Is President Donald Trump Not Only One Of The Greatest Presidents Of All Time, But Could He Be God?

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

President Donald Trump accepted praise from a significant holy pastor whose rank is higher than my own, Wayne Allyn Root. To keep his description neatly brief, he is able to communicate to God with a much higher profile. Now longtime faithful readers of the Bullshit News know that I, too, can speak to God unlike some other mear “pastor” or “priest” or “Imam”. Don’t get me started on those “rabbis” and their ribbiting.

Holy Pastor Root proclaims that God declared President Trump from his latest revelation that was communicated via the medium of Twitter: “Jewish people in Israel love him…. like he’s the King Of Israel. They love him like he’s the Second Coming Of GOD“. And if Wayne Allyn Root is my superior in my field, to say in Republican terms, then he must be correct. And as Donald Trump continues to Make America Great Again, it appears to be that he has made America, and consequently Israel, into the most divine and blessed areas on Earth. Thus, with the almighty power that President Donald Trump has, is he God? I will do the science and thinking for you to read and ponder.

For you see, President Trump has made his initial iconic promise which is to “Make America Great Again”. Yes, it may be a broad goal or ambition to achieve something which may not bluntly appear on a political platform, but Jesus Christ (of Nazareth) also ran on similar principles when he wanted to be a priest. And, like Jesus, Donald Trump has never lost an election or business venture. When Jesus was allegedly defying God, he was persecuted and sentenced to death. When Donald Trump was allegedly defying God, in the eyes of mass media and The Daily Caller, he was persecuted more-so then Christ (as Jesus of Nazareth did not live in an era where “social media” existed more than cave paintings) and half of the country, unpatriotic and not wavering to Democracy as much as they ought to, want him dead. Aside from the era of technology we live in, this analysis is spot-on and explains how America is working today.

The Democrats have often engaged in anti-Christ behavior and ideology, which is no surprise to many of you faithful readers of Bullshit News. But sometimes we need to say the obvious out loud (…or rather type it out loud) because of the centrists and moderates that are as uncertain in ideology as they are people are unaware of the Democratic Party’s tricks when it comes to taking over America via radical ideologies like socialism. God, like Donald Trump, was also persecuted by the very own people he claimed were “chosen” to receive “his book”. What God also shares in personality is his breviloquence in ideology. God and President Trump don’t need to orate essays onto the masses that are too busy watching the TV on their smartphones, they know the brevity of their words is what gives them their power. The New Testament and The Art Of The Deal are about the same length words-wise and both can be finished in the same amount of time, the only difference between the two books is the slightly more modern language found in TAOTD.

But Holy Pastor Root’s revelations have been a source of controversy from, you guessed it, the Democratic Party. DNC activists like Joe Biden and John Delaney have called one of the greatest pastors in American history “blasphemous” and “an act against God” as if these democrats have ever once stepped into church and talked to God, let alone ever studied a day of theology in their lives! How could these incompetent and potentially impotent men ever claim they know the words of the Lord if they act rebelliously against Christ? They know nothing, like all Democrats, but they have the audacity to claim they are at a higher level with God then pastors like Wayne Root and me.

Blasphemy aside, Pastor Root also gave word that President Trump, according to God and his best friend Jesus Christ, will be the one to save us from the apocalypse and Hell from appearing on Earth (aside from Albania). Heretics from the DNC will be burned on the cross soon enough, for when the moment the apocalypse will finally start, no one will be spared unless they are Christian (as the Bible dictates). Upon my own experiences on reading the Bible for the 187,325th time in my lifetime, I can assure you that anyone God-fearing, Christian, and Republican will be saved for the most part, but any Democrat that claims they are with Christ yet supports socialism and/or various other evil ideologies, they will not be spared. This includes Jews.

