Bullshit News Calls For Trump Victory In Re-election Bid

Written By Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder

With more than a million votes already cast for the election on November 3rd, Bullshit News has decided to be the first past the post in calling the election for Donald Trump’s second term. The votes are still coming in, but aren’t needed to determine who really wins the presidency. Deep down inside, millions and millions of Americans have the cold reassurance that President Trump has succeeded so much in his first term that he has earned his second term regardless of what “polling” and “democratic institutions” say otherwise. For a man who donated all of his Presidential salary to charity and regularly smiles at orphan children, he has already created a legacy to last for generations. But take it from his politics, not his personality.

It’s evident that Donald Trump has been America’s most popular and successful president. He’s given more media attention than any other president before him, and for a good reason: he’s enacted many reforms and other popular legislation to make American lives easier and free from the inequities of the Obama regime. President Trump has, to keep it brief: ended America’s long terrible history of racism, cured an otherwise evil socialist virus meant to take him out, ended the Democratic Party’s spread of opioids to kill Republicans and fellow real working class American people, brought Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Barrett on to the Supreme Court, further helping America’s problems with understand what the founders of the country wanted for America, saved Thanksgiving and Christmas, among countless other activities President Trump has been busy in restoring America back to the greatness it once was but yet still always was originally.

Joe Biden is a disgraceful “man” who does not deserve the dignity to be in the White House and to claim himself as president. He is the anti-christ, and his vice-presidential pick in Kamala Harris is also a countess for evil socialism. The Democratic Party is trying to deceive the American people into believing that there could be a better alternative to President Trump by inventing these two politicians to lie on the behalf of the American people about policies they don’t support and pledging action that they will not finish. They will only leave behind more political messes and scandals, while actively making this country look weak to the eyes of China or the newest evil godless Islamic barbarian country that is waiting to strike us. It can only make sense that President Trump can save our country from such evil extremes, inside and outside the country.

Therefore, we at Bullshit News find it simple to declare President Trump the definitive winner of the 2020 Election before Election Day. The results are merely a ploy, everyone understands that President Trump has been far more than qualified to lead a second term, as nearly every president since 1992 was given this compromise, even the evil Barack Obama regime followed this protocol. So a reelection bid is far more than useless, it is a waste of President Trump’s time to deal with such bureaucratic formalities like the 2020 election. The United States of America needs to move forward, so let us all start working for President Trump for the next four years, today!


Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

QUEERS: The Socialist Conspiracy Organization To Convert YOUR Children Into Democrats

Written by Alexander Jones

It may seem impossible to believe, but America is almost always under attack. Not by violent terrorists mind you, but terrorist sympathizers that want to help achieve the terrorist anti-American dream to destroy and/or overthrow America by any means necessary. Many of these groups operate in public, like the Jewish religion or Media Matters For America, a far-left outlet much like the Daily Caller and Breitbart that want to delegitimize conservative media for being far too politically inconvenient for them. Other such groups that want to achieve much darker dreams operate in private, and it is our job as a journalist institution of the World Wide Web to uncover these “dark money groups”. One of these groups I have discovered is an LGBT+  grassroots network known as the QUEERS.

Who are the QUEERS? They claim to be a “homosexual/lesbian socialist liberation group” (IE: hippies that work in politics on their commune farms). I decided to investigate this strange group since I felt there was more to being a QUEER then its alleged identity. The QUEERS are a group shrouded in mystery, as unorganized as they are grassroots, but don’t let that mean they come across as a bunch of soft, weak dim-witted liberals, they are something far more sinister. QUEERS stand for  Question (the) Ulterior (and) Engage (the) End ResultS, a slogan of there’s wrapped up in LGBT+ slang so that the pure-minded Republican Christian straight man or married and pure Christian woman would not be able to comprehend the QUEER agenda. The QUEERS operate in riddles and mysterious, speaking in codes so that people like the readers of our very fine website can not understand their true intentions, which is where I come in.

The goal of the QUEERS is to incite moral panic to Chrisitan America, and their main goal is to make sure that our children vote for Democrats and to join their organization and increase their numbers. From my investigative research, including two interviews from anonymous ex-QUEER members, the QUEERS are focusing their reach onto children because they are simple-minded, easy to command their attention by use of force and to encourage them to be more civically minded while trying to overthrow several of our great American institutions like the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library or the Washington Monument. The QUEERS will not rest until they change society to the way they deem fit, and not to average hard-working blue-collar Americans such as ourselves.

