Tag: economics

America Must Protect Her Hedge Funds Against Insidious Trade Union Rebellion

~ DonKaftan ~ Leave a comment

Written by Gilbert Miser

The United States of America, under the direction of a new administration lead by Joe “Blow” Biden, has been disastrous at its worst and destructive at its best. The day Joe Biden stepped into office was the day the financial markets had to step up and defend our country from the evils that is crony capitalism (a democratic party only phenomenon). Sadly not even by the end of the first week, America was already being attacked from the inside out by a website called “Reddit” and their fictitious “Wall Street” with no real world connections to the Wall Street in New York City that is best known for giving money to real people that deserve it and don’t spew hate speech on internet forums. These, “redditors” decided to attack the life-preserving financial institutions known as Melvin Capital and Citadel LLC, both of which have helped our country tremendously and have been able to keep America afloat against Chinese tyranny, among other outside financial threats like the Dutch and Irish.

What these “redditors” (if that is the term they like to call themselves) did was invest in a dying video game company called Gamestop, which sold extremely violent and sexually promiscuous controversial games in retail format to deviant youths in order to make profit. Melvin Capital and Citadel, both much more massively influential and publicly recognized to the working man, wanted to invest in the downfall of the failure of the company that is Gamestop. The redditors rebelled by investing in the Gamespot stock (GME) in spite of the poor financial decision to do so, and as a result our great hedge funds have to endure a needless cost, which in turn makes America vulnerable to economic terrorism the likes we have not seen in history.

This is the part where I mention I have no business or ties to Melvin Capital, Citadel, or Gamestop. I am an honest billionaire who earned his money fairly from working hard and putting in tons of overtime much like you. I am not an insidious goblin who invests in penny stocks, junk bonds, and other such gimmicks. What is happening right now to America’s precious financial institutions is nothing short of terrorism. My own friends who work at these reputable firms are losing untold amounts of money because of what the Wall Street Journal (a liberal rag) would call a “meme stock”. This is no “meme’, people are losing their jobs and their overseas bank accounts because of this travesty. This is not a violent video game with Japanese female animation, these are real people these half-hearted redditors are tormenting with. And they don’t seem to care about who they are harming, illustrating a bigger problem in America today when compassion and empathy are burned to the ground for greed. It is nothing short of disgusting.

While financially illiterate fools will decry about “short selling” and hedge funds in general, they have no idea what they are talking about. Hedge funds have helped America since the dawn of the initial Revolution. If the colonies were not properly funded by hedge funds, we wouldn’t have a United States, let alone an America. When the War of 1812 happened, where did the U.S turn to for much needed financial assistance? It wasn’t the Federal Reserve, it was the hedge funds. By challenging the direction of how hedge funds work, we attack the very core of our nation. And in the name of tradition, we must preserve our financial-cultural heritage and not allow mere internet trolls or redditors control our precious stock market, one of America’s most noble institutions next to the Washington Monument and the White House.

It’s time that Joe “Sleepy” Biden must stop being asleep at the wheel and do something great for once in America. President Trump would’ve already either prevented or save our country from this crisis. Biden’s lack of comments on the situation is already damning enough, perhaps its in his best interest to destroy the last remaining precious thing about America: our glorious dollar. The lack of action is telling, but also a terrible sign for things to come in his administration. Save our hedge funds before it is too late!


Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.

Is The Democratic Party Colluding With China? (Yes They Absolutely Are)

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written by Dan Shapiro

For too long, the Democratic Party has been accusing President Donald Trump of being a criminal with sinister ties towards the Russian government, which has long been jealous of the United States of America’s sheer might and our powerful and robust Democracy. These supposed “collusion” ties have never been proven in a court of Law or God, so it’s foolhardy to talk any further about Russia. But there remains a billion person elephant in the room for Democrats, only it’s not India. It’s China, a communist threat to the United States since 1949, and has usurped the USSR as America’s #1 threat. And yet, no Democrat including crypto-liberal Howard Schultz attempting to run for president in 2020 against Donald Trump have brought up China, just Russia, Russia, Russia.

