end to a mean to the “War on Drugs”. It is a war that has dragged on far too long, much like the War of Northern Aggression. Much like the “War on Christmas”, “War on Poverty”, “War on Coal”, and the “War on The History Channel Never Airing History-Related Segments” created by Senator Grassley, these wars are all catastrophic to our American tax dollars. “Poverty is Expensive”, says famous author James Baldwin. Needless deaths resulting from these wars reduce our GDP and weakens our country in doing so. Drug dealers never intend to be taxed for their work, which is an especially heinous crime. If the United States of America cannot profit from mercantile transactions, it is an act of war. Opioids make this problem hazy, and Democrats seize this moment to support the drugs perspective on the war to disillusion the American populace from capitalism. This is an act of treason.

The Democrats have made mind-altering drugs to persuade young conservatives to the liberal blue pill mindset, and enjoy that evil carnivorous “Grateful Dead” jam band music that fuels the marijuana pollution in the air. The opioids are the Democrats latest drug-craze experiment that has gone madly wrong, more people are dying from opioids than from cars. It has reached far past the point where someone is more likely to die from relieving the pain of a car accident, then the car exploding because you wanted to smoke a cigarette at a gas station. Liberals have conceited that if they cannot attempt to win over voters with failed ideology and false promises, then they must kill the opposition in order to remain relevant. This is sickening and unethical to the lowest degree. The opioids must stop harming our God-fearing Americans in the heartland. It is time to crank up the War on Drugs, kill the drug creators, manufacturers, and distributors, and for opioids to be over.

Just say no.