Author: DonKaftan

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Black Lives Matter Is A Hate Group, Happy Black Friday

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written By Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Ph.D., Esq

First, I would like to say happy Black Friday from Bullshit News! May your sweet deals ever benefit my continually growing stock portfolio. Second, Black Lives Matter is a hate group. They dislike capitalism, liberty, and freedom equally. They are anti-American by definition and must be stopped by any means necessary. Their radical agenda reflects those of the ruthless Black Panthers and the Civil Rights Bad Guys from the ’50s and ’60s. It is an ideology based on Black Supremacy, a hatred rooted deeply from a similar form of Godless Islamic Barbaric extremism. The Black Lives Matter militia has conquered southern Detroit and yet the Hussein Obama administration has done nothing to address this! They harbor terrorism consciousness and want to make the American economy rupture into nothingness. They plan to accomplish this with a “National Black Friday Boycott”, to attack capitalism at its source: the American Heartland.

The Black Lives Matter militia want the United States of America to become the “United States of Africa”, by claiming that America is a country based on “stolen land”. That is patently false, the earliest Americans were explorers looking to go westward to claim the continent as God intended. Any interaction with the mythos of “Native Americans” was done appropriately, by bartering goods/food for land. The Black Lives Matter crowd has evidently never read a history textbook, which would refute all of their ludicrous claims. Even the early settlers in American history were African-American in origin when they went off to Oregon and California for manifest destiny. The Black Lives Matter believe in a warped sense of history, believing that average every day Americans have “oppressed” them for far too long, hence their desire to take extremist action.

For liberals that are attempting to analyze my irrefutable logic, the Black Lives Matter militia do not want you to save money by shopping today. They want you to boycott the holiday because it “oppresses black lives around the world”. Listening to them is a form of appeasement, a logic tactic no different from England being okay with Nazi Germany invading Poland and France. First Black Lives Matter will issue an order, then they will make their demands louder and bolder until they get what they want. This is a common element of extremist movements: constantly begging to get what they want or they will issue violence. Ignoring these kinds of statements will lead to more deaths by angry leftists that refuse to work. South Detroit and Kaepernick were only the beginning of Black Lives Matter’s conquest for Black Supremacy.

Finally, Bullshit News would like to thank everyone that participates in “Black Friday” today. This is one of the more important days in American history that move the Economy ball rolling. Keep spending fellow Bullshiteers, capitalism can only work when we all work for it. Don’t listen to the Black Lives Matter lies about not purchasing greatly discounted goods in order to appease their movement, spend as much as you can today! The more powerful the U.S. economy is, the less powerful hateful extremist groups like Black Lives Matter become. The free market will always win, a black hand is not an invisible hand. It would be clearly visible.

 

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston. 

Teenagers Should Be Free Enough To Join The Army And Be Drafted To Fight Terror

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

America’s youth these years are addicted to two things: pornography and scaffolding.  Children are nothing but libertarian pawns to run around in airports, kicking my seat while they rely on their Facebook mobile typewriter-screens to read! No respect for their elders who fought valorously to defend this country from the communists that threatened our freedom! The children are anarchistic and rude, but law and order can be given to them when they are of pubescent age. 6 is an age young enough to know the distinctions of good and evil, that’s why pop culture figures like “Harry Potter” and “Mr. Ed” are aged appropriately when they began their adventures to fight crime, Islam and communism.

The teenagers are young and fit and in previous generations, have been more than capable of working 16+ hour shifts six days a week. Because of their high energy, I see no ethical or moral harm in their decision making should they be drafted and randomly selected to serve. Some of the finest generals and other military leaders in history started their careers as young as four! Wow! Imagine how powerful those militaries were, being lead by men with over thirty years of experience in warfare. We must train children with their high energy advantage if conscripted when the time comes of course.