If you ask me for an objective analysis, I think the Democratic Party is either scared of China or maybe they’ve been implementing conspiracy theories to the mainstream media about Donald Trump’s supposed “collusion” efforts towards Russia as a means to distract you, the average everyday ordinary American, from knowing about how Communist China funds the Democratic Party and its leaders to give them political life and support? Think about it. Remember when President Trump instituted a trade war with China nearly a year ago, and how every Democrat uniformly opposed Trump’s actions without any principals or seriously investigated and opposed the matter? It was a warning shot fired by President Trump to tell China to stop colluding with the Democratic Party, as well as a symbolic sign to the international world that America is still the #1 producer of liberty and the greatest economic force in the known universe, much to China’s dismay on how the world really works.

Despite China’s communist ties, they’ve had tastes of capitalism and enjoyed it. Some expert analyses on mainstream media websites like The Federalist and Breitbart don’t even know how to quantify China. They trade with America to make cheap goods for us but at the same time, they support and uphold the Communist Party, a natural enemy of not just the Republican Party, but also to the American people. The Democratic Party’s silence on China is loudly deafening. Barack Hussein Obama never gave China a hardline stance towards our goods, allowing Communist China’s nefarious debt continue to climb higher levels, threatening America’s world-renowned number one liberty producing status. It was a matter of time before China would strike us before we would need to strike them.

Military wise, it’s a good idea not to invade China. Not for any political purposes, but just because that region of the world has some seriously bad juju to it. China has so many people, that it would require a draft in order to seriously think of winning the war. They are largely defensive, and would rather retaliate by continuing this trade war. Because of this effort, President Trump has saved countless lives over and over by tweeting himself a humble standard no other president has done before him, which we have provided to you via laminated telegram message:

“Don’t be involved in a land war on some other continent in the name of America and probably extra so in the winter – Sun Tzu #DeepThoughts #MAGA”

And with all of this the Democratic Party, not once, have applauded President Trump for his humanitarian efforts to not blow China into smithereens. In fact, the Democratic Party have only remained silent about China, continuing to blabber about Russia having some sort of mind control device on President Trump or whatever.

The next time you confront a liberal into a debate, just bring up China. Chances are, they are confused about their own opinions about it, will pretend not to know where China is on a map, and give you an unrealistic, typical Democrat non-answer. The largest open secret in American politics is the Democratic Party’s payola from Communist China, and somehow no one wants to talk about it. It’s time to let the whole American world know.

 

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on American Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.

Debtor’s Prisons Are A Great Incentive To Eliminate Poverty

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Gilbert Miser

Poverty has always been one of America’s most curable problems that can never truly be fully eradicated. Washington D.C. is full of politicians, businessman, lobbyists, lawyers, and the unemployed uneducated yokel that clean the dishes and sinks of the aforementioned in Washington. Under Donald Trump’s presidential administration, there have been great strides in deficit and poverty reduction and with the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017, there is now a far greater chance for those of lower strata to succeed in America in ways the LBJ and Obama “presidential administrations” failed to accomplish. But poverty, much like opioids and crime, keeps re-occurring in our society with seemingly no end in sight for its encumbrance. Fortunately, I have the solution to cure our societal woes.

No one likes to be in prison much like how allegedly no one likes living in poverty. My solution is simple, we must criminalize poverty in order to discourage the poor and homeless from maintaining their ugly and destitute lifestyle. Many of those that are in poverty and “working class” societal status are often tangled with debt, a status sign that people are too poor to help themselves and act desperate for every kind of government handout and welfare. They seemingly have no incentive to get out of their debt-ridden hole they dug themselves in, and their so-called college education in the arts will never help these poor “artists” from achieving or creating anything meaningful in life. They are almost worse than vermin, but at least vermin have the decency to never take out a loan with interest.

 

a-30s-homeless-man-sleeps-lying-down-on-a-sidewalk-in-san-francisco-f2828k[1]
A “working class” person living in poverty. Notice the ability to afford a fatwa-inspired latte.