So now that we know a little bit more about the QUEERS, we need to know how to end their agenda or otherwise take a crowbar to the knees of their organization, but that is the hardest step. The QUEERS are a loosely organized grassroots movement whose agendas and occasionally their ideology remain fluid, they can be Stalinist communists one day and Hegelian philosophical scientists the next, spending their entire weeks or months reading long, overly drawn-out radical socialist/Marxist literature until they come out of hibernation to assault our American values with ‘flash mob’ tactics. The QUEERS are a leaderless organization as they aspire to become true communists as Marx intended, for now. Their organization can change at any moment, and hopefully not by the time this article gets out because that would be very irritating to edit a lot of words that I’ve dedicated a lot of time, money, and effort towards describing this shadowy group’s agenda. But if they spend a lot of their time reading boring Marxist ramblings twice as long as Atlas Shrugged, how can they be a bigger threat outside of a bunch of hippies reading to each other in a drum circle?

What makes the QUEERS dangerous is their rapidly changing ideology, they can attack at any moment like the Mexicans or Canadians. They hide their financial information by cheating the IRS and operating as a “dark money group”. “Dark money”, to be brief, is a way far-left radical socialist syndicates use government funding from government programs approved the LBJ, Clinton, and Obama administrations to increase the political power and bully pulpit of the pernicious far-left Democrat ideology. This is aside from the fact that a large majority, or near all of their members are also part of the LGBT+ community, otherwise known as The Gays. The Gays have been able to operate in secret long after they forged their identity in the late ’80s/early ’90s in order to cheat America’s proud and longstanding tradition of cohabitation as a method to pay less for taxes. Let me say one thing straight here: cheating on your taxes in America is unacceptable, but to marry someone of the same sex to cheat on your taxes is unforgivable and should lead to prison sentences, but I’m distracting myself here, which is exactly what the QUEERS want me to do.

We cannot find and hunt down all the members of the QUEERS, they do not publish anything to the public and their financial information is classified due to them somewhat legally skirting the tax codes that “dark money” allows them to do. All we can do about the QUEERS is to be aware of them, and aware of their secret agendas to potentially overthrow our country and more importantly, indoctrinate your kids to the far-left movement. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has allegedly funded the group in the past but such information I could not find, so if any of you readers have a tip about that lead or anything regarding the QUEERS, please inform us at Bullshit News via the Contact Tab on the top of the page. The QUEERS can attack America at any moment, and as long as we are all strongly informed by the QUEERS intentions, they cannot stop us nor our children so long as they don’t watch Teletubbies.

Alexander Jones is a fierce investigative journalist dedicating to finding the real truth blurred by the mainstream globalist media. Alexander Jones is a strong advocate for libertarianism, liberty, and raw rib-eye steak. In his spare time away from journalism, Alexander enjoys hunting and keyboard/synthesizer music. An animal advocate throughout his life, he currently owns five hunting dogs, two purebred horses, and two cats. Although he is an advocate for the survival of the fittest Darwinism, he is a Pentecostal Christian who always–ALWAYS spends time with Jesus and The Lord on Sundays. 

China Is Trying To Destroy American Democracy To Death With Taxes

Written by Sid Phyllis

On August 5th, 2019, the DOW plunged by 875 points as China announced they would devalue their currency as per agreement with the Democratic Party (DNC).  Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and Queen of The Democrats who ordered the hit, has long desired to see America be crushed to allow China to control the world’s affairs. Wacky Nancy first received fame in the Democrat Party as being the mayor of San Francisco with “Ending American Supremacy For The Greater Good Of The World [sic]”. These attacks are coordinated and have been planned since as far as George W. Bush Administration and up to The Obama Regime. The recent economic status quo is a terrorist attack coordinated by the leaders of the House and, according to confidential sources, Al-Qaeda, the DNC’s best friend since 2001.