The teenagers today have lived their entire lives under the wars of Iraq, Afghanistan, and the War on Terror. All they know about the Godless Islamic Barbarians, public enemy number one to the United States and the free capitalism-aspiring world, is that they cause terrorism and want everyone to be terrified at all times. I can’t believe the young teenagers these days never went through 9/11, hatred of such a terrifying scale that ultimately made the United States realize that the Soviet Union was just the beginning and that there are enemies to freedom and democracy all across the globe. President George W. Bush examined all of his available options with his cabinet carefully curated from Vice-President Dick Cheney and Senior Advisor Karl Rove. There was simply no option but to commit total war against terrorism and Godless Islamic Barbarian extremism. Seventeen years later, and the terrorists and extremists are still around, along with the Democrats.

Our children and future children should live in a world of peace and no war, ideally. But they must fight for it to get it. There are many terrorists and extremists of the Islamic faith/Muslim ideology around, and there will never be peace unless they are exterminated. It is perhaps the toughest war the United States has gone through, as the terrorists really like to test America’s mettle. They learned from America’s past and entirely successful wars. They understand America will always win every war inevitably, but they will fight down to the very last man to make America earn it. That is why the Wars with Iraq and Afghanistan are still going on, as they are terrorist breeding grounds. Other Middle Eastern countries, like Saudi Arabia, Yemen, and Syria, understand America is mighty and that is why they do not produce as many extremists or terrorists like Palestine or Jordan.

I believe Disney child star Whitney Houston once said, “I believe the children are our future”. And those children were right, in the ’80s. But that statement rings true today. I, a near super-centenarian, know children are the future. But because there is so much terrorism and Godless Islamic Barbarians that endanger our free market society and put America at risk for invasion or another 9/11-like event. If teenagers like (D-NY) Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are allowed into the House of Representatives, then they should be allowed to join the military with no age limit. And because these wars are clearly in the public’s mind to continue investing, we must bring back the draft. We must ensure the safety of our future, just like Whitney Houston said. The safety of our children continues to put America at risk, a risk worth investing in.
Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

Bullshit News Investigates: What Happened In Benghazi?

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written by Alexander Jones

Bullshit News just received an undisclosed amount of money which will be used to fund our new investigative journalism series. The donor, who wishes to be anonymous and certainly does not come from a major media conglomerate, wanted Bullshit News to discover the real truth behind Benghazi, and why Hillary Clinton should be put on trial for murder and conspiracy to defraud the United States of America of $400 billion dollars. She threatens to endanger the country with her threats to run again for the presidency and supporting the Iranians and their quest to go nuclear. But in 2012, Hillary Clinton started to use her failed election chalkboard strategy to her advantage: absolute domination and power over the United States. But this whole story starts in Libya, of all places.

Bullshit News can confirm that Libya is still a country and that Benghazi is a city that was blown up to smithereens because of Hillary’s incompetence over her mission to assassinate Muammar Gaddafi. She evidently wanted to bomb the area into submission, which is going too headstrong. You can’t just invade a country by bombing the hell out of it, you need a think tank to condone the plan, like the CATO Institute or the Ethics and Public Policy Center. Think Tanks like CATO exist to critically think about which non-American countries need the most intervention and help. It’s why Jesus Christ of Nazareth had 12 men around him at all times, in that essence, Jesus helped create the first Think Tank in history. And look what that gave us: The Bible. Something Hillary Clinton has clearly spent no time studying on, much like her objective in Benghazi.

If Hillary was ever aware of Benghazi, she should have known Muammar Gaddafi died in 2011: while the attack that left four ambassadors and/or soldiers happened in 2012. So enough about Hillary for a moment: who were these attackers and why were they motivated from Hillary Clinton’s apathy for ambassadors? The attackers, naturally of Godless Islamic Barbaric origin (common to the area of Libya/Middle East/North Africa), we’re probably looking to attack a target bigger than some out of town D.C. bureaucrats they just happened to be in Libya at that exact moment in the line of fire—from orders via Hillary Clinton. Bullshit News discovered this memo about Hillary’s role in Benghazi during our investigation from Hillary Clinton’s trash can in one of her hundreds of personal homes in Arlington, Virginia:

HillaryClintonMemoBenghazi

 

It is evident that even Barack Obama played his hands in letting those four ambassadors die that fateful day in Benghazi. What’s almost more startling is the earmark allowed for this tragedy: 400 billion dollars were wasted on four lives that could not be adequately protected by Hillary Clinton. And what has Hillary Clinton had to say about this to the mainstream media? Nothing, people were too busy to focus on her emails (a scandal and investigation for another time) instead of her covert approval to lead four Americans to an untimely death in Libya. Many other people could have possibly been damaged by the aftermath of the bombings of Benghazi, that let four men die in that tragic night. But going boots on the ground to Libya is an excessive use of Bullshit News’s funds, and not worth more time to investigate first hand.

But the House and Senate have investigated the Benghazi tragedy ten times: six by the House and four from the Senate. We know everything else that we need to know about Benghazi: Hillary Clinton is to blame for the failure of her mission to successfully export liberty to Libya. One that cannot truly export liberty to a Godless Islamic Barbarian country is one that is not strong enough to be president. Donald Trump has not yet started a war of his own, but America will absolutely succeed in that war compared to  Hillary Clinton’s weak attempt to protect four soldiers from the Islamists. One can also accept the blame to Barack Hussein Obama, the president who wanted to be in Libya of all places. Always expect that liberals will like any place in the world named after them.

Benghazi is a closed case. A classic example of liberal government corruption, and the triumphant reason that Hillary Clinton can never be president. When you are given 400 billion dollars for a mission that any competent Secretary of State can accomplish in a week, you know you can’t be in government. All that’s left to ask is what happened to the rest of that 400 billion? The leftover money was an earmark for the Clinton Foundation. Because who could possibly want to donate money for Hillary Clinton to run for president? She has all that money before, and this election chalkboard strategy of hers started on September 11th, 2012: the day Hillary Clinton found the money she needed to run for her failed attempt at becoming president.

 

Alexander Jones is a fierce investigative journalist dedicating to finding the real truth blurred by the mainstream globalist media. Alexander Jones is a strong advocate for libertarianism, liberty, and raw rib eye steak. In his spare time away from journalism, Alexander enjoys hunting and keyboard/synthesizer music. An animal advocate throughout his life, he currently owns five hunting dogs, two purebred horses, and two cats. Although he is an advocate for the survival of the fittest Darwinism, he is a Pentecostal Christian who always–ALWAYS spends time with Jesus and The Lord on Sundays. 

 

LeBron James: “Everyone Needs To Vote For Ted Cruz”

~ DonKaftan ~ 3 Comments

Written By Rachel Gilfords

Bullshit News’s sports correspondent, Rachel Gilfords, recently sat down for a quick 5-minute post-game interview with Los Angeles basketball phenom and notable conservative, LeBron James. LeBron James has won three NBA Championships and has a passion for a balanced budget, lowering taxes, school choice, and liberty among other conservative ideals. We were lucky to have some time for the NBA legend who recently built a school dedicated for poor people to maybe, just maybe, have a chance at having a decent life. Something Hillary Clinton and Jerry Brown both have failed to achieve in their careers that a mid 30’s basketball player can easily accomplish with a checkbook.

 

Rachel Gilfords: Thank you for your time, Mr. James.

LeBron James: It’s my pleasure. I love talking about my passions in life, which expand beyond basketball and African-American culture. Many people don’t know this, but I am a conservative that loves freedom and tax cuts just like any normal guy.

RG: Rivetting. You opened up a school in Akron, Ohio with no expectations of making a profit or any kind of revenue. That’s very brave. Tell me more about this new “I Promise” school you spent a lot of money on.

LBJ: Oh I would love to spend all day talking about that. But that’s not important right now. What’s important is that tomorrow is Election Day and that everyone that isn’t a convicted a felon and preferably not liberal should take the time to vote. Otherwise, democracy won’t function as it should. What’s even more important, and why I wanted to talk to your platform Rachel, is that the people of Texas have a great gift in the Senate whose name is Ted Cruz. I’ve known Ted for a long time, he’s a good friend of mine. Everyone in the state of Texas needs to vote for Ted Cruz. He will make the trains run on time while saving money, that’s just how special Ted really is.