And once Trump was nominated to be the leading nominee for the Republican Party back in 2016, I was all but certain that if the apocalypse were about to happen (which it nearly did under the Barack Obama regime), the GOP would find a way to save us with a real Christian to help prevent the worst from happening. And among all the GOP nominees in 2016, President Trump was the one that was THE MOST Christian of ALL of them, the most pious, and righteously the one with the most patriotic fervor to care and uphold American values that are explicitly stated in the constitution. And as President Trump saves us from the apocalypse on November 8th, 2016, a feat bigger than anything Jesus ever truly did, is when I initially began to ponder, is Donald Trump actually greater than God himself (for what he has done to our country)?

President Trump on the outside may not appear to be a humble man, but his belief and devotion to Christ and God are strong on the inside. President Trump, like God, does not play games (unless it’s golf every now and then), but they rule similarly. While Democrats engage in blasphemy and oppose any sort of bipartisan legislation meant to better the country, And while the Democratic Party cannot wait to usher in the apocalypse and the end of the world as we know it, President Donald Trump will be here to stand guard and defend Christianity from not only the Godless Islamic Barbarians and Jewish Inquistadors, but to defend America as commanded from the Lord himself. So when it comes to the “Greatest Presidents Of All Time”, there’s only one president who was literally commanded by God to run this country, and his name is Donald Trump.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Scientologists, excluding Druids. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

God Needs More Money

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

Hello, faithful and loyal readers of the Bullshit News, it is I, your honorable pastor, John Mathewson. I only wish to communicate with you, the noble Republican reader directly, because the issue that is at hand is beyond compelling through comprehension on what is happening in the world we desire and pray for on a Sunday to Sunday basis.

I have just received a vision from God, and it turns out our holy deity that despises the Islamic religion and the other one with the “yamulkes”, have really hit dire straits. Believe me, believe God, believe in Best Buddy Jesus Christ because Heaven is attempting to construct an all-new Telecommunications and Multimedia Broadcast Network to help all of us Christian humans have better communications for this multi-billion dollar corporation in the sky.

For you see, a great and all-powerful man named God runs and operates this multi-billion corporation called Heaven, and the upkeep for Heaven’s costs are astronomically high. If you were to keep taxing God like this, the banks would run and control heaven while forcing God to foreclose and bankrupt his for-prophet organization. But if you are dumb you must be asking yourself one question, “What is a bank?”

If you really are this dumb, I can assist. Banks are places where there are tons of money stored. The money just sits there, doing absolutely nothing, untouched by government or man, but just by the bank itself. This is the money God needs to start constructing a modern and enhanced Telecommunications and Multimedia Broadcast Network in Heaven, as well as helping a nephew of a family friend of ours in church, Erik Prince operate Academi, a peacekeeping Christian diplomatic organization that helps the Godless Islamic Barbarians in the Middle East on understanding The Bible.

Giving your money directly to God is quite a difficult thing to do, which is why pastors, priests, and all the others are exchequers of God. Each and every one of us have proper rules regarding finances and avoiding usury from corrupting our souls. But I must bring up the banks again in our conversation, they are also closed on Sundays, which is ridiculous. All of that money in all of those vacant-on-Sundays lots would be better suited in the House of the Lord!

Does anyone know how expensive it is to install a perfectly functional Telecommunications and Multimedia Broadcast Network up in Heaven while also quality-assuring and sound-checking the infrastructure once it’s all set up so that God can help process in more lost souls into Heaven while upgrading the media operations for better audio and visual clarity to better boost performance? How else could banks help this out without giving their money on over to us? The thought process is absurd and depressing. We are making God’s work in vain by not helping him out. Thoughts and prayers will not help us here, only financing.

That is why I ask you, faithful and pure Bullshit News viewers and endorsers, who are already not financing Bullshit News, to finance Bullshit News eventually but not right this moment. God’s work is much more important and requires much more precision and accuracy. We all think of God in dark times, and truth be told friends, God thinks he is in hard times due to a large amount of financing left to be told to start the initial process of Heaven’s Telecommunication and Multimedia Broadcast Network system. Please, don’t think of us (just yet), think of God, and how he helps you. And his son Jesus who did his thing and yadda yadda yadda you all understand and hear it every day just like me.