But August 5th wasn’t the only time Democrats attempted to sabotage the economy. On August 23rd, the Federal Reserve, a long-time independent financial institution of the United States Dollar and supporter of American Freedom and Liberty, attempted to circumvent the president by pretending the economy is not as stellar as markets dictated in August. Donald Trump just happened to be giving a speech an hour after the Federal Reserve PR people gave their speech about the economy or whatever or what have you. President Trump went on a bold endeavor to attack the correlation between the DNC and China by also suggesting that any company that is currently doing business with China or the Chinese government, in part because of the danger companies like Huawei pose against American counter-intelligence and American Democracy.

The mainstream media folks at Breitbart and the far-left socialist outlet The Daily Caller will mention the reason the stock market is down because of the on-going trade war America has with China, but that is only a small percent of the reason. Sure, tariffs can increase the cost of goods which can lower purchasing power that makes the stock market go down, but there are far more elements at play here, like China. Where did China come from, and why have they grown so much in power that they want to disintegrate our country with communism. And yet, China should not be as big and powerful as they are now. Their president is Winnie The Poo, how could China be intimidating with that folksy br’er rabbit as president? The answer involves more actors at play than Pelosi and her political conglomerate.

Since the Democrats have taken the House, they have refused to work or coordinate with the president for longer than five minutes. The DNC needlessly whines and complains about the nature and business of American Supremacy, and can’t even find a bipartisan compromise with President Trump regarding issues with The Wall, allowing additional access to guns for education, or even an issue as simple as abortion. It’s simple to deduct that Democrats don’t like working together to better help America, and want to eradicate Madisonian Democracy for good, a common goal they share with China. The trade war with China has just escalated, which didn’t happen when the Republicans controlled the House before 2018. Coincidence? Not at all, it’s an intentional political set-up by those that are least faithful with our constitution: the socialists at the DNC.

Now I understand I might be repeating myself a couple times in this article, but if you can’t catch the repetition then I can’t help you explain why Democrats want to corrode our society with catchy socialism slogans like “Abolish ICE” or “Green New Deal“. But these buzzwords are more than just “catchy socialism slogans”, they are attempts to control the narrative that America is not great, or could actually afford to be even greater than how great America is already great at being great, but isn’t currently at capacity to do so. The rhetoric the Democratic Party has is toxic and dangerously anti-conforming to our wonderful Capitalist society the founding fathers and (assumingly) your ancestors have also worked hard and had to kill many a communist so that we can peacefully shoot the breeze and enjoy IPAs on our bodega beach houses or whatever people do with their spare time these days ignoring to face reality and “logging onto” their computer mobile devices to play farming/candy games about Souls Cycling.

My point is this, China is one of the biggest players on the world stage, and they want to be the top dog in the world. China knows that to undermine America and become the greatest force on the planet, they need to help the Democratic Party have power and make sure the Democrats become more socialist and ergo, communist. Once the DNC is communist or socialist-led, China will begin to invade America while the DNC leaders will pretend that everything’s fine and that we should obey our new leaders with names in different fonts and letters, and so on. The DNC actively engages in anti-American ideology in order to gain voters in the saddest and pathetic ways our Democracy has ever been exploited. If we don’t stand up to protect America in the voting booth in 2020, China surely will.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We just heard about the rumblings going on in Hong Kong, which is almost in China but not quite, but still sort of is tangled with China but their government is focused on state’s rights in contrast to China’s totalitarian communist regime. We support the fighters in Hong Kong as they try to recreate Democracy over Winnie The Poo. Be strong, Hong Kong!

Sid Phyllis is the Bullshit News correspondent in political/foreign affairs (other) and our White House Correspondent. Sid grew up in Chicago and got sick of living in the big city and moved into a rural blue-collar state where the real America is. Instead of going to some elite four-year college, he started a consulting firm in Wyoming (Donovan and Phyllis Firm, or DP Firm) that quickly became the #1 best firm in the state. Sid joined Bullshit News for his qualifications in understanding how the REAL Blue-Collar Americans think.

Point/Counterpoint: Vaccinations

Written by Sid Phyllis and Dr. Steven T. Clements, Esq

In the latest of Bullshit News’s long-running award-winning debate series Point/Counterpoint, new Bullshit News correspondent Sid Phyllis and our in-house doctor/lawyer Steven T. Clements debate a newly hot topic that has flustered families across America: vaccines. While vaccines have claimed to cure polio, measles, cholera, etc, there also have been some startling discoveries that vaccines might, in contrast to the liberal science media, can cause some other diseases like cancer, autism, and bromidrosis. So where is the truth between all the other layers of truth? Sid and Dr. Clements debate.