Evidently, many people with debt will never be able to pay it off in their lifetime. How can these people afford housing, let alone a television or those newfangled radio-phone-computer-watches? These poor people have no impulse to save money but rather spend it frivolously–the nerve. Europe had a remedy for poverty hundreds of years ago and it seems to work well for Western European countries. They shoved the poor into prison until they were able to pay off their debts, giving their release from prison as their receipt in life that they were no longer proles. We Americans have never given this incentive to eliminate poverty a try, but now is a better time than never to act. Poverty walks in our streets, creates drug and violence problems, and ultimately gives the liberals a platform to appeal to hippies and centrists. The Democratic Party loves poverty because its one of the few methods they instill to play partisan politics. So poverty isn’t just a societal and political problem, it’s an obstruction of bureaucracy at its very worst.

It’s not unethical to put some of the worst people in society in prison, so why do the poor get special exemptions and tax cuts when they are some of the most debt-burdened people in the country? No one can pay taxes when they’re highly in debt, and they spend money everywhere as if they earned it! Their selfish attitudes on finance have been such a detriment to our national debt and allowed Obama to be president. These people don’t need a say in our society, they need to work. A debtor’s prison will provide the poors with free shelter, minimal costs to food and water, and they’ll be able to sleep comfortably not having to worry about their Fortnights or Facebooks distracting them from their ability to assess their finances. If they cannot pay off their credit card debt, student loans, mortgages or any other financial obligation while in a debtor’s prison, then they can be punished accordingly to their own abilities, and accordingly to their own needs. In any ethical sense, debt is debt, a hindrance on finances for everyone but globalists loan sharks. When debt is multiplied to absurd extents, you get the national debt.

It is high past time to see poverty for what it really is: a federal offense. A national disgrace, a burden for the common man to have to pay higher taxes to help their fellow man. Our country has a debt problem with seemingly no end in sight, aside from help from our beloved Republican Party to cut taxes, my solutions and tax cuts alone will not be enough to exterminate poverty in America. If the debts can’t be removed, then the people burdened with debt do not deserve to participate in society. They are a burden to our country, no more, no less.  They must be punished accordingly.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in Manhattan.

Bitcoin: The Currency Of Communism

~ DonKaftan ~ 5 Comments

Written by Gilbert Miser

The internet has been such an incredible new tool for the entire American planet over the last eight years or so. However with such great technology, there come nefarious uses to utilize the “internet” or a “computer”, such as the malicious use of going to liberal news sites like CNN or any other website that isn’t Bullshit News. Unfortunately, the communists have infiltrated the Internet attempting to overthrow the United States government and its people. The communists, ironically, decided to create their own currency to rival the absolute and powerful American Dollar with Bitcoin.

What is a Bitcoin? I can only tell you what it is not. Bitcoin is not a tangible physical object that tells you its worth on paper or a real coin. A bitcoin only exists online as a number, and nothing but. No one knows who invented the elusive bitcoin, but the communists, libertarians, and slowly the liberals are all on the bitcoin hype train, taking it as a serious currency to rival the almighty Dollar. What we’re seeing here boys and girls is how fascism tries to overthrow a state. They don’t start by trying to initiate and spreading false promises about how bad the government is, they silently attempt to overthrow America with subtle actions. It doesn’t matter how bitcoin works, it matters on how it’s trying to destroy or defame America.

Communists have always sought the destruction of America and the deaths of all the women too. It is a disease on the world that is set out to take away the hardest working members of society: the rich. Without the rich, where will the wondrous innovations of capitalism come from? It won’t happen in Silicon Valley anymore if you take away the American Dollar. Communism knows that it can’t function 100% from the writings of Karl Marx from far too long ago. Communism needs aspects of capitalism for it to function, such as the revolutionary idea known as currency. The mysterious communist inventors of the bitcoin knew they could not make money in America, and decided to invent a clever ponzi scheme they can program and scam millions of Americans while indoctrinating those scammed into a belief that a socialist society could work, and even be feasible.