Help them, help me, but most importantly help God, who was/is them. God needs more money, contact your local pastor or priest or otherwise Christian Messenger for more explicit inquiry on how you can help God today, and tomorrow.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Black Israelites, excluding Agnostics. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

Point/Counterpoint: Vaccinations

Written by Sid Phyllis and Dr. Steven T. Clements, Esq

In the latest of Bullshit News’s long-running award-winning debate series Point/Counterpoint, new Bullshit News correspondent Sid Phyllis and our in-house doctor/lawyer Steven T. Clements debate a newly hot topic that has flustered families across America: vaccines. While vaccines have claimed to cure polio, measles, cholera, etc, there also have been some startling discoveries that vaccines might, in contrast to the liberal science media, can cause some other diseases like cancer, autism, and bromidrosis. So where is the truth between all the other layers of truth? Sid and Dr. Clements debate.


 

POINT: Vaccines have been used extensively since Jonas Salk created the vaccine by Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s selfish idea to radically inflate the United States’ economy over the Great Depression in 1939 as a tax write-off.

COUNTERPOINT: Vaccines have been proven to be lethal in many controlled experiments. In every experiment on vaccinations, 100% of the participants are likely to be deceased in eighty years time. That’s frightening.

POINT: With vaccinations, polio was eradicated along with smallpox, measles, and dysentery. Without vaccines, we could all be dying quicker, which isn’t Christian.

COUNTERPOINT: The common cold is one of the most deadly forms of bacteria around, and yet vaccines cannot “end” the common cold with their “flu shots”. What’s the use?

POINT: Without vaccines, we might have more people dead than all of the abortions put together in the last three years.

COUNTERPOINT: The total amount of abortions in the past three years can’t be qualified because the data for it is not there, an uncountable amount of abortions were committed. We cannot go into “what-ifs” in terms of vaccines, it’s all about the safety. We must be safe before using needles, we all learned this in high school.

POINT: Vaccines have saved many God-loving Jesus-endorsed Christian children, much more than any abortion could prevent.

COUNTERPOINT: Vaccines have also saved an equal number of God-hating Islamic Barbarians that threaten our countries unity.

POINT: Vaccinations have become a national issue over the years because of fears that liberals have increased Mercury and Lead levels in vaccines in order to create mystical “spectrums” that give children a large range of learning disabilities that can only be solved from liberal entrapment otherwise known as “Crystal Healing”. The one place that cures “unruly vaccinations” is located in Marin County, California, a place known for being so liberal that ISIS and the Taliban congregate to plot how to instill terrorism every year in a conference called “TerrorCon”.

COUNTERPOINT: There is no scientific basis that “vaccinations” have ever been considered safe, yet there isn’t a known correlation between vaccinations and terrorism.

POINT: Vaccines cannot possibly be good for us because liberal fascism demands that every American child that goes to a public school must be vaccination. That is not true freedom, it imprisons the liberty of our children and prevents them from being the free Americans they ought to aspire to be from their History books.

COUNTERPOINT: Children can die without being vaccinated, but they can also just get really sick instead. It is better to be extremely sick without being vaccinated once than to get vaccinated and never get sick.

POINT: Autism never existed before the process of Vaccinations was created.

COUNTERPOINT: Neither has gonorrhea or nuclear power.

POINT: Let’s be honest, the America we know and love was perfected in an era where no one worried about Spanish Flu or The English Disease or cancer. There were no vaccinations either. And you know what? We all lived perfectly fine and healthy. It was only until liberals ushered in a public health crisis by inventing vaccinations to intoxicate our children into being communist childless subordinates.

COUNTERPOINT: Ever notice how a “vaccine” is a needle? Needles are primarily used as a means for a drug to enter your body and disrupt your body’s normally healthy process of living sustainment. HIV is just one of many diseases that can be created in the body as a result of needles. If vaccinations were truly 100% healthy and not Marin County Quack Doctorery, they would not be needles!

POINT: Liberals are actually more likely to undergo a “religious exemption” test to avoid vaccinations because they are aware of the dangers and evil inherent within those devices. They maliciously want young Republican Christian children to die in suffering and agony.