RG: When did you first meet Senior Cruz?

LBJ: Back in 2011 when I played for the Miami Heat we went to the [NBA] Finals against the Dallas Mavericks. Ted is a Houston Rockets fan and came to one of the games in my jersey, which spiked my attention. Ted has been a fan of my game since I first joined the league in 2003. That kind of loyalty is hard to find nowaday.

RG: What are your opinions about Ted Cruz’s challenger, Beto O’Rourke?

LBJ: I’m not interested in liberals that daydream of cutting my sweet, sweet salary. Look, I and many other millionaires have worked long and hard to get where we are today–and in the NBA there is no other organization that publicly demonstrates just how hard us guys work on ourselves to play basketball as a professional service. Same goes for any professional sport. I’ve never heard of this Beto O’Foole before, and that shouldn’t matter. What matters is that Ted Cruz, a man I’ve been friends with for fifteen years deserves to continue his phenomenal service as America’s best and most accomplished senator. Ted Cruz was the only Republican senator competent to stand up against Barack Obama and his evil liberal overspending on meaningless legislation. He helped shut down the Government in 2013 to make everyone pay attention to the horrors of the Obama regime. It was then I had my true Republican re-awakening, that Charles Barkley was right all along. And I thank Ted for that, I would not know where my career would be today if it weren’t for Ted Cruz’s selfless service to prove to everyone that Obama was not the man the mainstream media wished him to be.

RG: Why are you so passionate over the Texas Senate election when you never lived in Texas?

LBJ: Because that’s just how much Ted means to me. He’s truly a one-of-a-kind politician that really cares about his community. I mean, if Ted Cruz never cared about his constituents, he would never listen to them. But he does, it must be some of that Canadian kindness that hides in his all-American heart. [Chuckles]

RG: That’s absolutely wonderful LeBron. Any other comments?

LBJ: Please get out to the polls on Tuesday and vote for my man Ted Cruz. Don’t be like J.R. Smith and not know when or how to vote when there’s still time on the clock. Every vote counts–for Ted Cruz. Also, he is definitely not the Zodiac Killer, I don’t know why people bring that up. If Ted Cruz really was the Zodiac Killer, wouldn’t it make a lot more sense then this baseless conspiracy theory that he just happened to be in Northern California in the early 1970’s? It’s irrelevant to the content of his character.

RG: It’s just one of those liberal “fake news things” again. They are really desperate trying to make all-Republican Texas into a liberal sodomic state with lies and distortion.

LBJ: You really can’t trust the Democratic Party nowadays. They are SO DESPERATE FOR VOTERS!! [laughs heartily]. They’ll try anything for attention. They should just shut up and dribble if they ever want to be like me.

RG: Thank you once again for your time and service, Mr. LeBron James.

 

LeBron James is one of the biggest voices for millennials and other contemporary celebrities stuck in the liberal River Stix known as “Hollywood”. He currently plays basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers and has three children. He has no plans to live in Texas at this time.

Please go to the polls tomorrow and vote Republican! Otherwise, the world as we know it might not be the same with Nancy Pelosi in (some resemblance of) power again.

 

Rachel Gilfords is Bullshit News’ White House Correspondent and On-Field Reporter. She has covered the horrific tragedy of 9/11 and was at Ground Zero at 5:45AM, before any other reporter in news media. Rachel has received acclaimed conservative awards and adoration from Rupert Murdoch. Rachel knows for certain that Bullshit News has a ‘no bullshit policy’ towards sexual harassment.

