God Is Enacting His Revenge Upon California

Written by Roger Goodmen

Within the last week, you might have read or watched the mainstream media talk about California experiencing wildfires in Sonoma and Los Angeles County, or last year when the same two counties (and some other ones) also experienced wildfires. This is no coincidence, and in the minds of liberals, they believe that “climate change” is the main culprit behind these wildfires that have destroyed tens of thousands of acres of land to burnt wine and ash. However, this is exactly what liberals want: unwarranted destruction of American land in order to blame conservatives for not spending more money cleaning our already clean and pure air and water so that greedy scientists in state universities should receive more money. The real reason these fires started is because of something much more sinister, the lack of attention the Millenials and “Gen Z” California teenagers pay to the Bible and the apathy that their state has over the Christian religion.

As we know in the older bible the Jews prefer to read over the more realistic and true bible, God is very vengeful and doesn’t like being ignored. The only reason God told Noah to build an ark is that he was sick of liberals engaging in sodomy so frequently that the only solution to end all abominations of homosexuality (but not the gay people) was to flood the whole Earth and start over again. Job ate pork once and he lost everything he loved dearly, except for God. The one true constant in all of our lives is that God will always be around and that doubting his power or not listening to God will result in devastating consequences, such as these wildfires over the United States of America’s most treasonous state.

So why has God struck vengeance against California? If you’re a longtime reader of our much-celebrated website, then you know that California is the place where everything goes wrong and progress falls off a steep cliff. California is home to a large number of Atheists and Jews (read: sinners) that try to enact their values over the entire California population via laws that control the mobility of people, whether it’s by taxes or other unwanted and needless forms of regulation, or because California refuses to accept Jesus Christ as their Official State Prophet. California was given plenty of time to revert their hedonistic and vanity culture by God, but God is not a patient man. He only wanted to flood the Earth for 40 days when he could have flooded the planet for 4,000 years. God is like a CEO or a COO, he has plans and expects actions to be met by a certain deadline, and if the deadline passes and the plans don’t go through, the CEO or COO will act accordingly. God is no different from a CEO or COO, and his patience is gone.

God’s targets make a lot of sense if you have kept up with your weekly Bible study group. God wanted to burn down Sonoma and Napa county for they are known for producing wine, a form of alcohol that enables people to relax and become inebriated in a pseudo-relaxing stance, a deadly combination of gluttony and sloth. Los Angeles County is experiencing wildfires because of Lust, Wrath, and for allowing Harvey Weinstein to run a production company for a long, long time. I could spend the rest of this article talking about how Los Angeles is one of the worst and most sinful places on the planet (up there with Djibouti and Tibet), but I fear for our conservative readers trapped in California are very aware of this, and they need more help then their State receives from their energy company, PG&E.

Money will not save California, as they reportedly produce their fair share of GDP to the USA (citation needed). This is a problem caused by a lack of faith or luster for God and has gone on long enough for Him to notice. The damages done to California thus far are enormous and could have been avoided if only their devotion to God was stronger than Las Vegas’s penchant for immorality (but done in an ethical manner). The mainstream media has been blaming PG&E for shutting off power to Californians (who I suppose, care more about their computer-phone Netflixes rather than living) rather than enacting more strict safety standards, which is a bland liberal talking point. Forcing PG&E to do more things via laws or more strict regulations will only enable PG&E to do more work and create a bigger mess, that is unless they change their power lines for Bible verses.

California’s true problems lie in their lack of (any or all) faith with the covenant of God and their state philosophy of hedonism and immorality. California’s stubbornness to accept reality (God and his Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth) and overly controlling their energy department has led California to suffer from more atrocious wildfires than the ones they dealt with last year. And it will continue to get worse from a yearly standpoint until California accepts a more positive relationship with Him. So please, if you are in the state of California and you don’t want your home, your car or your wife/husband to burn down anytime soon, go find your local church and start praying. Daily. Because God is an impatient, omnipotent force and he knows if you’re obeying him, or if you’re obeying Satan.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.

Audacious Liberals Have Launched A Movement To Ban Ice Cubes

Written by Gilbert Miser

In what might be the most non-sequitur political argument ever crafted, the Democrat party has decided to launch a movement titled, “Abolish ICE” or in millennial speak, #AbolishICE. Liberals are desperate for any kind of political victory ever since their party collapsed in 2016 and lost the presidency. Why do Democrats want to abolish ice cubes? Well, it’s a pretty complicated reason that brings up every political cliché you can think of.

The Democratic Party follow many kinds of conspiracy theories, from the Global Warming/Al Gore hoax to the myth that guns kill people. Liberals care about the environment and keeping it precious and soft, while the land that God created was meant to have its mineral rights used by Americans to dominate the world, by Republican hands. The Ice Cube ban is a multi-pronged agenda that involves global warming, a common food product located in every freezer in America, and lies. Democrats believe that ice cubes can cure the global warming, and desire to privatize ice cubes so that they can “save the planet” and send the ice cubes up to the sun. I’m not here to talk more about Al Gore’s desire to destroy America with Powerpoint slides, as Bullshit News has already covered that (thank you to our in-house scientist, Dr. Steven Clements). The anti-free market liberals know that global warming isn’t real, so they decided to stretch their nonsense even more ridiculously.