COUNTERPOINT: Liberals can’t possibly be too smart to make vaccines dangerous for the future of our children, they must only be in it for the money.


As you can tell, the process and implementation of vaccinations have been quite a hotbed of controversy not only in the political world but in the scientific one as well. We may never truly know the answers to what really happens in the vaccination process but as long as we are all better informed about all sides of this issue. As long as you make the correct decision for your child and raise them right, that’s what really matters. Parenting is about nurturing and supporting your child in the Christian tradition,  and making sure they are not under threat of Antifa or malicious liberals hellbent on making some money unethically.

Sid Phyllis is Bullshit News’s newest correspondent in political affairs and our White House Correspondent. Sid grew up in Chicago and got sick of living in the big city and moved into a rural blue-collar state where the real America is. Instead of going to some elite four-year college, he started a consulting firm in Wyoming (Donavon and Phyllis Firm, or DP Firm) that quickly became the #1 best firm in the state. Sid joined Bullshit News for his qualifications in understanding how the REAL Blue-Collar Americans think.

Dr. Steven Clements, Esquire is Bullshit News’s legal scholar and works as a property management expert witness for a side-gig. He spent a long time in college and law school to be properly educated about serious subjects like tax codes and property law related subjects like privacy and water slippages. After law school, he decided he wanted to learn more about life and became a doctor in medicine. He is a lifelong member of the Federalist Society and the National Rifle Association.

Bring On The Rapture!

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

It is such a joyous occasion that we are continued to be guided by divine light in the Year of our Lord, 2019. Many prominent biblical scholars, greater than myself, have often predicted the end times to occur during their own lifetimes, which is a foolish mistake. As Bullshit News’s prominent scholar in eschatology, I know exactly when the rapture is coming. More specifically, I know for certain the rapture is near as the Secretary of State and former Director of the CIA, Mike Pompeo, acknowledged as such in a speech uncovered by digital media forensics right before the end of 2015.

While preaching for religious liberty at Summit Church in Wichita, Kansas, Mike Pompeo discussed his vision of the world, its foreseeable future, and how to fight it:

“We will continue to fight these battles. [Politics] is a never-ending struggle until the Rapture. Be part of it. Be in the fight.” He continued to the God-Fearing Jesus-Loving worshippers, “We’ve lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values. America has worshipped other Gods and called it multiculturalism. And we endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle. We’ve neglecting to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem. The only way to fight this, and to fight the Islamists, is Christianity. Our time might be calling sooner rather than later.”

Mike Pompeo is one of America’s finest statesmen in the 21st century. He did such a stellar job as Director of the CIA that he was promoted to Secretary of State in little over a year! Only some of the brightest minds in our country could ever be Head Director of the CIA to the Secretary of State with such quick turnaround. His experience also means he is likely to know about events going on in the world with much greater clarity than you, me or anyone other than President Donald Trump. If Pompeo believes the end times are coming, stemming from the sick immorberal efforts of the Barack Obama regime and the reincarnated devil from San Francisco who now runs the House of Representatives, then he must be right. A man that high up in power is closer to God than even some of the highest earning CEOs in America.

As we begin our adventures into what may be our final year on Earth, keep in mind that even until the final waking moments of your life, Jesus Christ will always be available to be enabled your personal savior. I was going to make that a disclaimer but Don Kaftan, our editor-in-chief and founder, decided against that. Why 2019 could be our last sand to fall in the bottom of the hourglass is because liberals would rather have the rapture to strike than for Donald Trump to continue his impeccable presidency. And with Mike Pompeo as his chief diplomat, America will be saved for as long as Trump maintains his presidency. For once the Rapture strikes, and it will be soon, America will be given priority as established by God’s Contract to man. And if you don’t believe me, which country was first to successfully install democracy? It was the United States of America, of course.

Mike may not be a pastor, but he wields tremendous responsibility in politics, and to the world. If he fears the end is near, that is an air raid siren going off to every preacher, clergyman, and many messianic rabbis that I know that he is correct in his assessment. There is still time to be saved. But I cannot guarantee you how much time or when. You must feel Jesus Christ in your body, and not within “Victoria’s Secret”. 2019 is the year liberals begin their civil war towards God. America, and Christianity. Will you join in?