We Need To Go Back To Vietnam And End Communism Once And For All

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Sgt. Louie Gates II

It has been 43 years since the Vietnam War ended, with America receiving a bitter win compared to a perfect or flawless win, of course, I’m talking about the Revolutionary War and the Iraq War respectively. Unlike most of our victories in wars, the communist Vietnamese and their evil twin the Vietcong are both still very powerful political blocs in Vietnam, with seemingly no room for freedom or capitalism to flourish in the region. China understood capitalism is essential, so they adapted to modern day economics. The same for Laos and Cambodia, but yet Vietnam still remains a communist shithole incapable of progressing in the right direction on planet Earth. So what gives?

For those young Republicans (we see you Turning Point USA!) that might not remember the Vietnam War, it took place under the cold war as a battle of ideologies. The evil communist USSR was desperate to expand communism wherever necessary. Those actions lead them to conquer half of Europe and random territories throughout the world like Cuba, Afghanistan, and of course Vietnam. Their efforts were limited and stifled by our protagonist capitalists, the United States of America. Vietnam was the battleground where capitalism and communism would duke it out for absolute supremacy. This is where the ‘bitter” win comes in, America won the war, and ultimately the Cold War, but Vietnam resisted capitalism enough that the war became too unpopular in America (a tragedy in its own right) so that Jimmy Carter and his hippie squad of solar panels took American forces out of Vietnam.

As we learned, intervening in other countries affairs does great wonders for limiting evil ideologies from maintaining any more power and control across the world. Vietnam might not have wanted to fight on their own soil, but it was necessary in order to curb the evils of total communism from growing any further. Communism since the Vietnam War has been limited to a couple of square miles on Earth, but the number of square miles communism should be practiced on Earth should be 0. And because we’re not at 0 yet, Vietnam must pay the ultimate price, again. They can make the switch very easily at any time over the past 43 years but have refused to do so. Their political negligence cannot be ignored any further and action must take place. I’m sure many Americans can understand the need to purge communism off the globe, we don’t live in the 1970’s any more to find such ideas intolerable.

The evil scourge of communism must be eradicated no matter how impossible the odds may seem. Communism is an inherent evil towards our society. Communism and capitalism are incompatible with each other as capitalism seeks for people to work for what they want, free from government control and tyranny while communism suggests that people should depend on their government for absolutely everything. It’s no surprise to see the Democratic Party endorse communist countries and behaviors, like Venezuela, Cuba or Nicaraguan death squads. They are very desperate for any kind of voter help no matter how illegal or improbable it is for citizens in these countries to vote for them illegally. The Democratic Party remains the only monolith obstacle remaining to stop America from re-intervening in Vietnam and ending communism there once and for all. Should Republicans re-win the midterms, intervening in Vietnam should be priority #1, as the Supreme Court is perfectly filled for now.

But even winning the midterms might not be enough to win the war before it even starts. We’ll need as much manpower as we get, so it is important to reinstate the draft to help two fronts. The first front would be crushing communism in Vietnam. The second front will allow these illegal immigrants, refugees, and other wannabe Americans to join our army, and consequently our country, as long as they move to the front lines and fight the evil communist scourge of Vietnam head-on. If they really love our country, they need to be the first battalion out and collect some scalps for proof. Its how many other red white and blue-blooded Americans earned their citizenships before, and like any American tradition, it ought to continue. Collecting scalps is the only way to know if these illegal refugees and Mexicans really love our country enough to kill the evil communist bastards that oppose it.

Remember that communism is terrorism’s older brother. They go hand in hand like a hot dog and a bun. They need each other to survive and thrive. The only way to cleanse ourself of this evil and impure ideology is to destroy it at its source. Vietnam is one of the sources as well as Venezuela. While Venezuela crushes under its own weight, Vietnam remains relatively aloof. The time has come for the Vietcong to Vietchoke.

 

Sgt. Louie Gates II is Bullshit News’ correspondent on national security and military issues. He owns five Rottweilers and is a huge Boston Red Sox fan. He is faithful to his wife LaShawnda Gates and has two daughters. He served in the military many times on multiple tours and received a purple heart for his valiant efforts to protect our country.