 

POINT: Vaccines have been used extensively since Jonas Salk created the vaccine by Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s selfish idea to radically inflate the United States’ economy over the Great Depression in 1939 as a tax write-off.

COUNTERPOINT: Vaccines have been proven to be lethal in many controlled experiments. In every experiment on vaccinations, 100% of the participants are likely to be deceased in eighty years time. That’s frightening.

POINT: With vaccinations, polio was eradicated along with smallpox, measles, and dysentery. Without vaccines, we could all be dying quicker, which isn’t Christian.

COUNTERPOINT: The common cold is one of the most deadly forms of bacteria around, and yet vaccines cannot “end” the common cold with their “flu shots”. What’s the use?

POINT: Without vaccines, we might have more people dead than all of the abortions put together in the last three years.

COUNTERPOINT: The total amount of abortions in the past three years can’t be qualified because the data for it is not there, an uncountable amount of abortions were committed. We cannot go into “what-ifs” in terms of vaccines, it’s all about the safety. We must be safe before using needles, we all learned this in high school.

POINT: Vaccines have saved many God-loving Jesus-endorsed Christian children, much more than any abortion could prevent.

COUNTERPOINT: Vaccines have also saved an equal number of God-hating Islamic Barbarians that threaten our countries unity.

POINT: Vaccinations have become a national issue over the years because of fears that liberals have increased Mercury and Lead levels in vaccines in order to create mystical “spectrums” that give children a large range of learning disabilities that can only be solved from liberal entrapment otherwise known as “Crystal Healing”. The one place that cures “unruly vaccinations” is located in Marin County, California, a place known for being so liberal that ISIS and the Taliban congregate to plot how to instill terrorism every year in a conference called “TerrorCon”.

COUNTERPOINT: There is no scientific basis that “vaccinations” have ever been considered safe, yet there isn’t a known correlation between vaccinations and terrorism.

POINT: Vaccines cannot possibly be good for us because liberal fascism demands that every American child that goes to a public school must be vaccination. That is not true freedom, it imprisons the liberty of our children and prevents them from being the free Americans they ought to aspire to be from their History books.

COUNTERPOINT: Children can die without being vaccinated, but they can also just get really sick instead. It is better to be extremely sick without being vaccinated once than to get vaccinated and never get sick.

POINT: Autism never existed before the process of Vaccinations was created.

COUNTERPOINT: Neither has gonorrhea or nuclear power.

POINT: Let’s be honest, the America we know and love was perfected in an era where no one worried about Spanish Flu or The English Disease or cancer. There were no vaccinations either. And you know what? We all lived perfectly fine and healthy. It was only until liberals ushered in a public health crisis by inventing vaccinations to intoxicate our children into being communist childless subordinates.

COUNTERPOINT: Ever notice how a “vaccine” is a needle? Needles are primarily used as a means for a drug to enter your body and disrupt your body’s normally healthy process of living sustainment. HIV is just one of many diseases that can be created in the body as a result of needles. If vaccinations were truly 100% healthy and not Marin County Quack Doctorery, they would not be needles!

POINT: Liberals are actually more likely to undergo a “religious exemption” test to avoid vaccinations because they are aware of the dangers and evil inherent within those devices. They maliciously want young Republican Christian children to die in suffering and agony.

COUNTERPOINT: Liberals can’t possibly be too smart to make vaccines dangerous for the future of our children, they must only be in it for the money.


As you can tell, the process and implementation of vaccinations have been quite a hotbed of controversy not only in the political world but in the scientific one as well. We may never truly know the answers to what really happens in the vaccination process but as long as we are all better informed about all sides of this issue. As long as you make the correct decision for your child and raise them right, that’s what really matters. Parenting is about nurturing and supporting your child in the Christian tradition,  and making sure they are not under threat of Antifa or malicious liberals hellbent on making some money unethically.

Sid Phyllis is Bullshit News’s newest correspondent in political affairs and our White House Correspondent. Sid grew up in Chicago and got sick of living in the big city and moved into a rural blue-collar state where the real America is. Instead of going to some elite four-year college, he started a consulting firm in Wyoming (Donavon and Phyllis Firm, or DP Firm) that quickly became the #1 best firm in the state. Sid joined Bullshit News for his qualifications in understanding how the REAL Blue-Collar Americans think.