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Sunni Islam, excluding Sh’ia Islam. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

 

Religious Liberty Is Precisely The Reason Atheism Makes No Sense

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

Friends, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was assassinated for speaking out on his beliefs. The First Commandment, like the First Amendment, is about treating everyone equally with altruism and respect. However, every commandment has exceptions and clauses only the most scholarly priests and pastors know. It’s like being a lawyer but communicating with God and not having to bother dealing with more than one book. The existence of “Atheism”, a virus originating from San Francisco inside a Nancy Pelosi-funded elementary school class, is now more than just a virus: it is a threat to our national security.

Atheism is the denial that God exists with strong condemnation. There is no Atheist book that summarizes their entire ideology so I can do a much better job in one news article than Charles Darwin could ever muster. Denying a God, or being in a Godless state of mind, has much more to do with terrorism than our Creator who enabled us to make differences in life like planting trees or growing tomatoes to sell at above market value. ISIS is a Godless Islamic Terrorist heathen organization that is a haven for Atheism. Atheists do not have a moral compass to know wrong from right, which is very evident in the fact that they do not have a book that highlights their ethical tenets. Prominent Atheists like Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and Mahatma Gandhi helped kick-start ISIS in the 1970’s, which is around the time the War on Christmas spearheaded as a Democratic Party collaborative effort to garner more voters. With no regard for a code of morality or standards of ethics, it’s easy to see why Atheists behave they way that they are.

Religious liberty is one of the many variants of liberty, but it is among one of the most important. Believe me. Religious liberty allows persecuted Christians to preach and speak freely without having to die for their beliefs. The same can be said for other religions like Catholicism or Judaism. Atheism is not a religion and does not share the same problems Christianity has. Atheism is a decision, which still is fair under the First Amendment, but like choosing to murder someone, it doesn’t mean that it’s right. The United States of America even gives religious liberty to the Jews as a measure of how non-Christian religious organizations can not worry about dying in the name of some other, foreign God. After all, the United States of America was a country that originated from the tolerance of puritans.

The United States is a country rich with a diversity of faith, but that comes with a set of dangers as well. Dangerous and destructive ideologies like Agnosticism and Atheism let their people live without order and authority, lacking central beliefs with such an Anarchist worldview. This new wave of pernicious rhetoric is becoming more increasingly common with the youth hip rock groups these days like “The Millennials”. These “The Millennials” are also more likely to believe in Satanism and that its tenets are valid. While this could be perceived as a bigger threat than Atheism, the Church of Satan does have a book they base their flawed and fictitious ideology around. It is very telling that Satanists somehow have higher ethical standards and a stronger moral code than what Atheists lack.

Be careful young BullShiteers out there on the college campuses, and watch out for “The Millennials” if they are performing nearby at your local music venue. There could also be Agnostic ISIS Satanist vegans lurking at your nearby workplace employment recreational area, on your lunch break. Or worse, as a neighbor. But remember, if anyone attempts to violate your religious liberties, you can always strike back on Sundays. The Lord awaits.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor and Religion Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Agnostics, excluding the Jews. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

Point/Counterpoint: Christianity (Or “Islam”?)

Written by Sgt. Louis Gates II and Pastor John Mathewson

In another installment of our hit series, Point/Counterpoint,  Sgt. Louis Gates the Second and Pastor John Mathewson debate about which of the two religions in the world, Christianity and Islam are the best, and which one engages with Sharia Law and desires rampant terrorism all across the world. Should people be following Islam or Christianity?


 

Sgt. Louie Gates II: Point: Islam has only existed for so long because of their fearsome leadership. Islam’s leaders included histories most barbaric, Godless, and terrorist acts of horror from Ghanghis Khan to Hitler. Their leaders in the post-Mohammed era have only reinforced their brutal methods of torture to survive.

