Trump Selects “Zoomer”, JD Vance, As His Vice Presidential Running Mate

Written by Mortimer E. Wallacaster

Future President (once again) Donald Trump has announced the other day of his new, better vice presidential candidate for the be-all end-all election in November. Trump is replacing the formerly competent baby boomer Mike Pence with a leader better suited for future generations and the continuation of Trumpism/American Economics, JD Vance. Mr. Vance is 1/3rd the age of Trump, being born in the “Generation Z” cohort which is known to be much more in favor of Republican ideals of family values, traditionalism, and being against the vile immorberal beast known as pornography. This future generation of America’s leaders may have found its bedrock representative with this excellent pick of a Vice President.

While the Democrats panic and freak out over Joe Biden’s end-of-life crisis, they continue failing to appeal to younger generations (including their supposedly beloved millennials) who are more likely to become middle-aged voters in 10-15 years where they will become a dominant, if not apathetic, voting bloc of jaded people that obsess over vapid nostalgia of “the good old days” when they were all just kids playing their Pokemon video games, waiting for 9/11 to happen and change up their lives. Even as the DNC resort to the “Gen X” latchkey Kamala, they continue to ignore younger generations which makes them crave a serious and strong alternative–the Republican Party. Such a group of young and bright people need a strong Christian man to lead the future in the right way Ted Cruz, JFK (who was a closet Republican), and Ronald Reagan did with our nation in the past.

What we know about JD Vance, the current youngest Senator (R-Ohio) in office, is that he embodies the concept of an “Alpha Male” an obscure term originating from eugenicist Charles Darwin that the younger generations have caught on to, as well as being “Based”. These slang terms are of high regard and approval toward JD Vance’s character and appeal. He loves “surfing the web”, skateboarding, and browsing the internet playing Roblox, Apex Legends, and Fortnite in his limited free time. He is married to a woman and has three children–true Alpha Male nuclear family status of a normal healthy Republican man. JD Vance is “based” with his strong conservative beliefs on abortion, the death penalty/capital punishment, as well as the strong desire to heavily tax the poor. While these beliefs ought to be the norm for every American, it is a welcome sight to see such a ravishing young man like JD hold onto these beliefs like a Russian martyr fighting for society’s liberty.

Young Gen “Zoomer” Americans can see themselves in this humble man, built into the mold of a Minecraft Steve from Appalachia, USA. JD wrote about his roots in his hit best-seller, “Hillbilly Elegy”, where he talks about the fact that he had to learn how to hurdle cattle by himself at age 6, had to make and wear his own shows by age 8, and protected his home with proper self-defense training by the simple age of 11. Young JD had a proper rugged conservative upbringing in real rural America and far away from big city elitist liberal hellhole metropolitan areas. Unfortunately his mother struggled with drug addictions growing up, which JD Vance had to struggle to deal with. But as a result of his struggled, Republican upbringing living in near-poverty Appalachia, he was properly recognized with his talents with his superior wit and Republican brawn, ending up at Yale Law, but not before he served our country in the Marine Corps in our war against the Iraq Godless Barbaric terrorists for a brief time period.

And to think he achieved all of this before he even turned age 21! It’s a wonder that this new generation of young Americans actually care about the traditions and heritage of our old country—something missed out from the millennial generation. Vance is able to connect to younger generations with his like-minded views and “Alpha Male” status that those on the instantgramification talk-ticking platform highly value. His “basedness” is something of an unknown x-factor type of “vibes” that are hard to translate into a political sense. He reminds me of a young Theodore Roosevelt, whose gallant personality and inability to have fear whipped our country into being the manliest in the world. Don’t let any of that take away that Vance is something of the future in the Republican Party: a true strong “based” man that will one day reshape America back into its state’s rights-valuing traditions of yore where men with common sense and reasonable levels of literacy followed common law and ruled the day without fear of “wokeness” or other hysterical liberal DEI vocabulary.

JD Vance still has plenty of time to find his proper mold within the Republican Party as its future stalwart leader. I wouldn’t even put it out of the question that he may end up on the Supreme Court one day so long as he doesn’t spend too many hours on those vapid video games his generation loves so much. But as the party’s leader, he will know the future contemporary issues and how to guide our GOP into the new future with whatever new technologies liberal tech companies will try and deploy to make our future children into mindless woke zombies that constantly vote Democrat. Perhaps JD Vance may be our best hope in defeating those evil censorship-loving companies. Until then, he has an important job to help Donald Trump win back his old job for good.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

I Was At The January 6th Patriot Rally And This Is My Story

Written by Don Kaftan, Founder and Editor

January 6th was one of the most important and greatest days of our American Democracy since July 4th, 1776. I had my boots on the ground the represent Bullshit News amongst many other credible media outlets as well as organized non-profits against the injustice that was the inaccurate election results from November 2020. While many in the mainstream media, such as The Blaze and OANN have unjustly condemned patriotic conservatives such as myself and our fellow colleagues like the Oath Keepers and Three Percenters, they have no knowledge to comprehend what actually occurred on that day, where we tried vigorously to restore America back to the good old days, the hard way. The right way.

