Debtor’s Prisons Are A Great Incentive To Eliminate Poverty

Written by Gilbert Miser

Poverty has always been one of America’s most curable problems that can never truly be fully eradicated. Washington D.C. is full of politicians, businessman, lobbyists, lawyers, and the unemployed uneducated yokel that clean the dishes and sinks of the aforementioned in Washington. Under Donald Trump’s presidential administration, there have been great strides in deficit and poverty reduction and with the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017, there is now a far greater chance for those of lower strata to succeed in America in ways the LBJ and Obama “presidential administrations” failed to accomplish. But poverty, much like opioids and crime, keeps re-occurring in our society with seemingly no end in sight for its encumbrance. Fortunately, I have the solution to cure our societal woes.

No one likes to be in prison much like how allegedly no one likes living in poverty. My solution is simple, we must criminalize poverty in order to discourage the poor and homeless from maintaining their ugly and destitute lifestyle. Many of those that are in poverty and “working class” societal status are often tangled with debt, a status sign that people are too poor to help themselves and act desperate for every kind of government handout and welfare. They seemingly have no incentive to get out of their debt-ridden hole they dug themselves in, and their so-called college education in the arts will never help these poor “artists” from achieving or creating anything meaningful in life. They are almost worse than vermin, but at least vermin have the decency to never take out a loan with interest.

 

a-30s-homeless-man-sleeps-lying-down-on-a-sidewalk-in-san-francisco-f2828k[1]
A “working class” person living in poverty. Notice the ability to afford a fatwa-inspired latte.

Evidently, many people with debt will never be able to pay it off in their lifetime. How can these people afford housing, let alone a television or those newfangled radio-phone-computer-watches? These poor people have no impulse to save money but rather spend it frivolously–the nerve. Europe had a remedy for poverty hundreds of years ago and it seems to work well for Western European countries. They shoved the poor into prison until they were able to pay off their debts, giving their release from prison as their receipt in life that they were no longer proles. We Americans have never given this incentive to eliminate poverty a try, but now is a better time than never to act. Poverty walks in our streets, creates drug and violence problems, and ultimately gives the liberals a platform to appeal to hippies and centrists. The Democratic Party loves poverty because its one of the few methods they instill to play partisan politics. So poverty isn’t just a societal and political problem, it’s an obstruction of bureaucracy at its very worst.

It’s not unethical to put some of the worst people in society in prison, so why do the poor get special exemptions and tax cuts when they are some of the most debt-burdened people in the country? No one can pay taxes when they’re highly in debt, and they spend money everywhere as if they earned it! Their selfish attitudes on finance have been such a detriment to our national debt and allowed Obama to be president. These people don’t need a say in our society, they need to work. A debtor’s prison will provide the poors with free shelter, minimal costs to food and water, and they’ll be able to sleep comfortably not having to worry about their Fortnights or Facebooks distracting them from their ability to assess their finances. If they cannot pay off their credit card debt, student loans, mortgages or any other financial obligation while in a debtor’s prison, then they can be punished accordingly to their own abilities, and accordingly to their own needs. In any ethical sense, debt is debt, a hindrance on finances for everyone but globalists loan sharks. When debt is multiplied to absurd extents, you get the national debt.

It is high past time to see poverty for what it really is: a federal offense. A national disgrace, a burden for the common man to have to pay higher taxes to help their fellow man. Our country has a debt problem with seemingly no end in sight, aside from help from our beloved Republican Party to cut taxes, my solutions and tax cuts alone will not be enough to exterminate poverty in America. If the debts can’t be removed, then the people burdened with debt do not deserve to participate in society. They are a burden to our country, no more, no less.  They must be punished accordingly.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in Manhattan.

Children Should Start Working Today If They’re Serious About Going To College

Written by Gilbert Miser

Children in our society suffer dearly from audacious liberals and their threats to discharge firearms inappropriately in public spaces. New generations will always have different new and more threatening challenges to liberal fascism and the radical Godless Islamic Barbarianism that follows it. Children also suffer through college, a process of accumulating debt and radicalization process where the children learn their liberal confirmation biases and act accordingly. These new generation children don’t care about social order, they care about their phones and the Facebook-Twitter “IG” websites, all following a hollow liberal agenda they call, “sliding into your DM’s (sic)“. Perhaps if these millennial children don’t want to get into debt, they should start getting a job unlike their NFL quarterback icon “Colin Kaepernick” and should work early, preferably between ages 3 to 5.

Our country has a long proud tradition of labor and productivity, and children played a “small” hand in the history. Children worked very well in dangerous conditions in mines, steel mills, and other areas near potential hazards. Nowadays, there are many service industry and fast food jobs available that always hire due to the lack of educational or social experience needed for such roles. With a more educated workforce, there is less of a need for these service jobs, and a demand for more robots and AI to eventually replace the children. There will always be a demand for cheap child labor so your careers will be recession-proof. And there’s no better time to learn how to be a productive member of society then learning how to file taxes before learning your ABC’s. It’ll seriously impress your parents!

