Democrats Engage In Satanic Ritual In Order To Revive Top DNC Donor Jeffery Epstein

Written by Roger Goodmen

With the stellar success of the Donald Trump administration these last four years, it has made many top donors of the Democratic Party quit in order to support a real winning team, much like how LeBron James joined the Miami Heat and became the “king” of basketball, abandoning Cleveland and their wretched left-wing policies regarding monarchial status. One infamous donor has come up time and time again in donating to the Democratic Party since their failed coup d’etat against Reagan with Michael Dukakis. That man would be legendary pedophile billionaire and ex-socialist, Jeffery Epstein.

Since 2016, the DNC has been in dire straits and has been more desperate than ever before in needing money to survive as an institution designed to take money away from the people. The ‘Me Too” movement began to out various Democratic Party members as extorting women for money, knowing that if women could afford various expenditures like make-up cosmetics and the latest in cotton blood-absorbing technology, they can afford to also support the Democratic Party. The “Me Too” movement has caused men like Jeffery Epstein and the “Merry Pranksters”, a highly exclusive cabal of the top 5 male DNC donors, to be publicly ostracized and could no longer donate to the DNC out of fear of a chapter 7 bankruptcy. With the recent passing of Epstein, the DNC has looked into the means of ouija board or other forms of satanic rituals as a means to get confirmation into Epstein’s estate via clauses in his will.

The origins of Epstein’s wealth (estimated to be 3 billion dollars) have been disputed, but several theories have been proven correct by our lone Bullshit News accountant, “John Mannan”. One of the more plausible theories is Epstein’s expert ability to solicit bribes from the families he has tormented (a real bogey man) in nearly every attempt he has pursued. However, his role as being the ringleader of the “Merry Pranksters” is how, on paper at least, he made the majority of his income. Epstein has a large list of connections to the top 5 donors of the Democratic Party, one of which is the infamous Islamic CEO of Starbucks, Howard Schultz. Schultz and Epstein were childhood friends and went to school together, sharing the same “magic” school bus. Their school bus would be the origin point to their business models that have to lead to their “successful careers”. It should go without saying that current Democratic Party Presidential Candidate Michael Bloomberg would also board on this same school bus and was a Prankster, boarding that “bus” only a year earlier than Schultz and Epstein, as a Second Grader ostracized from kids of his own grade, would take refuge with the other pranksters before being satanically ceremoniously became their dear leader.

This was not any ordinary school bus, it was a satanic “magic” school bus. Epstein, Schultz, Bloomberg, movie producer Harvey Weinstein, and ex-President Bill Clinton were known as the “Merry Pranksters”, an evil pedophile and illicit drug syndicate that controlled the drug trade of adolescents of the Eastern United States. Together, they helped each other achieve fame and fortunes that made them household names, for worse or for worser. They would use the Democratic Party has a front to deposit their money (“in the short term”) while riding on the DNC’s credit cards to commit their reprehensible and deplorable actions on the American populace. They were smart enough to gain the system to know that the intelligence agencies and the IRS would never dare to look at how political parties achieve their donations. It’s beyond the scope of their duties.

Some people would jump to the conclusion that the fearsome foursome of the “Merry Pranksters” was a part of the “deep state”, which is a big misconception. They were the government. Bill Clinton went so far into the DNC that he became the President Of The United States. They controlled the more sinister political party of the two with a cold heart and a strong desire to spend America into eternal debt and condemnation. Furthermore, such claims about a “deep state” existing are mere attempts to obfuscate the gigantic fact that the Democratic Party is a racket. If they weren’t a political party, they would be RICO Act’ed into oblivion.

But of course, all of this is in the past. The Democratic Party of today decided on a more “progressive” path to political fundraising without the needs of the “Merry Pranksters”, and the results have been devastating. The Democratic Party has felt that they have no other choice but to channel the Prince of Darkness Satan himself in order to get a whiff into the possibility of obtaining Epstein’s estate before it is seized by President Trump’s administration. Time will tell if their satanic ritual and possible human or animal sacrifice will help them in the 2020 election.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.

Religious Liberty Is Precisely The Reason Atheism Makes No Sense

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

Friends, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was assassinated for speaking out on his beliefs. The First Commandment, like the First Amendment, is about treating everyone equally with altruism and respect. However, every commandment has exceptions and clauses only the most scholarly priests and pastors know. It’s like being a lawyer but communicating with God and not having to bother dealing with more than one book. The existence of “Atheism”, a virus originating from San Francisco inside a Nancy Pelosi-funded elementary school class, is now more than just a virus: it is a threat to our national security.

Atheism is the denial that God exists with strong condemnation. There is no Atheist book that summarizes their entire ideology so I can do a much better job in one news article than Charles Darwin could ever muster. Denying a God, or being in a Godless state of mind, has much more to do with terrorism than our Creator who enabled us to make differences in life like planting trees or growing tomatoes to sell at above market value. ISIS is a Godless Islamic Terrorist heathen organization that is a haven for Atheism. Atheists do not have a moral compass to know wrong from right, which is very evident in the fact that they do not have a book that highlights their ethical tenets. Prominent Atheists like Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and Mahatma Gandhi helped kick-start ISIS in the 1970’s, which is around the time the War on Christmas spearheaded as a Democratic Party collaborative effort to garner more voters. With no regard for a code of morality or standards of ethics, it’s easy to see why Atheists behave they way that they are.

Religious liberty is one of the many variants of liberty, but it is among one of the most important. Believe me. Religious liberty allows persecuted Christians to preach and speak freely without having to die for their beliefs. The same can be said for other religions like Catholicism or Judaism. Atheism is not a religion and does not share the same problems Christianity has. Atheism is a decision, which still is fair under the First Amendment, but like choosing to murder someone, it doesn’t mean that it’s right. The United States of America even gives religious liberty to the Jews as a measure of how non-Christian religious organizations can not worry about dying in the name of some other, foreign God. After all, the United States of America was a country that originated from the tolerance of puritans.

The United States is a country rich with a diversity of faith, but that comes with a set of dangers as well. Dangerous and destructive ideologies like Agnosticism and Atheism let their people live without order and authority, lacking central beliefs with such an Anarchist worldview. This new wave of pernicious rhetoric is becoming more increasingly common with the youth hip rock groups these days like “The Millennials”. These “The Millennials” are also more likely to believe in Satanism and that its tenets are valid. While this could be perceived as a bigger threat than Atheism, the Church of Satan does have a book they base their flawed and fictitious ideology around. It is very telling that Satanists somehow have higher ethical standards and a stronger moral code than what Atheists lack.

Be careful young BullShiteers out there on the college campuses, and watch out for “The Millennials” if they are performing nearby at your local music venue. There could also be Agnostic ISIS Satanist vegans lurking at your nearby workplace employment recreational area, on your lunch break. Or worse, as a neighbor. But remember, if anyone attempts to violate your religious liberties, you can always strike back on Sundays. The Lord awaits.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor and Religion Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Agnostics, excluding the Jews. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.