Dr. Steven Clements, Esquire is Bullshit News’s legal scholar and works as a property management expert witness for a side-gig. He spent a long time in college and law school to be properly educated about serious subjects like tax codes and property law related subjects like privacy and water slippages. After law school, he decided he wanted to learn more about life and became a doctor in medicine. He is a lifelong member of the Federalist Society and the National Rifle Association.

The United Nations: A Communist Child- Murdering Elitest Hellhole

Written by Sarah Napoli 

For far too long, the United States has been apart of the United Nations, an organization dedicated to giving America’s money and liberty away for “reparations redistributions”, legal mumbo-jumbo for American money and American liberty being sucked away for an inherently Marxist reason: redistributing the wealth. But what does the United Nations do with our American tax-dollars? Absolutely nothing, much like the tenets of communism. Recently, America was wasting its hard-earned freedom bucks on a so-called “Human Rights Council”, a money laundering front for terrorist countries. America withdrawing from a council of lesser civilized countries is a hard-earned victory to a real human rights-endorsed country that doesn’t murder children.

The United Nations is run by international globalists that despise America and want to see our children dead. They do not care for people like you or me, they want the world to be run by authoritarians that wear trench coats with cargo shorts, people who have no real grasp on humanity. They are the elites that want to police us and tell us what to do and how to think and feel. The elites want to usher in a 1984 world where I can’t put my kids in a charter school and give them tools to succeed. The United Nations wants to kill our children before they can learn the values of self-defense. If the UN can’t prioritize American interests above Europe or some other barely developed country, what good is it for?

The UN claims to want peace in our time, but have never made any moves showing that intention. The UN smuggles children from all across the globe and forces them to learn other languages and cultures that despise America. The values of multiculturalism are a commonly debunked myth, with only having the fringe benefits of providing “good food”. Listen, if your dinner doesn’t have meat slapped between bread and cheese with French American fries as a side-dish, it’s not real food. Ask any Italian and they will tell you. The UN, which values the corrupted liberal tenet of pacifism, does not benefit the United States from patrolling the world as God intended to. They are a farce.

Many terrorist countries occupy the United Nations, most of them with the intent to run on the “Human Rights Council”, which is anything but what it says. Many of those evil heartless and Muslim countries have been profiled, Syria, Iran, North Korea, and many of those other “Lebanon” countries. The United States had to have a role in order to keep these freedom-hating unGodly countries from inflicting their evil deeds on the world and poor old Israel. Most of the Human Rights Council’s work has been focusing on the destruction of Israel, the America Jr of the world. Never once did these countries that participate in this human rights scam council ever thank America for protecting them from becoming pure evil, Nazi-like and corrupt rather than the rudimentary sinister countries that bark up nuclear war every couple of months or so.

Most of the time spent on the “Human Rights Council” has been dedicated to the destruction of Israel and all that America stands for in that precious Middle East region. Many of Israel’s neighbors are terrorist countries that harbor Sharia law and missiles, but no nuclear weapons (yet). These countries don’t want a hot dog, they want your children to die for their prophet’s profit. The evil scourge of Godless Islamic Atheism is the ultimate threat to peace in our time. Israel does not conform to their heinous ideology purely on the basis that Israel is a country filled with Jews. Jews are, of course, not Godless (but should be), nor Islamic, and a majority are questionably Atheists and/or Satanists that want to defile America for a quick buck. Which makes the Jews either very American or very anti-American, the jury is still out.

Regardless of morality, the United States pulling out of the UN’s so-called “Human Rights Council” is a hallmark moment of our lifetime. The United States can now use proper force to truly police these unruly “Human Rights supporting countries” rather than doing the boring paperwork of slapping sanctions on a country that will never get the point, like Iran or Mozambique. We can focus on our own interests abroad and not worry about the needs of those that refuse democracy to be enabled in their country or the rule of law. Finally, America can move on in the world and focus our own dirty work, by demolishing these anti-American, communist and anti-God countries.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) Correspondent of Bullshit News. Sarah is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. Sarah does not want children but considers herself a “dog mom”, taking care of a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. Sarah does not like coffee or tea, which are foreign inventions created to poison the bright minds of Americans.