Pastor John Mathewson: Counterpoint: Christianity has existed even longer than Islam from purely pacificist actions. Christianity has survived over countless millennia despite rampant persecution against them. You can have a religion and not be violent about it or prissy like Judaism.

SLG2: Point: Islam’s culture revolves around oppressing women, which is 100% unAmerican. The Middle Eastern countries don’t let women vote or treat their babies-in-making.

PJM: Counterpoint: Christian culture focuses on the purity of women and their use in procreation. Did Islam ever have a queen to lead them? I thought so.

SLG2: Point: Islam’s set of laws and codes, Sharia, is what unifies all Islamists in the Middle East to consistently create terrorist NGOs whose sole purpose in existence is the destruction of the American world. Take the United Nations or ISIS for example. Islam cannot rest until there are “shawarma trucks” on every street corner in America.

PJM: Counterpoint: Christianity is guided by the greatest man who ever lived, Jesus Christ. A man so pure that Mohammed is the exact opposite, the Anti-Christ. Christianity has won many crusades and has survived adversity for giving people a life of liberty and freedom, concepts that are never brought up or endorsed in Sharia Law.

SLG2: Point: Islam retains order through murder and other violent acts of crime. It is permitted to behead a woman if she misses her daily communal bus ride just once under Sharia. If a woman does not bear a child by age 12, she is stoned to death on the streets. In Saudi Arabia, it is successful Pay-Per-View television. This would be impossible under Christianity.

PJM: Counterpoint: Christianity has always preached non-violence and uses order without force to achieve peace and military victories. Christians are only violent in self-defense, against those Godless Islamic Heathens and Jews that dared to challenge their beliefs through the ages.

SLG2: Point: Islam believes the world is older than 6,000 years, following the “Global Warming/Al Gore” theory.

PJM: Counterpoint: The Bible tells us stories of yore. It is not only a moral compass but a historic document from the early human era. WE DON’T COME FROM MONKEYS MISS NANCY PELOSI!!!

SLG2: Point: Islamic culture supports the Democratic Party and allows abortions to be done for free. Also, their culture permeates communism. Almost like the USSR but if they believed in God.

PJM: Counterpoint: A good God-fearing Christian is a natural Republican Party supporter. And more than likely an NRA supporter as well.

SLG2: Point: Islam supports multiculturalism and political correctness as alternatives to tolerance. They use their words as weapons.

PJM: Counterpoint: Christianity has always been a peaceful religion so long as you pray to the Lord and do not question it. Respect and passionate kindness always prevails violent, threatening rhetoric.

SLG2: Point: Islam does not center around a God or any deity, instead the Islam adherents observe their set of the Bill of Rights or Ten Commandments, Sharia Law. Sharia Law allows those of the Islamic tradition to get away with anything without regard to morality, including the use of chemical weapons.

PJM: Counterpoint: Christianity allows you to apologize without having to invent nuclear weapons.

SLG2: Point: Islam began the drug wars by creating opioids like marijuana and cocaine in order to drug their followers into believing their Quran.

PJM: Counterpoint: A proper Christian who wishes to meet Christ up in heaven will have never taken an illegal drug that would incriminate their rapture status. Christians do not use illicit means to conduct proselytization.

SLG2: Point: Mohammed will send you to Islam hell for drawing or photographing him.

PJM: Counterpoint: Jesus Christ is waiting for you in Heaven to autograph whatever you want.


As the planet soon approaches 8 billion people, it’s important to understand that we will have differences with each other. This is why religion, politics, and economics exist, to sort things out for the better human. The country with the best and strongest tools by the time of the rapture (varies per religion) will be the ones sent to Heaven and avoid endless torment on Earth until life is no more. Until then, liberals will continue to invent fake conflicts and miscellaneous problems to distract us from the real problems that happen right now on Earth.

Sgt. Louie Gates II is Bullshit News’ correspondent on national security and military issues. He owns five Rottweilers and is a huge Boston Red Sox fan. He is faithful to his wife LaShawnda Gates and has two daughters. He served in the military many times and received a purple heart for his valiant efforts to protect our country.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor and Religion Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Methodists, excluding Greek Orthodox. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.