Brett Kavanaugh, Fighting Immorberal Liberal Activists, Is Confirmed To The Supreme Court

~ DonKaftan ~ 6 Comments

Written by Don Kaftan

We here at Bullshit News are still rejoicing over the fact that Brett Kavanaugh, the righteous underdog of Supreme Court appointees, who many of the deplorable Democraps sought to deny his birthright God-given right to be a Supreme Court Justice, won his “case” anyhow. The vicious gaslighters of the left arranged many USSR- styled propaganda tactics to garner the public to oppose his confirmation because of a few bad apples on a mostly flawless, 3.84 GPA in his law career. The feminists said he was a “bad character” and a sexual deviant and/or miscreant using loaded words and hearsay stories from childhood. Globalists deemed him “unfit to rule”, which if true, meant Kavanaugh would not be appointed to begin with, which makes little sense.

Now all the liberals can do is swallow their pride and their uncanny ability to defy law and order with judicial activism is less powerful than it ever has been in history. This is Donald Trump’s biggest win in his presidency, more so then curing Puerto Rico of its hurricane issue (in record timing, better than Bush or Obama) or becoming the first president since Andrew Jackson to solve America’s tax woes by any means necessary. This victory alone will last decades, maybe even multiple lifetimes, a new true hallmark on President Trump’s track record.

Aside from President Trump’s successes, Brett Kavanaugh represents an end to the judicial activist tyranny that was imposed on the court since FDR decided to appoint his own justices without the consent of Republican senators of their time. The last of FDR’s appointees, Anthony Kennedy, died of swine flu while out farming during the High Court’s recess. His vacancy was quickly filled despite paid protestors trying to talk down the public (via CNN and MSNBC) by suggesting that Brett Kavanaugh is an immoral man. While he may be Catholic, there is little that is immoral about the man. I’ve met Brett Kavanaugh quite a couple of times, mostly through William F. Buckley’s social functions in the 1990’s, and I can confirm that his character is higher than his BAC intake at those parties. It’s amazing how much someone who can drink almost half a keg can still recite the entire Dred Scott decision and how beneficial it was to America’s economy at the time.

I know after retelling that story that the television media will find a new way to slain Brett Kavanaugh’s name, but just because the man loves his beer doesn’t mean that he should be forced to step down. He’s just expressing his support for the 21st Amendment, which was created because of the Democrat Party’s opposition to beer in the early 1900’s. Brett has always liked his beer, but from his days at Yale and DKE, he knows how to moderate his alcohol intake. He would never put or use someone’s life because of him possibly being drunk. I can attest to his character that he drinks like a Russian, with vodka running down his veins while retaining his clarity and ability to behave appropriately. It’s important to note that he doesn’t drink all the time, and absolutely would not on the job. He may not be Antonin Scalia, but he is Brett Kavanaugh. His job is to carve his own legacy onto the court, and he has plenty of time to do so.

The confirmation of Kavanaugh has put liberals into a frenzy just before the midterm season. Their disillusionment and cynicism have jumped up in perfect timing. Their optimism over these midterms was their sole rally cry to their base, and as long as their mood is muted, Republicans across America will not have to worry about liberal fascism come election day. The timing of Kavanaugh’s confirmation could not have gone any less perfect. Now is the time to see how Brett Kavanaugh and his near flawless character will handle some of the countries most pressing concerns regarding immigration, economics, and illegal liberal activism.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God. He is as much of a patriot for America as liberals consistently whine about it.

The Washington Redskins Exemplify America’s Time-Honored Heritage Of American Sports Names

~ DonKaftan ~ Leave a comment

Written by Deborah Schlasser

Even though they play in the liberal hellhole of Washington D.C., there’s nothing that outrages liberals more than the physical brutality of football. Other countries have their own version of football, notably lacking the pigskin and its glorious knots and replaced it with a hollowed-out ball used for kicking–a symbol of technological incompetence of every country that can’t design and model a football properly. The Democratic Party does not like American exceptionalism, and always desire to find a way to lower America’s status on the totem pole, and they take great offense to the idea of “sports”. Like their views on government, liberals want to change everything about ideas and other concepts they don’t understand, as they find the name “Washington Redskins” patently offensive. How in the world can they find a football name controversial?