Forgive my absence from editorializing Bullshit News, I was detained for six months for overtly expressing the pride I have in this God fearing country. I cared enough about the truth, the valid election results that I used my American duties to protest (along with hundreds of thousands of my other fellow patriots that believe in the same cause as we did) and our protest was deemed an “unlawful assembly” by boring obstructionist democrats like Jim Clyburn and Bennie Thompson, which led to what I considered an unlawful detainment, until my case was thrown out by Democrat Party activist Judge Justin Walker before I could even legally defend myself. Now that I’m a free man once again, I’ve seen Biden’s America for the first time in my own eyes, looking in total horror at how much he is blowing the country up, more then anything “unlawful” I ever did on January 6th. But that’s a story for another article.

The mainstream media and partisan lawyers claimed that what my fellow patriots and I were doing “treasonous, secessionist” activities is completely so far and away from the truth, you would think they were covert Biden appointees. Not only was it a guarantee in the Bill of Rights right that President Trump allowed for us to have a protest over the uncertifiable election results, it was our duty, beyond all obligations, to protest this injustice.. When a president calls for a country to take action, then it is our duty as American citizens to listen and take charge. There is nothing unlawful about that at all, unless you’re in the pockets of Judge Justin Walker, in which case you have the apparent leeway to jail whoever you consider a, “threat to civil society”.

I was merely one person in a crowd of hundreds of thousands, and yet I was detained as “a questionable influence to the crowd in inciting violence and recklessness”. I did no such thing. I was no leader that day, I was a small actor (if anything) of patriotic heartland mobilizers, that guided us from President Trump to deliver his divine doctrine. If what we were doing was truly “unlawful”, the National Guard or the Military would have stopped us from protesting to begin with. No one can argue against the Military and their desire to protect us from evil Islamic Barbarian terrorists, and thankfully President Trump told them to not get involved because they have greater priorities. There was nothing at all to indicate anything we did that day was illegal, immoral or otherwise unacceptable nor unethical. We were doing our civil duty as instructed by President Trump. We were always in the right.

I didn’t even get a pretrial hearing, I was merely detained for six months for following the President’s organized orders to rebel against an unlawful counting and assembly of ballots Many of which could have been tampered with via voter fraud. Some leftists would cry and say this would be a violation of my rights, but I disagree. I fulfilled a moral duty, so I know what I did is morally just in spite of our perfect legal system. Sometimes you are a cog, like I was, but then you come back out a new and changed person for the better. I have no complaints on how I was treated, nothing illegal happened unlike what critics say, but the food could be better.

I was released from Jail after six months, coming out as even more patriotic then I ever was on January Sixth and from my humble beginnings as an intern at the National Review. I realized the error of my ways that day, that I could have done more to help out our country in a manner that wouldn’t include a pretrial detention or more written essays on the old world wide web. I took action that day with my fellow Americans that saw the injustice that was the robbery of the 2020 Presidential Election. I learned that I needed to do more, post more, and mobilize more in person about how this country was stolen from us by liberals that want everyone to do these “TikTok dances” and eat non-GMO vegetables for our “societal sanity”. And what’s this now about Cheeseburgers? It’s sickening how much worse the world is today from where we all were on 1/6.

From my absence, I can tell that the world is getting far worse under a Biden Administration then it ever did under President Trump’s reign. I apologize on behalf of Bullshit News for the lack of updates thus far in 2021, my pretrial six month detention did not help much, but I will reassure you all that I am a freeman. My “case” was dismissed and that is all I am legally required to talk about on that matter. We will do our part at Bullshit News to restore sanity and bring conservatism back to the White House with more information from our inside sources as well as our honorable outside writers as well.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. Don has actively helped spread his conservative messages across the net for over 20 years!

Happy American Freedom Day!

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-in-Chief

Happy 4th of July to all those dutiful American heroes that have sacrificed their great lives to fight off the liberal oppression that harms us all. The 4th of July is a day to celebrate America’s wonderful presence all across the Christian globe. 242 years ago, the English conquered most of planet Earth and were ready to make everyone enjoy Tea or Monarchy: both highly un-American activities. When our founding fathers decided that they could not bear the King of England after he wanted to give them income taxes, they fought for our lives to be in this righteous country today. Unfortunately, our founding fathers could not invent barbecue or fireworks to indulge in celebratory festivities that we take for granted today.

While the Democrats are trying as hard as they can to destroy our beloved country, never forget that the people who truly love this country care about our President and his agenda to make America re-dominate the world again. Replacing all the monarchies and Islam governments with healthy capitalist Democracies with free elections that make everyone around the world more powerful and freer as individuals. That is what the American Dream is all about, and today is the celebration of our footprint we left on the world. I will enjoy some of the finest barbecued steaks on Earth, crafted by American hands in Kansas City, and not outsourced by some Chinese meat-packaging company. That would be too un-American for today.

 Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God. He is as much of a patriot for America as liberals consistently whine about it.