Whenever a communist explains how bitcoin works, they will bring up the term “blockchain”. Then, they will do it again and again until they hit you in the head with a hammer and sickle and take your money. There is no blockchain, it is merely a buzzword used by bitcoin advocates to persuade you to the idea that bitcoin has a reason to work. It doesn’t. Bitcoin is not real, it is merely a bunch of numbers decided by a handful of communists that deem your worthiness in society. Now tell me, is that liberty? Is that true economic freedom? It is a substitute, a failure to model and rival the powerful American Dollar and by extension, challenging American sovereignty at home and across the globe. Bitcoin might be one of the greatest evils against the United States since the beginning of the War on Terror.

Despite all of this, the American Dollar is still as powerful as it always has. Bitcoin might be just dust blowing in the wind, but it can also try to cripple the Trump Administration. Any communist invention needs to be intensely scrutinized to make sure they don’t seriously challenge American Democracy. There is a strong reason why the creators of bitcoin don’t reveal themselves, they will all be sent straight to prison if their true identities were revealed. So Bullshit News is offering a service: give us the identities of the bitcoin manufacturers and we will do the most just thing and forward that information to the FBI CIA or NSA so that we can live in a truly free world without the threat of communism spreading ever again.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner”.

Labor Unions Are The Gateway Drug To Communism

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Gilbert Miser

It should come as no surprise that communism and its ugly stepcousin socialism are one of the main pillars of the Democratic Party. But there are other, equally horrible political ideas and factions that form America’s second most popular political party. Among them are the abortion-endorsers, Mexicans, and labor unions. Labor unions are the idea that the workers should form a bund together. What is a bund? Well, talking more about definitions of new foreign-sounding words is how you fall down the Marxist foxhole and get you suckered into communism. And any kind of union-related activity will “fix you” into becoming a communist, and ergo, an unemployed homeless bum. It will be impossible to find a job when you have to roam from train to train to find areas you are not blacklisted in for believing in an abhorrent anti-American terrorist ideology.

Unions allow a minority of workers to have a bigger say in their employment status over the majority. Workers deserve the right to speak for themselves, like individuals in America are normally treated, and without needing a group or organization to do just that. So unions have no use but for workers to tax themselves more for the idea of hosting “pizza party” meetings that conclude with no business done and a total loss for the company. Workers in union-less America are the silent majority of their own workplace, everyone agrees to the rules they are dealt with. If they ask questions, they will know how to raise their hands. So for what purpose do unions really have aside from the obstruction of capitalist justice?

The beauty of America is that the individual is powerful. Communism is the very definition of undoing that powerful feeling which makes Americans and America so tough. Labor Unions revolve around viewing work through a Marxist lens, and that includes threatening to strike, being allowed to loiter more at work or bargain their salaries. Strikes are extremely anti-American and very pro-French and Pro-Italy. Both of these countries, France and Italy, had fascism installed onto their constitutions and forced labor union policies until America kicked their communist asses out of existence in World War II. Do we really want America to be more like Europe, a continent of failed “oh no let’s do our government all over again since the last time didn’t work” nations? Absolutely not, and labor union activity will lead to a rise of this creeping fascism.

Regulations are the problem that labor unions think are the solution. Regulations, many of which were implanted under the Barack Obama regime, are what kill workers from succeeding more in life. Regulations and unions aren’t some kind of Kevlar that can protect workers from having a better life. It’s the opposite, it will lead to disrupted marriages, unintentional children, and even an early death. Or onset-baldness. And, more often than not, will make you lose your job rather than earn you more money. So there is no point to enabling communism in your workplace, it always backfires. The regulations that are already in workplaces like OSHA, EPA and the AFL-CIO create more systemic problems than solving societal woes. It is a swamp currently being weeded out by President Trump and Scott Pruitt. They are both working hard to remove all unions and regulations from existence so we can live in a cleaner and better world away from a government that governs too much.

Communism has and will never win in America, but the fragile Democratic Party seeks to resurrect its policies and practices to somehow “better enrich American lives”. It is all rhetoric, ideas, and dreams without substance, the American X-factor. Workers function better independently, much like the individual and the government. A team that works sparingly together, is a team well-kept and built strongly. Those are the principles that run America, not Godless Islamic communism. And especially unions.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner”.