Capitalism is one of the greatest inventions in the last hundred or so years of Christian civilization. It has given the poor a reason to live, the middle class its existence, and allowed the elderly to live longer and healthier. We actively encourage our children to not work until they’re between 15-18, which is unreasonable with our Obama-ruptured economy. The Obama Regime has let the cost of living rise to nearly unsustainable levels. If children don’t start working now, they’ll be no more than wandering debt nomads and nothing less then a lost generation. Therefore, children should adopt early and quickly to the economy and start working now before they lose out on their 401K and social security.

Alternatively, we can elect to make colleges more expensive because these minds with their dollars are a terrible thing to waste. Many of these public universities are overcrowded, which means you need to spend more money on professors that demand salary increases each year or they strike and waste more money. The government simply can’t afford these rising costs on universities, so either we must tear down each one, frack the land to extract value on the property, and sell it to a responsible landowner who can better use the land. Or, we can make universities more expensive and remove the clutter of the working class who are known to struggle paying loans with interest. To remove the national debt from our problems, we need to think long and hard about where the government spends exorbitant amounts of money. Education is always one of the pricer bits, along with the newly fermented Obamacare. And with Obamacare’s seemingly immunities, education is the next best industry to be given a budget cut.

That begs the question, is college truly still worth it? Only if you can afford it. If you can’t afford it, you can still have a job and be the productive member of society everyone expects you to be. But if you can’t afford college, then perhaps let your children work for your tuition before the costs continue to add up.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in Manhattan.

President Trump Considers Selling Alaska Back To Russia

Written by Pavel Shostakovich

Citing a large national debt problem and insufficient need for a state that cannot be accessed by a highway, President Trump has considered removing Alaska from the Union. This would be highly beneficial to the Union of the States United, as Alaska is a liberal state surrounded by Canada: a land of ice and French hippies. Selling Alaska back to Russia would give America a very high return of investment, and we know how much Donald Trump loves ending deficits in the State of America!

Alaska is a liberal state that is closer to Russia and the Russians than a common American Apple Pie and Empire State Building. They vote at end of election, not beginning, meaning they are a waste of voters and space for natural minerals, unmined from the Carter Administration. Imagine all the oil America could use instead of sucking it up from a straw in the Middle East. “Now that is a spicy meat-a-ball!”

It is no secret that the previous string of presidents up to Ronald Reagan was involved in giving America a giant debt with a spending deficit in order to create political problems when they otherwise had none in the 18th-19th and most of the 20th century. The territory of Alaska was manufactured in 1867 when Russia was in a similar situation like America today, in debt and need of profit. Alaska “officially” entered statehood in  It is tables have turned time. It is not like Alaska is going for good use, it’s no Hawaii or Arizona.

Besides, Alaska is always cold. It is useless for tourism and other business ventures. People have Seaworlds all over America, what could make Alaska SeaWorld more special? Glaciers? A “Meet the Titanic”? Please. Alaska is backward like The Ukraine. Canada did not bother to even invade the territory, hence its existence. America can expand its borders in more financially relevant areas, like Syria. Alaska makes no sense and the USSR is no longer in operation to worry about any longer. America’s debt is huge, and big sacrifices need to be made for the glorious benefit of continual existence of the United States of America. It is through this country that I achieved the American Dream and do not have to hear my door every night to make sure KGB doesn’t hear. In America, you only worry about paying landlord on time, and taxes. It is more peaceful, although taxes are just as unpleasant.

At the time of this article, the United States debt stands at $21,222,747,669,999. There might be interest rates as well, adding on to that number I cannot pronounce. Selling off Alaska, which gives America only a mere $49,120,000,000 in GDP, can be sold for much more than that amount of billions. While selling Alaska will not completely erase America’s debt, it sure does a much better job than the Obama Administration’s failed efforts to conquer the problem. America will always find a 50th state somewhere in the world in order to save money on not ordering new American flags for everyone. The Dakotas could merge, Guam can enter statehood, or Mexico can concede more land. Regardless, alleviating the national debt is better than not doing so.

Russia has strong interest in re-acquiring Alaska, and they look to be big spenders. President Trump has always made it his dream since he was a little lad to end America’s deficit problems and Russia can help make Donald Trump have a superstar-like legacy as president if he cures America’s biggest problem. President Trump knows what the right thing to do, and perhaps it is better to start selling off some assets to solve a seemingly improbable situation rather than initiate a trade war with some inferior and weaker country like Albania or whatever.

Pavel Shostakovich is Bullshit News’ newest correspondent reporting on Russian and European Affairs. He is a naturalized American citizen whose parents escaped Communist tyranny in Russia, AND NOT BELARUS. Pavel studied political science at the University of Pennslyvania and is a member of the Federalist Society.