The Redskins are far from the only team liberals have trouble dealing with, they also don’t like the Cleveland Indians (I thought they liked Indians?), Cincinnati Reds, Chicago Blackhawks, and the Denver Nuggets. All of these names are considered “cultural appropriation” to liberals, and demand that all of these teams, some of which as old as the sports themselves, to change their names or hear liberals continue to whine about it for many more decades to come. They don’t care about traditions, they care about power and control, and are desperate for any kind of power to exercise because they don’t control the House, Senate, or the presidency.

What did the Washington Redskins ever do to receive this kind of scrutiny and ire from liberals? Apparently, it’s because the name offends “Native Americans”. Well listen from me, a native American, and let me tell you there is absolutely nothing palpably offensive about the “Washington Redskins” or the Cleveland Indians. Democrats, many of which are not Native Americans or native to America, find just enough reason there to object just as they hate Christopher Columbus for discovering a continent and pioneering the idea of freedom. Liberals don’t care to celebrate the heritage of these Native Americans for taking care of our land before we got there and became Native Americans ourselves. They think the name of “Reds”, “Indians”, “Nuggets” and “Redskins” are derogatory and “offensive” even though they honor the culture of Bill Clinton’s sexual promiscuity and Elizabeth Warren’s reckless identity.

Let’s examine how the logos are used to find anything offensive about them. First with “Chief Wahoo”, logo and mascot of the Cleveland Indians.

Chief+Wahoo[1]
Chief Wahoo. Notice the smile–a sign of happiness and content in a reasonable society like ours.
How is this offensive? It portrays a very happy Native American, in red white and blue like a real patriot, ready to celebrate his local American baseball franchise. His eyes are the shape of a triangle, which could be offensive until you remember he is a symbol of a baseball team, a sport known for its “diamond”, a special type of triangle and precious expensive metal. He could use a couple more teeth and a rhinoplasty, but it’s a cartoon. When have cartoons hurt people? Perhaps the Washington Redskins, the team with the most controversy to their name listed, has a more blatantly offensive logo.

 

washington-redskins-football-logo-300x245[1]
The Washington Redskins: Note the cultural symbols being honored.
The Redskins’ logo is a lot more serious than the animated presence of Chief Wahoo. It reflects the more serious and brutal tone American football provides compared to the lax and mellow nature of baseball. Instead of one feather, there are two. By liberal logic, they care about Native Americans twice as much as Chief Wahoo and the Cleveland Indians. But Democrats think just the name of the Washington Redskins is offensive. How do they think about a sports franchise’s name like that? The Redskins reflect all of the cultures and traditions of Native Americans, not bringing in scorn and misery to them. If they wanted to offend Native Americans, they could rename the team to the ‘Washington Casinos” but Dan Snyder, the owner of the Washington Redskins, won’t. Because he’s a reasonable caring man with integrity and emphasizes about those people, hence why the team is called who they are. The “Washington Native Americans” doesn’t have the same ring as the “Washington Redskins”, it’s not catchy enough for drunk and gregarious football fans to cheer on. And at the end of the day, these sports franchises are a business and come to these conclusions to make the most capital. No one wants to see the “Washington Native Americans”, they want to see the “Washington Redskins”. It’s just that simple.

It’s a national shame that sports-hating liberals want to change things they have no control over. But it’s not any different from standard Democratic Party behavior. The Washington Redskins and the Cleveland Indians, among all the other “patently offensive” sports franchises out there are safe. Their game and their name reflect our society and decorum, and we must preserve our sports that way. It’s what the founding fathers wanted.

 
Deborah Schlasser is the Bullshit News sports tabloid correspondent. She follows the Dodgers, Red Wings, Yankees, Cowboys and goes on and off with the Celtics and Lakers. She loves to win, having played in the NCAA Women’s Elite Eight with Stanford. Her second favorite hobby is licking liberals’ tears.