Bullshit News Calls For Trump Victory In Re-election Bid

Written By Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder

With more than a million votes already cast for the election on November 3rd, Bullshit News has decided to be the first past the post in calling the election for Donald Trump’s second term. The votes are still coming in, but aren’t needed to determine who really wins the presidency. Deep down inside, millions and millions of Americans have the cold reassurance that President Trump has succeeded so much in his first term that he has earned his second term regardless of what “polling” and “democratic institutions” say otherwise. For a man who donated all of his Presidential salary to charity and regularly smiles at orphan children, he has already created a legacy to last for generations. But take it from his politics, not his personality.

It’s evident that Donald Trump has been America’s most popular and successful president. He’s given more media attention than any other president before him, and for a good reason: he’s enacted many reforms and other popular legislation to make American lives easier and free from the inequities of the Obama regime. President Trump has, to keep it brief: ended America’s long terrible history of racism, cured an otherwise evil socialist virus meant to take him out, ended the Democratic Party’s spread of opioids to kill Republicans and fellow real working class American people, brought Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Barrett on to the Supreme Court, further helping America’s problems with understand what the founders of the country wanted for America, saved Thanksgiving and Christmas, among countless other activities President Trump has been busy in restoring America back to the greatness it once was but yet still always was originally.

Joe Biden is a disgraceful “man” who does not deserve the dignity to be in the White House and to claim himself as president. He is the anti-christ, and his vice-presidential pick in Kamala Harris is also a countess for evil socialism. The Democratic Party is trying to deceive the American people into believing that there could be a better alternative to President Trump by inventing these two politicians to lie on the behalf of the American people about policies they don’t support and pledging action that they will not finish. They will only leave behind more political messes and scandals, while actively making this country look weak to the eyes of China or the newest evil godless Islamic barbarian country that is waiting to strike us. It can only make sense that President Trump can save our country from such evil extremes, inside and outside the country.

Therefore, we at Bullshit News find it simple to declare President Trump the definitive winner of the 2020 Election before Election Day. The results are merely a ploy, everyone understands that President Trump has been far more than qualified to lead a second term, as nearly every president since 1992 was given this compromise, even the evil Barack Obama regime followed this protocol. So a reelection bid is far more than useless, it is a waste of President Trump’s time to deal with such bureaucratic formalities like the 2020 election. The United States of America needs to move forward, so let us all start working for President Trump for the next four years, today!


Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

Joe Biden Is Using Illegal Hispanic Immigrants To Vote For Him

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

As we move closer and closer towards the unneeded 2020 Presidential Election, we must be reminded that the Democrat Party have routinely tried to artificially inflate the number of voters they receive in order to cheat the real hard-working God-fearing American people from getting the Republican president they deserve. As per tradition, the Democrat Party is at it again, with much more desperation then they ever have needed before. So it should come to no surprise that Democrat Party nominee Joe Biden is receiving an influx of help from the “Hispanics” from the island of “Mexico” to help vote for him.

Bullshit News has already discussed at-length the evil and callous nature of the anti-christ and his co-star, who wish to seek vengeance against the American people for trying to work their hard-earned 9-5 jobs. They understand they don’t have the number of votes needed to win almost every state except for Sodom and California, so they must rely on these “Hispanics“, a fancy sociological word for illegal immigrants, to vote in-mass for them. Knowing that Americans can only have one vote, but Hispanics can vote as often as they want, Biden and his base understand the only way to win is to cheat. The Biden campaign aims to airlift as many Hispanics from Hispaniola and the Isle of Mexico onto as many states as possible to vote for him, as much as 128 times. They are fearless cretins who will check mark Joe Biden 1,000 times despite that massive benefits the Trump Administration has given to their people.

This disgusting act of political heresy is nothing new in the tradition of Democratic Party politics. Democrats in the past have been able to capture illegal people to vote illegally in order to cheat a legitimate aspect of our noble political structure. The electoral college is one of the oldest institutions in our Democracy that exists for the purpose of counting every ballot and sending it up to the sky to God for verification that these people all exist, and which states will “win the votes”. Now God is an old man, still wise but yet still very old. His judgement hasn’t been the same since his son was killed by the Jerry Garcia. Nevertheless he can’t be wrong because he is all-knowing and omniscient and whatnot. God doesn’t know the difference between an “American voter” who can only vote once and the ill “Hispanic voter” that can vote as many times as they need. There is significant concern that God will just permit these “Hispanic voters” and the results could be disastrous for our democracy.

Nevertheless, no amount of Hispanics will impede a determined President Trump from saving America from the bureaucracy of an election. But to see the Democrats using dirty cheap tricks being done dirt cheap is another sign that we are in the right ethically. If the Democrats lose with their “surplus of voters”, they will riot and commit wrath of such high level that the results can be drastic. The influx of the Hispanic voters being parachuted into the election should not be enough to guarantee a Biden victory, but it can guarantee some unfortunate and unneeded suspense on Election Day.

What can you, the conscientious and intelligent reader, do about this? Well it’s easy, you need to vote. Even if you can’t vote a million times like a parachuting Mexican, your vote will still matter. No matter the outcome, whether Trump wins and Biden loses or Biden wins and Trump loses, the Democrats had to cheat to get there. There is nothing the Democratic Party does that is legal and legitimate that gives them power. They are hungry for nothing but relentless bureaucracy and tax increases. They want YOU to have less money and Trump wants to help you. Any real American knows that the choice is clear, and that anyone voting for that anti-christ infidel is a vote for treason.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.