Their latest trick is about a fictional federal agency called “ICE”, which stands for “Immigration Customs Enforcement”, three concepts about the government that obviously don’t exist. They believe that ICE is separating women from their children and that immigrants are not sub-human Godless Islamic heathens with deadly societal intentions that need to be questioned intensely. “ICE” allegedly deports illegal immigrants, people in mental asylums, and Canadians, but that all sounds impossible. These people come into our country without any sort of documentation or job skills can benefit our blue-collar American lives. They have no worth in American society, they are like the Irish of 100 years ago, THEY NEED NOT APPLY.

There is no such thing as “ICE”, the federal government may be big and formerly incompetent under the Obama regime, but the government doesn’t need some sort of police specifically for immigrants or refugees. Border Patrol does all of that work already, having this “ICE” would be a waste of taxpayer dollars. President Trump and any other like-minded Republican understand that wasting taxpayer dollars is a cardinal sin in politics.

The most reasonable solution for any immigrant/refugee or otherwise non-American mental asylum patient is to be given further scrutiny over Border Patrol agents and, if possible, continue to separate anchor baby children from their illegal parents. Both of my parents died when I was two, and I still turned out to be a highly successful broker turned venture capitalist and a multibillionaire. We have the American Dream, anyone can work hard and get to where I am today. The American Dream is what separates us from those evil sinister European countries and trade groups like NATO and the European Union that want to crush the almighty American dollar. We want these new(ish) quasi-illegal Americans to come into this country to be tough and strong like real Americans, and this separation must continue in order for this to happen.

I understand this new wacko-liberal conspiracy theory is tough to follow, so let me simplify things:

1. Liberals refuse to end their global warming/Al Gore myth. Continuing this myth makes it easier for them to fight a fake agenda because they cannot comprehend what politics is actually about.

2. Liberals believe in some police-state form arm of the government called “ICE” that detains and brutalize up and coming Americans that came here illegally and are held under their will because of possible communist/Islam intentions.

3. Liberals want to privatize or ban ice cubes as a way to “end global warming” by sending the ice cubes up into the sun to make it less hot.

4. Liberals believe that “ICE” would use ice cubes to waterboard otherwise illegal human beings within America. Oh, and they separate parents from their kids or something like that.

So the next time a bunch of teenaged liberals talks about “#abolishICE”, you can safely ignore their psycho pleas and desire to destroy the Trump Administration from the inside out. Just laugh at them and call them out on how ridiculous they sound. And besides, if the American government separates women from their children, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But liberals enjoy jumping to conclusions without using their small brains to think deeply about a situation for longer than a minute.

I never normally used ice cubes, but now I’m going to use them for all of my drinks. I encourage you all to do the same. The government should not take away our ice cubes and liberals can take my ice away just as soon as they try to pry my gun away with my bare hands.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner”.

Don’t Feel Alarmed: Climate Change/Global Warming/Al Gore Is Still A Liberal Hoax

Written by Dr. Steven Clements, Esquire

One of the best-kept secrets in the media is the monolithic liberal lie that our planet is in danger of getting hot or having “extreme” weather or whatever. Dangerous hurricanes happen every 10 years, Katrina, the Houston one, and it’s just something that citizens of those states afflicted from God’s wrath ought to be more prepared next time. The citizens don’t bring up legislation that could enable their state governments to build a bigger dam and pray better, that’ll help ya!!!

Weather gets hotter and it gets colder sometimes, it’s just the facts of nature. Earth is getting hotter as we get closer to the sun, so it’s natural that “global warming” is happening. Why do liberals want to make you riled up over this concept? To give money to solar energy companies started by people who barely got into our beautiful Garden of Eden of a country. They are striving to take away our hard-working American made natural gas and oil companies that define who we are as a country, and the liberals want to shake up our culture. It starts with gay marriage and it ends with the collapse of capitalism, the death of America herself. That is the future the Democrats want.

“Climate Change” is their next step propagating their mission to label weather redundancies to give a profit to those refugee toy lands they call the “Solar Energy” sector. The climate is constantly changing, so this phrase means nothing. I can’t explain this in any easier terms than that.

Al Gore is the leading man behind this conspiracy to defraud our American coal, natural gas and oil companies that are the backbone of our economy ahead of small businesses. This man is the definition of a sore loser, worse than Hillary. He can’t accept the fact that he lost an election fair and square and is determined to spend his millions of dollars earned from lobbying to spread “facts” about the weather and our planet to spread his agenda towards our God-loving citizens. He is a disgrace to the American flag and is a national shame. His junk science leads to corrosive conclusions that justify government spending, which we need to minimize to keep our country safe from government tyranny. Had Al Gore remember the Reagan maxim of the nine most terrifying words to ever be uttered, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help”, maybe he would have won the 2000 election and not try to solicit bribes from Greenland in the process.

There is a good reason why you never hear this liberal “Climate Change” crap in the news because it’s common sense and not newsworthy enough. These men and some women spend over 14 hours a day to present the news in a manner that the common man can understand. We here at Bullshit News don’t need to try to package the news and spoon feed you what we deem what is happening because we tell you exactly and explicitly what is happening in our day and age. We give you the news straight to the source. Trust us and you realize all the alternatives are similar, not just in content and story but in vocabulary. They air the same stories and cover the same topics, but thankfully they aren’t dumb enough to fall for the global warming trap.

Dr. Steven Clements, Esquire is Bullshit News’s legal scholar and property management expert witness for a side-gig. He spent a long time in college and law school to be properly educated about serious subjects like tax codes and property law related subjects like privacy. He is a member of the Federalist Society.